


People Always Meet Twice

by J_leeDixon



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 121,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_leeDixon/pseuds/J_leeDixon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarah Mason, 30 years old, has been on the road with her 13-month old son ever since the outbreak. She's a loner, prefers to avoid socializing, but after getting rescued during a close call at a pharmacy, she decides to give the group that has settled at the Greene Farm a try. There are a lot of good things and a huge surprise in store for her.</p>
<p>Daryl Dixon/ Jarah Mason (OFC)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. People Always Meet Twice pt. 1

Chapter 1

 

Jarah Mason was used to fighting. Physical fighting, vocal fighting, fighting for something you want, you name it, she's done it all. Growing up with parents who told her from an early age on that she was an accident and wasn't wanted and only brought into this world, because her grandparents forbid them from getting an abortion, threatening to cut them off from their support, Jarah was used to fighting her own fights and not having anyone on her side while doing it. What she wasn't used to though, was fighting for her life. Like LITERALLY fighting for her LIFE. Hers and the life of her little son Jamie, who had just celebrated his very first birthday a couple of days before the world went to shit and the dead started rising. The world now was unforgiving and the slightest mistake can get you killed.

And Jarah had made a mistake... A mistake that now had her pinned by an undead creature on the floor of the pharmacy, fighting for their lives. 

 

She had always been so careful, always checking the tiniest nooks and crannies for the creatures, quickly taking out the ones she found before getting what she needed. But the last couple of days have been trying. Even though he is a little over 12 months old, Jamie only has two teeth, while most kids his age have about eight. And now he is trying to catch up with four teeth breaking through his gums at the same time. He is crying almost nonstop and running high fevers unless Jarah gives him paracetamol suppositories. She had some left from his first teething experience but now she ran out of them and on her way to find safe shelter she came across this little pharmacy and just HAD to try her luck in order to ease his pain and to quiet his cries so they wouldn't attract more zombies. As always she thought about whether or not it was safer to leave her son locked in the car instead of taking him inside with her, but for some reason picturing him alone and locked in the car, slowly dying from starvation if something was to happen to her was more horrible to her than facing walkers in the stores with him by her side.

 

She was tired, downright exhausted, while she carefully entered the pharmacy with her sons hot head cradled against her neck to keep him quiet and calm. They both hadn't slept much in the past couple of days and Jarah was also very thirsty and probably slightly dehydrated. Every drop of water she found would go to Jamie first, before she drank something. And water has been scarce on her way to shelter. 

 

She moved as quietly as she could, listened for shuffles and carefully checked the aisles and behind the register. She deemed the place secure and took a deep breath of relief and kissed the top of Jamie's head while he whimpered quietly.

 

„Shhh, I know baby, I know it hurts. I will find something for you to make it all better. Don't cry sweetie, I am right here, be good for mommy, okay?“, she whispered quietly and gently before shifting him onto her hip to have her right hand free to look through the remaining boxes of medicine the pharmacy had left. She found some other useful stuff for Jamie and at last she found the coveted suppositories.

 

“Jackpot sweetheart, we're in luck” she grinned and bagged everything and just as she turned around to leave she heard it. Shuffling, followed by a growl. She froze, her breath hitching for a second while she clutched Jamie tightly to her chest. Then in a split second she decided to make a run for it, and she probably would have made it if she hadn't stumbled over a box that lay around on the floor and dropped to her knees and felt the creature grab at her from behind. She quickly let go of Jamie and pushed him to crawl away from her before she turned on her back, intending to kick the creatures legs out from under it, but that thing was quicker than she thought and was already on top of her, snapping at her face. She tried to reach her knife which was strapped to her right leg, but she had to use both arms to keep the creature from getting even closer. But the last days have taken a toll on her and she was getting weaker by the second. Thankfully she heard Jamie crying and the thought of dying and leaving her son as dessert was not an option. She took a deep breath, channeling all of her strength and tried to pull her knees up to her chest to kick this thing off of her, when she heard the door to the pharmacy opening, followed by footsteps and someone gasping in shock.

 

“Please save my son, please!!!” she yelled towards the door, her eyes never leaving the undead thing on top of her. Suddenly a knife came down and sunk deep into the skull of the zombie with a sickening sound and the dead weight came to rest on her. She sighed and rubbed her face in relief, while the person who helped her, pulled the zombie off of her body. Jarah looked up and saw a young Asian man with a baseball hat and kind eyes reaching his hand out to her. She took it and let him help her up.

 

“Thank you,... whoever you are, thank you so much. It came out of nowhere, I thought I checked everything.” Jarah sighed and then turned to find a young woman holding Jamie in her arms. You went over and took him from her before hugging him to you, repeatedly kissing his cheek and temple.

 

“I'm Glenn, this is Maggie... you were in luck that we were coming in here to get some stuff” the young man said.

 

“I'm Jarah and this is Jamie” Jarah said as Maggie looked at her concerned. “Is Jamie sick? He feels really hot”

 

“He is hardcore teething and running a fever. I came in here to find some paracetamol suppositories for him. Found them and just as we were about to leave that thing came out of nowhere. I am usually so careful, guess I must be more tired than I thought to miss a big one like that” Jarah explained while she soothingly rubbed circles on Jamie's back.

 

Glenn and Maggie looked at each other for a moment. Maggie then looked back at Jarah and Jamie and nodded decidedly “You should come with us. We live on a farm, we have water, food, milk and shelter. My daddy knows a lot about medicine,... It would be a good place for you to stay.”

 

“Wow thank you that is a very tempting offer, but we really don't want to be a bother and I am sure you have enough mouths to feed as it is...” Jarah started, already back in her mindset of knowing that she wasn't wanted anywhere, but Maggie quickly interrupted her.

 

“Don't be silly, we are not leaving you out here, my daddy wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I told him we left you and your son behind. We need to get some stuff ourselves, but when we are done you will follow us back to the farm.” Maggie said smiling. Jarah couldn't help but smile herself. Food, water, shelter, all the things they needed were being offered, well almost forced on her by these nice people, how could she decline, she had her baby to think about. She nodded and waited for Glenn and Maggie to work through their list and just fifteen minutes later, they were on their way to the Greene Farm. 

 

Jarah was nervous. Glenn told her that they had a whole group of people staying at the farm. Jarah had never been good with groups of people. Her own insecurities and past experiences lead her to sometimes be socially awkward. Making friends has never been easy for her and she hated being the outcast and/or black sheep. She'd rather be alone by herself, but ever since Jamie's birth it's not about what SHE wants anymore. She has to do what's best for him and that farm and the safety in numbers are what will be best for him. All that and more ran through Jarah's mind, making her grip the steering wheel so hard her hands hurt.

 

If she had only known what was in store for her on that farm then, she probably would have stepped on the gas to get there sooner...

 

 

Chapter 2

 

The ride back to the farm didn't take long and when they drove up in front of the house where the whole group was gathering because of the unknown car accompanying Glenn and Maggie, Jarah was nervous enough that she felt like throwing up. 'What are we doing here, these people won't accept us, we will be a burden to them' Jarah thought as she stopped in front of the house.

 

Glenn walked up to a tall man in a sheriff’s uniform, probably to explain who the newbies were, Jarah assumed. Maggie was talking to an older gentleman, who Jarah presumed to be her father. After a moment Maggie turned around and motioned for Jarah to get out of the car. She took a deep breath and got out and quickly moved around the car to get Jamie out of his car seat. She settled him on her hip and walked up to the porch, hoping nobody would notice her shaking hands.

 

She smiled tentatively as Glenn made introductions and explained to the others what had happened. The older gentleman stepped forward and shook her hand. “I am Hershel Greene, Maggie's father. Trouble at the pharmacy then?” 

 

“Yes, sir. Your daughter and Glenn saved us both. I... I don't know what happened, I always make sure... but this time... guess the lack of sleep made me careless, almost cost us our lives” Hershel smiled at Jamie who had started giggling and smiling at Hershel while Jarah explained. Yes, Jamie was very different from his mother in the social department, he LOVED meeting new people. 

 

Hershel carefully reached his hand out toward Jarah's son “Maggie said he was teething and running a fever. May I?” Jarah nodded and let Hershel feel her son's forehead. He gently stroked Jamie's cheek with his index finger when he was done. “Get him inside, I am sure you two are in need of a drink and some sleep”

 

“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. I have a portable bed for him, if you could just show me where I can set it up...” Jarah was already walking to the back of her SUV to get it out as well as some other things they would need. Maggie was soon joining her. “I'll show you Jarah, show me what else you need to take inside.” 

 

The sheriff called Rick and Glenn also helped and as soon as Jarah had given Jamie his meds, she sat down at the kitchen table with him on her lap. Patricia had filled his sippy cup with water and put it on the table, which he greedily grabbed and quickly gulped some down. Jarah smiled and kissed the top of his head before she took a sip from her own glass. Rick sat down next to her and eyed her for a moment.

 

“So you and your son have been alone all this time? You weren't with a group?” he asked. “No, we were on our own, no group. Glenn and Maggie were the first people we met pretty much since this all started. Haven't talked to an adult in weeks.” Jarah explained.

 

“And Jamie's father...?” he asked carefully. “We're divorced. I don't know where he is or if he is still alive. The last time we talked was on Jamie's birthday, like a week or so before the world went crazy. Look, I know you are not too happy about us being here. A baby in the house is like ringing a dinner bell, I get it. But he is usually a pretty quiet one, he is just teething right now. It should be over in a couple days and then he hardly ever cries unless something is wrong with him, but I understand if you want us gone as quickly as possible. Just say the world and we'll be out of your hair, we just need some sleep, some rest.” Jarah quickly said, before Rick could say or ask anything else. 

 

Rick laughed quietly and looked at Jamie who was happily drinking his water. “You're in luck. Our son just loved to cry. Sometimes we thought he did it just to annoy the hell out of us. Look,... it's not my call who gets to stay here, this is Hershel's land and I doubt he would kick you and your son out and let you fend for yourselves. You're not a threat and we are pretty secluded here... you're safe. It's a good place to be for you. If I were you I wouldn't leave. Don't worry, everybody will warm up to you. Just give it a couple days, lets all get to know each other, it will help if you tell the group something about yourself once you're rested, establish some trust. You two fit in fine, I'm sure.” 

 

“Thank you, I hope we will.” Jarah smiled slightly. Oh how she hoped they would, because this farm seemed too good to be true. 

Shortly afterward Rick left, so they could get some rest. Carol and Lori had set up Jamie's bed in a guest room next to the bed Jarah would sleep in. After putting him in his sleeping bag she kissed his cheek and put him in his bed, before laying down on her own. They were both asleep within a matter of seconds, but only a couple of hours later Jarah jolted awake, her heart racing in fear. 'Was that a gunshot???'

 

 

Daryl had to be hallucinating again. He knew what he saw in front of him wasn't real. After his fall in the woods he had seen Merle and now after having been shot by Andrea, he was doing it again, but this time he wasn't seeing Merle. 'Probably dying...' he thought as he looked at the woman he was sure WASN'T standing in front of him. Hell he hadn't thought about her in over a year, but now she had come back to him, haunting his dreams once again, forcing her way into his thoughts, like she used to so many months ago. She was talking, but he couldn't make out what she said. Was she even talking to him? Had she ever talked to him? Yes, she had. Once at least when he had walked into her, almost knocking her down by accident. 

Now Rick stood next to her and asked her something. 'What the hell? Why am I hallucinating about Rick?' Daryl wondered in his dazed state. He blinked hard, but Rick was still there after he opened his eyes again. His brow furrowed as he looked at the woman again. She wasn't pregnant,... he only knew her pregnant, had never dreamed about her without her round belly before... Daryl groaned and closed his eyes again. His head hurt enough as it was, no need to make it hurt even more by trying to figure out what was going on. He felt something being pressed gently against his head wound and cursed when the sharp sting of rubbing alcohol hit him. His eyes shot open, his hallucination was still there, but this time she was sitting next to him on the bed, cleaning his wound. Daryl was utterly confused, but decided to just enjoy seeing her one last time.

 

Jarah carefully dabbed the poor man's head where Andrea's bullet grazed him. She felt him jerking and noticed him opening his eyes again. She hadn't taken the time to really look at him during all the commotion, but now when she looked into his eyes, she stopped what she was doing. She remembered those beautiful blue eyes. She leaned back and looked at him, really looked at him and suddenly it came back to her.

 

“We know each other, don't we? I've seen you before... before all this!” Jarah smiled, but the smile slowly left her face and she blushed when Darly did nothing but stare at her like she had grown a second head. 'Great, if he remembers me he probably also remembers how the fat pregnant lady stared at him whenever she limped by. Should have kept my mouth shut.' Jarah thought embarrassed.

 

Daryl lost the ability to do anything but breathe and stare. It couldn't be... no this could NOT be real. She wasn't here, was she? This is real? His mind could not process what was happening, he couldn't say anything, he just laid there and stared at her.

 

Rick looked back and forth between Daryl and Jarah. “You know each other?”

 

Jarah, who had looked down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with a piece of gauze, glanced up at Rick for a moment and shrugged. “I might be mistaken, it doesn't seem like he knows me... I guess I confused him with somebody else.”

 

But then both their heads whipped around, when they heard Daryl's raspy voice:

 

“Ms. Mason...”

 

Chapter 3

 

 

“I remember...” Daryl groaned as Hershel examined the area where one of his own arrows entered his body, “You're Miss Mason from apartment 3B.”

 

Yes, Daryl remembered. He would never forget the first time he saw her. 17 months ago, it was his first day on the new job. He was hired by a company who had just started a big job on an apartment building, redoing floors and stuff in empty apartments. A friend hooked him up and he was determined to stay on for as long as possible, because he could really use the money.

 

He had just helped carrying materials into the first apartment that they were working on, when it happened. He was in the hallway handing a bucket of paint over to a co-worker and just as he turned around to go back downstairs he bumped smack into her. He was just about to chew her out for not watching where she was going, when he registered, that she desperately grabbed at the wall to keep from falling and gasped in pain. He reached out and steadied her, his gaze falling on her rounded belly. He immediately let go and was about to apologize, but she beat him to it.

 

She had apologized profusely, saying something about pregnancy brain, whatever that was and even asking him if she hurt him. It was then that he looked into her eyes for the first time. Just one second and he was a goner. Not only was she the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, she also had the largest, most beautiful hazel eyes in the world. Even very pregnant, she was absolutely stunning. He had mumbled something retarded like 'it's okay' or something else, he couldn't remember, and then he just turned around and walked away.

 

Over the course of the next three months, he watched her. Not like a stalker or something creepy like that. He just paid attention to her and to what she did. Something he was good at was covertly observing his surroundings. It made him good at hunting. Would make him a good spy, too, but he wasn't born to be in law enforcement. His brother would laugh in his face before kicking his ass if he'd show any ambition to be an officer of the law. No, he liked working with his hands, using his skills and being pretty much left alone while doing it. He wasn't much of a talker.

 

He often only saw her a couple of minutes a day, but he learned something new about her all the time. She was beautiful, but she seemed shy, like she wasn't aware of her good looks. She never wore make-up or any kind of jewelry and she liked to dress in black for the most part. If one of his co-workers smiled at her and looked at her and tried some small talk when she greeted them on her daily trip to the mailbox, she would smile politely but quickly look away, like the attention made her uncomfortable. He also noticed that she never got any visitors and that she was never gone for a very long time. The only person she seemed to talk to on occasion was her neighbor, an elderly lady called Mrs. Larson. The pretty lady's name was Ms. Mason. That's was Mrs. Larson called her. He never got her full name. He wasn't the type to eavesdrop, but the walls were thin and the door to the apartment they were redoing was always open and sometimes the two women would talk right outside in the hallway and he couldn't help but listen. Especially since he wanted to know more about her.

 

That way he learned that she was six months pregnant and that it was a tough pregnancy with lots of complications. He learned that she was having a boy who was already pretty tall for a baby at this stage and that her divorce had just been finalized. One day when she was lugging her groceries upstairs, Mrs. Larson asked her why she wouldn't have a friend help her with stuff like that and she said something about her husband getting all the friends in the divorce. That explained the lack of visitors. Still he wondered where her family was. From the looks of it she didn't have anybody to support or help her. Much like him, a loner, but at least he still had Merle. Sometimes.

 

Daryl would probably never admit it out loud, but he liked helping people. He liked being helpful and useful, being needed. He just had a hard time approaching people, he was never good with them. His tries at being more social often ended up in frustration and him lashing out. After two weeks of working at Ms. Mason's apartment building Daryl hated that he wasn't more like his colleagues, that meeting people or striking up a conversation didn't come to him as easy as it did for them, because after a month he noticed negative changes in Ms. Mason and it nagged him that he didn't have the guts to go up and help her, afraid that he would fail miserably or that she would laugh in his face and he would end up yelling at her, afraid what his co-workers might think if he went to help her, he didn't need them to make fun of him. He was already the stupid, weird redneck with the silly accent and a notorious criminal drug-addict of a brother. He wished that she would just ask for his help, that way he could just do it without having to say anything, but he figured she never would. It was hard on her doing the heavy lifting alone, but he could tell she was also proud of herself, that she could do it. When she was done shopping and put her bags down to unlock the door, she looked exhausted, but she had a little smile on her face and she nodded once while looking at the bags before she carried them inside, like she was thinking 'hell yeah, I did it.' It almost brought a smile to his own face. 

 

It still pained him though to watch her condition worsen week by week. He thought pregnant women were supposed to glow or shit like that, but there was absolutely no glow about her. She got paler every day, the circles underneath her eyes darkening more and more and while her belly got bigger everything else about her seemed to get thinner and thinner. Apart from her belly she was reduced to skin and bones. She could barely walk anymore. She took tiny and slow steps, gritting her teeth hard and breathing deeply the whole time and she would always keep one hand pressed against the wall to keep steady. At first he panicked and thought she might be in labor, but after a couple of days he assumed it was a new complication. She kept doing her own grocery shopping, although he noticed it took almost three or four times longer than it did before.

 

One time when they had almost finished their job he met her on the staircase after his lunch break. She was using both hands to pull her shopping trolley cart up the stairs, one at a time. He saw a whole case of water peeking out from underneath the flap, because it was stacked so high it didn't close anymore. He just KNEW that couldn't be good, he figured she must be near giving birth now. Nobody else was around so he just grabbed the cart handle out of her hands and carried it up the stairs and in true Dixon fashion instead of saying something nice or nothing at all he mumbled “Just order that shit online or somethin'.” Then he left her standing at the top of the stairs and went back work, but he heard her relieved thank you. That was the last time he saw her. 

 

Until now. 

 

Now she sat next to him on a bed and smiled shyly at him. “Oh, so it IS you! From the construction crew right?” 

Daryl nodded and Rick was slightly amused. “Ms. Mason? He worked for you?” he asked with raised eyebrows. “No not for me, his company did some work in the apartment building I lived in. I'm sorry, I never got your name.” she looked at Daryl apologetically.

 

“Daryl,...”, he said. “My name is Jarah. Nice to meet you... well again. Daryl, would it be okay if I took care of that head wound? I know what I'm doing, I used to be a nurse.” she explained, grabbing a new piece of gauze in the process. He nodded his consent and Jarah went to work on him with Hershel taking care of his other injury. 

 

Daryl tried to relax and not focus too much on the pain. He remembered how much time he had spent on thinking about what her name would actually be, but none of his ideas fit her more than her real name. Jarah. Jarah Mason. He finally had a full name.

 

Chapter 4

 

After taking care of Daryl's wound Jarah left the room to give the men some space. Rick had pulled out a map and wanted to go over Daryl's findings. Apparently they were looking for someone. Before she left the room Rick had told her that they were all having dinner together later and asked her to join, which left Jarah feeling uneasy. It would mean she would have to face the group all by herself without being able to hide behind her son. The thought made her stomach clench so hard, that she got dizzy. 

 

It might seem pathetic to others but her son was her security blanket, her safety shield. He immediately got all the attention from everybody they met and that was fine by Jarah. She was happy and comfortable with it. Being married and having a child had given her more confidence and she was doing much better than during her childhood and teenage years, but the fact was, that she had been suffering from social phobia and an anxiety disorder all her life. It developed very early in her childhood. Her parents weren't nice people. They let her know she wasn't wanted and if they thought that Jarah had done something wrong (by their standards), they would give her the silent treatment for no less than 6 to 8 weeks. During those weeks she wasn't allowed to leave her room except for kindergarten, later school, and trips to the bathroom. Her father would even remove anything electronic from her room so she wouldn't be able to watch TV or even listen to music. That left Jarah alone with her own thoughts for a great deal of her young life and it was then, when a thought started deeply ingraining itself into her head: “My own parents don't like me, so how could anybody else in this world ever like me?” It became her motto.

 

Her family called her shy, but she wasn't shy. She was scared of people. Scared of being judged and humiliated, but at the same time she was scared of being ignored. When she entered her teenage years and puberty hit, she turned from a scared little girl to a scared animal and scared animals lashed out. She got into fights, finally having a way to blow off steam and to let out all that rage that had built inside of her over the years. She started skipping school, her grades went downhill, but her teachers knew that she wasn't a “bad girl” and wanted to help her so they arranged for her to study with two students she shared some of her classes with. That was one of the best things to ever happen to her. Up to this day she doesn't know how, but those two boys gained her trust, they made her laugh and as it turned out they shared the same taste in music and movies. Talking to them was easy and soon she started to spend all her time with them. Her grades improved, her mood improved, hell everything improved, until graduation happened and their ways had to part. She had lost both of her only friends on the same day to different colleges far away and it didn't take long for Jarah's phobia and anxiety to rear up again. This time she didn't get into fights anymore though, she had no more fight left.

 

Her parents asked her to move out soon after. Jarah started working as an office worker for a local recycling company to support herself. Her boss bullied her, inadvertently making her social phobia even worse, but she had to stay strong, because no one else was hiring.

 

She lasted 4 years, before she broke down at age 22, having to check into a rehab facility, because she wasn't able to leave her apartment anymore, hell she couldn't even bring herself to answer the phone anymore, the sound of it ringing was already enough to cause severe anxiety attacks. The people around her had finally managed to break her.

 

It took 8 weeks of rehab, but she managed to gain enough strength back to take her life back into her own hands. She met her best friend Liz in group therapy and they would remain inseparable until the day a drunk driver took Liz away from her six years later. After rehab Jarah started working as a nurse in elderly care. Even though for the most part it was hard and backbreaking work, she enjoyed it a lot because she was able to connect to the elderly people living in the facility, especially if they felt abandoned by their families and the old people loved her and appreciated her. She gained some sense of self-worth.

 

She also met her husband at work. Jackson was the doctor on call when one of her residents took a bad fall. He was very attractive, very rock'n'roll for a doctor and he was a cheeky bastard. He flirted unabashedly with her and was very persistent. Usually Jarah would have run for the hills, but something about him struck her as sincere. She gave dating him a try and she soon found herself opening up to him and trusting him. He got her, he understood her condition. Ever since rehab she was doing really well, but there would still be bad days here and there, on which she had a hard time going out and facing the world. He had her back though and with his help she found herself getting stronger and more confident. She wasn't scared anymore, she wasn't even overly shy, but she still had a little trouble getting things going when meeting new people. 

Once she got to know them better and started trusting, she had no trouble being open with them. She didn't even have much trouble sharing the dark parts of her life. It was just that very first hurdle of facing new people that she had the biggest problem with and ever since she divorced Jackson, her support system in getting over that first hurdle was gone and she had to face it on her own. For whatever reason facing a group of women had always been harder on her than facing a group of men, and right now, that kitchen that she was about to enter was full of women.

 

Jarah took a deep breath and willed her hands to stop shaking as she nervously stepped into the kitchen. She was met with a warm smile from Carol that made her relax a little. 

 

“Hey Jarah... your son is sleeping like a rock. He didn't even stir when we carried his bed out of the guestroom.” 

Jarah smiled slightly. “Yeah, he is a really good sleeper. Guess he won't wake up til late tomorrow morning. The painkillers tend to make him sleep like 14 hours.”

 

“Looks like. How is Daryl doing?” Carol asked, peeling another potato.

 

“Good, I guess... he is talking to Rick about what he found and where. You guys are looking for someone?”

 

Carol's expression turned somber and tears glistened in her eyes.

 

“My daughter Sophia... we were surprised by a herd up on the highway. She thought it was safe to come out again, but it wasn't. She got chased into the woods by walkers. Rick ran after them. He had her, he sent her running back to the highway while he stalled the walkers, but she never made it back.”

 

Jarah's heart went out to the woman. “Dear God Carol, I am so sorry, I can't even imagine...”

 

Lori smiled and rubbed Carol's back.

 

“We are close though, Daryl found her doll. We are going to find her.”

 

“I am sure you will. If I can help with anything...” Jarah offered.

 

Carol smiled and pushed some potatoes her way.

 

“You can help me with these. Did Rick ask you to eat with us?”

 

“Yes he did, thank you. Means a lot.” Jarah helped Carol peel the remaining potatoes before sneaking into Beth's room to check on her sleeping son.

 

An hour later dinner was served. Everyone was in good spirits and of course, curious about Jarah. Dale was the first to fire off his questions.

 

“So Jarah, where are you from?”

 

“Atlanta.”

 

“Were you in the city when it all happened?”

 

Jarah nodded. “Yes, saw it on the news. A co-worker called, telling me to go to one of the safe shelters, but somehow I knew I really shouldn't. My gut told me to leave the city. I packed all our stuff, as much as the car could fit and then I hightailed it out of there. Only a couple hours later the bombs fell. We've been on the road ever since.”

 

“How were you able to keep the two of you safe?”

 

“I am a very careful person. Organized,... and I have some skills. Took some martial arts classes during my teenage years. Helped me out a couple of times.”

 

“And all that with a baby. A cute little boy by the way.”

 

“Thanks, my pride and joy.”

 

Carl smiled. “How old are you? You look too young to have a baby!”

 

“Wow thank you, but I am plenty old enough. I am 30,... almost 31.”

 

“Woah, you're OLD!!!” Carl exclaimed, causing Lori to shoot him a stern look and the rest of the table to laugh out loud.

 

Rick tried to smooth out his son's outburst. “Well I guess we are all surprised. You look very young. Not that 30 isn't young, but you look younger.”

 

“I know, I get that a lot. It's okay”, Jarah laughed.

 

 

Upstairs Daryl heard the laughter. He hated not being able to sit at the table with the rest of them. Especially tonight. He was sure Jarah was with them and that everybody was asking her stuff. That would have been the perfect opportunity for him to just sit back, listen and learn more about her. If he wasn't hurting and still bleeding from his side so much, he would drag his ass down there and enjoy every fucking minute he could spend sitting at the same table with her. Listening to her talk. Maybe if he asked for more painkillers? But how suspicious would that be? Usually he did everything to avoid these people and today he would beg for meds so he could have dinner with them? They'd all know that something was up right away. Especially Dale. The old man was too observant for his own good. Frustrated Daryl closed his eyes and hoped to be able to move around again the next day. Even though he wanted to keep his cool, he is helpless against the craving of being near Jarah. He wanted to get to know her and this time he wouldn't waste his chance.

 

 

 

Chapter 5

 

The next morning it was back to business for the group. Daryl limped out of the house early in the morning to move back to his tent. Moving around still hurt like a mother, not that he would admit that, but thankfully nobody expected him to go out looking today, so he had a day to rest on his cot. 

 

He did just that for two hours before he started to get bored. He fiddled with an arrow, poking holes through the window of his tent, hell he even gave the book Andrea had brought in a try, but that bored him even more after a couple of pages. He chucked it into another corner of the tent and sighed deeply. He was thinking about trying to get up again, when he noticed movement by the house out of the corner of his eye. He looked out the window once more and froze. Jarah was making her way away from the porch towards the grassy area where he was camping out with the group. That was not what made him freeze, though. The thing that made him do that, was held by Jarah by his tiny hands and was tilted backwards because he was taking shaky and way too big steps in front of her. The baby. He completely forgot about her son.

 

Jarah didn't walk over to the tents. She didn't want to bother the others. Wouldn't know what to say to them anyway. To Daryl maybe, she could asked him how he was feeling, but he was hurt and probably appreciated his rest. She stopped as soon as they reached a nice patch of green and let Jamie plop down on his knees. She spread out a blanket she had tucked under her arm, shrugged off her backpack and sat down while Jamie crawled towards her, eager for his mother to unpack his toys.

 

Daryl watched as she unpacked books, stuffed animals, various balls and other colorful stuff, the kid standing up next to her, holding onto her shoulder and moving his body like a little happy jackhammer. She was smiling and planting a big kiss on his chubby cheek, before he plopped down again and started crawling around the blanket and started playing with his stuff. He watched Jarah as she happily watched her son play. It was like everything was still completely normal, like they were just enjoying a nice day in the park.

 

He studied her face. She was even more beautiful now than she was back when he first saw her. The fact that this was the first time he had seen her smile like that probably contributed to that. He wondered how old she was. He'd always had a hard time telling her age. When he worked in her building she looked so young he thought she might just be in her early twenties. She hadn't aged in the past months, but she looked more mature now, so she might be a little bit older than he thought, but he really couldn't tell. Once thing he was sure of though was, that she seemed to be a natural mother. She was so happy sitting there on the blanket spending time with her son. He had never seen a mother act like she did. Not that he had seen many mothers with their babies, but the ones he had seen, didn't seem THAT happy. She gave it her all. She read lines from every book he pushed into her hands only to grab it back and hand her another a couple of seconds later. She even used different voices. She sang to him, got up and danced with him, shaking her butt and making funny noises, while the kid was on all fours and shook himself like he was a wet dog, trying to get the water out of his fur. She lifted him up in the air, humming the Superman theme, earning happy squeals and loud laughter from her son. Daryl had no chance fighting the smile that broke out on his face. He never thought much about babies, but he had to admit, the happy sounds the kid was making were lifting his mood and touching something inside of him he had forgotten was there. 

 

Soon Rick stuck his head inside the tent.

 

“We're leaving for gun practice. Dale staying behind. You gonna be alright?”

 

“Yeah sure... later” Daryl nodded.

 

The group left and when he saw Dale taking a walk towards the stables Daryl realized his chance. Fuck the pain, he was gonna do this. Time was precious. He carefully got up and slowly made his way out of the tent. He wasn't sure what to do or say yet, but he hoped it would just somehow work out. 

 

Jarah noticed Daryl walking towards them and smiled.

 

“Hey,... already moving around again?”

 

“Yeah... got bored.”

 

Jarah nodded and after a short awkward pause she cleared her throat.

 

“So, how's the pain?”

 

“It's alright,... getting better I guess.”

 

Another awkward silence. Daryl now stood at the edge of the blanket looking out at the fields. Well the two adults might have been shy, but Jamie certainly wasn't. He crawled towards Daryl, grabbed his pants right around Daryl's knees and stood up. Jamie looked up at Daryl and started babbling excitedly. 

 

Jarah smiled slightly embarrassed.

 

“I'm sorry, he doesn't know about boundaries yet. Sweetie, Daryl's hurt, he can't pick you up.” She got up and lifted her son into her arms, ending up standing close to Daryl, looking right into his eyes. She blushed and quickly looked down and smiled. 

 

“Uhm, I was just about to put him down for his nap.”

 

Daryl was a little disappointed, but shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“'Kay,... you napping with him?”

 

“No, Beth offered to keep her ears open while he slept. I wanted to spend some more time outside, after being holed up in a car for weeks. Can I get you anything from the house?”

 

'Only need you to come back out.” Daryl thought, while shaking his head.

 

Jarah set Jamie down and gathered his toys to stuff them back in her backpack and folded up the blanket. She stood and tried to think of something to say, but 'be right back' somehow didn't seem appropriate. She didn't want him to think that she was counting on his company. He probably wanted to go back to his tent. So she just gave him a quick nod and walked off. 

 

Daryl watched her walk away and started cursing himself and his social skills again. An arrow through his side and a bullet grazing his head didn't kill him, would asking her to come back with some water or involving her in small talk kill him? Probably not but he didn't know how to do small talk. Obviously as he had just demonstrated. Frustrated he walked back to his tent to lay back down on his cot and be miserable.

 

He was surprised when ten minutes later Jarah timidly poked her head inside his tent.

 

“Hey, I'm sorry to bother you. Hershel asked me to bring you these and make sure you took them.” She handed him some pills and explained “Just some ibuprofen, to help with the pain.”

 

“Thanks.” He took the pills and motioned to his spare cot opposite the one he was resting on. “Wanna have a seat?”

 

“Sure, thanks.” Jarah sat down and watched him wash down the pills with some water she also brought. “So uuuhm,...” She started, but didn't know how to continue. 

 

Daryl cleared his throat. “Yeah... uhm...” Another awkward moment of silence followed before they looked at each other and both had to laugh for a moment. Jarah rubbed her hands over her face and smiled.

 

“I'm sorry, I just... I am not the best at starting conversations, I guess. I gotta say though that it's nice to see a familiar face.”

 

“Yeah,... it is. So you been doin' alright? With the baby and all?”

 

“Yes, it's been hard, but we've managed.”

 

“And... before this shit? You didn't have much help around.”

 

Jarah laughed. “Oh, you noticed that, hm? Yeah I've been doing pretty well, actually. Once the baby was out I was able to move around again and everything else just kinda clicked. Never had any trouble taking care of him all by myself.”

 

“You hurt a lot,... I saw by the way you walked,... what happened?”

 

Jarah looked at him surprised. She didn't think he had noticed her all that much when he was working in her building. He barely ever nodded when she said hello. And she had looked at him alright. From the first time they ran into each other, she thought he was really handsome in his own way. She loved his eyes. And his arms. She didn't see his eyes much, he looked down most of the time when she walked by, but getting her fill by checking out his arms every chance she got made up for it. 

 

“Just complications, boring pregnancy stuff,... don't wanna bore you more than you already are.”

 

“I asked, didn't I? Not the type to ask about shit I ain't interested in.”

 

“Okay, um do you know what thrombosis is?”

 

Daryl nodded, furrowing his brow “That's blood clots clogging up your veins, right?”

 

“Exactly. I had those in both legs. The veins and arteries in my legs were full of blood clots, all the way from my ankles to my thighs. The pain was so bad, I cried everytime I had to move. Couldn't even control it, the tears just started, it was so intense. Turns out I have a hereditary disease, caused by a gene mutation. It was dormant all my life and kinda got activated by the pregnancy, because pregnant women have more blood in their bodies. Had to inject blood thinners twice daily for 9 months right into my belly. I was so scared I would hit my baby with the needles. The blood thinners helped but my legs kind of didn't recover until 6 weeks after giving birth, they always hurt. And to make walking even more fun, that little thing that joins my... um... my pubic bones,... that ruptured kind of,... it got stretched too far or something and well it was really painful. Wasn't able to put on socks or pants. Couldn't lift my legs anymore. That's why I only wore those dresses and flip flops from the time you started working right up until giving birth. Sorry,... too much detail, huh? I tend to go a little overboard when I am nervous.”

 

This time it was Daryl's turn to be surprised.

 

“You're nervous?”

 

“Damn I didn't mean to say that. It's not like, um... I mean, you make me nervous. No wait, okay... sorry I get really awkward sometimes. Deep breath...”

 

Daryl watched her take a deep breath and gather her thoughts and couldn't help his amusement. And here he thought he was the awkward one. He smirked and he kinda liked that it seemed to make her blush. It made him feel more secure. Up until now he was afraid she might be able to read his thoughts and tell right away that he liked her, but now it looked like he might get the upper hand, so to speak.

 

Jarah rubbed her hands over her face once more and took a deep breath.

 

“Okay let me try that again. I get nervous when I am talking to somebody new, I don't wanna say anything stupid and make a fool of myself. Guess it's too late for that now. So it's not necessarily you that makes me nervous. Everybody makes me kind of nervous... Not that you wouldn't be the type who would be able to make me nervous, but... Dear God I gotta stop talking now. Sorry, so sorry.”

 

Daryl was still smirking. He liked her flustered. So he didn't say anything and let her continue.

 

Jarah shut her mouth though and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and smiled sheepishly before quickly looking down, to escape his look and that smirk, but Daryl wasn't letting her off THAT easy.

 

“What's that even supposed to mean? That I would be the type of guy who would be able to make you nervous?”

 

Jarah opened and closed her mouth a couple times, but nothing came out and Daryl was loving it. Luckily for her, the good Lord had mercy on her and Dale came walking by and popped his head in.

 

“Jarah there you are. Your son woke up with a fever again, Beth said to get you, she wasn't comfortable giving him meds.”

 

Jarah was beyond relieved and quickly looked at Daryl. “Gotta go, see ya later. Thanks Dale”

 

Then she took off like a bat out of hell. Leaving the men to watch after her. 

 

Dale smiled: “Nice girl!”

 

“Yeah...” Daryl smirked. “She is!”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6

 

Daryl entered the kitchen of the Greene house, looking for Hershel, who wanted to check on his stitches. He found Jarah sitting at the table instead, watching her boy eat what looked like pieces of carrots and potatoes. Hershel must have been digging through his attic, the kid was sitting in an old, wooden highchair that matched the other chairs and the table. Daryl watched them for a moment before speaking up.

 

“He sick?”

 

Jarah startled and whirled around. “Sweet Lord, what are you a ninja? You almost gave me a heart attack!” 

 

She had her hand against her chest, over her rapidly beating heart. The shock wore off and she realized who she was looking at. The man she had made a fool of herself in front of earlier. She started blushing again and quickly looked back to her son.

 

Daryl walked over and stood in between their chairs.

 

“You didn't answer my question.”

 

Jarah furrowed her brow in confusion: “What?”

 

“I asked if he was sick? 'Cause of the fever?”

 

“Oh right! No not sick. He's teething and having a hard time with it. Should be okay tomorrow.”

 

Daryl nodded and studied the kid. He was pretty cute. Big dark blue eyes and a mop of light brown shaggy hair. “Doesn't look much like you.”

 

“No he doesn't. He looks a lot like his father. Got his daddy's nose and lips.” she smiled and tapped her index finger against her son's nose, making him giggle. “The blue eyes he got from my father.” she sighed deeply and Daryl sensed that she wasn't happy about her son's eyes resembling those of her father. He remembered that no family came around to help her when she was pregnant. He figured she might come from a broken home, much like him.

 

“What's his name?”

 

“Jamie. Well, James, actually. James Dean...”

 

Daryl scoffed and Jarah laughed.

 

“Yeah that is the most common reaction I get every time I tell people his full name. But it's not like that, I didn't call him that because I am obsessed with the actor. Dean is a family name in my ex-husbands family. His father is Jonathan Dean, my husband is Jackson Dean and his brother Jacob Dean, so we knew we would use that for sure. I always knew that if I ever had a kid I would call it James. Non-debatable. So James Dean it was.”

 

Daryl smirked. “Non-debatable? What if he had turned out to be a girl?”

 

“Don't laugh but if I would have had a girl, her name would have been Alicia James. Would have called her Ally Jay for short.”

 

Daryl thought about that for a moment and gave her a little smile.

 

“Alicia James, huh? I like that. Kinda has a ring to it.”

 

Jarah smiled broadly. “I know right? God I love that name. You know, I have always wanted a boy, always, but when I picked that name I almost wished he would be a girl so I would be able to use it.”

 

“Yeah,... maybe some day, you'll get another chance,... you never know.”

 

Jarah shook her head, sighing deeply.

 

“Nah, never having another kid. Almost killed me twice the last time even with all the advantages of modern technology and health care and access to all the meds in the world. In this world right now? It's a definite death sentence. Hell it would be for everybody, not just for me. Thank God I made sure it won't ever happen to me again. Had my tubes tied after Jamie was born.”

 

For some reason that made Daryl sad. Not because he wanted a baby with her, hell no,... 

_'Well, maaaayyybeeee in the far faaar future...'_ he pushed that thought quickly far into the back of his mind though. No, it made him sad because she seemed to be so natural and happy at being a mother, that it's a shame she wouldn't experience that joy with another baby once Jamie was older. He was pulled from his thoughts when Hershel entered the kitchen and asked him to follow him into the guest bedroom so he could take a look at his healing wounds. He gave Jarah a short nod and left with Hershel, at the door he looked over his shoulder real quick and saw Jamie shoving a piece of carrot in Jarah's mouth, happily sharing his meal with her.

 

_'… a damn shame...'_ he thought.

 

 

A couple of days passed. It was pretty quiet, the men were gone for hours most of the time, looking for Sophia. Jarah wasn't feeling too comfortable around the group. She didn't interact too much with them, she was wary of some of its members so she didn't go over to the campground unless those people weren't around. She would talk to Carol, Dale, Glenn and Daryl and avoid the others. Rick tried to include her more into his group, but Jarah figured he just wanted her on his side and to put in a good word for him with Hershel. Maggie had told her that Hershel wanted the group to leave soon. 

 

The thought of them leaving depressed her. Sure she could do without Shane, Andrea and Lori, no problem, but she would miss the others. She would miss Daryl. He was a fast healer and was out searching the woods again after just two days. Jarah admired him for it. Not only for doing it while he must still be hurting like hell, but for doing it at all. Sophia wasn't his, he and Carol weren't an item, all they had in common was that they got stuck in the same group and still he was the one who risked the most, who spent the most time looking, from what Carol had told her. He was selfless and strong and even though he would probably never admit it, he cared. He had a heart. A big one it seemed. 

 

Jarah often didn't get along with other women, she hated the bitching and their competitive nature, playing best friends in front of one another, but bitching about the other as soon as they turned their back. There were exceptions of course, like Carol. Jarah really liked Carol and was happy to have her around, but Lori and Andrea she kept her distance from. She had a really bad gut feeling about the two. They made her nervous and tongue tied. They were, what Jarah called “dominant women”. Like her mother. They triggered her memories and the memories of her mother were something Jarah didn't deal with well, so she avoided interacting with the two woman at all costs.

 

They were also the ones who got the rumor mill going. The news that Daryl and Jarah had met before had spread quickly and of course everyone noticed that Daryl, who usually was pretty monosyllabic or didn't say anything at all, didn't seem to mind talking to Jarah at all. He would often go up to her when she was playing outside with her son or keep her company when she was alone. The women watched them like hawks wondering what was going on between them. One night Jarah sat on the porch steps eating dinner by herself. Daryl who was already eating in his tent, grabbed his plate, walked over and sat down with her to eat. When he got back later Lori and Andrea were grinning and Andrea spoke up.

 

“How was your dinner date?”

 

Daryl had just shot her an annoyed look and went back into his tent, cursing the damn gossiping bitches. He wasn't about to play high school, he was too old for that shit. He knew people were talking and while it didn't sit well with him it still wasn't going to keep him from Jarah. 

 

Most nights when Jamie was already asleep Jarah would sit on the porch steps with balls of wool surrounding her and her crochet hook hard at work. She was making granny squares and wanted to make enough to sew them together for a blanket. She was skilled at what she was doing, Carol was amazed by what she was able to do within a matter of minutes. One afternoon she had made a beautiful headband with a 3D-flower in different shades of red and pink for Sophia, for when she came back, even though Jarah didn't think she would. At least not alive, it had been too long.

 

While she would work on her squares Daryl would often sit next to her and make new arrows or clean the ones he already had. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they wouldn't. They didn't mind, it wasn't an awkward silence between them anymore and Daryl really enjoyed her company. Sometimes she was so engrossed in her work that she didn't notice him looking at her and studying her every feature. He liked looking over and watching her skilled fingers work. And as the days passed and he grew more comfortable around her, he found himself imagining her skilled fingers working on certain parts of his anatomy.

 

Whenever that happened he quickly got back to his arrows and tried to think of gutting his kills or even better, gutting his kills in the cold cold rain. 

 

One night she left her crochet supplies in the house and brought out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses instead. She filled them up, passed one over to him and silently took a couple of sips from hers before she spoke up.

 

“Where will you guys go once Hershel asks you to leave?”

 

“Don't know, Rick's still hoping he won't.”

 

“It would suck... you know? You guys leaving... “

 

“Could always come with us!”

 

Jarah scoffed and sighed deeply. “I really can't Daryl, have to think about my son. I have to do what's best for Jamie. He has a good life here. Being on the run again, stuck in his car seat for weeks, not knowing where to get water, milk, food and other stuff,.. no that's not what's best for him. And I just can't be around Lori and Andrea too much.”

 

Daryl knew she would say that and he knew it was true, but he wasn't ready to lose her again. He wanted to be near her. It was like a nonstop craving from the moment he woke up in the morning, he even had a hard time falling asleep at night because he couldn't stop thinking about her. He wanted her in his tent or he wanted to be in the house with her, he wasn't picky, he just wanted to be with her. 

 

“They say anything to you? Lori and Andrea? Damn bitches don't know how to keep their mouths shut”

 

“No haven't talked to them. They're watching us though... right now. I don't want anything to do with them because they remind me of the woman who gave birth to me and I just can't have that for the rest of my life, however long that may be.”

 

Daryl looked over to the camp and sure enough people were looking at them again. He grabbed the bottle and got up.

 

“C'mon girl, we're taking a walk!”

 

Jarah didn't question him, she got up and followed him. He led her to the stables and into an empty stall. They sat down on a stack of hay and Daryl refilled their glasses. He wanted to know some things and maybe a little alcohol would get her to give him some answers.

 

“Why don't you want memories of your family? They not around anymore?” Daryl started off.

 

“God I hope so. No actually I hope they are still around, suffering and suffering and suffering from all the evil things they got coming to them.”

 

“Not nice people, huh?”

 

Jarah let out a snort. “God no,... horrible people. I hope they'll rot in hell. I want them to go through everything that they made me go through before they die. That would be fucking fantastic.”

 

She didn't elaborate and Daryl figured if she wanted him to know what happened she'd tell him. 

 

“They live around here your folks?” 

 

“Why wanna go and beat them up for me?”

 

He shrugged: “Maybe. Or do something else... use them for target practice or something.”

 

Jarah laughed and shook her head.

 

“Nice thought, but I wouldn't want you to get your hands dirty on them.”

 

“Well if you ever change your mind... I got a couple arrows with their names on them.”

 

Jarah smiled and looked him in the eyes.

 

“That's sweet,... but why would you do that for me. I am not worth the trouble.”

 

“Why would you say that?” Daryl asked after looking at her in surprise.

Jarah just shrugged and downed her glass of whiskey.

 

“Damn girl what is it with you and not answering questions? Got at least three questions you never answered.”

 

“I don't want people to feel obligated to talk to me or show interest. I know most people just ask to be polite, but aren't really interested in what I have to say, so I'm giving them an out.” Jarah explained like it was the most logical thing in the world.

 

Daryl shook his head and scoffed.

 

“Look girl, I told you once before that I ain't the type to ask if I wasn't interested! So you're gonna start answering my questions without that 'giving me an out' bullshit, got that?”

 

Jarah looked at him surprised, but she wasn't scared by his outburst. Just like with her ex-husband years ago, she felt that Daryl was being sincere and meant well. She giggled and gave him a mock salute.

 

“Yes sir!”

 

Daryl smirked and gave her another nod. He picked up the bottle of whiskey they had taken with them and refilled her glass a third time.

 

“Alright, then let's start by you telling me what you meant, when you said I was the type of guy to make you nervous!”

 

That made Jarah stop giggling and start blushing once more. And once again, Daryl was loving it.

 

Chapter 7

 

“What? Cat got your tongue?” Daryl asked amused as he watched Jarah scrambling for words. “C'mon Jar, you promised! Answer!”

 

“Uhm... I don't know just... you know some guys just have the ability to look at a girl and just make her all awkward and stuff. And to me you're obviously one of those men.” Jarah explained but kept her eyes down in her lap where she was holding her glass in a death grip.

 

“So what're you saying? You scared of me, or what?” Daryl wanted her to clarify.

 

“No, that's not it. It's just... the way you look,... your eyes,... God Daryl, come on, you know what I mean!” Jarah was exasperated.

 

Daryl felt like grinning like a goddamn fool. He was having so much fun getting under her skin and jerking her chain a little. “Nah, can't say that I do,... no clue what you're talking about. What's wrong with the way I look or my eyes?”

 

Jarah sighed, she was trying to think of what to say and waving her hands around in the air as she tried to explain. “Nothing is wrong with it, I didn't mean it like that. It's... wow you're really gonna make me say it, huh? I... I like, well sometimes when a woman finds a man attractive and she gets attention from him, she can tend to get a little... well weird... “

 

“Attractive, huh?” Daryl loved making her all weird, but he was still surprised that she seemed to think that way about him. He wasn't much to look at. Probably much worse now that before the world turned to shit. She on the other hand, she was incredibly pretty and if she really thought of him that way, he would never understand why. The first time they met he had almost ran her over, the second time, he had helped her, sure, but hadn't been overly nice about it. Those were the first impressions she had of him and he was still able to make her nervous? That made him optimistic.

 

Jarah buried her red face in one of her hands and let out an embarrassed laugh. “Shut up, Daryl. It is not nice to make a woman say things like that, you know?”

 

“You said I was attractive, didn't say anything about nice!” Daryl smirked again.

 

Jarah just shook her head while burying it in her hands. “Dear God, Daryl... you're killing me! You made me drunk on purpose...”

 

Daryl didn't deny it, he just leaned back and watched her. 

 

“Hey Jar,... you mad?” he asked quietly.

 

“No,... We're good, just getting tired. I should get back in and sleep before my son might decide to interrupt it.” She yawned and stretched, then looked at him with her big beautiful eyes. They were glassy and watery from yawning, but it made them shine even more and it was the most beautiful thing Daryl had ever seen . Mesmerized he leaned closer to her. They looked each other in the eyes for a long moment. Jarah was getting all kinds of crazy butterflies in her stomach all of a sudden. His eyes were so intense and he looked good enough to grab and kiss him silly. Daryl looked down at her lips, groaning quietly when he saw her biting her bottom lip. He reached over and put his thumb underneath her lip, gently pulling it free from the grasp her teeth had on it. He leaned closer and got the shock of his life as Jarah suddenly let out a startled shriek and jumped up and dashed a couple of feet away from him so fast, she might as well have been The Flash. 

 

“What the fuck???” Daryl looked at her utterly confused. He had expected that she might pull away if he tried to kiss her, but he did not expect this. 

 

“Oh my God, oh my fucking God, something crawled over my hand. Oh my God, please tell me it wasn't a spider or I'm gonna throw up”, Jarah was jumping up and down and shaking out her arms in disgust.

 

Daryl looked at her comically. “The dead are rising and trying to eat us and a spider makes you scream and throw up? Women...”

 

Jarah was rubbing her arms, making a face. “Disgusting... I can still feel it. I'm sorry but if there is one thing in this world that I can't stand, it's spiders. Still getting goosebumps, probably nightmares tonight.”, she muttered quietly.

 

Daryl tried to hide his amusement, but really couldn't. “Next time we'll come in here I'll check every inch for spiders. Promise. C'mon, I'll walk you back to the house.” He was smiling slightly, but in his head he was cursing whatever insect had dared to interrupt their moment. It would have been perfect, but seems like it wasn't supposed to be just yet.

 

 

Maggie was already sitting at the kitchen table having coffee at six in the morning. She turned around at the sound of footsteps and grinned. “Good morning,... coffee? Looks like you could use some?”

 

Jarah nodded yawning and sat down at the table. “God yes, thank you.”

 

“Little one still asleep?”, Maggie placed a big mug of steaming hot coffee in front of Jarah, who graciously accepted it.

 

“Yeah, but he is constantly tossing and turning, keeping me up so I came down here.”

 

“You came back in late last night...” Maggie grinned like a Cheshire cat.

 

“Maggie, don't...” Jarah warned smiling.

 

“Oh come on,... I saw you walk to the stables with Daryl and you came back out pretty late! Did you do it?”

 

“Maggie!!! Please, we barely know each other,... we just talked... and almost kissed” Jarah grinned quietly. 

 

Maggie's eyes widened and she grinned triumphantly. “I knew it!!! Told you he liked you. You should see the way he looks at you on that porch every night when you're not looking. Wish someone would look at me like that.”

 

“Liiiiiike a young fellow by the name of Glenn?” Jarah smiled. She could tell those two were really into each other.

 

“You saw that, huh? Yeah, I like him. We had sex...” Maggie confessed, whispering in case her Dad was around.

 

“WHAAAT? When? Where? How was it?”, Jarah exclaimed excitedly. Even though she wasn't necessarily a girly girl, she loved herself some girl talk here and there. She had really missed it since her best friend Liz had died. Maggie reminded her a lot of Liz, they had a lot in common, instantly making Jarah warm up to Maggie and forming a quick bond with her.

 

Maggie leaned forward and whispered. “Shhhhhh, a couple days ago at our last pharmacy run and it wasn't bad...”

 

“Wasn't bad? That doesn't sound like that much fun” Jarah laughed quietly.

 

“Well you know, it was quick, but it was good,... When was the last time you did it?” Maggie asked her while she refilled her coffee.

 

“Uh wow let me think. Jamie is almost thirteen months,... born in September, I separated from Jackson in March, we hadn't slept together a couple weeks before that so, about 21 months... wow that's almost two years.”

 

Maggie chuckled. “What was it like with him?”

 

“You mean in bed?” Maggie nodded and Jarah sighed, “Well, I mean I don't have anything to compare it to, I've only ever been with my ex, but I guess it wasn't bad.”

 

This time Maggie scoffed. “Not bad doesn't sound like that much fun!”

 

“Yeah okay, I know. Jax is a doctor and he was familiar with the anatomy, so he knew how to 'push the button' so to speak.”

 

“But that's good isn't it? Most guys don't!” Maggie interrupted her.

 

“Yeah sure that's good, but it was like. He knew and he did it almost mechanically or something. Like he was a robot going through his program you know? We both worked in health care, we both saw and touched naked people every day....” Jarah started to explain, but got interrupted by Maggie once again.

 

“I thought you worked in a nursing home?”

 

“Yes, and many of the residents were not able to wash themselves anymore or go to the bathroom by themselves, so we nurses would have to do it or help the ones who weren't able to reach certain areas anymore.”

 

Maggie scrunched up her face. “Oh that's right, guess I never really thought about that. Don't think I could do that, you got my respect!”

 

Jarah laughed. “Thanks, you get used to it. And thats just it, you know? We got used to it, we kind of got numb. The naked body wasn't something we looked at as all that exciting anymore, so the sex was okay I guess but it was never this mindblowing experience. Looking back at it, we were just going through the motions after the first couple of months. There were also a couple of months during which I wouldn't let him touch me and I think that's what caused the first rift between us.”

 

“What happened?” Maggie asked curiously.

 

“I gave him a blowjob and instead of giving me a little warning that he was about to come, he gripped my head with both hands and forced me to stay there, giving me no choice but to swallow. That was not okay. I had never done it before, swallow, I mean and he just... I felt violated. He knew what happened to me as a kid and still he did it. We had a huge fight I didn''t talk to him for over a week and things just never were the same again.” Jarah sighed and took a big gulp of her coffee.

 

“What happened to you as a kid? You mean you...” Maggie didn't want to say it.

 

“Were sexually abused by my uncle for six years? Yeah...”

 

Maggie swallowed. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry or anything.”

 

Jarah smiled and reached over to give the shocked Maggie's hand a little squeeze. “It's alright, honestly I have no problem talking about it. I know it's weird but I really don't mind. I just,... I can't really explain. The bastard was really smart about it, got in my head... I was my shrink's favorite, he didn't have a hard time getting stuff out of me. Just had to ask, but in the end he thought that might have been the reason why I just never had gotten any better over the years. Wasn't able to let go. Others have a hard time talking about things, once they get it out, they start to let it go though. I have no trouble telling people who are interested and therefore am not able to get it out of my system that way. They wanted to try hypnotherapy and stuff like that, but I didn't want that. Maybe for whatever reason I am not ready to let it go yet, I don't know. It's just a weird and crazy thing.”

 

Maggie nodded silently. She didn't know what to say, so the two women finished their coffee in silence. 

 

Outside the kitchen Daryl retreated back outside the house as quietly as he came in. He was filled with so much anger he could hardly breathe.

Patricia used to give them some milk in the morning for Carl and some for the people who liked it in their coffee, so this morning he offered to go and get it from the house, hoping that maybe Jarah would already be around. After last night he couldn't wait to see her again. He didn't mean to eavesdrop but hearing the two women talk about sex, he was just too curious., always eager to learn something new about Jarah. What he learned obviously didn't make him very happy. 

 

He practically stomped back to the campground, entered his tent to grab everything he needed and made his way towards the woods. When he passed Carol she asked about the milk he wanted to get. Daryl got in her face for a moment and practically growled 'Get it your goddamn self.' before stalking off. He needed to blow off some steam and killing stuff in the woods was just the right thing for that. He had to get himself ready, had to clear his head, because he wanted to know what that bastard did to get in her head. And afterwards he was going to find out where that son of a bitch was and cut off his filthy fingers one by one and whatever else he touched her with.

 

 

Chapter 8

 

Daryl stayed out in the woods all day. By late afternoon the group was worried, Daryl's fall down the ravine was still fresh on everybody's mind. Rick had just rolled out the map on the hood of Carol's old Cherokee to organize a quick search before dark, when the hunter appeared, looking like he had taken on an army of walkers. He was covered in blood and guts, some single leafs sticking to him. He tossed a string of dead squirrels and two rabbits at Glenn, who caught it and made a sound of disgust when one of the dead animals hit him in the face. 

 

Daryl was walking right past the men without a word, but Rick wouldn't have any of it.

 

“Daryl, wait up... I thought we agreed that no one would go out by themselves anymore. Why the hell didn't you tell anyone you were going to be gone the whole day? We were about to go looking for you,... DARYL!!!”

 

Rick grabbed Daryl's arm to keep him from walking inside his tent. Daryl whirled around and shook Rick's hand off.

 

“Just needed to get away from you goddamn people for a day. There's your food, leave me be!” Daryl got into his tent without another word only to come back out a minute later, fresh clothes in his hands and walked up to the house to wash the walker remains from his body. 

He had torn through the woods like a mad man all day long, killing everything that dared to move into his sights. He had encountered a couple of walkers and had used them to blow off some steam, literally shredding them with his knife.

 

After getting clean and getting dressed he checked on Jarah and Jamie real quick to make sure they were okay. He quietly watched them from the hallway for a minute. They were cuddling, Jamie was babbling quietly with his head snuggled against his mother's shoulder. Jarah was resting her cheek against his forehead with closed eyes and slightly swayed from side to side. He quietly made his way back towards the front door, but stopped by the kitchen when he heard the voices of Maggie and Beth. He popped his head in and when both women looked at him expectantly, he cleared his throat.

 

“You looking after the kid again tonight, when we're outside?”

 

Maggie suppressed a grin. “Sure, always do...”

 

Daryl nodded and left without another word, to go back to the camp and get something to eat. Jarah would put Jamie to bed soon and he wanted to be done by the time she came out. 

 

 

She had barely even opened the door to come out, when she heard Daryl's deep voice. “Leave your knitting shit in the house, we gotta talk.”

 

Jarah looked at him confused, but put her box of wool down one of the small tables by the door, before she joined him outside. “Okaaaaaay,... what's up? Something wrong?”

 

“Not here. Come on” he jerked his head towards the stables and led the way. Jarah followed him back into the stall where they had spent some time together the previous night and smiled.

 

“Hey, did you check for spiders like you promised?”, she joked, but it didn't elicit the reaction she thought it would.

 

“Not in the mood for jokes, Jarah. Need to talk about things.” Daryl replied darkly. He had a lot of time to think today and there was stuff they had to talk about and discuss.

 

“So something is wrong,... what is it. Tell me.” Jarah sat down and motioned for him to keep talking.

 

He shook his head. “I need you to tell me something first. Tell me about your uncle... I wanna know what he did to you when you were a kid and I wanna know why you can talk about it like it was nothing.”

 

Jarah's eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What? How do you even know about that? Did Maggie tell you?”

 

“Was going to get milk from the house this morning. Heard you talking to the girl... You said all anybody had to do was ask. So I'm asking. What happened?”

 

Jarah sighed deeply. “Are you sure you wanna know? It'll probably not lighten your mood very much.”

 

“Girl,... don't start that shit up with me again” he growled, “told you, wouldn't ask if I wouldn't wanna know, now fucking tell me what he did!”, his voice increased in volume with every word. Anger was starting to fill every fiber of his being for the second time that day. He couldn't even explain, it just came over him when he thought about her being touched by some dirty creep.

 

“Alright, no need to yell, sit down. I'll tell you, but you gotta promise that once I'm done, that's it, okay? You need to let it go. No more talking about it.” she patted the space next to her on the haystack. Daryl took off his crossbow and placed it next to him after he sat.

 

“Promise. Now talk!”

 

“Started when I was six,... we were the only ones on a playground,... were sitting on a bench having ice cream. I can't remember what we talked about, but I remember when he asked _'Hey, remember how you told me about that thing you wanted to do to me?'_ I told him that I didn't know what he meant. He then proceeded to tell me, that I had said to him, that I wanted to kiss and lick him... you know... down there. I was sure that I had never ever said that, I KNEW I had never said that, but he insisted, told me I was all excited and really really wanted to do it and now he was looking forward to it and how it wouldn't be right to back out. Said that he would tell my parents that I made false promises and that they would punish me. I didn't feel like spending another 2 months in my room all by myself so... I went home with him... He would have me, you know... do what I supposedly said I wanted to do to him... wasn't much else...”

 

“He touch you?” Jarah looked at him, she could tell Daryl could barely contain himself with anger. His fists were clenching, his jaw was clenching, everything about him was so tense that it looked almost painful.

 

“Yeah, but he never raped me, and by that I mean he was never inside of me, never.”

 

Daryl looked at her and shook his head like he couldn't believe it. “How can you talk about it like it's nothing? You sound like you're talking about something you read in the paper or something.”

 

“Because Daryl, he was really smart about it. He put doubts in my head. I was doubting myself, I kept thinking, trying to remember if I had really said that shit to him. I am STILL doubting myself, up to this day! One of the reasons why I can't fully blame him, not even after almost 25 years. I KNOW, I couldn't have said that, I didn't even know the stuff that he wanted me to do..., but growing up, my parents always believed strangers more than they believed me, so I am really good at doubting myself, hell I was raised to always question myself, so I still am.”

 

Daryl got up and started pacing. “That's bullshit Jar, no way you would have ever said that to him. You were fucking six years old. Ain't no six year old in the world who would say something like that... to their uncle no less. Dirty sick motherfucker couldn't get it from a real women, so he manipulated an innocent little kid? Disgusting old fuck.”

 

“I know, but it's done. Just try to forget, I barely ever think about it. Somehow what my parents did all my life was way worse for me.”

 

Daryl rubbed his hands through his hair and walked back and forth in front of her for a couple of times, trying to process what she told him. After a moment he shook his head and bent down to grab the bottle of whiskey they had left there the other night. “ I need a drink... Never understood how someone could touch a child.”

 

“It's sick, I know,... I hope to God something like that will never happen to my son. I'll do everything I can to keep it from happening.” They sat in silence for a while. Daryl held the bottle over to her but she declined. “Nah can't have you getting me drunk again. Had a headache all day long. Well you wanted the story, you got it. Can we move on now?”

 

“I'm gonna find him and introduce his fucking dick to my arrows, one by one... “

 

“Daryl stop, it's in the past and also you would be too late. He died a couple years back. Heart attack. Just forget about him. I did.” She rubbed her hand over his back for a moment, then she laughed, “Do you realize that it's the second time you offered to kill for me? Why are you so invested in my peace of soul?”

 

Daryl's cheeks reddened. 'There goes my upper hand', he thought. He took another swig of whiskey and shrugged. “Just wanna help,.. wanted to the last time you needed it, but was too much of a pussy”, he admitted.

 

Jarah smiled surprised. “You mean when I was pregnant? Didn't really think you noticed me all that much”

 

“Wanted to help you every time you limped down the hallway. Carry you downstairs or shit, spare you some pain.”, he was resting his elbows on his knees and hung his head, so Jarah wouldn't be able to see his red face.

 

“Really? That's sweet, but I would have died from embarrassment had you gone through with it.”

 

Daryl laughed. “Figured you wanted to do it on your own anyway. Saw how proud you were when you got back.”

 

She laughed. “Why do I get the impression that you watched me quite a bit?”

 

Daryl shrugged and answered real quiet. “Maybe cause it's true...”

 

Jarah smiled and nudged him. “Well Mr... wait, what's your last name anyway?” She couldn't believe she hadn't asked him before. Must have slipped her mind.

 

“Dixon... “ 

 

“Ah okay... like D-I-C-K-son or what?” Jarah giggled.

 

Daryl laughed out loud, a sound that absolutely delighted Jarah.

 

“Girl, get your head out of the gutter... it's D-I-X-O-N.”

 

“Hm, like those really slim pencils?”, Jarah teased, making Daryl scoff.

 

“Stop!”

 

“Really? So you don't wanna know that I looked at you, too?” 

 

Daryl smirked. “Did you, now?”

 

“Yup, I did. Looking at you was pretty much the highlight of my pregnancy.” Jarah admitted with a smile.

 

Daryl was surprised. “All the other guys with their sixpacks and shit and you looked at me?”

 

“Yeah, I have great taste. And I'd take a guy with a nice voice and nice eyes who tells me to 'just order that shit online' over one with a six-pack who takes longer in the bathroom than me any day.” Jarah grinned.

 

Daryl's cheeks turned even redder, but he still looked up at her with a little smirk.

 

“I'll keep that in mind...”

 

Jarah reached over slowly and carefully took his hand in hers. “You do that,... “

 

Daryl looked down at her hand on top of his. He hesitated a second, but then he turned his palm up and slowly intertwined their fingers. 

 

“Jar, I think you should come with us, if the farmer wants us to leave. I thought about it all morning. You'd be safer with us. He and his daughters can't protect you. Not like we can.”

 

“Daryl, we talked about this. I can't. Jamie is a strong little fella, but the weeks on the road got to him. His health is not what it used to be, he has changed a lot and I can't do that to him again, not on purpose, he'll only get worse the next time.” Jarah explained to him once more.

 

“But what happens when we're gone and a herd comes through, like it happened to us on the highway? You might be able to fight a couple walkers, but you can't fight hundred AND protect little JD at the same time. Doesn't even have to be walkers, what if another group shows up that's not as friendly as we are?” Daryl countered, squeezing her hand.

 

“You're right Daryl, that could happen, but... God I don't know. I don't know what to do. But being on the roads for possibly weeks again, not being able to sleep properly, not knowing when we'll next get water or milk or anything...” 

 

“We gotta find shelter,... I wanna find something. Maybe I'll drive out in the next couple days, take a look what's out there. We could make it work,... If you come with us, I promise I'll protect you,... Both of you. You'll never be alone again.” Daryl tried to convince her.

 

Jarah squeezed his hand and looked in his eyes. “You're killing me here, I don't know what to say, Daryl.”

 

“I'll tell you what, I WILL find something,... even if Hershel asks us to leave tomorrow, doesn't matter, I'll find something that will work and when I do, I'll come back to get you. You'll both come with me, with us... think about it. 'Kay?” Daryl searched her eyes, he could sense he was close to having her on his side.

 

“Okay, I'll think about it, but then there's still Andrea and Lori I can't be around. And that fucker Shane, I don't want him near me.” Jarah said while playing with his fingers.

 

Daryl looked down and watched her do it. “We'll make something work,... you'll be safer, I'll never let anything happen to you again. Hey, look at me.” he tilted her chin up with his index finger to look deeply into her eyes, “That's a promise.”

 

Jarah lost herself in his intense gaze. She didn't even notice that she was leaning in closer. Daryl was sending out a quick prayer to all arachnids around to not screw this up for him again, then closed the gap between them, pressing his lips softly against hers, waiting for her to pull back. 

 

She didn't this time. She responded right away, her lips ghosting over his, sensually tickling him. The butterflies in her stomach were going so crazy, she felt like they were shooting up her throat, stealing her breath. Daryl's free hand slid up her arm and over her shoulder to rest against her neck, pulling her face closer to his. He deepened the kiss and taking advantage of her gasp, he let his tongue slide in between her lips. Little exciting shocks shot through both of them as their tongues touched.

 

Jarah moaned into his mouth and grabbed at his chest, bunching the material of his shirt in her fists as their tongues started ardently dueling in her mouth.

 

What seemed like an eternity later, they came up for breath. Daryl still didn't let go of her with his hands, he didn't want her to move too far from him.

 

“Damn Dixon, you don't fight fair. How am I supposed to say no to you now, when the time comes to decide whether to go or to stay?” Jarah asked out of breath.

 

“Don't want you saying no. And I'm gonna do everything it takes to make you say yes!” he rasped quickly, eager to get his mouth back on her. 

 

Jarah didn't get the chance to say anything else, not even a second later his tongue was back to teasing the tip of hers, efficiently distracting her from any thinking and decision-making.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9

 

Daryl was out of his mind. And he was hot. He felt like he was burning up, it wasn't an unpleasant sensation, though. Quite the opposite actually. His right fist was gripping the blue synthetic material of his sleeping bag, pulling on it so tightly he was close to ripping it.

 

“Daryl,...” he heard Jarah breathe against his ear a moment before he felt her softly tugging on the lobe with her teeth. Daryl wasn't able to answer, all that came out of his mouth was a deep groan. Jarah's skilled little fingers were working on his rock-hard cock, torturing him with slow but firm movements up and down his shaft. 

 

“Daryl,...”, he heard her voice again., “show me how you like it. I wanna make you feel good.”

 

His dick jumped in her hand at her words, another groan making it's way out of his mouth. He moved his left hand to cover hers around his dick and moved their hands a little faster. On every other upward stroke, he would move her thumb to rub over the tip. Jarah let him guide her for a minute, then she breathed in his ear again.

 

“Got it,... let go... I'm gonna take care of you.”

 

Daryl removed his hand from hers and let it fall on his sleeping bag, now gripping it with both hands. She was driving him insane. Her hand felt incredible. Fuck how he loved her fingers. Every time he watched her work on that crochet shit of hers he would imagine how they would feel on his body, especially on his dick and now he knew. And it was way better than he had ever imagined. He was gonna cum hard, he could feel it, the sensations she was causing so intense, they had him gritting his teeth and groaning like a mad men.

 

“Mmmm, Daryl... I love your cock... it feels so good in my hand,... fuck I can't wait to feel that big dick inside of me,... you want it faster, baby?” Her voice was deeper from her own lust, a sexy throaty sound sending even more shocks of lust to his dick, he could feel his balls start tightening.

 

“Fuck yeah...” he groaned, voice strained.

 

“Tell me,... tell me what you want” Jarah wanted to hear him say it.

 

“Faster,... faster Jar,... fuck yeah like that!” he was panting hard, her hand working him into a frenzy.

 

“That's it baby,... I want you to cum all over my hand,... now baby!”

 

That's all it took. He could feel his balls drawing up and a millisecond later he was going over the edge, his hips bucking like a wild horse, his dick convulsing, shooting hot jets of cum over her hand.

 

Daryl woke with a start. He was shaking and panting. He looked around the tent for a moment, not sure what was happening. Then he felt it. His underwear was wet and Jarah was nowhere to be seen. 

 

He sat up and rubbed his hands through his face and hair. He couldn't believe he'd had a wet dream and came in his pants like a fucking thirteen year old. He shouldn't have been that surprised, thought. The whiskey and his little make-out session with Jarah in the stables hours before had left him so horny he could barely think straight. After she had gone inside the house to sleep he had actually gone and picked up an axe and chopped some firewood to release some of the tension in his body and to tire himself out so he could go straight to sleep. Didn't that work out well? Not only did he have to change his underwear, no, now he also wouldn't be able to stop thinking about that dream.

 

Daryl quickly changed into some clean boxers and put his pants back on before covering himself with his sleeping back again. The same sleeping back he had almost torn apart in his dream. 'Stop' he was admonishing himself. He figured that it was still the middle of the night, way to early to be up. He needed to rest, he had to go back out into the woods in the morning to look for Sophia. He needed his senses to be sharp and not muddled by some fantasy.

 

He closed his eyes, but it did not do him any good. Sleep wouldn't come, only memories of kissing Jarah in the stables. How she felt underneath his hands, how her lips felt on his, how her tongue teased and tortured his, driving him crazy with want. It hadn't taken long for her to end up straddling his lap, both clinging to each other like it was their last day on earth, which theoretically could have been. You never know nowadays. He growled quietly when he remembered how she had bit his bottom lip during their little session, surprising him and making his dick harden inside its cotton prison. His hands had grabbed her a little harder then, earning him an appreciative moan from her. That had made him even harder, the realization that she might like it a little rough. 

 

She had stopped a while later, she had to get back to the house. Didn't want to burden the women of the house every night with keeping their ears open to any sounds coming out of the room she occupied with Jamie.

 

She had looked so sexy when she had pulled away from him, he was ready to grab her again and ravish her. Make her his. Her hair tousled and in disarray, cheeks pink, her pouty lips swollen and parted, panting a little. Man he needed to stop thinking about it or he'd end up having to take care of himself. He took a deep breath and willed himself to sleep, but it took another two hours until it worked and by then dawn was already coming up. It was going to be a long day.

 

 

The men were already gone when Jarah came out with Jamie late morning. Shane and Andrea went to the highway, while Rick, Glenn, T-Dog and Daryl went to check the woods once more. Jarah saw Carl wandering around and went up to him, letting Jamie take a couple of steps while holding him up.

 

“Hey Carl,... how you doin?”

 

“I'm good,... hi Jamie” The toddler started babbling excitedly and Jarah laughed. 

 

“I've been playing with him for almost two hours, but I think he might like another kid to play with. He's got a couple of toy cars... feel like entertaining him a little?” Jarah asked Carl and smiled when his face lit up.

 

“Sure, we can play over here, away from the fire. Cool, I'll get some practice playing with a baby. I'm gonna have a little brother soon. Or sister!”

 

Jarah almost fell over in shock, her mouth agape. “What????”

 

Carol came up to the three of them and smiled. “We just found out yesterday. Rick hopes that will convince Hershel to let us stay.”

 

“Uh huh,.. “ Jarah had no words. How could anyone be so careless in times like these? She left Jamie with Carl after she had spread out a blanket for them and went to sit down with Carol. 

 

“How are you holding up, Carol?” She asked and graciously accepted a mug of coffee from the older woman.

 

“I don't know Jarah,... I... I feel bad saying it, but I think Shane might be right. It's been so long now...” Carol admitted quietly.

 

“He wants to call the search off right? Daryl mentioned something about it a couple nights back.”

 

“Yes, thinks we're risking too much by having the men go out every day. I feel horrible, but I'm starting to agree. We can't lose them too.” Carol wiped away the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks.

 

Jarah reached over and squeezed her hand. “I know,... I understand.”

 

“I'm going to tell them when they get back tonight, not to go out anymore.”, she started sobbing, “does that make me a horrible person? To tell them to stop looking for my daughter?”

 

“No I don't think it makes you a horrible person, Carol. It's like you said, it has been so long... You just have to make sure that you REALLY want them to stop. That you are going to be okay never knowing what happened to her. For all we know she might have come across another group that took her in and one day they will find their way to the highway... or she might be,... “ Jarah couldn't bring herself to say that she might be dead. 

 

Carol understood what she meant and cried silently, thinking about what Jarah said. That she might have to accept that there would never be any closure for her.

 

“So,... Lori's pregnant? Can't imagine what that's gotta feel like... what it's gonna be like under these circumstances.” Jarah changed the topic.

 

“It'll be difficult I'm sure, but we'll make it work. Thank God we have Hershel, Lori had a C-Section with Carl, chances are high that she might need to have one again.” Carol explained. 

 

“Yeah... thank God” Jarah knew that not even God would be able to help Lori. In Jarah's eyes Lori was a dead woman walking. 

 

 

Jarah woke up at precisely 2 pm, gasping for air, not able to move, her whole body was tingling and pricking like pins and needles. Her stomach feeling like it was dropping down a bottomless pit. She took deep breaths in order to get her breathing under control. She didn't want to pass out. As soon as she was able to move she sat up, looked over to see Jamie still peacefully napping in his bed, and then proceeded to pull her knees up to her chest and rock herself back and forth to calm herself down. The last time she had an anxiety attack that intense her best friend had been hit by a drunk driver and was left to die on an empty road all alone. The time before that her beloved great-grandmother Elizabeth, the only person she had ever felt safe with as a child, had passed away in her sleep.

 

Something bad was going to happen. Death was going to happen.

 

It took twenty minutes until she was able to function again. She slowly got up and grabbed her boots, quietly leaving the room before she put them on. She had to make sure that Daryl was back safe and sound. If he wasn't she had to somehow convince Rick or Shane or whoever had made it back, to go look for him. They might call her silly, but her gut feeling had never failed her. 

 

She left the house but hadn't even reached the porch steps yet, when she saw Daryl running towards her. Her relief at seeing him was overshadowed by the bad feeling she was having. A look over to the campsite confirmed that something was happening. There was yelling, mostly by Shane from the looks of it, Glenn looked miserable, Dale seemed to be defending him... what the hell was going on? 

 

She didn't have to wait very long for an answer.

 

“Get back in the house! Now!” Daryl yelled towards her.

 

“What? Why, what's going on?” Daryl's urgency scared her. He leapt up the porch steps and grabbed her arms, looking directly into her eyes to make sure she understood he meant business.

 

“Just listen to me Jarah, you get back in that house, right now. Pack your stuff and stay in the bedroom with little JD until I tell you it's okay to come back out. Be ready to leave in case we have to. Until then don't do anything stupid and stay in that room with him. You got your knife?”

 

“Yeah, I do! What is happening?” Jarah's anxiety was starting to flare back up and in that moment she knew that her attack a couple of minutes ago, had once again been a warning of what was to come. So Daryl's answer didn't really shock her.

 

“The fucking barn's full of fucking walkers.”

 

Chapter 10

 

Gunshots. So many freaking gunshots. How many fucking walkers did they keep in that barn? 

 

Jarah had finished packing their things and left them by the door, ready to make a quick exit if necessary. She was crushing her son to her chest, pacing in front of the window, but she wasn't able to see anything. She figured that the group was putting the walkers down, but it still drove her crazy that she wasn't able to watch, make sure that no one was in danger of being attacked by one of those things. In her head she was imagining hundreds of zombies coming out of the barn and right at them. At the same time she was worried that this amount of noise would draw so many more walkers to the farm. 

 

She had to calm herself down. Jamie was picking up on her increasing stress level and was getting agitated himself. She moved the chair to the window and sat down with him on her lap. 

 

“It's okay sweetie, sorry, don't want to upset you. Mommy's not having a good day, that's all.” She settled him in his favorite position that had him straddling her left thigh and burying his face in her neck. She let her leg sway from side to side and quietly sang Neil Young's “Hey hey, my my” to her son. It was their favorite song. She had sung it to him since the day he was born and it always made him happy and calm.

 

Jamie soon settled back down and also the gunshots were quietening down. Suddenly it was eerily silent. It made Jarah want to break her promise to Daryl and run to the barn to see what happened. It took all of her willpower, but she stayed put. The single gunshot that rang out a couple of minutes later made her stomach drop to the floor once again, her blood running cold. She was sure that Death had come to visit the Greene farm. 

 

'################################# ################################

 

It took a while longer until she saw people making their way back to the house. Beth, Maggie, Patricia and Jimmy were all crying and supporting Hershel who looked like he was about to pass out. Glenn ushered them into the house, after Maggie had slapped Shane. Jarah spied Daryl walking towards the house by himself, his head hanging low, looking defeated.

 

Whatever happened seemed to be over so Jarah left her seat at the window with Jamie in her arms and went to get some answers. She found Glenn in the living room, bracing himself against the back of the couch with his head hung low, just like Daryl.

 

“Glenn,... what happened?”

 

“Hershel kept his family and neighbors in that barn and some other walkers Otis had stumbled across in the woods. Thought he could keep them safe there until there was a cure... Shane opened the barn,... we put them all down. His wife,... his friends... “ Glenn's voice was tired and shaking.

 

“Dear God,... he thought he could save them? That's why he kept it a secret, didn't he? He knew you would kill them,...”

 

“That's not all,... one of the walkers in the barn was Sophia... Rick had to shoot her in front of Carol.”

 

“Fuck... “ Jarah wasn't a woman of many words and what else was there to say. She had never met Sophia, but no child in the world deserved that kind of end Her heart went out to Carol who was the only one left behind of her family. At least she had closure and knew where her daughter was buried.

 

Jarah went outside and looked around. Everybody was busying themselves with digging graves and moving bodies. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't leave Jamie in the house by himself and help with the graves or the bodies. She thought about going to see if she could help Carol in any way, but if she would be in Carol's shoes, she wouldn't want people to crowd her. Especially not a mother and her baby, when she had just lost hers. 

 

She went back inside and started to prep dinner to be at least a little useful that day.

 

####################### #########################

 

Dinner was a quiet affair. Everyone had come in except for Carol, who stayed by herself in the RV, and Daryl, who had apparently decided to take a break from the group and had moved his tent quite a bit away from the house. She planned to bring him and Carol a plate later, she had already fixed them up and wrapped them before the others helped themselves to the food, to make sure they would have enough to eat and wouldn't have to go to sleep hungry. She figured eating was the last thing on Carol's mind right now, but she had to try. She was pulled from her thoughts by Hershel, who cleared his throat, indicating that he had something to say.

 

“In light of today's events, I have come to a decision regarding your stay. While I still disagree with the way the situation was handled, I see now, that I have been mistaken. I had hoped that I could save my family, keep them safe until someone would be able to help them,... I see now, that there is no help... and that those people were not my family anymore out there,... I realize the danger that is lurking outside now and therefore would like to invite everyone to stay in the house. Lori, Rick... considering the circumstances I would like to offer you my bedroom.”

 

Everyone at the table looked at each other, smiles starting to form on peoples faces, while Jarah froze. No more hiding in the house. Shane, Lori and Andrea would all be in there with her. 

 

“Hershel that is very kind of you, but we can't accept that. Where will you sleep?” Lori asked the elder man. 

 

“Trust me, the couch is fine. Spent a lot of nights there in the past. Please take my room. You will need all the comfort you can get.”

 

“Thank you, Hershel. Thank you!” Lori, Rick and Carl were smiling happily at each other, just like Glenn and Maggie. Everybody was making plans where they would sleep. 

 

“Excuse me,... we'll take a little walk. Fresh air at night before bed helps him sleep better.” Jarah got up and plucked Jamie from his high chair. She took him to their room and slipped into the straps of the baby carrier. Her son was already a little too big for it, but he was also a little too heavy by now for her to carry him all the way out to the field Daryl was staying on, and back. 

 

As soon as he was securely strapped to her front, Jarah grabbed the plates and went outside. She left one on the porch steps to take to Carol later, she wanted to get to Daryl first. She looked around and spied the glow of a fire in the distance. 'Smart guy, got as far away as he could while still staying on the land', she thought as she walked to his new campsite. She got closer and saw him sitting on an old wooden log by the fire, staring into the flames.

 

“Hey,... shitty day, huh?” she smiled carefully, not knowing what to expect, she hadn't known him that long after all.

 

Daryl ignored her. It's one of the worst things he could do to her. Getting the silent treatment triggered pretty much all of her insecurities at once and it made her nervous like hell. Even though she had gone through that kind of treatment for the bigger part of her life, she still didn't know how to act when it happened.

 

“I'm, uhm... I'm sorry about Sophia,...” she stuttered. 

 

“Are you? Didn't even care enough to show up to her service. That's how sorry you are.” he growled, still staring into the fire.

 

“It wasn't my place to be there, Daryl. I didn't know her, I don't know any of you, I barely know you and Carol. I was trying to be respectful by giving you guys some space to grieve and say goodbye amongst yourselves. I'm not part of your group!”

 

Daryl jumped up then, walking towards her, his voice rising.

 

“That's right, you're not! 'Cause you're not even trying. Hiding in that house all day long like a coward. Afraid of other women, my ass. What? Think you're better than us, 'cause you were married to some fancy ass doctor? They might be bitches, but at least they're not cowards. They fight! They do something. What do you do? Huh? Nothing, that's what. Get out of here. I don't want you here. Wanna keep your kid safe so badly? Then don't wander around outside at night with him strapped to your chest or he's gonna be the next kid with a bullet in his head.” he was right up in her face, yelling at her. Jarah didn't flinch though. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She knew he was lashing out, because he didn't know how else to deal with what had happened, that didn't keep his words from hurting her though. He hit a nerve and she knew that he did that on purpose to make her hurt like he was hurting. She was a mess on the inside in that moment, but years of experience helped her remain calm on the outside.

 

“I'm a careful person, I know how to keep him safe!” she told him with a calm voice.

 

“Go ahead and do it then. He's not my responsibility anyway. Go ahead, do it by yourself, I know you just love to do that. Now leave. GO!” he yelled and for a moment Jarah seriously thought he was gonna shove her, baby strapped to her or not. Thankfully he didn't, he just tried to stare her down. Not one to stay where she wasn't wanted, she shoved the plate of food at him, then turned and left, happy that her son was fast asleep against her chest and didn't have to witness that.

 

She took deep breaths on her way back. It wasn't the time to break down yet, she could do that when she and Jamie were back in their room, behind closed doors. She grabbed the plate for Carol and went to the RV. Carefully she knocked on the door before entering.

 

“Carol? Sorry, we are probably the last people you wanna see right now. I just wanted to bring you some dinner.” Jarah spoke quietly.

 

“It's okay, come in. You don't have to hide your son from me. He won't make me feel any sadder.” Carol read Jarah's mind.

 

Jarah unwrapped the plate and set it in front of Carol.

 

“I am not as good a cook as you, but please,... try to eat a little?” Jarah leaned against the counter and watched Carol nibble on some green beans. “I'm really sorry about your daughter.”

 

Carol nodded. “Thanks. In a way, deep down inside I knew she was gone. I had already started to accept it, but her being a walker... nothing could have prepared me for that... I told Daryl,... that I knew she was dead. He yelled at me,... he really thought he was going to find her.”

 

“Yeah he did... yelled at me, too, quite a bit just now.” Jarah told her with a sigh.

 

“He'll come around,... always does. He just doesn't know any other way to deal yet. And you know how it goes, we always hurt the ones we love the most.” Carol said. 

 

Jarah looked up at her startled. “Daryl doesn't love me!”

 

Carol smiled ever so slightly. “He likes you, cares about you. He and I have a connection,... that's why he is taking it out on us the most, I guess.”

 

“I barely know him,...” Jarah fiddled with one of the straps of the baby carrier.

 

“Then get to know him. Let him get to know you. You could have something good, but you will have to work on it. You both are more listeners than talkers, you'll have to learn to talk,... both of you, that way you can help each other.”

 

“He did talk alright, when he just yelled at me!” Jarah muttered.

 

“Jarah, you know what I mean. I watched you two. There's something good there, but it needs a lot of work. You forged a quick bond, because you've met before and it's what people do in desperate times like these. Obviously there's a lot of attraction, but that's not enough. You got to strengthen that bond. Make the effort.” Carol said, almost sternly.

 

Jarah nodded and blushed. “I'm so sorry Carol, I didn't come here to bother you with my problems.”

 

“You didn't,... we are there for each other, it's what we do,... The food was good, thank you. I think I'll try to sleep now. I'll see you in the morning.”

 

“Okay,... sleep tight, Carol. See you in the morning.” Jarah smiled and squeezed Carol's shoulder on her way out. 

 

She dreaded going back into the now crowded house. At least she had her own room to sleep in. She heard people talking when she entered and quietly snuck to her room. She really didn't have any more talk in her today.

 

After carefully putting Jamie in his bed she got herself ready for bed. For the first time in her adult life she felt lonely. She had always taken pride in the fact that she didn't mind being by herself for long periods of time. She didn't need anybody, she wasn't dependent on anybody. She didn't even miss her husband when he was gone to one of his medical conventions. Quite the opposite, she loved having the bed to herself. She had always liked sleeping alone.

 

That night, that was not the case. This was the first night in a couple of weeks she had spent without Daryl. They had never shared a bed, but they had shared each others company. The night before she had been in his arms for a short time and now she missed those arms.

 

She missed Daryl.

 

Chapter 11

 

The next morning Jarah sat propped against the headboard of her bed, looking at the sun coming up. She barely slept at all. Her mind just wouldn't settle down and was racing in circles. Daryl's outburst replaying over and over in her head. She knew that Daryl was right. She had been hiding in the house instead of dealing with the women like a grown up, but hiding was so much easier than having to face memories of her mother every time she talked to them. She would have to fight every day to even get out of bed and leave the room now and after a sleepless night like the last, she felt too weak to fight.

 

Her gaze shot to the door as she heard a light knock. She got up and opened the door quietly, meeting those beautiful blue eyes she had missed looking into last night. Daryl quickly averted his gaze and spoke quietly in order to not wake up the kid.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey,...” Jarah replied just as quiet, waiting for him to go on.

 

“Got a minute?” he asked, still not looking at her.

 

“Yeah, come in.” Jarah walked back to the bed. Daryl groaned inwardly. She was wearing the tiniest sleeping shorts he had ever seen. She might be tiny, but her legs went on for miles. He wanted to run his hands along the sun-kissed skin, part her legs and kiss every inch of those thighs, right up to her.... 

 

“So? What can I help you with?” Daryl was pulled from his thoughts by her tired voice. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him expectantly.

 

Daryl closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, eyes back on the floor.

 

“I'm sorry 'bout what happened last night. Feel like shit for yelling in front of the little dude.” he admitted.

 

“It's okay,... I forgive you for that,... just don't do it again. Thank god he was asleep this time, don't want him to be scared of you. But what you said,...” 

 

“Wasn't right,... you're not a coward. You got your reasons,... I just don't get it,...” Daryl interrupted her. He tried to understand why she wouldn't want to be around the women of the group at all. As far as he could tell, they had never done or said anything bad to her. He wanted her included in the group, so he could rightfully take her and her son with him, should they ever have to leave now.

 

“I know,... How can I be afraid of people I don't even know, right? I don't know how to explain it. They just remind me of my mother and that's bad. I call them 'dominant women'. Queen bees. Selfish, opportunistic, think they're right all the time, even though they're not. They just trigger so many bad memories.... There is still so much about each other we don't know Daryl. I feel like I've known you forever, but we've barely talked. All I know about you is your name, you're hot, a great kisser and that you're a guy with a good heart.” Jarah explained.

 

Daryl's eyes shot up at the last part and he had to fight a smirk. They weren't back to teasing each other yet, there were other things they had to talk about first. He would keep her words in mind for later though.

 

“Tell me something about your mom, then. I just wanna understand.” Daryl told her.

 

Jarah sighed and wrapped her arms around her chest. She hated going back there, but like Carol said, she had to make an effort. “She was evil,... truly evil in my eyes. The kind of person to push you down the stairs to make you break your neck if she got something good out of it. Every time a mother should protect her child, support it, have its back, she would be the one to push me in the line of fire, so to speak. She didn't want me, told me she hated me every day. She had these outbursts, she would just go ballistic at the littlest thing. She hit me with my school books, just beat me with them all the while yelling about stuff I wasn't to blame for..., but I never had a single mark on me unfortunately, so nobody would have ever believed me. Nobody believed that she was a horrible person either. It was creepy, she had two faces. She was the devil with me, as soon as the doorbell rang or in public if another person came by she would suddenly smile and laugh so big,... it was scary. Sometimes she would start telling me how worthless I was, how much of a failure, how I couldn't do anything right etc, and she wouldn't stop until I was crying so hard that I had to throw up. If she didn't want to see me for a couple of weeks, she would lie to my dad, tell him I did something wrong so I would get punished and wouldn't be allowed out of my room except for school. Well, that's pretty much all you need to know. The basics. There is so much more she did over the years, but that's it in a nutshell, Daryl.”

 

“And your Dad? He hit you, too?” he asked. He knew firsthand what it felt like to be treated like shit by their own parents.

 

“No, my Dad never laid a finger on me. He was more into yelling and putting pressure on me. Punishing me for what he thought were mistakes and bad grades. To be liked by my dad you had to be two things. Number 1: You had to be beautiful, but the only beautiful people in his eyes were blondes with blue eyes and killer bodies. Number 2: You had to be the best... in school, at your job, sports, whatever. Wanted me to be popular, but I wasn't. I was the weird kid with the huge bug eyes that had to be home by six, even when I was 16. As a kid, if I got invited to a birthday party, my dad would call the parents of the kid and had them send me home, before the party really started. I wasn't allowed to eat at other people's houses. Nobody was allowed to eat with us at our house. Said he wasn't working to feed other people's kids, so he wasn't expecting other people to do the same with me. Other parents felt sorry for me, I could see it in their eyes, the pity, but there was nothing they could do. Still they didn't want their children to have too much to do with me and my family.” Jarah had started crying while she went through her memories. That was one part of her childhood that really hurt her the most, “I stopped celebrating my own birthday when I was 13,... made no sense to do it anymore. Nobody wanted to come anyway, knowing they would be send home again. Until I had Jamie I always thought, that I really was to blame for all they did to me. That I was a horrible child. Now I know that I wasn't. I look at him and keep thinking 'how can parents do that stuff to their own child?' They were just sick sick people. Dissatisfied, unhappy, sick people.”

 

Daryl reached over and placed his hand on hers, squeezing lightly. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Me, too,... for what you had to go through!”, Jarah whispered.

 

Daryl looked at her confused, but then remembered that she had tended to his wounds the day he fell down the ravine. She had seen the scars.

 

“I'm not expecting you to tell me in exchange for my story.” she quickly added. 

 

“I know,... my old man was a lot like your mom. Just used belts instead of books. Let's leave it at that.”

 

“Guess we have more in common than we ever thought we would.” Jarah sighed, her gaze drawn to Jamie's bed. He was starting to wake up.

 

Daryl nodded. “I know it's gonna be tough, but you'll have to fight, Jar. Face your fear with everybody now living under the same roof. I'll have your back. Andrea is not that bad, just putting up a front,... Just try to avoid Lori. And Shane. Don't want that asshole near the two of you.”

 

Jarah snorted. “Think I want him around us? Have you seen his eyes? Those are serious crazy eyes. He's going off the deep end. One of these days he is gonna run amok and I'm sure Rick is the first on his kill list.”

 

“How do you know all that, you haven't been around them.” Daryl was surprised. 

 

“Told you I was a careful person. I watch people, too you know. I watched him a couple of times. Shane, I mean. Saw him whispering with Lori, the looks he gave her and the ones he shot Rick... Doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on. He thinks that baby is his and that Rick is in the way, can't protect them. What he doesn't know yet is that he won't have to fight Rick for Lori.”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Lori's not gonna make it, Daryl. Told you pregnancy and zombie apocalypse don't mix well. She's either gonna bite the dust in the next couple months during the pregnancy or during giving birth. She had a C-section with Carl, that means she will very probably need one again. Who's gonna do that? Hershel's a vet and we don't have what we need to do that kind of procedure. She's a goner, it's just a matter of time. There's so much that can go wrong in those 9 months.” Jarah explained matter-of-factly. 

 

“Guess you're right.” he watched her greet Jamie and get him out of his bed. The little dude was already smiling and babbling happily. Jarah sat back down with him on her lap next to Daryl and the hunter was surprised, when Jamie reached out his arms towards him. 

 

“Oh, I guess he wants to be on your lap. Is that okay?” Jarah asked carefully.

 

“Yeah sure, come here little fella. Man you're happy in the mornings, huh?” Daryl smiled at him and thought 'Well guess I'd be happy too if I'd wake up next to your momma.'

 

“Yeah most of the time he is. Watch your facial hair, he is fascinated with it and loves to pull on it.” Jarah warned and sure enough not two seconds later he felt a tug on his chin and heard Jamie squealing in delight. It made Daryl smile even more. The little one was kind of cool, he could get used to having him around. He thought about what Jarah had said earlier. How she looked at Jamie and couldn't imagine doing the things to him her parents did. Looking at him now, Daryl felt the same and he also felt a fierce sense of protectiveness.

 

“I'll get him some milk, he is thirsty as hell in the mornings. Is it okay if I leave him with you for a couple of minutes?” Jarah was pulling on a pair of sweatpants over her sleeping shorts while asking him. 

 

“No problem, we're doing fine over here”, Daryl responded and let Jamie explore his face with his tiny hands. Jarah left and Daryl smiled again as Jamie leaned his forehead against Daryl's and looked into his eyes giggling. 'What kind of sick fucks would hurt an innocent child like this and make them unhappy for the rest of their lives?' Daryl thought again. He instinctively tickled Jamie's ribs, having seen Jarah do that a couple of times, and got him to giggle even more. 

 

“I'm gonna help your momma protect you. I'll protect both of you. You just gotta convince your stubborn momma to let me. She likes doing things alone, but she doesn't have to do that anymore.” Daryl murmured. 

 

Seconds later Jarah came back with Jamie's sippy cup. Jamie plopped down on Daryl's lap and leaned back against the hunter's chest and started drinking greedily. Darly felt a little proud that Jamie stayed with him instead of reaching for his mother as soon as she got back. Jarah watched them, smiling silently. 

 

“So... we good?” Daryl broke the silence. 

 

“Yeah, we're good!” Jarah smiled and squeezed his hand once.

 

Daryl started smirking. “So all you know about me is that I'm hot and a good kisser?”

 

“I KNEW it!!!” Jarah laughed, slapping his arm. “I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass. But seriously, yeah there's not much more I know about you. I don't know how old you are for example.”

 

“I'm 38.”

 

“I figured it was something between 37 and 40. You got the skin of a 25 year old, though. I'm envious.” Jarah laughed.

 

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Daryl looked at her like she was insane.

 

“Means you got great skin. Makes you look younger.” Jarah explained. 

 

“Women... “ Daryl scoffed and shook his head. 

 

They kept talking for a while, He kept her company while she washed and dressed Jamie. Told her a bit about Merle and their hunting trips together.

 

When he was about to leave because she wanted to get dressed, she stopped him. She took his hand and pulled him a bit closer and bit her bottom lip.

 

“Soooo,... are you gonna move into the house now, too?”

 

“Don't know,... kinda like my space out there. Why? You want me to?” Daryl asked her, wanting to hear her say it.

 

“I'd like that, yeah... You could be our roommate. A bed could be nice for a change. It's big enough for the both of us and we're both adults, we can sleep in one bed. Jamie sleeps like a rock at night, he won't bother you. What do you say?”

 

“I'll be moved in by tonight.” Jarah grinned like a fool when he said that and placed a quick kiss on his chest. “Gotta go now, gotta talk to Rick about something. I'll see you later...” 

 

But he wasn't leaving. He was standing there chewing on his bottom lip, while staring at her mouth, wanting to kiss her again, but not sure if she wanted that now. 

 

Jarah got the hint and leaned up and kissed him softly. “See ya!”

 

Daryl nodded and quickly left, but Jarah still managed to catch a glimpse of his reddened cheeks. Without their liquid courage they were still a little awkward about the kissing.

 

Jarah watched his retreating back for a moment, before she forced herself to get changed. It was time for her to spend some time with the group.

 

Chapter 11

 

Jarah was trying to breathe deeply, trying to calm her nerves. By now everyone was up and taking their seats at the table to have breakfast, she could hear their voices all the way to their room. Earlier when she had gone to get some milk for Jamie only Patricia and Beth had been there, but now there were way more people around, making her heart race and the tingling feeling that came with her anxiety attacks starting to make itself known in her fingertips.

 

'NO!' she told herself insider her head. 'You have to do this, your son needs to eat. You have to socialize, not everybody is out to hurt you. Calm down, breathe, nice and easy.'

 

She took another moment to collect herself, reached for Jamie's hands and helped him up on his feet. A little walking practice before breakfast didn't hurt and he loved doing it. Together they made their way to the dining area. Jamie was already making their presence known by babbling up a storm and smiling his big happy smile when he saw everybody. He really loved people and Jarah was very glad about that. She didn't want him to be like her in that department. 

 

Jamie's happiness was contagious, they were greeted by big smiles, everybody watching him proudly walking towards his highchair with his mother's help. 

 

Dale was watching him like a proud grandpa. “Look at him, he's getting better every day! I've seen you practice with him outside a couple of times. He's not that shaky anymore. Good morning young fella, working up an appetite, huh?” he greeted the pair.

 

“Yeah and he is moving faster every day. Still walking on his tippy toes though, but he's still got a little bit of time, he is just 13 months. I think if it takes him another 4 months till he walks on his own, he is still in the normal range.” Jarah told him.

 

“He is absolutely beautiful, Jarah. Those big blue eyes and that smile,... Look at him, the way he kicks his leg up, he walks like a flamingo, how cute is that?” Andrea laughed.

 

Lori took a bite of her eggs and smiled. “I think Carl was 16 months when he started walking. He did it completely out of the blue though. Never made any move to do it and one day he just got up and walked a couple of steps. I would have loved to see my face then.”

 

“I can imagine. Sophia started a couple of day before her first birthday. She was early.” Carol joined the conversation.

 

Jarah nodded. “Yeah my pediatrician told me that girls start doing pretty much everything earlier than boys. Teething, walking, talking, funny how that works.” She put Jamie in his highchair and got some bread for him before taking a seat herself. She looked around and saw that Daryl and Rick weren't present. 'Probably talking outside' Jarah thought while cutting her son's breakfast into cubes he could grab and eat easily. 

 

“And all that hair. Did he have a lot of hair when he was born?”, Andrea asked her.

 

“Yeah not that long of course, but he had a lot. Much darker, like mine and a little curly back then, but that was probably from the water he was in for all those months. It still curls up when it gets wet. The nurses loved it, they would always touch it whenever they were in our room. Even the chief of the gynecology department couldn't help himself when he came to check on me once.” Jarah answered. She tried to stay calm and the happy mood in the room helped her relax a little, but she was still nervous talking to the women.

 

“Chief? Complicated birth?” Lori asked curiously.

 

“Uhm, not really. Just the circumstances were complicated and dangerous and nobody knew what to do, so when I was admitted I suddenly found myself surrounded by a total of 7 doctors who were all unsure of how to proceed.” Jarah smiled a little strained. All those questions started to overwhelm her a little. Lori started to look a little nervous herself, probably thinking about her own baby, so Jarah took the opportunity to end the conversation and cleared her throat, “but that's not really a conversation suited for a breakfast table. Especially with the guys around, don't want them to throw up their food. You know how squeamish they can get around those things.”

 

The woman laughed and agreed and T-Dog seemed to let out a breath he was holding. “Thank god, I respect you ladies for doing all that with the babies and all, but hearing about it in detail is really not necessary.”

 

Shane snorted. “Pussy.”

 

He quickly shut up though when Hershel shot him a stern look and Jarah was glad when the focus shifted away from her and the group started talking about something else. She felt proud though, she had taken the first step into the right direction and now she just needed to keep going.

 

################ ####################

 

“I'm telling you, man, we need a back-up.” Daryl has been trying to convince Rick for a while now that it would be smart to take a look around the area for a back-up base, in case something was going to happen to the farm.

 

“I'm not saying you're wrong, Daryl. Just let's wait a couple of days. Everyone is just getting settled in inside the house. Let them have a bit of peace and quiet, before we go back out on runs and searches. Everybody's been through a lot. A couple of days won't hurt, we're safe here.” Rick argued with him, but Daryl didn't share his opinion.

 

“I'm not saying we have to move there right away, I'm just saying let's go look what's out there and find something. Fix something up. Waiting is a waste of time. We got a baby to think about now... YOU got a baby on the way to think about. We can't sit our asses down and wait around. Nothing's safe anymore.” Daryl was getting agitated and when Rick just sighed instead of answering, he was ready to punch the wall.

 

“Fine have it your way. Wait around like sitting ducks. I'm going out after breakfast! I'm gonna make sure that at least one kid is gonna be as safe as possible.”

 

Rick narrowed his eyes. “Are you talking about Jarah and Jamie? So what? Now you just wanna find something where you can take them? Abandon the group?”

 

“We're done here!” Daryl went to leave, but Rick held him back. 

 

“Daryl, wait,... Just let me think about it over breakfast. Alright? The others feel safe here,... I don't want them to get upset thinking that they're not by telling them we are already looking for another place. We'll go... just let me come up with something to tell them first. Do we have a deal?”

 

Daryl nodded and went back to his camp out in the field, thinking 'Damn pussy's just scared of his bitch throwing a hissy fit.', but he was smart enough to keep that to himself. He started to take his tent down and pack his stuff to take it to Jarah's room while the others were still eating. Didn't need anyone commenting on what he was doing. They would notice him sleeping in there soon enough.

 

##################### ######################

 

After breakfast Jarah stayed around to help Beth with the dishes. Carl volunteered to play with Jamie and his toys, with Patricia promising to keep an eye on them. She took the kids to the living room and Jarah had to laugh herself sometimes, when she heard her baby laughing so much he was out of breath. Carl was being great with him. Should Lori's baby survive, he would make an excellent older brother.

 

An hour later the dishes were clean and the kitchen was back in tip-top shape. Jarah joined the kids in the living room. Jamie climed into her lap as soon as she sat down and tried to give her a kiss. It ended with Carl laughing his ass off. Jamie wasn't able to grasp the concept of how kissing worked yet, so his kisses were hardcore bites. Jarah tried to turn her face in time, but the little casanova had grabbed her hair on both sides of her face so hard, she couldn't move away and a second later she felt his new teeth digging themselves into her chin. Jamie thought her cries of pain were pretty funny and it made him bite even harder and at the same time he started jumping up and down, like he always did when he was excited. Jarah desperately tried to push him away from her a bit and it must have looked so funny, that even Patricia was laughing, along with Carl. 

 

Finally he let go and Jarah was making a face. “Dear lord, you aren't growing teeth, you're growing railroad spikes. A little help would have been nice.” She complained to the other two. It was all in good fun though. She was used to Jamie using her as a chew toy and she could never be mad at him. 

 

Carl pointed at her chin. “He really got you good. Looks funny with the little marks.”

 

Jarah laughed. “Awesome. At least I'm not bleeding this time.”

 

“Weeeell, you are actually. A little bit.” Carl told her.

 

“Oh really? Damn. I'll go wash it off. You got him?” she asked Patricia, who nodded in turn.

 

“Sure, go ahead, we're here!”

 

Jarah went to the bathroom and then to her room to put something on her little bite mark. She smiled when she noticed all of Daryl's things already being in there. It made her insanely happy. She didn't know what was happening or what was going to happen, but what she knew was, that Daryl was special. She had never ever wanted to share her space with anyone. She loved her husband, sure, but even he was only tolerated in her bed at night. Just like Daryl, she liked her space. Well, she had liked it, now she was happy to share it with him. She thought back to what Carol had told her the night before. That Carol and Daryl shared a connection. Maybe she shared one with him as well, albeit a slightly different one than Carol or the one she'd had with her husband. Whatever it was, it was new to her, but very very welcome.

 

############################### #########################

 

Around six o'clock that night Jarah and Jamie retreated back into their room after an early dinner. Playing with Carl had worn the little boy out and after only napping an hour instead of three Jamie got tired and grumpy pretty early. Jarah didn't mind. Having breakfast with the whole group and lunch with some of them had been enough for the first day of trying to include herself more and she was yearning for some alone time. 

Jamie fell asleep quickly as usual. Jarah spread out on the bed on her back and took a deep relaxing breath. She tried to decide on what to do tonight. She didn't feel like crocheting or reading. She wished her MP3-player would still work, she really felt like listening to some music and singing along to it. One of the things she missed most. She couldn't sing, wouldn't be able to carry a tune if someone put it in a bucket for her, but she still loved doing it. It made her happy and relaxed and she could really use that right now, she had been in a constant state of tense today and her body ached all over. But since music wasn't an option she closed her eyes and tried to think of happier times and memories that made her laugh instead.

 

Over an hour later a light knock on the door made her open her eyes. Daryl walked in, making her smile even bigger.

 

“You live here, too now, you know? Don't have to knock when you're about to come in, Daryl!”

 

“You been sleeping?” he asked after closing the door quietly behind him.

 

“Nah, I was just relaxing, thinking of some funny stuff. Where were you all day?”

 

“Went out looking around the area with Rick. Told you I wanted to find something good enough for you and little JD to come with us.” He sat on the edge of the bed, taking off his boots.

 

“Right, didn't know you were going today. Find anything?” she asked, starting to sit up and stretch her aching muscles. 

 

“No not yet. Guess it will take some time, but I'm sure we'll find something. What's wrong? You hurt yourself?”he asked concerned when he noticed her pained expression while she was stretching.

 

“No I'm just really sore, I was so tense all day and now I'm paying the price.”

 

He nodded and scooted himself backwards to the middle of the bed with his back propped up against the headboard and motioned for her to scoot back against him. “Come here... “ he murmured and Jarah did as she was told and settled herself between his parted legs with her back to him. Daryl put his hands on her shoulders and started massaging the tense muscles in her neck with his thumbs. “Heard you had breakfast with the group today,... “ he murmured quietly while working on her.

 

“Yeah, it was tough, but it went well. Still a little overwhelming, they asked a lot of questions, but I guess it will get better with each day... Mmmmm God, you're good with those hands of yours...” Jarah moaned, letting her head fall forward to give him better access.

 

Daryl blushed a little, suddenly remembering that very vivid dream he'd had a couple nights back, the one that had him change his pants in the middle of the night, because he had cum inside his boxers like a teenager. This was the first time he was close to her since their kissing session in the stables and the way she was moaning now paired with the memories made his traitorous dick stir in his pants. He quickly let go of her and sat back on the edge of the bed.

 

'What am I doing? I can't sleep here! What if I get wood and cum again at night? Her kid is present. Shit I can't do this!', Daryl's mind was racing, while Jarah was left sitting on the bed confused.

 

“Uhm thanks,... that was nice... You okay?” 

 

“Yeah fine,... why shouldn't I be?” he shot back.

 

“Don't know, just asking... Hey, wanna go out for a walk or something? Beth doesn't mind keeping her ears open for an hour until we get back.” Jarah smiled, but Daryl kept his eyes fixed on the floor and shrugged.

 

“Don't you wanna stay here? Look after your kid yourself? You can go to sleep early for once. I'll get out of your hair, I think I'll take watch.”

 

Jarah frowned. “Okay, seriously. What's wrong?”

 

“Told you. Nothing’s wrong!”

 

“Then why are you all weird all of a sudden? You won't even look at me.”

 

“Just feels weird,... touching you...” Daryl tried to explain without giving too much away.

 

“It feels weird touching me? Mhm,... okay, then don't. I'm not forcing you, too.” Jarah said in a calm voice. She wasn't upset, she knew Daryl could be just as awkward as her, they were just awkward about different things. Up until now the only time he had kind of “made a move” was when he had whiskey to help him. Jarah was sure that like her, he hadn't had a ton of relationships in the past and didn't have a lot of game, but that's what she liked about him. She disliked men who were too sure of themselves.

 

“Not what I meant,... I... little dude is right next to us.” Daryl elaborated.

 

“Oh,... yeah he is, but he is sleeping and besides, you were just giving me a neck rub, it's not like we're rolling around naked in here. Not that I'd mind... “ she tried to lighten the mood again.

 

Daryl blushed and couldn't fight a little smirk. “Stop,... he can hear you.”

 

“Yeah, but he still doesn't understand what I'm saying, so please, relax, okay?” Jarah put her hand on his arm, squeezing his biceps lightly. Daryl looked back at her, chewing the inside of his lip, but nodded. 

 

“Besides, I've heard in a Mommy and Me class that actually a lot of couples have sex with their newborn sleeping in the same room”

 

Daryl looked at her like she was insane. “That's fucked up”

 

“Every couple needs to make that decision for themselves, but I sure as hell wouldn't be able to go through with it. So don't worry, I won't attack you and jump your bones in the middle of the night as long as he is right next to us. You're safe.” Jarah joked.

 

Daryl was half relieved and half disappointed by her statement. She was right, if they wanted to repeat what they did in the stables, they would always have to sneak out. No spontaneous make-out sessions in the middle of the night that would lead to them taking the next step. Not that having sex with her was the only thing he wanted from her, but still a man got needs and he wanted and needed her and would eventually want to go there with her. He thought they would just have to get creative about it when the time came.

 

They both got ready for bed. Jarah came back from the bathroom wearing those ridiculously tiny black sleeping shorts again, but even worse, he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath her white tank top. She was going to be the death of him. Jarah got into bed and looked over at him.

 

“Do you always sleep in your jeans and shirt? If you're doing it for my benefit, don't! Get comfortable!” 

 

“No, I'm good. I'd rather be ready to fight in a second instead of comfortable.”, Daryl wouldn't admit it, but that of course wasn't the only reason. He felt safer sleeping fully clothed, because he was scared she would trigger another dream if she somehow ended up pressing her half naked body against his half naked body in the middle of the night. He didn't want to make a fool of himself during the first night he spent in bed with her.

 

“Okay, just wanted to make it clear that I wouldn't mind you getting undressed.”, Jarah told him.

 

Daryl smiled and turned on his side to face her, feeling his “upper hand” coming back to him.

 

“You know that's the second time you said you wanna see me naked. Thought I was supposed to be safe in here?”

 

“You are,... I just enjoy a nice view like everybody else.” Jarah laughed quietly. She carefully slid a little closer to him and smiled up at him. “You know... I took a big step today... I had breakfast and lunch with people from the group,... Even Lori and Andrea...”

 

“Yeah, that's good,... and?” he didn't know where she was going with this.

 

“I was wondering if I would get a reward...”

 

Daryl stiffened and tried to play stupid. “Like a cookie or something?”

 

Jarah smiled and linked her hand with his, pulling him closer. “We don't have cookies,... but I'd take a kiss,...”

 

Daryl wanted to be strong and not do anything with her with the kid in the room, but the desire to kiss her again was stronger. His gaze wandered to the small bed next to theirs, then back to her face. Her beautiful big eyes staring up at him, waiting for him to make a move, her lips waiting for him to taste them again. 

 

'What the hell, a little kissing won't hurt', Daryl thought and brought his hand to her hips to pull her against his body. He captured her lips with his, fully intent on keeping it as innocent as possible. Jarah had other ideas though. She wanted to feel him the way she had in the stables: intense, passionate and a little rough and so far she knew one way to make him forget his good intentions. She traced her tongue along his bottom lip before gently biting down on it. Daryl's response was exhilarating. His deep groan reverberated through her whole body, touching every nerve ending and making her shiver. He pulled her flush against his body and broke away from her lips for a moment, kissing up her jaw to her ear.

 

“I know what you're doing,... you're a bad girl. “ he rasped in her ear.

 

“So? Are you gonna do something about it?”, she whispered out of breath.

 

“You'll have to wait and see...” Daryl teased before claiming her lips again. He knew she was playing dirty, but in that moment he felt too good to care. He was a lost cause when Jarah was involved.

################################# #############

Chapter 13

 

Daryl and Jarah didn't go much further that night. As soon as Jarah's hands started roaming his torso, he got a little bit TOO much into it. He remembered that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath that top she was wearing and his hands were itching to slide up there, but he couldn't, but his dick was not on his side. When he felt himself start to harden his eyes kept flicking over the Jamie's bed.

 

“Would you relax? He's asleep and we're not doing anything that would traumatize him.” Jarah giggled out of breath.

 

Daryl looked over at the bed again for a moment, making sure the little one didn't stir. When he was sure he pressed his lips against hers again, trying to relax and shut his brain off. Her tongue glidling against his in his mouth again almost got him there, but only a couple of seconds later he froze. Jamie was moving around, turning from laying on his right side over to laying on his left side. Daryl pushed Jarah away from him a little and sighed. “We gotta stop,... It's late anyway!”

 

Jarah just wanted to giggle and laugh. She didn't mind Daryl's behavior, she loved it. It was so freaking adorable that he was so worried about Jamie seeing them and being traumatized for the rest of his life. She untangled herself from him a little but stayed in his arms. She had missed them so much the previous night, she was not about to get out of them anytime soon now that she had them wrapped around her body. 

 

“You would be one of those guys who would refuse to have sex with their pregnant partner out of fear of hurting the baby in the process, right?” Jarah asked whispering. She could just picture him freaking out about that.

 

“Probably... but do pregnant woman even wanna do it?” he was genuinely curious. He figured with all the extra weight they were probably too tired to wanna do anything.

 

“Hell yeah, you have no idea. Once the nausea was gone it was like being nauseous had turned into being horny.” Jarah laughed, remembering how bad it had been on some days.

 

“Really? Even you? I saw how much you were hurting, getting laid must have been the last thing on your mind.”

 

“You're wrong. I was hurting, tired, pissed off, hungry,... God I was hungry,... but I still wanted to get laid SO badly, I wanted to pull my hair out sometimes. Hungry and horny kind of were my biggest problems as long as I didn't have to move.” Jarah told him.

 

That reminded Daryl of something. When he'd worked in her building he had noticed her getting skinnier and skinnier with every passing week. “Why didn't you eat then, you were skin and bones! And don't tell me you were afraid of getting fat or I'll spank your ass, girl.” he threatened. 

 

Jarah smirked and contemplated telling him just that to see if he'd go through with it. Daryl knew what she was thinking about and gave her a stern look. “Don't...”

 

“Alright, I'll be good, promise.” she snuggled her head against his broad shoulder and explained what he wanted to know. “When I was six months along I developed gestational diabetes. Had to inject insulin every night in addition to the blood thinners. Three needles in my belly every day, I was so freaking scared I would hit Jamie with one. Anyway I was in culinary hell so to speak. I love eating and when all that happened I wasn't allowed to eat pretty much anything. I had a list of things I wasn't supposed to eat during the pregnancy, because some things could have bacteria that could hurt the baby and then with the diabetes, I got another list of things I wasn't allowed to eat or not allowed to eat a lot of. But I was so scared of hurting my baby that I stuck strictly to the 'safe' foods. So literally all I ate for four months was steamed broccoli and cauliflower and some meat here and there. At 43 weeks pregnant, one day before they induced labor, I actually weighed about five pounds less than the day I got pregnant. Guess the Powers that Be really like to test how much I can take.”

 

Daryl listened to her intently. He never thought he would ever feel like he did now. He felt content and happy. Having her in his arms, listening to her talk, getting answers he never thought he would get, it felt deeply satisfying and somehow peaceful. He heard Jarah chuckle, “I couldn't wait for him to get out of me. The maternity ward had a breakfast buffet and there was a ton of little packs of Nutella with my name on them. Pushed him out at 22.41 pm, the next morning at exactly 7 am I stood in front of the door of the buffet room, waiting for them to open. As soon as those doors opened all bets were off. I stuffed my face with everything they had, seriously. Almost had to throw up afterward, but it was worth it. I looked disgusting, my chest was so bony I looked like a skeleton, I was happy to put on a few pounds.”

 

Daryl smiled and squeezed her hard for a moment. “Good! We should sleep,... having breakfast with us again?”

 

“I think so,... yeah. I have to keep going.”, she yawned and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “Goodnight, sleep tight”

 

“You too.” Daryl whispered, his arms still tightly wrapped around her. He rested his mouth against her forehead, placing the faintest of kisses there before falling asleep.

 

######################### #######################################

 

The next morning when Jarah felt herself wake up, she kept her eyes closed and listened to find out if Jamie was awake and had woken her up or if she had woken up by herself and would therefore be able to enjoy some cuddle time with her pillow. She grinned when she remembered that her pillow had been Daryl this time and turned on her side to snuggle up to him. She was met with cold sheets.

 

“What's wrong, momma? Missing anything?”

 

Jarah's eyes snapped open when she heard Daryl's voice from behind her. Only he sounded different than he usually did. Jarah turned on her back and the sight that greeted her made her ovaries go crazy.

 

Daryl was leaning back against the windowsill, half-sitting on it. He held Jamie in his arms, who was still in his white sleeping bag with the cute little brown teddy bears on it, both of their hair all rumpled from sleeping. Jamie was snuggling his face against Daryl's shoulder, much like Jarah did before she fell asleep, and he was smiling a little peaceful smile while one of his tiny chubby little hands played with one of the buttons on Daryl's shirt. And Daryl fucking Dixon was using what she guessed was his equivalent of a baby voice, a little softer and a little higher. She could have jumped him right then and there. 

 

“I was already up when he woke up. Thought I would get him out, let you sleep a little longer. That okay?” he asked her, biting the inside of his lip when he was done talking, like he often did when he was nervous.

 

Jarah smiled and got out of bed to walk up to them. She kissed Jamie's cheek first, then she kissed Daryl, firm and long, trying to tell him just how okay it is. “Thank you! That's really sweet!”, she told him and quickly settled herself against his other side, wrapping her arms around him and Jamie, mirroring her son by laying her head against his unoccupied shoulder. She was in heaven. In that moment it was like the world was the most peaceful place and no zombie apocalypse had ever happened. Daryl wrapped his arm around her, too and held both of them pressed to him. He was suddenly overcome with emotion. This was what a family would do, a happy family. The one he had always secretly wished for. Jarah was giving him something that he wanted the most in life. Both of them did. The feelings that were coursing through Daryl in that moment were sheer overwhelming. Daryl had to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall. He was getting nervous and agitated. He was happy, yes, but what was happening inside of him right now, he didn't know how to deal with it. He couldn't even name the feelings he had. He'd never experienced them before and it was making him scared. He was scared that he would fuck it up and wouldn't be able to give them what they needed and that he would lose them, because he was too emotionally stunted. He needed to get out of there and clear his head.

 

Jarah felt him getting fidgety. She was a little sad that the moment was over, but it was okay. She had enjoyed it and absorbed the feeling deeply inside of her to always remember it. She pulled away and smiled at him, while she plucked Jamie from his grasp. “I guess I'll get us ready for breakfast. See you downstairs?”

 

Daryl nodded and quickly got out, glad that she never made a fuss about things, but took them in stride. He came back in a second later, muttering that he'd forgotten his crossbow, then quickly left again after grabbing his favorite weapon. Jarah got the feeling that she probably wasn't going to see him at breakfast after all. He seemed eager to get out of the house.

 

############## #########################

 

She was right, Daryl didn't show up for breakfast, but she still made the effort of talking to people. They didn't ask as many questions as the day before, but tried to include her and ask for her opinion. Jarah could deal with that. She was still itching to get up and leave the whole time, but it was bearable.

 

During the course of the morning she spent some time with Carol. Both of them had their crafting materials with them and sat at the table working, while Jamie was playing with his toys. He was good at keeping himself occupied for a little while, giving Jarah some time to sit back and do something she enjoyed during the day. She often thought that it was what kept her from going insane after a little over 13 months of being completely alone with him. His father only showed up every other week for an hour and even then she had to entertain Jamie herself, because Jackson just wasn't able to connect with him and mostly just looked at him instead of interacting.

 

“It's though for you isn't it? Having us inside the house now?” Carol started the conversation while she was busy mending some of the group's clothes. “Daryl mentioned you're having a hard time with it.”

 

Daryl had talked to Carol about her? When did that happen? Must have been last night at dinner. Wait, if it was at dinner, then everybody heard them talking and that meant everybody knew she had a hard time with them. Was that why they were so nice this morning? Did Daryl say something to them? Jarah's mind was racing and she cleared her throat.

 

“He told you that? Did he tell anyone else?” she asked the older woman.

 

“No no he didn't. If you hadn't noticed he doesn't really start conversations with anybody, but you... well or me. Don't be mad at him, I asked him because you seemed uncomfortable at breakfast. Didn't want to pry, I was just worried.”

 

“It's okay,... I have social anxiety,... takes some time for me to getting used to having this many people around. It's getting better with each day though. The first week is the hardest, after that it is for the most part smooth sailing. There will still be people I just won't be able to warm up to and others I'll just love to death. It's like two big extremes,... I already like you a lot,... if you were wondering,... Oh my god that sounded really stupid.” Jarah blushed and laughed embarrassed, making Carol smile.

 

“No it didn't, I'm glad. I like you, too, Jarah. You'll be just fine, I'm sure. The group likes you, we still don't know you a whole lot, but from what I can tell everybody likes you.” Carol looked at her and added carefully, “Andrea and Lori like you, too... Daryl told me they are especially hard for you to be around, but you can trust me, they aren't bad people. They won't hurt you. I think they would really like to get to know you better. Think you could give that a chance? I'll be there...”

 

“I can't promise anything, other than that I'll try.” Jarah sighed. She put her crochet hook down and squeezed Carol's arm real quick. “Thank you Carol.”

 

“No problem, sweetie. We're here for each other, all of us. I'll help if I can. Daryl is really proud of you by the way.”

 

Jarah's eyes shot up from her work and she looked at Carol surprised. “What? What do you mean?”

 

“You know the night he yelled at you, he wasn't mad at you. Not really. He was worried about you. He was worried that he would have to leave you behind, because you kept your distance from us. I don't think if push came to shove, that Rick would ever kick you and Jamie out or leave you behind, but Daryl thought he might if you didn't include yourself more. He was mad that you didn't seem to make an effort. I think he felt a little rejected, like you maybe didn't want to go with him as much as he would want to take you with him. When I told him yesterday that you spent time with us he was very very proud.”

 

Jarah blushed and pulled at the corners of the square she was currently working on, keeping her eyes on the table instead of looking over at Carol. “Did he tell you that?” she asked Carol, who in turn let out a little laugh.

 

“Not in so many words, but we know and understand each other pretty well. He might be a grown man, but he is still very young where some things are concerned. Be patient with him. And try not to hurt each other. We're all damaged and it's easy to take cheap shots. Try not to. Don't worry, I told him the same.” Carol smiled, nudging Jarah slightly. 

 

“Thank you, Carol. It's great to see you holding up okay. If you ever need to talk about something, I'm a good listener.” Jarah offered.

 

“I know,... thank you. I'm working through it. It's hard, but I'll get there.” Carol suddenly sniffed the air. “Is it just me or does someone have a smelly diaper?”

 

Jarah got up and went to pick up her son. “Oh yeah, super smelly. Sweet Jesus. Come on baby, let's get you changed.”

 

She took him to their room and quickly cleaned him up. She took the opportunity to check how she was doing on diapers. She had packed every box she'd had when they had to leave Atlanta, but unfortunately she was running dangerously low now. 

 

“Time to take a trip, but without you sweetie. No more adventure time for you.” she told Jamie who had grabbed some diapers and started throwing them around the room. Jarah let him for a moment. It gave her time to gather her knives and strap them to her legs. Her axe was already in her car. She grabbed some bags and went back to Carol.

 

“Hey I gotta make a quick run into town. He needs diapers and some ointment for his sore spots, they're getting worse unfortunately, fucking teething really did a number on him this time. Anyway, I'll be back in an hour, two hour tops! Can you watch him?”

 

Carol looked at her like she was crazy. “You want to go into town? On your own? You can't do that! It's too dangerous.”

 

“I'm careful. Used to do it all the time. Don't worry.” Jarah reassured her. She cuddled and kissed Jamie before handing him over to Carol and went to leave the house.

 

“Jarah no, please. At least wait until Daryl and Rick are back. Or until the others are back from gun practice. You need someone to back you up!” Carol pleaded with her, but Jarah just shook her head. 

 

“Don't worry, Carol. Really I know what I'm doing. I've always done it by myself. I don't need anyone to back me up.” And with that Jarah got into her SUV and drove off. She knew what she was capable of and a quick supply run wasn't something she couldn't take care of by herself. She had always provided for her son, no reason to stop now and put that responsibility on somebody else.

 

#################### ######################

 

Dale was up on the RV, looking out over the fields when he noticed Jarah driving off the farm. He saw Carol and Jamie standing on the porch and quickly went over to them after climbing down the ladder. “What the hell is she doing???”

 

“She is going to get diapers for Jamie. I tried to keep her from going, but she said it was no big deal. What do we do?”

 

“Pray? Nothing else we can do now, everybody else is gone. Come on, let's go inside and keep the little fella occupied.”, Dale put his and on her arm and guided her inside, both of them hoping that Jarah would return quickly, safe and sound.

 

A half hour later they heard a sound they were dreading. A motorcycle. Daryl was back.

 

Dale and Carol looked at each other and Dale sighed. “Well, here goes nothing.”

 

Daryl entered the house a couple of minutes later and nodded in greeting. “Hey!”

 

Both replied in unison. “Hey...”

 

Daryl walked into the kitchen to get some water and when he got back he noticed that something was off. He had already felt it when he drove up to the house, he just couldn't put his finger on it. He looked at Jamie and then up at Carol.

 

“Jarah sleeping?”

 

Carol cleared her throat. “No,... she's not here Daryl. She went into town for supplies.”

 

Suddenly he knew what had been off when he came back. Her car was missing.

 

Daryl saw red.

 

Chapter 14

 

“The hell do you mean, she went into town?” he practically growled, walking up to Carol. She had expected this kind of reaction, that's why she didn't flinch when he got in her face. Daryl tried to stare her down, but it wasn't working. Frustrated he backed off and started pacing.

 

“And you two let her? Just watched her walk out of here, wished her a happy trip or what?” he started raising his voice, only stopping himself from full-on yelling, when Jamie started to whimper.

 

“Daryl calm down. Carol tried to keep her from going, but Jarah just left like it wasn't a big deal. And maybe it isn't... she has managed to keep herself AND her baby alive. She can take care of herself, obviously.” Dale tried to talk him down, but Daryl wouldn't have it.

 

“Where did she go?” he was furious, he was barely able to contain his anger.

 

“All I know is that she wanted to go into town to get diapers and some kind of ointment. That's it.” Carol told him and she was barely finished when Daryl already stormed back out of the house. Seconds later they heard his bike rev up and he was gone leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

 

#################### #####################

 

Meanwhile Jarah was already making quick work of the few walkers she encountered in the small store she had picked to check for diapers. She worked quickly, quietly and methodically. This time she had the advantage of being able to move more freely and with less noise, since Jamie wasn't with her. She worked her way through every aisle from front to back and side to side. Sneak up from behind if possible, knife to the head. Use the first walker to get some blood and guts on her, even though it made her almost throw up. This time she didn't have to be super careful and make sure that Jamie wouldn't get any on him. He was still sticking everything into his mouth and that would have been a disaster. Once she was covered in the icky disgusting stuff, she went on to the next walker and the next and the next until she was sure the store was cleared. So far she had gotten lucky and the stores she had been to, hadn't been very crowded with walkers. She quickly got the bags she had left by the door and started to gather what she needed, keeping an eye out for things the group might need as well.

 

################# #######################

 

Daryl was beyond livid. He couldn't believe she would be this stupid. He was sure that he had never been this angry in his entire life, he just wanted to grab her and smack some sense into her. And yell, yes he wanted to yell at her at the top of his lungs until the cows came home. And if he found her alive, he would do it, this time she she would not be able to hide behind her kid.

 

He quickly got to where he thought she might have gone and sure enough he saw her car parked at the end of the street. That made him even more furious, because now it was real. She had really come here all by herself. No mistake there, she was here. Now he just had to go look for her and when he found her, may God have mercy on her, because he wouldn't.

 

##################### ##################

 

Jarah froze when she heard the front door of the store open, followed by silent footsteps. Didn't sound like a walker. Another survivor could mean even more trouble than a walker. A walker didn't have guns and walkers were easier to kill. Jarah had never killed a human and she didn't want to start now. She was crouched down in the baby aisle in front of the baby formula. She wanted to grab as many as possible for Lori's baby. If it survived and Lori didn't, they would need a ton of that stuff. 

 

She moved to the edge of the shelf and stayed down with her back against it, waiting for the other person to walk up. She stayed completely still, breathing evenly and focusing on the approaching footsteps. These days she was extremely grateful about the boxing and martial arts classes she took as a teenager, they really paid off now. She waited until the persons legs came into view and quick like snake she struck, ramming her elbow into the back of the other person's knee, making them drop to their knees. A swift kick to the chest made them fall back and in an instant Jarah was on top of them, pressing her knife against their throat. 

 

“Daryl??? What the hell are you doing here?” Jarah was beyond surprised, but also relieved. She sheathed her knife and sat up giving him some space to gather his bearings.

 

Daryl had wanted to yell at her, but right now he was too stunned to do anything. Had that tiny itty bitty thing of a woman really just taken him down without even breaking a sweat? And she had called him a ninja... 

 

“Daryl, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Jarah was starting to get worried that he might have hit his head pretty hard when he fell back, but he was fine. Pissed, but fine.

 

“Get the fuck off of me!” he pushed her off and got up instantly getting in her face. “The fuck do you think you're doing? Are you out of your fucking mind coming here alone? Have a death wish or something? What about your son? Ever thought about him? Who's supposed to take care of him? Me? He isn't mine! But I'll be the one who has to tell him that his stupid, stubborn mother got herself killed because she's too proud to ask for help.”

 

Jarah looked at him unimpressed and went back to gathering baby stuff for Jamie and Baby Grimes. 

 

Daryl looked at her incredulously. “What the fuck are you doing? I'm talking to you!”

 

“No, you're not talking to me, you are yelling at me and when you're done attracting walkers how about you help taking this stuff out to the car?” Her calm voice made him even more furious. Why the fuck was she so fucking calm? He wanted her to understand, to yell back, to cry, to do fucking anything that showed he was getting through to her, but she just kept stuffing her bags like she was on a regular shopping trip.

 

He grabbed her wrist and yanked her up roughly. “You listen to me and you listen good. You're not alone anymore. You got people now. You got other people to think about now. There's no I in fucking team, so stop trying to do everything alone. It's gonna get you killed and if it doesn't kill you, I'll be waiting at home to kick your ass!” he growled dangerously low.

 

“Like you said, Jamie isn't yours. He is not your responsibility. He isn't anyone's responsibility but mine. I take care of him, I provide what he needs, end of story.” Jarah's voice was rising a little now too, getting fed up with Daryl treating her like she couldn't take care of herself. 

 

She yanked her wrist free of his grasp, shoving him away from her so she could get outside to the car. Daryl tore the bags from her hands and tossed them aside before grabbing her arms and shoving her back against the shelf. 

 

“I'll tell you when it's end of fucking story! You get that? You are not gonna do this again! Say it!”

 

“No! I'm not a prisoner who needs to beg the warden for yard time!” Jarah said defiantly.

 

Daryl punched his hand against the shelf next to her head in anger. He needed her to understand without him actually saying it. She needed to understand that he couldn't lose her. 

 

“Fuck Jarah, say it or I swear to God I'll put a goddamn leash on you. You're not gonna be a stupid bitch again. You are not leaving the farm alone again to get yourself killed. Say it,... SAY.... IT!!!”

 

She had no idea what was wrong with her but she was turned on by this. Even though she was smeared with walker blood and he was so mad he could barely think straight, the sexual tension was building at an almost alarming rate and within seconds it was ready to explode.

 

“No,... guess you're gonna have to make me!” Jarah was panting, seeing Daryl all mad and manly literally stole her breath.

 

He pressed her a little harder into the shelf by pushing his body into hers. He was flush against her now, their noses touching. “Don't think I won't!” Daryl growled. 

 

“I'm waiting,... “

 

And the next thing Jarah felt was her head banging back against the shelf. Daryl was crashing his lips down on hers so hard that the force made her head snap back. She quickly forgot about the pain when his tongue invaded her mouth, unleashing war on hers, both fighting for dominance. Jarah's hands moved to his waist trying to get around to his back, desperate for feeling his strong body underneath her fingertips, but Daryl quickly let go of her upper arms and grabbed both her wrists to stop her. This was not about what she wanted. He brought her hands behind her back, keeping them there by gripping them tightly in one of his, effectively trapping her between himself and the shelf.

 

They stared at each other, lust clouding their vision, both their chests rising and falling rapidly from panting. “That all you got, Dixon?” Jarah taunted him, spurring him back into action. 

 

Daryl squeezed her wrists tightly, his free hand roaming over her left side, grabbing her waist roughly pulling her groin against his, letting her feel that he was kinda loving this side of her, as evident by his arousal. “You best shut up, girl! You don't wanna mess with me!” He brought his mouth back down to hers. Giving her a taste of her own medicine he bit down on her bottom lip, pulling lightly before releasing it only to push his tongue back into her mouth, making sure that she shut up. 

 

Jarah was on fire, lust was consuming every fiber of her being. She loved what he was doing. She had always fantasized about a man not being shy about being rough with her and showing her his strength. Jackson had denied her what she wanted, when she told him about it, saying that he wouldn't feel comfortable manhandling her after all she went through in her childhood. She had assured him over and over that it wouldn't trigger anything bad, but he had always said no and treated her like a porcelain doll. Of course she didn't mind that, but sometimes she had just needed more and was left frustrated. Finally getting what she wanted was exhilarating.

 

His kisses were strong, rough and demanding. His facial hair tickling and scratching her at the same time, the tip of his tongue rubbing against the roof of her mouth, it all made her toes curl. His hand on her waist was roaming up along her side. Jarah held her breath in anticipation only to let it out in a loud groan a second later. His hand had found her breast, squeezing it tightly, making sharp shocks of pleasure shoot directly to her center, which in turn bucked right against his trying to create friction.

 

Daryl growled when he felt her rub her jeans-clad pussy on his dick. He wanted nothing more than to tear off their clothes and bury himself balls deep inside of her, fuck her senseless and make her his, but in the back of his head he knew this was not the place and even though he was still mad as hell he knew she deserved better than a quick fuck in a supermarket surrounded by dead walkers. Didn't mean he wasn't gonna enjoy this a little longer. Who knew when they would be able to do this again? He squeezed her tit again, loving how it felt in his hand and how she moaned in his mouth. Daryl had always been a boob guy, he had never been able to keep his eyes off of a nice cleavage. He had always thought the bigger the boobs, the better, but feeling how perfectly Jarah's B cup-sized breast fit into his hand, he was about to reconsider. A nice handful might just be the best after all. 

 

He tore his mouth from hers and buried his face in her neck, licking and nibbling the soft skin there. He felt Jarah's hips moving against his more frantically. Little minx seemed to like having her neck played with. Experimentally he bit down on a soft spot of flesh underneath her ear and when she let out a little pleasure filled scream, he started sucking on that spot and grinned a little, when he had her mewling.

 

Jarah was in heaven, she was amazed how quickly he had been able to work her into a frenzy without doing much at all. She tilted her head to the side to give him better access, when she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. She pushed her body hard against Daryl, trying to get his attention.

 

“Fuck, Daryl... we got company!”

 

Her words instantly tore him out of Jarah-Land. He quickly let her go and grabbed his crossbow from the floor. Three walkers were shuffling through the door he had kept open when he entered the store to look for her. Together they quickly took them out. Jarah slid her knife into its sheath attached to her thigh and was about to bend down to grab some more stuff they needed, when Daryl grabbed her arm and pulled her close. “This isn't over, you're not getting off that easy! Now grab what else you fucking need and let's get out of here!”

 

Jarah nodded and quickly grabbed all the formula and baby food items that were still left. With full bags they made their way back out, stowing everything into the back of her car. Daryl didn't utter a single word. When they were done he got on his bike, shooting her an angry look. He waited for her to get in the car and when she was ready he pulled up in front of her, leading her back to the farm.

 

############# ###############################

 

The cool air blowing in his face on the ride back helped him calm down a little. He was still mad, but at the same time he felt proud of her. She had surprised him today. Impressed him even. She had mentioned that she had skills, but he never thought she'd be able to take down a grown man. HIM of all people. She wasn't strong enough, but she didn't have to be. She was quick and smart, that was her advantage.

 

He was also surprised by discovering her wild side. After all she had been through he didn't think she would be like this, enjoy herself so much when he wasn't particularly gentle with her. He knew she had liked when he'd grabbed her a little tighter back in the stables, but that was nothing compared to today. He felt a grin starting to form on his lips.

 

His girl still had a lot of fire in her. Things could and probably would get interesting in the future.

 

'But first she's gonna get her ass kicked for that little stunt she pulled today and pretty sure not just by me', Daryl thought, not even realizing that he had thought of her as “his” girl.

 

Chapter 15

 

After arriving on the farm Jarah and Daryl unloaded the car and brought the new supplies inside. Jarah dropped her bags as soon as she was inside and went over to Carol to take her crying baby boy from her. 

 

“He missed you! Said 'mama” over and over while he was crying.” Carol told her as she handed him over. 

 

Instantly Jarah felt horrible. She was so focused on getting the things he needed, that she didn't even think about him missing her. After all except for a couple doctor's appointment during which he had to stay with a sitter, he had never been away from her. Especially not the past couple of weeks. 

 

Dale, Maggie, Hershel and Rick joined them, and none of them was looking particularly happy. 

 

“Jarah, what were you thinking, I thought you'd be smarter than this! What if something happened to you?” Dale shook his head in disappointment.

 

“You could have asked me to come or at least you could have told anyone where exactly you were going!” Maggie complained.

 

“You didn't just risk your life, you risked Daryl's as well when he had to go and get you” Rick was fuming.

 

Everybody was talking in fast succession, Jamie was still crying in her ear, Daryl shot her a look that said he was still pissed as hell. It got too much for Jarah. She got dizzy and her throat felt like it was closing up. Her fingertips started to tingle and get numb at the same time. She started to gasp for breath. “Someone take Jamie! NOW!!!”

 

Everybody shut up and looked at her confused. Carol sprang into action when she noticed the color of Jarah's skin turning as white as the wall. She quickly plucked Jamie from her arms and just in time, too. As soon as Jarah had let go, the room started to spin. She needed to get out of there, she didn't want the others to see her in one of her weakest moments. She started to go to her room, but ended up crashing against the wall. Everyone tried to get to her at once which only made the panic worse. “DON'T!!!!” she gasped and tried to get behind a closed door as quickly as she could. The others backed off, except for Daryl. He grabbed her arm and quickly dragged her to her room and closed the door.

 

“What's wrong? You bit?” he asked, concerned that she might have gotten scratched or bitten while she was alone in that store.

 

She quickly shook her head “Panic attack! Too many people... Dear God...” She desperately tried to get her breathing under control but failing miserably, the dizziness was killing her. Daryl made her sit down on the bed and knelt down in front of her.

 

“Look at me, Jar,... slow down. Deep breaths. Slower! Listen to me. Breathe in... and out... in... and out.... that's it.” Daryl talked her through it and gently rubbed his thumbs over the back of her fingers while he held her hands in his. Jarah slowly calmed down and looked at him embarrassed.

 

“Thank you,... I'm sorry I never wanted anyone to see that.”

 

“I'm glad I did,... you would have passed out otherwise. I'm gonna go get little JD, okay? He needs you!”

 

Jarah nodded and took several more deep breaths to compose herself, while Daryl got Jamie. He came back in only seconds later and was shushing Jamie, bouncing him a little in his strong arms.

 

“See? There's your momma, like I told you. There you go...” he handed him over to Jarah and sat next to them on the bed, while she cuddled her son and kissed his little face all over, gently wiping away his tears in between kisses. She started singing “Hey hey, my my” to him again softly, calming them both down in the process. 

 

When they were both quiet again, Daryl squeezed her knee. “You okay?”

 

“No,... I wasn't thinking,... he is not used to you guys enough yet to stay with you alone,... I was so hellbent on getting him what he needed, that I wasn't there when he needed me. I feel like shit.” Jarah admitted.

 

“Good!” Daryl nodded. “Guess that's punishment enough for today. You should take a shower and eat something. With us, at the table! Not letting you pull away, you'll have to face the music.” The words were stern but his voice was soft and not angry anymore. He still wasn't happy with her, but he knew she was going to punish herself enough for now and he didn't want to be the cause of another panic attack by piling on even more.

 

“Come on little dude, your momma needs to clean up. We'll go see how much longer the food is taking. And then your momma will join us at the big table, right?” Daryl talked softly to Jamie while he took him out of Jarah's arms. 

 

“I'll be there, just give me some time in the shower to collect myself.” Jarah sighed and kissed Jamie one more time before she gathered all the stuff she would need.

 

Daryl in the meantime set Jamie down on his feet, because the little one was squirming out of his arms, and grabbed his hands and helped him walk into the dining room to his chair. The women were grinning from ear to ear, seeing the big bad hunter interact with Jamie was just too cute to take. Daryl didn't notice their looks and sat him in his highchair, taking the sippy cup filled with fresh water, that Patricia held out to him and handing it over to Jamie, who immediately started drinking greedily. Daryl smiled and carefully ruffled his hair before taking the seat next to the highchair.

 

Word of Jarah's little trip had spread quickly among the group that had returned from gun practice and everyone asked him questions about what had happened and if she was in danger when he found her, most of them disappointed in her, that she would just leave her kid like that.

 

################ ################

 

It took Jarah some time to gather up the courage to “face the music”, as Daryl had put it. She knew she made a mistake and she had to own up to it.

 

As soon as she was dressed and clean she went into the dining room, where everybody was already eating. She wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but she had to do this. She cleared her throat, making everyone look at her. She wanted to run as far away as possible, but fought the urge, by grabbing the back of a chair so hard her knuckles turned white.

 

“I'm sure by now everybody knows what happened today. I'm sure everyone also has an opinion on my behavior... I made a mistake... I'm just human,... I am so used to taking care of myself and my son alone,... it's second nature or force of habit or whatever... I am so used to it, that I wasn't thinking. I was glad that I didn't have to take him with me and put him in even more danger, but I didn't think about what it would be like for him being left alone with people he doesn't know much yet,... And you don't know him yet. I'm so sorry Carol, it wasn't fair to put this on you, especially after everything you went through. I never EVER meant to burden anyone or put my responsibilities on them. I am really sorry and I promise that it won't happen again.” Jarah was shaking so hard, she was sure everyone would be able to hear her bones rattle, but at least she had gotten her apology out.

 

Rick nodded. “Okay,... Carol? You wanna say anything?”

 

“As long as it never happens again, Jarah, I accept your apology.” Carol told her, but Jarah could tell that she was still disappointed in her. 

 

“I still wanna go on runs, especially if Jamie needs anything. I still want to provide for my son, but I won't do it alone anymore, you can count on it, Rick.” Jarah looked at the leader of the group, hoping he wouldn't ban her from going on supply runs, because then she would have to go against his wishes again and do it alone. Nobody was going to keep her from getting her son the things he needed.

 

Rick was hesitating and Jarah became more and more of a mess inside. It took everything for her to speak up in front of the group like that, she felt like she was about to drop to the floor unconscious it was that exhausting for her. Rick was still thinking, when Daryl spoke up.

 

“Let her go, she's good. She can definitely hold her own. Nothing to worry about there!” he told the former sheriff. Daryl wasn't a big fan of her going on runs, but he knew that she would just do it alone again if Rick said no and that might just get her kicked out.

 

Rick finally nodded. “Okay, fine. You can go as long as it's with a group!”

 

“Thank you! Once again, sorry for today...” Jarah took a deep breath and finally sat down next to Daryl. He squeezed her knee gently under the table. It wasn't showing but he was very proud of her for facing the group like that.

 

“I was thinking,” Andrea spoke up, “we're gonna have to get Jamie used to us. He's gotta learn to stay with us when you're on a run. We should start to build some trust with him.”

 

“What did you have in mind?” Jarah asked, curious what the blonde had come up with.

 

“Well, I think we should pick a couple of us, for example Carol, Beth, Lori and myself and each of us will spend some time with him every day, maybe half an hour a day for starters and do stuff with him you usually do. Read to him, play with him, change his diaper, stuff like that. Just something to get him used to us, make him trust us. He's gotta learn that you will always come back, but in the meantime other people will be there to care for him. Hell maybe even some of the guys wanna volunteer.” Andrea explained her plan.

 

Rick nodded in agreement and looked at Jarah. “I think that sounds very good. What do you think?”

 

“I agree, it's a really good plan. I've only left him with someone else once or twice his entire life. He loves other people, but he is still not used to staying with them. He DOES have to learn that and I think Andrea is absolutely right, it's a great way to do it. Thank you Andrea!”

 

“No problem. I, personally, would love to spend some time with him!” she smiled.

 

“Good, then it's decided. Volunteers talk to Jarah and work out a schedule later” Rick said, satisfied with the plan Andrea had come up with. You never know when they would have to run and something could always happen, they needed Jamie to trust them and not cry every time he was alone with them, because the more he cried the higher the chance of attracting walkers.

 

Everybody went back to their own conversations much to Jarah's relief. She was still a bit shaken up from everything, she didn't feel like eating, but Daryl's stern “Eat, girl!” kept her from going back to her room with an empty stomach later. So to avoid more trouble with Daryl she forced herself to eat at least half of what was on her plate.

 

######## ########################

 

“Okay every Jamie-volunteer stay here!” Andrea said when the meal was finished and the plates were collected. The men cleared out, leaving the women amongst themselves. Daryl didn't volunteer, but just because he was spending more time with Jamie than anyone else from the group anyway and the other guys thought that they were better with protecting the woman that were protecting Jamie in case of an emergency.

 

Carol knew Jarah was uncomfortable being around all the females at once now, she could tell by the strained expression on her face. She reached over and squeezed Jarah's hand and smiled quietly. “You're doing great, you'll get through this, I'm here!”

 

Jarah noddend, silently thanking Carol with a smile. Once the table was cleared the women sat back down. Maggie brought a notepad and a pen from Hershel's office and started writing their names down.

 

“Okay so we have Carol, Beth, Patricia, Lori, Andrea and myself. So, how do you wanna do this?” she asked Jarah.

 

“So that's six,... half an hour each, that would be three hours every day of him spending time alone with you. I think that's a little too much at the beginning.” 

 

“What about groups of two or three?”, Lori offered.

 

“Yeah, if we split up we have two groups of three each. Half an hour per group in the beginning, how's that?” Andrea asked.

 

“That's great. One group in the morning, one in the afternoon, that'll work.” Jarah smiled.

 

Maggie grinned. “And it will give you some alone time every day,... to spend with Daryl maybe? And once Jamie is getting more and more used to us, we can double that half an hour... give you two hours a day to, I don't know, spend with Daryl?”

 

Jarah blushed so hard she felt like her cheeks were on fire and cleared her throat.

 

“So, uhm,... the groups, who wants to be in a group together and what time should we start?”

 

“Beth, Patricia and I are the first group, Lori, Carol and Andrea are group number two. He usually takes his nap around 11.30 am so I'd say first group takes 10.45 am, that gives you time to cuddle him and put him to bed yourself. Second group is up at 16.30 pm. Everybody agree?” Maggie rattled down and when the women agreed, she nodded. “Great, now how'd you get that hickey, Jarah?”

 

“I have a hickey?????” Jarah squeaked, slapping her hands over her neck. She hadn't looked in the mirror too closely earlier when she was in the bathroom. She got the feeling that she was being tricked into girl talk.

 

“It's faint,... barely visible, but still visible. First thing I noticed when you walked in the door. Looks like he got interrupted. What happened?” Maggie wanted details. 

 

“Nothing much, just... angry make-out session I guess. We got interrupted by a couple of walkers coming into the store.” Jarah explained. She was getting goosebumps as the memory of their little adventure came back to her. The feel of Daryl's hands and lips still fresh in her mind. 

 

Andrea laughed. “Seriously, is there any other way for Daryl other than angry?”

 

“There is!” Jarah stated, “he can be a lot of things aside from being angry. He's a great guy.”

 

“So,... have you guys done the deed yet?” Maggie was just too curious for her own damn good.

 

“No, we haven't. How would we do that? Jamie is always around at night, that wouldn't work. I'm not that quiet I'm afraid. And I practically have to force Daryl just to kiss me whenever Jamie's in the room. He is so scared of traumatizing him, that he is won't do anything other than that.” Jarah sighed deeply. That was one thing they would have to find a solution for, because she really wanted to get physical with Daryl.

 

Carol was still holding on to Jarah's hand underneath the table, giving her strength and supporting her through the all-female meeting. She gave the younger woman's hand a squeeze and smiled. “Well from now on you two will have a little bit of time you can spend all alone together. It will be good for you. Both of you.”

 

“Jamie can also spend a couple of nights in our room, we don't mind!” Beth offered.

 

“Oh that is sweet of you Beth, but I don't know... I really don't want to put any more burden on all of you.” Jarah declined, but Carol wouldn't have it.

 

“No Jarah, accept it. She wouldn't offer if she thought of it as a burden. Take this opportunity sweetie, at least once a week. Other parents have their bedroom to themselves every night. You're entitled to a night to yourselves every other day. You can't be Jarah, the parent ALL the time. You need to find yourself again, be just Jarah, even if it's just for an hour a day. You and Daryl will need this time, too, to build and strengthen your relationship. You'll have to find the girlfriend and the lover inside of you too, for him.”

 

Jarah's face was as red as a tomato and she wanted to run for the hills. “We don't have a relationship,... I don't know what we have.”, she admitted.

 

“I think you do have one. You care for each other, you share a room and a bed, you spend all of your free time with each other,... have you talked about what's going on with you guys?” Lori asked her with a smile.

 

“No,...”, Jarah coughed silently, “we're both not that kind of people I guess.”

 

“Remember what I told you Jarah” Carol reminded her. “You could have something good with him, but it will take work and that includes that you start communicating with each other.”

 

“We do talk,... just not about feelings or stuff like that. I've always hated that, it's embarrassing.” Jarah was exasperated. She hated talking about it to the women, but it still felt good to get some input and advice. She didn't have the most experience with men and Jackson was the complete opposite of Daryl. He had talked openly about his feelings, Jarah never had to guess what was up with him.

 

“Honey from what I heard you faced a small army of walkers today, if that didn't kill you, talking about what's going on between the two of you won't either!” Lori tried to encourage her.

 

“Don't be so sure... “ Jarah muttered. She decided it was time for her to retreat back to her room. “Well thanks for all your help, but I have some stuff to take care of. I'll see you later.” She made a hasty retreat with her son back to their room to get some much needed alone time.

 

Andrea sighed. “I really wish she wouldn't run from us all the time. It's not just Jamie who needs to be around us more, her, too.”

 

Carol nodded. “She's a little shy, she's coming around, though, just give her time.

 

“I miss this,...”, Maggie sighed. “Just sitting around with girlfriends, having a drink and talk about guys and stuff.”

 

“We should have a girl's night! We can do it in our room, we have pillows and blankets, I have a stash of cookies and I know we still have some wine around.” Beth was all excited about doing something like that again.

 

“Aren't you a little too young to drink?” Maggie asked with raised eyebrows.

 

“Just one glass and you don't have to tell, Daddy! Come on!” Beth pleaded.

 

“Alright, I think we should do it. Maybe in a couple of days we'll get Jarah to join us.” Andrea smiled, warming up to Beth's idea. They could all use some distraction and normalcy.

 

############ #####################

 

Chapter 16

 

That night Jarah opted out of dinner with the group and Daryl decided against making her go with him. The day had been eventful enough for her.

 

It was already dark out when she joined him out on the porch. She sat down next to him on the steps and wrapped her arms around herself. It was getting colder and she forgot to bring out a sweater. Daryl noticed right away. He slid his knife back into its sheath that was attached to his belt and held up his arm.

 

“C'mere, don't need you freezing to death.” Once she'd slid closer and was snuggled up against his side he wrapped his arm around her, his fingers gently stroking her arm. They just sat there for a while, looking at the stars and enjoying the peaceful moment, before Jarah spoke up.

 

“I know you're still mad, so if you have something to say, I'd rather you say it now, so we can leave that whole thing behind us and move on. I see you brought some liquid courage, so why don't you just go ahead and tell me what's on your mind.”

 

Daryl just shrugged. “Everything got said already. It's over, no need to yell at you again now. But I still want you to say it,... I want you to look at me and fucking promise me that you won't ever leave this farm alone for a run. I don't ever wanna come back here from a hunt or whatever and find you fucking gone!”

 

His speech was a little slurred. He must have started drinking a while ago. Jarah smelled the whiskey on his breath when she looked up at him, directly into his beautiful blue eyes and told him what he wanted to hear from her.

 

“I promise Daryl. I won't leave on my own.” Daryl's tense expression still didn't ease up, though. “Are you still worried? You know I can take care of myself firsthand now.”

 

Daryl took a long swig of whiskey, directly from the bottle and shook his head. “You just don't wanna understand, do you?” He was starting to get agitated again. He knew he'd told her he wouldn't yell at her, but now that he was alone with her again, everything he had felt when he came back and found out she was gone, washed over him again. He released her from his grasp and got up and rubbed his hands through his tired face.

 

“Understand what, Daryl?” Jarah asked him, her confused gaze following him. She didn't know what he wanted her to say and that just made him explode.

 

“Understand, that I don't wanna lose you, Jar! That I WON'T fucking lose you!”, he whirled around and yelled at her, “you got any idea what it was like to come back here and find out you left? What kind of fucking images went through my mind on my way to get you? You coulda been dead! Think I wanna have to put an arrow through your head? Goddamnit Jar! Told you I was gonna protect you a million times, but you won't let me, wanna do it all by yourself. Fine, but you know what? I don't give up. I meant what I said back in town, I'm gonna put a leash on you if I have to and if you ever do something fucking stupid like that again I will put you over my knee and spank you until you finally get it through your thick head, that you are not fucking alone anymore!”

 

“I get it, okay? I'm sorry, Daryl. You won't lose me!” Jarah tried to reassure him.

 

“Damn right I won't. Gonna make sure of it!” Daryl said, much calmer now that he got his frustration out of his system. He rubbed his face once more and sighed. “Let's just go to bed and forget this fucked up day. Come on.” He grabbed his crossbow and then went past her, but held the door open for her, when she followed.

 

They silently went into their room. Daryl quietly closed the door behind them. Jarah started to undress to change into her sleepwear, Daryl quickly turned around and walked over to Jamie's bed. Watching him sleep so peacefully brought a smile to his face. 

 

“Not a care in the world,...” Daryl muttered.

 

Jarah joined him and smiled. “No, only wants to be loved... and fed.”

 

Daryl laughed quietly. He watched Jamie a moment longer, while Jarah slipped under the covers on her side of the bed. Finally Daryl went over to his side and started unbuttoning his shirt. Tonight he didn't feel like sleeping fully clothed. The whiskey he'd consumed took away some of his insecurities. There were worse things than him getting wood in the middle of the night. Tonight he wanted to hold her and feel her close to him. 

 

He heard her gasp when he took of his shirt and revealed his bare chest to her. 

 

“Shit, Daryl. Did I do that? I am so so sorry! I didn't know it was you!” Jarah was staring at the bruise on his chest, caused by her wicked kick.

 

He shrugged while kicking off his boots. “Not that bad. At least now I know you got some serious skills. You fell me like a tree, woman! You need a permit for those things!” he told her, nodding his head towards her legs, while he unbuckled his belt and undid his pants.

 

“Oh you ain't seen nothing yet, baby! My trainer hurt so bad sometimes after I was done with him. He would never admit it, but I could tell, he iced his hands after every session.” Jarah smirked and enjoyed the view she had now. Daryl in nothing but boxers, kicking his pants into a corner before climbing into bed with her.

 

“Don't ever wanna go up against those bad boys again”, Daryl muttered as he made himself comfortable next to her, lifting his arm so she could cuddle up against him again. 

 

“Bad girls, my legs are female!” Jarah winked and scooted closer. Once she was firmly pressed against him she leaned over and carefully kissed the bruise she was responsible for with soft lips. She felt him stiffen underneath her mouth and pulled back. She looked up at him with a little smile. “At least we're even. You marked me, I marked you. Even though the way I got mine was WAY more pleasant than the way you got yours.”

 

Daryl smiled when he heard her say that. “Yeah? You like that?”

 

“I loved it,... wish those walkers hadn't come in when they did.” Jarah admitted quietly, her fingers playing with the little patch of hair on his chest.

 

Daryl looked over at Jamie's bed, making sure he was still sleeping. The toddler was breathing deeply and evenly, completely oblivious to what the adults were doing.

 

The hunter pulled Jarah closer, his rough hand sliding down the velvety soft skin of her thigh to the back of her knee, gripping it and guiding it to move over his. Within seconds he had her straddling him, their chests pressed together. His bruise hurt, but he didn't care. He wanted her close. He wanted to make her squirm a little and hear that delicious moan of hers in his ear again.

The hand that had gripped her knee slid back up her thigh, settling itself on her ass, squeezing firmly, while the other one was buried in her hair, angling her head a little for better access to her neck and the mark he had left on her. He wanted to finish the job. With the tip of his tongue he left a wet trail from her shoulder up to that sweet spot by her ear, making his girl shiver and moan quietly into his ear.

 

“Tell me!” he whispered by her ear. “Why did you wish the walkers hadn't come in?” He bit down on her neck gently., before soothing the mark with his tongue. Jarah had to press her face into the pillow he was resting his head on, to muffle the groan he had pulled from deep inside her throat. He started sucking on her neck again, like he did at the store, making it that much harder for Jarah to think straight.

 

“Because I wanted you to fuck me against that freaking shelf so badly.” she breathed against his ear, “I just wanted you inside of me,... deep, hard and fast.” Jarah felt his dick twitch inside his boxers at her words and started to rub herself against it.

 

Daryl almost came off the bed, he forgot that they were only separated by very thin layers of cotton this time. He could feel her heat, feel her very core rubbing against the ridge of his head.

 

He released his suction on her neck with a groan, the mark already a deep purple shade. His hands quickly grabbed her hips, stilling her movements. 

 

“Fuck,... Jar, stop it!” 

 

“Why? Just a little more... please, I want you so much right now, Daryl.” Jarah pleaded, desperate for a little more of that sweet pleasure he was giving her.

 

Her begging almost did him in, but he had to be strong. He was not gonna dry-hump someone's mother in front of their kid. He wasn't that much of a pervert.

 

“No, we gotta stop. Not doing this in front of the little dude! Come on, off...” he pushed her gently to lay back on her own side. 

 

“I'd love to get off, but someone's spoiling the fun...” she muttered frustrated.

 

“Stop, it's not right and you know it. You'd regret it in the morning!”

 

“I know...” she rubbed her face hard and took a deep breath. “How do you have so much self-control? You could be a saint!”

 

Daryl took her hand and squeezed it gently. “Nah, just wanna do right by you and little JD.”

 

“And you are,... “ She fell silent for a moment, gathering up some courage. Dirty talk? No problem. Talking about relationship stuff? Big problem. She was blushing already and hadn't even started talking.

 

“Daryl? I know we are not the kind of people who discuss things for hours and to the tiniest detail, but there is something we need to talk about. I need to know something.”

 

“What?” he was pretty sure where this was going. He was dreading it as much as her, but they would have to get through this talk at least once. They needed to know where they stood.

 

 

“I was wondering... what exactly are we? Where is this going?” she asked in a whisper so low, he barely heard what she said.

 

“What do you want this to be?” Daryl answered her question with a question. She was not surprised, she had pretty much expected it, because she would have asked the same thing, if the roles were reversed.

 

She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. 

 

“Okay, I'm going to tell you some things now. I'm gonna be completely honest with you and it's not easy so please don't laugh, okay?”

 

“Promise!” Daryl would never laugh at her for telling him what was going on inside of her. He wondered if anyone ever had for her to ask that.

 

“Good... Thanks. Okay,... I uhm,... I really like you. A lot. I care about you, I worry about you, I miss you when you're not around. That has never happened before. Not even with my ex-husband. I had always been sure that I loved him, but with every day that I spend with you, I think that I was just fooling myself into thinking I loved him. He was the first person to ever show real interest, you know... Maybe I fell in love with that. I keep thinking, if I truly loved him, why was it so damn easy to just walk away practically over night? Why did I never miss him when he left for a conference? Why did it bother me so damn much that I had to share my bed with him? Why didn't I want to have sex with him more often? On a Monday I decided to leave him, I was gone by Wednesday morning, no crying, no regrets, nothing. I just left him. I don't think you can do that to anyone if you really REALLY love them.” she paused and took another deep breath, her cheeks heating up, she was embarrassed and scared to say the following things out loud, “Now I'm here with you... and I can't imagine ever doing anything like that to you,... I can't imagine NOT sharing my bed with you. Don't want to imagine being without you one single night anymore... I want you and need you,... I totally understand if the situation is different for you but I, uhm,... I think I'm really starting to fall for you, Daryl. I want this to be something real and serious.”

 

His heart was racing, not that anyone would have ever been able to tell. From the outside he looked as cool as a cucumber, albeit a slightly uncomfortable cucumber. He hated talking about this just as much as she did, but she was open with him, although it was probably one of the hardest things she had ever done to admit that she needed him. He owed her to be open and honest with her, too. 

 

“I'm right with you, Jar,... I feel the same” he admitted quietly, but he was looking at her. He wanted her to see that he meant it. “I already liked you a year ago without even knowing you and now... well you know! I don't know how to do this, I've never had this before, but I want it and I'm gonna try to do this right.”

 

Jarah smiled relieved and leaned over, kissing him softly for a moment, before she pulled back and looked at him with a serious expression. “There is one more thing though Daryl. One thing you need to know. Something important you need to understand and accept if you really wanna do this. I don't need to tell you that I come with my own little sidekick and that we're a package deal. I know you're aware of that and that you accept it. If we're gonna have a relationship, we're gonna be a family and you will have to prepare yourself for the day that Jamie starts calling you Daddy, because it WILL happen. It's inevitable. I've seen it happening to other couples. And when that day comes I won't tell him not to call you that and neither should you. Jamie is very very young, Daryl. He is not able to understand, that you're not his biological father and it will confuse the hell out of him if you tell him 'no' every time he calls you 'dad'. To him you'll be his father and it's going to take years until he understands that you're not the biological dad, because you will be the person that lives with us, spends time for us, protects us and all that. I just want you to be very clear about that. If you're not ready for it, I understand, but you'll have to tell me right away before we all get hurt.”

 

Daryl was overwhelmed. He hadn't even considered that Jamie might come to think of him as his father. Jarah was right though, the little one doesn't understand the difference between his real dad and his momma's new boyfriend. 

 

He got up and slowly walked over to the bed Jamie was sleeping in. He watched the little boy while his mind was racing. Could he do it? Could he be someone the little dude looked up to? Could he be a father? He already loved Jamie and he would give his life for him. That's what fathers do right? Love their kids, protect them, help raise them and teach them? He could do all that. He was already doing it without even thinking too much about it. 

 

He looked over at Jarah, who watched him nervously and slowly walked over to her. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his lap, looking directly into her eyes.

 

“I want this! I'm ready for it!”

 

Jarah was beaming. “Really? Okay, so we're doing this?”

 

“We're doing this! That's my boy now and you're my woman!”

 

“Your woman, huh? I like that. There's nothing I'd rather be than his mommy and your woman” She wrapped her arms around his neck, happy that she no longer had to wonder whether they both wanted the same thing or not. Suddenly she remembered something and looked at him with a big smile. 

 

“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow morning around 10.45?”

 

He looked at her, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What? I'm gonna go and look around for a back-up base with Rick, why?

 

“Hm, what about the afternoon? You gonna be back by then?”

 

“Yeah, why're you asking?”

 

“Because I am getting,.. no, WE are getting half an hour twice a day to ourselves during which the girls take Jamie and Beth even offered to let him sleep in her room on some nights, so we can, you know,... be alone.” Jarah grinned.

 

“Half an hour is not much, but the night thing sounds good.” He smirked. 

 

“Well half an hour is better than nothing and once he knows them better we'll double that half an hour, so soon we'll get one hour in the morning and one in the afternoon.” Jarah explained excitedly. She loved her son and she loved spending time with him, but she couldn't wait to have some time just for herself again.

 

“Now that sounds good. We can work with that!” Daryl was grinning, too now. He had some ideas on how exactly they could be spending that time. 

 

All he had to do now was to find a place that was a little more secluded and out of earshot where they could safely spend some quality time together.

  

Chapter 17

 

“ _Mom? We need to go grocery shopping, we're almost out of everything.” 14 year old Jarah carefully stuck her head inside the living room where her mother was laying on the couch reading a trashy romance novel._

 

“ _Yeah? And whose fault is that? If you wouldn't eat like a disgusting fat pig, we'd still have some stuff left.” Jarah winced. Her mother was clearly upset at being bothered, her shrill voice already rising in volume.“If you need anything go get it yourself, I'm not spending any money on you today.”_

 

“ _Okay!” Jarah quickly shut the door again and went back to her room. Once there she put on her jacket and put her wallet in the wicker shopping basket that sat in the corner next to her desk. Yes, she had her own shopping basket. Had to have one since her mother refused to do any grocery shopping for her most of the time and she wasn't able to properly carry the paper bags from the store all the way back. The basket was sturdy and she had a better grip on it. She put on her backpack as well. They needed bottled water and the best way to carry it was on her back. She had been doing this since she was 10 years old, she was a pro by now. She checked her wallet, she didn't have much of her allowance left, she had do buy school supplies the other day. Getting everything she needed with only 20 dollars left would be difficult._

 

_As soon as she got back, Jarah's mother tore the basket out of her daughter's hands, wanting to look what she had brought back. As always, she wasn't happy._

 

“ _Fucking rice, fucking canned corn, fucking canned peas and fucking tomato sauce? Really Jarah? You expect me to eat that crap again? That would be the second time this week! You know there was a reason why your grandmother taught you how to cook and bake, but no little Miss Useless here won't bother to make an effort. God I hate you, should have left you on the side of the road when we got back from the hospital.”_

 

_Jarah was used to this, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. She still cried every single time. Couldn't help it, even though she knew it enraged her mother even more._

 

“ _Yes and there it is, fucking waterworks. You're even uglier when you cry. Stop it, I don't wanna see it. I said stop, Jarah! Stop! STOP!!!!!!” her mother had worked herself into a rage again and was starting to slap Jarah in the face first, then when the girl shielded herself, she would slap her, wherever she could reach._

 

“ _Stupid bitch, can't do anything right. As soon as you served your purpose, we're going to get rid of you!”_

 

_Jarah frowned. That's not something her mother ever said. She stopped shielding her face and straightened up, just to look directly into the cold eyes of Lori Grimes._

 

_********** ********_

 

Jarah woke with a start, instantly sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest to rock herself towards calmness. Her heart was pounding, her hands were cold as ice and shaking and an all too familiar feeling of dread was hooking it's claws deep inside of her belly.

 

“Jar? What's wrong?” Daryl murmured sleepily next to her. He'd felt her remove herself from his arms.

 

“Nothing, just a bad dream. Nothing I didn't expect to happen. Go back to sleep, baby!” she leaned down and kissed him softly, “I'm going to use the bathroom, I'll be right back.” She needed to be alone now and bathrooms had the weird ability to soothe her. 

 

She left the room as quietly as possible and snuck into the bathroom. She climbed into the tub, sitting down and leaning her face against the wonderfully cool material. She knew what was coming and being surrounded by the cool white walls of the tub would help her feel comforted. The first sob came only seconds after she was seated, quickly followed by others. Tears started to stream down her face while her slim body was wracked with the intensity of her sobs. Even after all these years she just wasn't able to take seeing her mothers face. It brought up so many horrible memories. Every time she had a dream about her it was like she was drowning in all of them. That shrill, shieking voice, it chilled Jarah to the bone. Those cold eyes, the way she spoke, her slapping hands,... everything about her mother made her have this weird feeling inside of her, she hadn't ever been able to describe to anyone else. It was like a wave throughout her body, that made her nerves tingle in a bad way, all the way from the tip of her toes up to the top of her head and back down. She hated that feeling, because she still hadn't been able to figure out how to get rid of it more quickly. This was exactly what she was afraid of when she started interacting more with Andrea and Lori. Especially Lori as she shared some physical attributes with her mother.

 

Lori. Jarah remembered what she had said in her dream. As soon as she would serve her purpose they would get rid of her. Something about that sounded very true to her. She was in no way clairvoyant or had prophetic dreams, but Jarah had always had a good intuition. Hunches and suspicions she'd had over the years had pretty much always been confirmed to be right and sometimes, her dreams made her more aware of things she suspected subconsciously. Something did seem off about the way Andrea and Lori were so uber friendly to her. She would keep her eye on that.

 

Suddenly Daryl barged in, startling Jarah half to death. 

 

“Holy fuck Daryl!!!! Can't you knock? I could have been doing God knows what in here!”

 

“Didn't care, came to check what took so long and heard you crying. What's going on?” he demanded to know. He'd never seen her like this and it broke his heart to see her this upset and once again trying to deal with it by herself.

 

“Told you, just a nightmare.” Jarah replied, wiping her tear-stained face with her hands.

 

“Doesn't look like JUST a nightmare. This 'bout your folks?”

 

“Yeah,... had a dream about my mom. Can't deal with it.” Jarah admitted. 

 

Daryl had heard enough. He saw that she had goosebumps from being cold, so he reached down and lifted her into his strong arms effortlessly. 

 

“Damn girl, do you even weigh anything at all? Need to eat more.” he muttered while he carried her out of the bathroom. 

 

He carried her all the way back to the bed and laid her down on her side. She didn't have to stay there long, though. As soon as he was back under the covers, he pulled her back to him. He slid his hand underneath her top and gently stroked her back with his fingertips to soothe her. 

 

“Tell me about your dream!” he whispered to her.

 

Jarah buried her face in the apex between his neck and his shoulder and sighed happily. What he was doing to her back felt incredible and it really helped to calm her nerves and even ease that wave of dread inside her body. She felt herself getting sleepy while she told him about her dream and what Lori had said at the end of it.

 

“I don't trust that bitch either, Jar. From what I can tell the only person she's looking out for is herself. We'll keep an eye on her!” Daryl murmured against her forehead before placing a gentle kiss on it, “now sleep. Don't want you to fall asleep on me in the afternoon.”

 

Jarah just smiled and kissed his neck before she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

########### ###############

 

Jarah forced herself to have breakfast with the group, but it was hell. She kept herself focused on Jamie, while Daryl secretly kept his hand on her knee under the table. He could feel how tense she was and wished he could take some of that anxiety away from her. 

 

When it was time for him to leave she and Jamie walked him out to his bike. She was happy to get out of the house for a moment. She quickly looked around to make sure nobody was watching, before placing a sweet kiss on his lips. Daryl smirked.

 

“You ashamed of me or somethin'?

 

Jarah looked at him surprised. “What? No! Not at all, but I just... I'm not much into PDA,... I thought you weren't either?” she was stuttering.

 

“I'm not. Just like seeing you all flustered!” he smiled. He pulled both of them to him and gently ruffled Jamie's hair. “You be good for your momma. And you be good and don't run away!” he kissed Jarah once more before he got on his bike. Jamie started waving goodbye to him and squealed in delight, when Daryl waved back at him. 

 

Daryl drove off and Jarah made her way back into the house. Running sounded really good to her. Not running away, but a couple of laps around the farm would be good for her. She'd gotten lazy ever since they arrived at the farm. Staying in shape was important these days.

 

When Patricia came to get Jamie for his group time, she had already changed into her sweatpants and sneakers. As soon as she had handed him and his toys over she had left the house and started jogging along the fields, her trusty knife attached to her hip. 

 

She could have cried from happiness, that's how good she felt by the time she had run a full circle around the farm. She was able to breathe again, the tension had left her body and her head was cleared. She didn't have very much time left to enjoy it, but that was okay. Another six hours and she'd be able to spend some time with Daryl. This whole arrangement with the women really had some perks. She ran back to the house just in time to take a quick shower before her time was up.

 

“How'd it go?” she asked Maggie, as she sat down next to her on the couch.

 

“Great, I don't think he noticed much that you weren't around. We got out some of our mothers old silk shawls and used them to cover ourselves to play hide and seek. He LOVED that! Was giggling the whole time.”

 

Jarah smiled relieved. This was going to work. She was a little more worried about the second group, but Carol was in that group, she would make sure that everything would be okay.

 

############ ######################

 

After she had handed Jamie over to Carol in the afternoon, she went outside to look for Daryl. His bike was already back in it's usual space in front of the porch, but its owner was nowhere to be seen.

 

She looked around and saw Patricia coming out of the chicken coop. She jogged over and smiled. “Hey, have you seen Daryl by any chance?”

 

Patricia nodded and pointed to the barn. “I saw him go in there a while ago.”

 

“Ah okay, thanks Patricia!” Jarah followed the path down to the barn. It was opened and she poked her head inside. “Daryl? Are you in here?”

 

“Up here”, she heard his voice from above her. She went into the barn and looked up to the hayloft.

 

“What are you doing in here?”

 

“Come on up and I'll show you!” he called back down to her. 

 

Jarah looked around on how to get up there and spotted a ladder across from her. She quickly climbed up and was greeted by one of her two favorite guys with a kiss. “I was just about to come get you.” he said, while he led her over to where the hay bales were stacked.”

 

“I was wondering where you were. Patricia told me she saw you go in here a while ago. What did you do?”

 

He grinned and led her around a wall of hay bales. They were stacked so high that they were a little taller than Daryl and now she stood in the gap he had left between the wall of the barn and the wall of hay, wide enough for one person to fit through. The floor was covered with a thick layer of hay and in the corner he had spread out two sleeping bags and two camping lanterns illuminated the space he had created.

 

“You made us a room?” Jarah smiled surprised.

 

“Yeah, thought of it this morning. I wanted to find something for us a little further away from the house to, you know, spend our alone time. Made this wall out of the bales so that even if someone walks in, they won't see us. You like?” he asked her, although he could tell from the look on her face that she did.

 

“I love! This is so cool! Our own room in the barn, no one can see or hear us here and its walker-proof unless they started to learn how to climb ladders.” Jarah was in heaven. This was absolutely perfect. Their own little safe haven. “Are those new sleeping bags?”

 

“Yeah, I found an office building this morning, not too big, I think it might be worth checking out with Rick tomorrow, let him take a look, hear what he thinks about it as our back-up. Across the street was an outdoor store that still had a lot of stuff. I took what I could fit into my bags. Also found these bad boys!”, he showed you two walkie talkies and smiled, “thought we could use them as a baby monitor when we come out here. Jamie stays in the house and if he needs you someone from the house radios us.”

 

Jarah wrapped her arms around him and smiled at him so big, that it made his heart flutter. 

 

“You are absolutely amazing, Daryl! This is... I don't have the words. Wow,... just wow!”

 

Daryl was proud of himself for once, that he had surprised her and made her this happy. Too bad that they weren't able to move into the barn permanently but it was too cold at night, especially for Jamie.

 

Daryl leaned down and kissed her softly, wrapping his arms tightly around her body, pulling her tightly against him. Jarah sighed, completely happy in that moment and leaned against him, angling her head to the side, when his lips nipped along her jaw, making their way to the mark on her neck he had given her. 

 

“How much time you think we got left?” he murmured against her skin after kissing his little masterpiece of a hickey.

 

“Not long, probably just about 15 minutes.”

 

“Damn,... no sense in starting something we can't finish.” he pulled back from her a little disappointed, “told you half an hour is nothing!”

 

“Don't pout, I spent five minutes looking for you and we spent another ten talking. Now that we have this nice little set up, all we need to do tomorrow is come here and to whatever we want for about 27 minutes.” Jarah winked, trying to lighten his mood again.

 

“Think we can come out here tonight, when the little one is asleep?”

 

“Yeah sure, I think that won't be a problem. Everyone is in the house anyway, they will hear him cry and Beth loves to check on him and watch him sleep a little. We'll give her the walkie.”

 

“Good idea! Too bad we can't put a heater in here...” Daryl mused looking around.

 

“I don't think we'll be needing that. I'm sure we can generate enough heat!” Jarah wriggled her eyebrows, making him smirk. They exchanged little kisses for a moment, before they decided to go back to the house. There would be time for kissing and more later.

 

########### #################

 

Chapter 18

 

Once Jamie was asleep that night, they didn't waste any time getting out of the house. As soon as Jarah had handed the walkie over to Beth, he grabbed her hand and pulled her outside towards the barn. She had to giggle at how eager he was to get to their “room” in the hay. He was so tense, she could tell by how hard he was gripping her hand. 

 

They arrived at the barn two minutes later, climbing up the ladder and sneaking through the gap between the walls. Daryl knelt down on the sleeping bags and switched on the lanterns. Jarah heard him release a deep breath he had seemed to be holding, while he shrugged off his crossbow and leaned it against the wall next to him.

 

“Feel better now?” she smiled at him, putting her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, while she knelt down in front of him.

 

His hands slid along her legs, stopping at her hips, when was all the way down on her knees.

 

“Sorry,... it's been a long day of waiting to get you alone in here.” he admitted, a little blush appearing on his handsome face.

 

“For me, too. Still can't believe you made this. It's perfect. YOU are turning out to be pretty damn perfect,...” 

 

Her words only made Daryl blush a darker shade of red, but there was a smile on his face.

 

“I ain't perfect. Pretty damn far from it!”

 

“I know,... so am I, but you are perfect for me and that's what counts!” she smiled. Her fingers were tickling his forehead while she gently swept some of his bangs off of it. “Your hair is getting long.”

 

“That bad?” he didn't mind, but for her he'd probably go bald.

 

“Not at all, I like it. Looks hot. Makes you even more sexy.” 

 

“Yeah? What else you like?” he asked in between kisses he was placing along her jaw. He was making his way back to his mark on her neck again. It was like a magnetic pull, making his mouth move their without being able to stop it.

 

“Mmmmm let's see... your eyes. Gorgeous. The kind of eyes a girl can get lost in forever.... And your arms,... God your arms, Daryl.” she was tracing her fingertips along his well defined biceps, loving the feel of his smooth skin and the tight hard muscles underneath, “if you only knew how many times I fantasized about you and your freaking arms when I was pregnant.”

 

“Did you now?” Daryl grinned against her neck, his fingers sliding underneath her top, taking it with them on their way up her sides. When he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra, he bit down on his mark with a groan.

 

Jarah jumped, gripping his upper arms tightly. The hickey he'd made the day before was hypersensitive by now and his bite caused a sweet torturous mixture of pleasure and pain to shoot through her body. She felt him tug on her shirt, desperate to get it off of her. She complied with his silent request and lifted her arms, helping him to get rid of the pesky thing.

 

Daryl pulled back, eager to finally take in the view of her bare breasts. He stopped short when a glint caught his eye and when he realized what caused it, his mouth started watering so much he was afraid he was openly drooling. She had a nipple piercing. A silver barbell adorned her right nipple, the tiny balls on each end featured clear rhinestones that were glinting in the light of the camping lanterns. Fuck, she was perfect. She looked so beautiful he could have come in his pants right then and there, like the night he dreamed about her. Everything in his brain shut down, except for one single thought: He had to have her and make her his once and for all. And he had to do it now!

 

Jarah was knocked on her back by the force that was Daryl Dixon. His growl the only warning she received before he pounced on her. He ripped his own shirt off when he went to straddle her legs. He wanted to feel those perfect tits pressed tightly against his own chest while he kissed her senseless, his tongue flicking the tip of hers repeatedly inside her mouth, stoking a fire deep inside her core. Jarah dug her nails into his back as she grabbed at him frantically, trying to press him even closer to her body, but Daryl had other plans. He couldn't wait any longer to get his mouth on her delicious tits. 

 

He moved down her body, remaining half on top of her. His right hand cupped her left breast, giving it a firm squeeze before pushing it up a little to meet his eager mouth.

 

Jarah cried out in pleasure as soon as she felt his tongue circling her nipple. Her cry was quickly followed by a loud moan when Daryl sucked the hardened bud into his mouth, his teeth nipping and his tongue flicking at the sensitive flesh. She buried her hands in his hair, holding him tight, not willing to let him pull away and stop the sweet torture he was inflicting.

 

There was no reason to worry though, Daryl didn't intend on stopping anytime soon. Quite the opposite. He released her rosy peak from his mouth a moment later, but only to place wet open-mouthed kisses across her chest on his way to her other breast. His hand remained on her left breast for a moment longer, gently twisting her wet nipple between his thumb and forefinger, before it headed down towards its next destination.

 

Jarah didn't even notice him unbuttoning her pants or sliding the zipper down. His tongue was toying with the little barbell in her right nipple. Little spikes of pleasure were ripping through her with every flick of his tongue, but it wasn't enough. She wanted more, she wanted him to suck hard and feel his teeth nipping at her again. She grabbed his hair and pushed her breast towards his mouth trying hard to get him to close his mouth around her.

 

Instead of giving her what she wanted, Daryl pulled back to grab both her wrists. He pushed them up over her head and pinned them to the floor by holding them in one of his hands. 

 

“I'm in charge here!” he told her, his voice deep and husky from lust.

 

Jarah moaned, liquid heat pooling from deep inside of her to gather between her legs. She loved when he got a little dominant with her. She had never been more aroused than with him and for that she gladly let him be in charge.

 

Daryl dropped his mouth back to her waiting breast, making her squirm by rubbing the tip of his tongue across the small pink nipple. 

 

“Gettin' a little quiet up there,... c'mon sweetheart, let me hear you.” he murmured against her breast, an evil grin spreading across his face. He wanted to hear her, her noises were the sexiest sounds he had ever heard, every little moan and groan made his dick jump and twitch. He couldn't wait to find out what she sounded like when he fucked her good and hard with it. He closed his teeth around her nipple and pulled slightly, getting exactly what he wanted.

 

“Daryl, oh fuck yes!!! Keep doing that! God don't stop!” Jarah was crying out loudly, her hips bucking against his trying to get friction to ease the near painful throbbing in her panties.

 

“Not your call, sweetheart. I'll do whatever I want,... if you'd ask nicely, maybe I'd change my mind.” he grinned, going back to just lightly licking around her nipple, waiting for her to start begging.

 

“Please, Daryl. Please, please, please, I need you!” Jarah moaned, struggling against his grip. If he wasn't going to touch her, she would have to do it herself or she would just die from all that tension that was building steadily inside her body.

 

Daryl almost came undone when he heard her beg. She was so fucking sexy, it was hard to keep himself under control. He kept kissing and licking at her breast, but his hand slowly slid over her flat belly, down to where her satiny purple panties were peeking out from her opened fly. His fingers slightly pressed down on her abdomen to get his fingertips underneath the waistband before he kept sliding his hand further down. He came across a little patch of trimmed coarse curls, a thrill of anticipation went through him, knowing he was getting closer to what he wanted to feel. He groaned when his fingers came in contact with the softest skin he had ever felt. He took a moment to gently rub his fingers over her, enjoying the feel of it and enjoying her moans and the buck of her hips even more. He slid his fingers a little bit further down and there it was. A loud groan was ripped from his throat and he bit down on her breast like it would help him to get a grip on himself, because what he felt drove him crazy with lust. She was soaking wet, making his fingers slip through her folds with ease. And it was all for him.

 

“Daryl, please! Fuck me! I want you inside of me! I can't take it anymore!” he had Jarah mewling. She was squirming and moving her pelvis against his hand, begging him to just touch her and give her what she wanted.

 

“I'm gonna take care of you first sweetheart, I won't be able to last long tonight!” he rasped against her skin while removing his hand from her panties. He released her hands and got back on his knees, hooking his fingers in the waistband of her jeans and panties to pull them down. The last thing to go were here socks, then he was back on her, kissing her roughly, biting on her bottom lip, before he pulled away again, attaching his mouth back to her breasts. 

 

He started to suck hard, while his fingers were gliding over her wet pussy again, coating themselves in her wetness. As soon as they were thoroughly soaked with her juices he pulled them back up a little in search of her clit. He knew he had found it when Jarah almost screamed the roof off the building and bucked so hard against him, he had to put all of his weight on her, to keep her where she was. 

 

He crashed his lips down on hers to muffle her screams, their tongues gliding against each other, their lips sucking and teeth nipping, while his wet fingers rubbed little circles around her clit. He was driving her mad, she was clawing at his back so wildly he was sure she was leaving bloody marks. 

 

“Daryl, please... more!” she begged and for once Daryl obliged, slowly slipping two fingers inside of her, stretching her tight walls. He pressed his thumb against her clit, moving it with little jerks while he was thrusting his fingers into her. It was all she needed. On the third thrust she went completely still and quiet, her whole body locking up for a moment and her breath hitching in her throat, before her whole body started shaking and jerking hard from the intensity of her orgasm. His and God's name falling from her lips in breathless screams.

 

Seeing and feeling her come apart like that made Daryl lose control once and for all. He didn't take the time to take his shoes off or even his pants for that matter, he just ripped open the button and yanked the zipper down, almost tearing it apart, before he shoved them down to his knees along with his boxers. He knelt in front of her and lifted her legs to hook her knees over his shoulders. He gripped his dick that was already throbbing painfully from being neglected all this time and guided the head to her opening. Once he was perfectly aligned, he pushed into her, as slowly as he could possibly manage with the little control he had left. He was hung and she was so fucking tight, that he could hardly believe that she had ever had a baby. He didn't want to hurt her, but Jarah was already grabbing his hips, urging him on to push in all the way. 

 

“Daryl don't tease! I need you! Fuck me, I won't break!” she was panting, a fine sheen of sweat covering her forehead. Daryl reached down and grabbed her hands, pinning them over her head once more. He used his right hand to support himself next to her head and with a quick, hard jerk of his hips he was embedded deep inside of her.

 

His loud groan matched hers and when she instantly started moving her hips up against his, he squeezed her wrists tightly. “Don't fucking move! Not a muscle or this is over right now!” he ordered, his deep voice strained. He needed a moment to think about anything but her walls clamping down on him like a hot and wet velvety vice.

 

Jarah kept perfectly still, trying not to clench her muscles. He felt incredible. It hurt a bit, but it was a good kind of pain, sweetened by his huge dick rubbing directly over all the sweet spots inside of her. She wanted more and just when she thought she couldn't wait any longer, Daryl finally started to move. Long and deep strokes started to stoke intense, lust-filled heat inside of her again. In the back of her mind she heard Daryl groan with every thrust, turning her on even more.

 

Daryl was beside himself with lust. He wanted to make it last, as long as he could, but after the first couple of thrusts he knew he was losing that battle. It's been too long and this was way too intense. It didn't take long for him to increase the speed of his thrusts and with every single one his movements got shorter and jerkier. He was nearing the edge fast, the sound of his balls slapping against her fine ass and her pleasure-filled screams were the only things he still registered apart from the tingling in his balls. 

 

“Fuuuuck Jar!!!!” The end came faster than he thought it would, the sensation of her tight walls fluttering around his dick overwhelming him. With a couple more quick hard thrusts he spilled his seed inside of her, before he collapsed on top of her, both of them desperately trying to catch their breaths. 

 

When he looked up at her he was startled to see tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

 

“Damn, did I hurt you?” he asked concerned, already pulling out of her, scared he'd do more damage if he stayed inside of her.

 

“No, you didn't. It was just so fucking intense that my eyes started watering. Sweet Jesus I've never cum that hard before in my entire life. Holy fuck,... Think it'll be like that every time?”

 

“God I hope so!” Daryl grinned, before placing a sweet kiss on her lips. In that instant he knew that he would never have another woman again. He didn't want to. He only wanted to do this with her, for the rest of his life. However long that may be.

 

########### #############

 

Unbeknownst to them, they had an audience. Shane was outside, leaning against the back of the barn, staring out into the night while he listened to them fuck. 

 

“Damn, that is one loud ass bitch. Who would've thought?”, he murmured quietly to himself.

 

'Well, let the redneck and his bitch have their fun for now.' he thought, 'they won't be able to enjoy it much longer.

 

Chapter 19

 

Daryl and Jarah stayed in the barn for another hour, just enjoying pressing their naked (or in Daryl's case half-naked) bodies together and feeling the others warmth, fingertips gently stroking each other's skin. They were both too exhausted to go another round, but they didn't mind. They had their little safe haven they could go hide in and be alone together every day now.

 

When Jarah started shivering he knew that this time it wasn't because of his touch. She was getting cold. “Come on, our bed is calling our names. Time to go back and sleep.” He got up to pull up his pants and started to collect her clothes from different corners of the small space where he'd tossed them earlier and once she was dressed they headed back to the house. This time Daryl even held her hand in his on their way back, not caring if anyone saw them right now. The others knew that they were an item anyway and while he still didn't want them to watch him kiss Jarah, holding her hand was something he could do.

 

################### ####################

 

“Jarah, can I talk to you for a moment?” It was early afternoon and Jarah was in the kitchen by herself, preparing a snack for Jamie, when Rick appeared in the doorway.

 

“Hey Rick, didn't know you guys were back already. How's that office building looking?” She knew Daryl had taken Rick to the building he had found the day before, wanting to go inside and take a look around to see if it was worth cleaning out and setting up their emergency home there.

 

“Office building? Is that what he called it? Did he happen to mention where that building was located?” Rick was slightly amused.

 

“No, he just mentioned that there was a camping store or something across the street.”

 

“Well not exactly across the street, more like at the other end of the street,... “ Rick shook his head smiling.

 

“So where is that building located then?” Jarah asked, a little annoyed by Rick not getting to the point.

 

“The building belongs to a paper and plastic recycling center and is therefore located on their lot. Huge lot, lots of space and the whole thing is fenced in. The entrance to the lot and the building are both gated. Nice sturdy iron gates. The building itself has three stories. We only looked around downstairs today, cleaning out the offices. Only five walkers in there. There were six offices, would make great rooms, but if the upstairs checks out, we think we are going to board up the windows down there and go high...” Rick explained what he and Daryl had talked about.

 

“Sounds good. So what did you want to talk about?” Jarah had no clue what he might want to talk to her about.

 

“Well as you know winter is fast approaching and I was thinking it would be good to do a big supply run. Apart from things we adults will be needing, our kids will need even more. You brought back a great supply of formula and jars of baby food and diapers and all that stuff on your last run, but we both know that it's not going to last that long, especially once we have two babies to feed. We also need warmer clothing, blankets, baby bottles, and, well you know, EVERYTHING. You said you wanted to be included in runs for baby stuff so I would like to ask you to do a run with a couple of the guys. Hershel told me about a neighborhood nearby where a lot of families with little kids lived, there was also supposed to be a daycare. I think you should check out the houses there, see what you can find.”

 

“Sounds good to me. I'm definitely in. Who else is going?” Jarah asked, even though it didn't matter to her, if things for her son and Baby Grimes were needed she was definitely going.

 

“Shane and T-Dog are going and now you. It was actually Shane who came up with the idea and he is right, we need to plan ahead and get as many supplies as we can. I was a little preoccupied and didn't even think about that.” Rick admitted with a sigh.

 

“Happens,... you got a lot on your shoulders. When do the guys wanna do this?”

 

“In a couple of days. I will take Glenn and Maggie with me to the recycling center that day. I thought Daryl might want to stay here with Jamie.”

 

Jarah laughed. “You think he wants to play Daddy daycare? Well, I don't think so but I'll ask him anyway. Jamie is more used to him than to the women. I gotta take this to Jamie now before he starts chewing on the girls' hands. Thanks for thinking of me. Let me know when they've decided on a day to do the run.”

 

“Will do, thanks Jarah.”

 

 

#################### ######################

 

Around eight that night Jarah entered their room and smiled when she heard Jamie giggle. Daryl was playing airplane with him, lifting him up over his head and waving him around in the air a little. 

 

“I'd be careful if I were you. Trust me you don't want him to drool all over your face! Happened to me the other day and I almost threw up.” Jarah warned him with a laugh.

 

“Don't be a pussy, it's just a little spit.” he lowered Jamie into his arms and grinned “your momma can gut walkers and rub their blood all over herself without even making a face, but your drool makes her wanna throw up? Thought you were the baby!” Jamie just smiled at him before cuddling his head into the crook of Daryl's neck. He was getting tired and they were about to put him to bed, but not without giving him his cuddle time. It always used to be Jarah doing this for her son, but lately he was reaching for Daryl when he came in at night, wanting to be cuddled by him before he went to sleep. Jarah was a little sad at first, but quickly got over it, because he still cuddled with her just as much as before during the day.

 

Jarah was getting out what she needed to change Jamie's diaper and quickly got him ready for bed. He still got a little bottle of milk before bed. Jarah had tried for weeks to wean him off of it, but he just wouldn't go to sleep without at least a couple of sips, so she let him. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to offer him little luxuries like that and even though it might not be the best form of parenting, she gave in. He mostly fell asleep within a minute of drinking anyway so it couldn't be THAT bad for him.

 

Daryl carefully transferred him over into his own bed and pulled down the sleeve of Jamie's onesie that had ridden up. He didn't want the little one to get cold in his sleep. Jarah watched him with a huge grin. Every single time he did something like that it took all her strength not to tackle him to the floor and kiss and screw his brains out.

 

They got ready for bed themselves, having decided against sneaking into the barn that night. Jarah didn't want to make a habit out of leaving her son in the care of someone else for hours every night, the quick make-out-session they enjoyed in the afternoon would have to be enough for that day.

 

“Daryl? I got a favor to ask you!” Jarah spoke up in a loud whisper once they were settled in each others arms.

 

“No sex in the house. There's no way the others wouldn't hear you.” he teased her.

 

“Shut up, I'm not THAT bad! That's not what I was going to ask. Rick asked me to go on a run with Shane and T-Dog.”

 

“And you want me to tell him no for you?” she could feel him stiffen. She knew he wouldn't like her to go with them.

 

“No, I'm going, but I wanted to ask you to stay with Jamie that day.”

 

“Don't need to, you're not going.”

 

“Daryl, I AM going, that is not up for discussion. We need a lot of stuff for Jamie and the baby and I told you I would keep providing for my son and I will do just that, no matter who's going with me.”

 

“Jarah, you are not going. You hear me? You are NOT going. Especially not with Shane!”

 

“Okay, I'll just ask the girls to watch him. Thanks anyway!” She rolled out of his arms and turned her back on him. She thought they were over this shit, he knew she could handle herself. Did he not trust her?

 

“Jar, come on, don't be like that. I just don't trust that fucker.”

 

“But you trust me, don't you? And I trust you to take care of Jamie while I'm gone. He loves you way more than the girls and I'd feel better if it was you keeping an eye on him.”

 

Daryl sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. “Damn, you're killing me Mason!”

 

“But you know I'm right. It has to be me! The guys don't even really know what to look for. I do! Please don't fight me on this. I am scared and worried , too every single time you go out there to check out buildings, but I trust you to be careful and come back to us and I just want you to trust me the same way.” Jarah pleaded with him.

 

“I do,... you know I do... I just don't like you being gone and with HIM on top of that.”

 

“So... you'll stay here that day? Rick wants to take Glenn and Maggie with him, so you'd be free to take care of the little one.”

 

“Looks like it's already decided,... Fine, I'll do it. Don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with him though.”

 

“Just stay with him. Cuddle him, play with him, put him down for his nap,... You've watched me do all that a hundred times by now, and most of it you already do with him every single night. Carol will be around, she'll help you out. You'll do fine, I'm sure of it.”

 

“If you say so. Now come back over here!” he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her temple, before a little sly smile appeared on his lips, “Do I get a reward?”

 

“Are you saying you wanna be paid for looking after my kid?” Jarah laughed.

 

“Not with money, but I'd accept another currency.” 

 

“Let me guess, that currency would be sexual favors?”

 

“It sounds so cheap and dirty when you say it like that.”

 

“But that's exactly what you meant, wasn't it Daryl?”she giggled quietly.

 

“Yeah,... so how about it?” he grinned, his hands just lightly brushing across her breasts.

 

“Sure, how do you wanna be paid? Upfront or when the job is done?”, she asked, playing along with him.

 

“How about half upfront and half when the job is done?” he suggested.

 

Jarah had to bite her lip from laughing out loud, because she was picturing the whole thing in her mind. “So you want half a blow job or half a hand job or whatever it is you want?”

 

“Shit, guess that wouldn't work.” he pouted.

 

“Tell you what, forget about upfront, you'll get a big reward when I get back aaaaand if you've done a really good job, you'll get a very special big reward. How's that sound?”

 

“When do you leave?” he was grinning like a fool. He still hated that she was going to leave for a run, but now he couldn't wait to see what she would come up with for his reward.

 

############ ##################

 

Three days later it was time for her to leave the farm with Shane and T-Dog. They wanted to leave shortly before the sun came up. T-Dog was her wake-up call. He knocked quietly on the door and Jarah got up as carefully as she could and opened the door real quick to show him that she was up. He left again so she could get ready.

 

Jarah quickly dressed and armed herself. She checked the box she had prepared for Daryl with everything he might need for Jamie again and once she made sure that everything was in order she walked to each bed and placed a gentle kiss on the heads of her favorite guys. When she kissed Daryl she silently wished him a lot of nerves, strength and patience for the day. 

 

She knew it didn't look that hard to take care of a kid, but in the end it was one of the hardest things a person could do and even though she was sure Daryl could handle it, she was also sure he would be dead tired by dinner time. That's why she didn't wake him up to say bye, he would need all the sleep he could get. She went to the door and with one last look at the two of them sleeping peacefully, she left.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 20

“Mmmmmaa,...ooohhhh,... mmmmmmmaaamamaa... baaa,... baaaa... booka booka booka... BABABAAAAA”

Daryl groaned and turned over on his back as he was awakened by Jamie's babbling. He looked over and saw him already standing up in his bed, looking back at him and excitedly bobbing up and down, wanting to get out and into Daryl's arms.

“Good morning little dude,...” He rubbed his face and looked around. “Your momma is already gone, huh? Alright, let's do this.” 

Daryl got up and walked towards Jamie, the toddler's arms already reaching up for him. Daryl picked him up and smiled. “Hey buddy,... how'd you sleep?”

“rrrrrrrrrrrrr... baaaa booky baaaaaa”

“Ah, your momma read you Red Riding Hood last night, dreamed about the wolf from the book, huh? Well as long as it wasn't a nightmare... C'mon lets get you something to drink.”

Daryl was almost to the door when he realized he wasn't dressed yet. Walking to the kitchen in just his underwear wasn't really his style. He looked at Jamie and sighed.

“Should have gotten dressed while you were still in bed... and gone to the bathroom. Alright buddy, back in bed with you!” 

Daryl went over and put Jamie down in his bed so he could get dressed, but Jamie didn't like that one bit and started screaming bloody murder as soon as Daryl turned his back on him..

The hunter actually jumped in shock for a moment, startled by the volume and intensity of Jamie's sudden cries, wondering for a panicked moment whether he might have hurt him somehow. Quickly he scooped Jamie back into his arms and bounced him a little.

“Ssshhhh it's okay... don't cry you don't have to go to sleep again.” he shushed him, but didn't have to do it much longer because Jamie had stopped crying as soon as he was back in Daryl's arms. He was already smiling and babbling again.

Daryl looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Really? I can't get dressed? Sorry little dude, but that's not an option. I'll get you out of your sleeping bag and then you can crawl around the floor while I get ready, okay?”

Daryl pulled the zipper of the sleeping bag down and gently helped Jamie free his arms before he put him down on the floor. That was much more to Jamie's liking, he immediately started crawling towards the box Jarah had left for Daryl, curious what toys he might find in there. Daryl breathed a sigh of relief and quickly got dressed. He sat on the bed to tie his shoes and suddenly he thought that it was way too quiet. He looked over to where Jamie sat next to the box, its contents neatly distributed around him and currently he was happily chewing on the wrapper of a paracetamol suppository.

“Shit, no no no,... that's not food.” Daryl shot up and quickly tore the suppositories out of Jamie's hands and threw them back in the box, along with everything else Jamie had gotten from it. “Okay, you can open lids,... did not know that... Your momma could have warned me.”

Daryl picked Jamie back up and took him to the kitchen to fill his sippy cup with some water, the same way Jarah always did. Jamie liked to drink while she changed his diaper and got him dressed, Daryl had watched them go through their morning ritual countless times now. He could do it.

So he went back to their room and got everything he needed before putting Jamie down on the bed and unbuttoning the onesie.

“The thing is, little kids tend to pee while they're drinking, so you gotta be really fast and try to keep the diaper over his weenie, otherwise he'll probably pee in your face and who wants that?” he heard Jarah's voice in his mind while he unfolded the fresh diaper. 

“The side with the sticky things is the back and has to be placed underneath his butt... “ Daryl murmured to himself while he quickly tore the used diaper away and replaced it with the new one. “Ha, got it. Alright, that wasn't so bad, was it?” Jamie just shot him a quick smile around his sippy cup before going back to sipping his water. Daryl quickly finished dressing him and took him back to the kitchen for breakfast.

They got through the morning alright. Everybody at breakfast had a smile on their face when they watched Daryl cut Jamie's food into bite-size pieces and helped him drink milk from a small glass. Jarah's been trying to teach him how to drink from regular cups and glasses and Daryl didn't want him to miss a day of practicing, so he held the glass to his lips instead of choosing the easier way by giving him a sippy cup. Of course most of the milk landed ON Jamie instead of IN Jamie, but Daryl was patient and kept trying with him until Jamie refused to drink any more. 

“Good job, you'll be able to do it by yourself in no time.” he said winking at Jamie who always started beaming whenever he heard the word “good” being said to him.

Carol literally forgot to eat, she was fascinated and incredibly proud of Daryl. He was a natural, every time she thought he would lose his temper when Jamie started to smear his food into his own hair or lift his plate, letting his meal tumble onto the table and to the floor, but Daryl calmly told him not to do it and went to clean everything up as best as he could, never once raising his voice or getting agitated.

After breakfast Daryl was happy that Carl wanted to join him and Jamie for some playtime. He just had to sit back and watch them. Sometimes Jamie would climb into his arms for a quick cuddle before squirming out of his arms again to play some more with his toys. But unfortunately for Daryl, Jamie liked to include people while he played and Daryl soon found a toy car being shoved in his direction by Jamie's little chubby hand. Daryl took it and Carl grinned. “You gotta make car noises!”

“I ain't making no damn car noises” Daryl shot back in a gruff voice, a light blush covering his cheeks.

“Okay I'll do it!” he took the car from Daryl, but Jamie didn't want that, he wanted playtime with Daryl now. Next thing he handed towards the hunter was one of the silk scarves Maggie and Beth always played hide and seek with. He was relieved. That he could do. He carefully placed the thin material over Jamie's head and asked 'Where is Jamie?', making the toddler grab the scarf and tear it away from his head, laughing and giggling hysterically. For some reason he loved doing that.

After playtime Jamie started getting grumpy. Daryl didn't know what to do. Jamie wanted to be lifted into his arms only to start crying and squirming out of them a second later. He had barely put him back down on the floor, when Jamie already wanted back into his arms and then back down a second later, and so on, and so on. Daryl was starting to get a little impatient. He tried everything he could think of, but Jamie neither wanted to drink nor eat anything and also a diaper change didn't do anything to help. That's when Carol helped him out.

“He's tired, it's time for his nap.” She smiled at him.

“Already? He didn't yawn or anything like he does at night.” 

“I know, but it's right around the time Jarah usually lays him down for his nap. About four hours after breakfast.”

“I'll try that, thanks.” Daryl picked him back up and took him to their room. He put him in his sleeping bag and then in his bed, but Jamie immediately started crying again. 

“Damn,... what does your momma do when you're like this? Aww no c'mon, don't do that to me!” he just remembered what she did to calm him down. Sing to him. “Trust me, you don't want me to sing to you, buddy. Ain't gonna calm anyone down.”

He tried bouncing him a little, softly talking to him, but it was of no use. Daryl let out a defeated sigh and sat down on the bed with the little boy in his arms, propping himself up against the headboard, positioning Jamie like he saw Jarah do every day.

“Okay, you win, but this stays between us. If you tell anyone I sang to you, I'm gonna have to leave this farm, don't need the women laughing and doing their 'aww' and 'uuhh' shit.”

Daryl took a deep breath and hoped nobody was around to hear him. He then started to rock Jamie a little and started singing with a quiet voice. He knew that “Hey hey, my my” always worked best and he knew the lyrics by heart by now, so he sang that. It worked like a charm. He had barely finished the first line and Jamie was quiet already. He leaned his head against Daryl's shoulder and listened, cooing and sighing happily. Even though he was hesitant and felt a little silly at first, as soon as he noticed that it relaxed Jamie, he also started to relax. He started to stop caring if anyone heard, Jamie needed this, so he would do it for him.

When Daryl started singing the song for the third time, Jamie's eyes started drooping and by the end of the song he was asleep, tightly holding on to Daryl's shirt. 

'Halfway done!', Daryl thought and was proud that he'd made it this far and that he'd actually gotten Jamie to fall asleep. He carefully shifted and made himself more comfortable. He looked down and watched Jamie's sleeping face cuddled into his shoulder. He didn't have the heart to put him in his bed and risk waking him. Also he secretly enjoyed having the little one close. He was proud that Jamie trusted him enough to fall asleep in his arms. Daryl knew that Jamie was picky about his sleep, most of the time he didn't even fall asleep in Jarah's arms, preferring his own bed once he was sleepy enough. Now he knew why Jarah was sad about that sometimes. He couldn't describe it but there was something about having your baby sleeping in your arms. It felt like there was a deep connection, a deep love and trust between them. It was still very confusing to Daryl, who never had that with anyone, much less with a baby, but now that he had it, he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 

He held him a little tighter and gently kissed his forehead for the very first time since he knew the boy. It felt incredible. And it felt right. This little innocent being with the soft, warm skin, trusted him and wanted to be loved by him. Daryl rested his mouth against Jamie's forehead, feeling more connected to him than ever and vowed in that instant, that he would be the best father he could be for the little dude. He was HIS little dude now and Daryl took good care of his own.

############ ##################

Daryl hadn't even realized that he was tired, but he had fallen asleep shortly after Jamie did. He woke up when he felt Jamie squirming and heard him babbling close to his ear. Someone must have come in to check on them because they had a blanket draped over them. He took a moment to fully wake up, before taking Jamie down to the kitchen for his lunch. Carol was there already cutting meat and potatoes for the toddler to eat. She smiled when they came in.

“Hey there you are, right on time. He is sleeping like clockwork.”

“So it's afternoon already?” Daryl asked, putting Jamie in his highchair and taking the seat beside him.

“Yeah, you guys slept about two and a half hours. I checked on you earlier, you were both snoring a little. Pretty cute, wish I had a camera, Jarah would have loved that sight of the two of you sleeping together like that.”

Daryl just nodded before digging into his own food, while Jamie munched on his. He couldn't wait for Jarah to be back. He missed her. 

################ #################

The afternoon was harder than the morning. Jamie was quite active in the afternoons, being completely rested from his nap. Daryl had never realized what a workout a baby could be. Jamie crawled into the kitchen and opened some cupboards, pulling out pieces of tupperware and whatever else he could reach, next up was the bathroom to play with shampoo bottles, then the study, pulling books from the shelves, almost tearing out some pages before Daryl could stop him. Daryl chased after him from room to room. In between Jamie would stand up and try to take a step, fall down and Daryl had to pick him up and calm him down, then Jamie wanted him to read five different books to him within 3 minutes. Always grabbing the book from him after a couple of lines and handing him another. 

Around four Daryl was exhausted and while he closed his eyes for about 30 seconds and rubbed his hands through his face, Jamie took the opportunity to crawl back into the kitchen and take a look around. Patricia was baking and didn't notice Jamie crawling in behind her. A bag of flour caught his interest and he quickly pulled himself up and tried to grab it from the counter. 

“Oh Jamie no,... DARYL!!!” Daryl's head shot up and he looked around, noticing that Jamie was gone. He quickly dashed into the kitchen and found Patricia holding a flour covered baby in her arms.

“How the hell did he do that, I looked away for two seconds!”, he sighed banging his forehead against the doorframe.

“That's all it takes. Guess a bath is in order!” Patricia tried to keep from laughing. Poor Daryl was tired and probably had no idea how to give Jamie a bath.

He plucked Jamie from Patricia's arms and walked towards the bathroom.

“Carol? I need help!” he shouted in the hallway, having no idea where the woman was, but he wanted her to hear. Thank God she was in earshot and quickly assessed the situation once she spotted them. She drew a bath, while Daryl undressed the powdered baby and tried to get as much of the flour out of Jamie's hair before it got wet. And like the whole flour debacle wasn't enough, it was also time for Daryl to face his first poopy diaper. 

“Sweet Jesus, what are we feeding you?”, he almost threw up when the sharp smell hit him. Carol had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Instead she went to get some wet wipes to clean him up a little before putting him in the tub. 

#################### #################

Together they managed to get him clean and redressed in clean clothes. All Daryl wanted to do was sleep. First spend time with his girl and then sleep for two days. He had a new found respect for Jarah and for pretty much every single mother out there who did this by herself every single day. He didn't know how she did it. Taking care of her son all day long and then at night she still had enough energy to take care of him. She was a champ. He should give her a reward when she got back instead of the other way around. Fuck that, he should give her a reward every fucking night for the rest of her life. He really couldn't wait for her to be back. He needed to take her out to the barn tonight. He had to show her how great she was.

Another hour later relief shot through him when he heard a car pull up.

“They're back!!!” he heard Andrea shout through the house and he quickly went to look for Beth.

“Hey, can you take him for a minute? I wanna go out and help unloading the truck!” he asked her when he found her in her room.

“No problem, go ahead!” she smiled and took the boy from him, before he quickly went to leave the house. He could barely contain himself, he felt like he was going to burst out of his own skin, he wanted to see Jarah so badly.

######################## ##########

The group had already gathered outside when he got out to the porch. He saw Rick talking to Shane and T-Dog. Everyone turned to look at him. Maggie looked shocked, Carol was sobbing, Andrea was looking at him with a forlorn expression, everyone was quiet.

Daryl froze. Something was very very wrong. Rick turned and walked towards him, his voice cracking.

“Daryl...”

“Where is she?” Daryl asked, tears starting to burn his eyes. 

“I'm sorry, man...” T-Dog hung his head low, shaking it regretfully.

Shane cleared his throat, he was fidgeting and wouldn't look Daryl in the eyes.

“She and I got trapped... We were almost done... T was getting the car,... we just wanted to check that last house real quick... Those walkers came out of nowhere,... small herd... I saw her go down, man... couldn't help her,... I had to jump out a window to get out... she's gone man...”  
Chapter 21

4 days earlier

“You got a plan?”, Lori asked as she met up with Shane behind the barn.

“Yeah, I'm taking her on a supply run. Already ran it by Rick and he's gonna ask her to go. Told him we're gonna go looking for baby stuff. He liked that idea. The only problem is that T-Dog is coming, too.”

“T-Dog? How are you going to do this with T-Dog there? Don't you think he'll have something to say about you trying to get rid of her?” Lori whispered aggressively.

“Calm down, I can handle it, alright? He's not gonna know anything foul went on behind his back,... Now, are you really sure you want this?” he asked her. He needed her to be sure, because he had doubts.

“Are you telling me you don't? How many times do I have to tell you, Shane? That woman in there is not who she pretends to be. She is dangerous. Nothing about her adds up. Don't you trust me?”

“I do, but,... man, taking that kid's mom from him,...” Shane sighed. It didn't feel right, but he trusted Lori and Lori felt that Jarah was a danger to the group and he didn't want any potential dangers around their baby.

“Who knows if that is even her kid, Shane. He looks nothing like her. And those stories about her pregnancy and birth? Please... Sounds like she read that in a book or something.”

“Dixon said he knew her before, saw her pregnant!”, Shane argued.

“And what a coincidence that she would hook up with him of all people. He is lying for her. She probably killed that kid's parents right at the start of this thing and took him with her to gain easier access into groups. She must have been with other groups, do you really think she would have made it alone with a kid all this time? And the way she fights? She took down Daryl for God's sake. Did you see that bruise she gave him? It was peeking out from his shirt. Why would a woman know how to fight like that? Her whole behavior is weird, she's got to have ulterior motives. She needs to go, before she takes my baby, too. You want that Shane? Do you want her to take away what might be yours?” Lori knew how to get in Shane's head and with those words, she had sealed Jarah's fate. She had convinced Shane that Jarah was a problem that had to be taken care of. 

Shane would do anything for Lori. Anything it would take to protect her and his baby. He was sure it was his. For them he would kill twice in the next couple of days. First he was going to grant Lori her wish and make Jarah disappear and after that, he was going to do something for himself. No one would be standing in his way to start his own family with Lori.

################### ##########################

Present day

“No.”

That's all that went through Daryl's shell-shocked mind. It was the only thing he said, while he held back tears. He was chewing on the inside of his bottom lip, shaking his head.

“No... No... No...” he repeated over and over. His voice eerily calm.

“Daryl maybe we should go inside and...” Rick was interrupted by the hunter's voice, this time it was louder and firmer again.

“No. She ain't dead! I'm going to that house. She needs help!” Daryl brushed past Rick to get to his bike. The group looking on with pitying looks as Rick sprinted after him, grabbing his arm.

“Daryl, there is nothing you can do. It's almost dark! You can't go back there now.”

“Nothing left of her to go back for anyway.” Shane muttered, but it was loud enough for Daryl to hear. He charged at Shane, who soon found himself being pressed against the side of the car, Daryl's hand squeezing his throat.

“Where's her knife, Walsh?” Daryl was seething. He knew Shane had something to do with it. He was acting exactly like he had the day he had come back without Otis.

“What are you going on about? Why would I know where her fucking knife is?” Shane choked out.

“When you killed Otis, you brought back his gun... You did it again, didn't you? Sacrificed her to save yourself?”

“Daryl stop,... It's not Shane's fault... It's not anyone's fault nowadays. Things like that happen.” Rick tried to pried the hunter away from his best friend.

“Not to Jarah, they don't. She's too careful to get herself killed by walkers.” Daryl argued. “That's why we need to go there. NOW!”

“I SAW her getting killed, Dixon! There's no use in going back there! The place is swarmed!” Shane yelled at him.

Daryl whirled around and punched Shane hard in the face, making him stagger back against the car. “You best shut up and pray that she's still alive. I'm going. I'm gonna kill every single one of those fucking walkers myself if I have to.”

“You won't have to” T-Dog spoke up, “I'll go with you. Show you which house she was in.”

“You're all crazy. She is gone. No fucking body no nothing. Why go back? It's fucking stupid! Rick, man, you're just wasting fuel. There's nothing to be found in that house.” Shane tried to convince him to keep the guys from going.

Rick shook his head. He could empathize with Daryl and he would try to help him get some closure, but at night it was too high of a risk.

“We'll go in the morning. I'll go with you. I promise we'll go, but we can't right now Daryl. You gotta understand that. And there's a little boy in there who needs you more than ever now.” 

Jamie. Daryl's blood ran cold. He couldn't face him right now. He would break down if he saw the little dude right now. He couldn't do that, not in front of him. He needed some space right now.

“Tell Beth I'll get him after dinner. Now let me be.” Daryl turned around and walked towards the barn without another word. The others watched him walk away until he was out of sight. They all went inside, with the exception of Rick and Shane. Rick grabbed his arm to hold him back.

“What the hell happened?” he hissed at his best friend.

“Told you man, we checked the last house and suddenly all these walkers came stumbling in out of nowhere. Must have been about 15 or 20... enough to get trapped in there.” Shane explained, trying to act casual.

“They came stumbling in? Just like that? Why would 15 or 20 walkers just go into the same house? Never seen that before.” Rick wasn't stupid. He knew things. Never mentioned he did, but he knew. He knew Lori and Shane had hooked up, he knew the baby might not be his and he knew, that Shane had killed Otis. He chose to overlook the facts, because he had also saved his son and he was his best friend, but this he couldn't overlook. It was too suspicious. Daryl was right, Jarah was extremely careful. A herd like that wouldn't have been able to just sneak up on them like that. Something else must have been going down.

“What do you want me to tell you? If you wanna know why, maybe you should go ask them. See if they answer you. I need a shower and food.”, Shane walked off, leaving Rick to wonder why exactly Shane would want to hurt Jarah in the first place.

########### #######################

Daryl sat in a corner of their little fort in the barn with his head in his hands. He refused to believe that Jarah was dead. He KNEW she wasn't. He felt it in his bones. His girl was a fighter, she was out there and probably needed his help. Still, he was scared. What if he was wrong. He might just be in denial. What if she was dead? Or worse, what if he went back and found her turned into a walker?

There was one thing he knew for sure. Shane was lying. He didn't believe one word of that story. If she was dead he was sure that it wasn't the walkers who had killed her, but Shane himself. The only question was why he wanted to kill her. She had never spoken more than two words to him. It was just crazy. He didn't know what to think anymore. Maybe they did get trapped after all,...

Daryl shook himself out of it. He really wasn't ready to think of her as dead. He would only believe that if they found something that would indicate that she was. Until then he would look for her, just like he had looked for Sophia. He would find her and bring her back to her family. One way or another. 

######### ##########################

Daryl kept his word and went back to Beth's room after dinner to get Jamie. He could already hear him crying from the hallway, calling for his momma. It was breaking Daryl's heart. He took another deep breath before he went in and took him from her, going back into their own room with him. 

Jamie calmed down a little in Daryl's arms and even let the hunter get him ready for bed. Once he was zipped up in his sleeping bag Daryl sat down with him on the bed like they had done in the morning, holding him tight and rocking him gently.

“I'm sorry, buddy. Your momma can't make it home tonight, but don't worry, I'm going out in the morning to get her back here. Carol will stay with you. You like Carol, don't you?” Jamie was still sniffling, he felt that something wasn't right. “Don't be sad, I'm sure your momma is thinking about you and missing you all the time. Just this one night, okay? We can do it!”

It took over an hour until Jamie settled down and started to doze off. This time Daryl put him in his bed. He was too restless to be sitting still all the time. He started pacing in front of the window. His mind racing in circles. A quiet knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts and before he could answer, Glenn poked his head in.

“Daryl, can we talk to you for a minute, Maggie's got something to tell you?” he whispered, scared of waking up Jamie.

“Not in the mood for talking!” he replied in a gruff voice.

“I know, but she saw something,...” They came in and quietly shut the door, even though Daryl didn't want them in there, but they both thought he had to know what she had seen, “I saw Shane in the bathroom. The door was opened a crack, he didn't seem to have noticed,...”

“You got a point or we just chatting about you being a fucking Peeping Tom?” 

“Would you let me finish? Daryl, Shane's got a hell of a lot of fresh bruises and a cut across his arm. It doesn't look like he got those injuries by running from walkers. It looks like he was in a fight with somebody else... and T-Dog doesn't seem to have any bruises on him and they both said he stayed in the car while Shane and Jarah went into that last house...”

Daryl froze, every fiber of his being filling with rage.

“Son of a bitch... I knew he was lying through his fucking teeth. He hurt her and now she's out there, in God knows what kind of condition. Time is fucking ticking, shouldn't wait til the morning.”

“Do you really think she is still alive?” Glenn asked him carefully and Daryl immediately responded with a nod.

“I KNOW she is still alive... and so does Shane.” he added.

“What? What do you mean by that?” Maggie and Glenn looked at each other with furrowed brows, before their confused glances were directed at Daryl, waiting for him to explain.

“If he had killed her then Shane wouldn't have any problem with any of us going back there. He wouldn't have to fear that someone would find her and found out that he was involved. The walkers would have taken care of her for him. He didn't get to kill her, but he tried and had he succeeded that little secret would have died with her. Now there is the chance that she comes back and tells everyone what he did. That's why he doesn't want us to find her. My guess is that she got away and is hiding somewhere. And I'm gonna find her and once I get her back safely, Walsh will pay.”

“I don't understand. Why would Shane want to kill Jarah? They never even talked?” Glenn still couldn't believe that Shane was THAT much off his rocker to kill anyone from the group, but his story about what happened didn't add up.

“That's what we have to figure out, but first we find her.”

Glenn nodded and when Daryl turned back to the window, they left the room without another word.

'Hang in there Jar, I'm gonna find you. Just get through the night.' Daryl silently pleaded with her in his mind. 

##################### ###################

She was cold. Unbelievably freezing cold. She had always liked the cold, but of course back then she had been able to climb back into bed, cuddle up under a warm blanket, drink a hot beverage and watch re-runs of Desperate Housewives or some shit like that. It was nice and comforting.

How she wished she was back in her old bedroom now, because there wasn't anything nice about the situation she was in right now and the dead walker that was laying on top of her didn't do anything to keep her warm. It gave her some comfort though. The comfort of knowing that it's disgusting stench of death and decay was covering up the scent of her and the blood she was losing at least to some extent. It didn't hide the sound of her teeth chattering from the cold unfortunately. 

She hoped she was safe for the night, she was getting too weak to even climb the stairs in the dark basement she was hiding out in to check if the door was locked, keeping any walkers from getting down to her. She also hadn't been able to board up the window she had smashed to get into the basement in the first place, she was hurting too damn much by that point to do anything but take out the three walkers that were shuffling around in there, before collapsing in the corner furthest away from the window with one of those things on top of her, to shield her scent from other undead monsters.

She needed to rest, gain some strength back, because in the morning she had to get out of there and make her way back to the farm. She needed to get back to her son and to Daryl even if it was only to say goodbye. She didn't know how much blood she was losing, but her body was hurting all over.

The fight with Shane had been vicious. She had gotten him good a couple of times, but in the end he was much stronger than her. He'd smashed her body through a french door inside the house they were in and some of the glass had imbedded itself into her skin. She was lucky that she'd worn her leather jacket, it kept her torso safe from the potentially deadly shards, but her jeans hadn't offered the same kind of protection. Her arm was throbbing and burning like fire where the bullet had grazed her on her way to escape Shane and the walkers that were swarming the house, attracted by the noises of their fight.

“You know, I actually am sorry that I have to do this!” 

His words still echoed in her head. He had said them as soon as they had entered the house. 

“But you're gonna do it anyway, because Lori told you to... what is she afraid of? Or is she just mad that I'm not fawning over her and her new baby like everybody else?” she turned around to face him and found herself face to face with his gun.

“She thinks you're dangerous... that you're not who you say you are. You're a danger to the group, can't have you around anymore. Don't worry about your kid, we'll raise him like our own.”

“Yeah, right. God you two deserve each other. One more crazy than the other. Too bad you can't see what's right in front of you. A woman as good as dead is using you to do her dirty work. Think she'll take you back? Never in a million years, not as long as Rick's alive.”

“Good thing he is next to go then! Goodbye Jarah!”

That's when he fired for the first time, but Jarah got lucky and reacted before he pulled the trigger. She dropped to her knees, slashing his arm with her knife, making him drop the gun. They fought each other until the walkers burst in. While he was distracted she made her escape. The fucking walkers literally saved her life this time.

She just had to make it through the night. And then, once she got back to the farm, she would have to make the others believe her,... if she made it that far. Just a couple of hours and she would be able to make her way back. 

If she was going to die she wanted to see Jamie and Daryl one last time.

 

Chapter 22

That night was the longest of Daryl's life. Time didn't fly, it slowly crept by like a fucking snail. 

Daryl wasn't able to lay down and sleep, he was too agitated, choosing to pace back and forth in front of the window the whole night, except for the time he had to calm down Jamie. The little fella missed his momma and woke up pretty much every 1-2 hours crying.

Every time he would lift him into his arms and rock him gently back to sleep, resting his lips against Jamie's forehead, seeking comfort in being close to the little one and this way somehow being close to Jarah.

At the first sign of dawn he immediately went to Beth's room, knocking not so quietly. He was just too antsy to be polite or quiet. She had told him to wake her when he was about to leave so she could take over watching Jamie. When she opened the door he just nodded at her and went back to his room to get his crossbow and to say goodbye to Jamie, silently promising him that he'd bring his mother back, once more.

Next on his list to wake up were Rick and T-Dog. 

“Rick, get up and hurry. Can't waste anymore time!” he banged against the door, not caring that he woke up Lori too in the process. He completely forgot that he would wake up Carl as well, but he had other things on his mind.

T-Dog got a hard kick against his right foot and as soon as he sat up and Daryl was sure he was awake, the hunter went outside to wait by the car. Once again the other men were taking too much time for his taste. He was just about to honk the horn, not caring if he woke everybody up and attracted a ton of walkers in the process, when the former sheriff and T-Dog came walking out of the house.

The drive to the neighborhood wasn't long fortunately or Daryl might have exploded. He was tense and fidgety like hell, constantly shifting in the passenger seat, telling Rick to hurry the fuck up every two minutes. 

“What happened yesterday T-Dog? Where did that herd come from? And why were you in the car? Thought you were supposed to clear the houses together?” Rick asked while he was driving along a deserted road, going as fast as he felt comfortable with.

“Shane asked me to move some stuff around in the truck so we would be able to fit more. They went into the last house, they had a swing in the backyard so Shane thought there might be more kid's stuff inside. I don't know man, I was busy with the stuff in the back. It must have been a while, when I came around to get in and drive to the house I saw all these walkers just trying to get in. Nothing I could have done by myself, would have been suicide. I drove up when I saw Shane jumping out the window, picked him up. Wanted to wait for Jarah but he said she was dead. Sorry man...” T-Dog told Rick his account of the previous day. He felt really bad about Jarah, Daryl must be going through hell. He knew there wouldn't be anything left of her, but if Daryl needed this, then they would do it for him. “Turn right... It's right there! Looks like the fuckers moved on.”

T-Dog pointed towards the house Jarah was last seen in. When Rick pulled up, Daryl already opened the passenger side door, aiming his crossbow at a walker coming toward the car. There weren't many others around. They quickly took care of the ones they encountered, before they walked up to the door of the house. They carefully checked inside and killed another three walkers that were still shuffling around inside the house. Once the house was clear, the three men started looking around. From what they could see there was no sign of Jarah or her body and much to Daryl's relief, there was not enough blood for her to have been killed by Shane or the walkers.

T-Dog was examining the remains of the french doors, while Rick was checking out the broken coffee table in the living room. 

“Looks like they closed this door to give themselves a head start and the walkers busted through it.” T-Dog speculated.

“Yeah? Then why is that glass out there in the hall and not in here? It was busted from in here. Couldn't have been the walkers.” Daryl told him.

“That doesn't make any sense!” T-Dog shook his head.

“Maybe not to you,... to me it does.” Daryl clenched his fists. Maggie didn't mention Shane having any more cuts other than the one on his arm, which meant it was Jarah who got smashed through that door. Shane was going to suffer. Long and hard. 

The hunter crouched down and examined the ground, his gaze following something from where he was towards the back of the house. It was almost destroyed by the walkers trampling around the room, but he could still see a faint trail of blood and some glass leading out of the room towards the back. It had to be Jarah's blood. Shane had jumped out of the window to his right. That's the one T-Dog had seen him come out of.

“Don't move around any more. Stay behind me.” He told the other two while he straightened and kept his eyes trained on the ground, carefully followed the trail. He didn't want to miss a single sign that could lead him to his girl.

############ #################

Just a couple of seconds later the three men were standing in the backyard, looking around. They had found some blood on the backdoor and Daryl was finally able to follow some footprints on the lawn, small enough to be Jarah's. 

“There,... she went over that fence. There's blood, too. C'mon!” They climbed the fence and found themselves in another backyard. Daryl found her footprints again and followed them around to the side of the house. They stopped in front of a smashed basement window and Daryl's heart started pounding. He knew that they were close.

“Flashlight!” he held out his hand towards Rick who handed it to him. Daryl kneeled down on the ground and looked through the broken window, flashing the small beam of light around the dark room. “She was definitely in there. Couple of dead walkers on the floor.”

“Alright, let's go in and take a look. We gotta go through the backdoor, none of us can squeeze through that small window.” Rick helped Daryl up and led the way back into the backyard and to the backdoor. It was unlocked and they quickly checked the house. There were no walkers, but also no sign of Jarah anywhere. 

Daryl finally found his way to the door that led to the basement. It was locked. His breath hitched in his throat. That meant that Jarah still had to be down there. Dead, alive or walker. He froze for a moment, dreading going down there. Finding her dead would kill him, but at least then he knew. 

He was startled from his thoughts by Rick kicking in the door unceremoniously. They each got their weapons ready, in case there were more walkers and then Rick led the way down the stairs, flashlight in one hand, gun with the silencer attached to it in the other. 

At the bottom of the stairs they stopped and looked around for a moment. Daryl's heart sank. No Jarah. He really thought she would be in here. He didn't see any signs that she had climbed back out of that window. Where was she?

Rick flashed the light around the room once more and looked at the walkers for a moment. “Stab wound to the head... Jarah only uses her knife right?”

He pointed the flashlight over to a walker that was laying in a corner in the back of the room. He was just about to move the beam of light elsewhere, when Daryl suddenly grabbed his arm.

“What?” Rick asked him, not seeing anything that would have made Daryl react. The hunter wordlessly pointed towards what he had seen. A hand. A hand was peeking out from underneath the walker. He knew that hand. He'd watched it work on making fucking granny squares or whatever that shit was called and more recently he had watched it sliding over parts of his body.

“Jar!!!” He dashed over there and tore the dead walker off of her. Rick and T-Dog quickly followed shining their flashlights on Jarah's motionless body. Her face was bruised and sported little cuts in some places. Daryl quickly checked her pulse and almost cried in relief. It was there and the other good news was that she was cold. No fever, so no bite or scratch from a walker. 

“I'll be damned... he lied...” T-Dog was stunned and Rick had his worst suspicions confirmed. Shane was responsible for this. He had tried to kill an innocent member of the group.

“Jar! Jarah, can you hear me? Come on, girl, wake up!” Daryl was trying to get her back to consciousness, he had to see her eyes open to make sure that she was really alive.

Jarah had passed out a couple of hours ago. She had tried to fight it for as long as she could, but at some point it was too much and the darkness had pulled her into its peaceful depths. She was torn out of her unconsciousness a little when Rick had kicked the door in, but it hadn't been enough to get her out of the grip it had on her.. Now when she registered in her haze that something or someone was touching her and trying to move her around, her mind instantly snapped awake and into survival mode.

Daryl almost fell back on his ass. Jarah's eyes had suddenly snapped open and within a second her knife was against his throat and the only way to escape the sharp blade was to throw himself backward. 

“Whoa hey it's me! It's me! Jar,... look at me! You're safe!” Daryl gently grabbed her wrist and moved her hand down to rest back at her side. “It's me... and Rick and T-Dog. We came back for you. You're safe now.”

Jarah needed a moment to realize that she wasn't dreaming or hallucinating. The adrenalin slowly wore off, while she stared at Daryl wide-eyed. 

“I must have passed out... I wanted to come to you! I just needed to rest first... I wanted to see you one last time!”

“What's that one last time crap girl? You ain't dyin', not on my watch.”

“Shane wanted to kill me,... almost did. Walkers saved my life. He still shot me,... my arm...” Jarah was still a little out of it, but she wanted him to know what Shane had done.

Daryl looked at her arm and saw that Shane's bullet had grazed her. “That fucker's gonna die. I'll make sure of it. We have to get you to the car, we need to stitch you up, okay?”

Jarah nodded and moved to get up, but Daryl quickly lifted her into his arms, making her cry out in pain. “Let me down, let me down!!!”

“Shit, her legs, man!” T-Dog pointed his flashlight towards them and Daryl cursed loudly when he saw what he meant. Her pants were soaked in blood and he could still see some shards of glass sticking out of her legs. He put her down on her feet as fast as he could, not wanting to cause her any more pain.

“Fuck, can you walk?” he asked her, already putting his arm around her to support her.

“Yeah, probably not very fast though. Just don't lift me up or you're gonna push the glass in deeper.” She winced when she took her first step. She was a little shaky, but the walk to the car wasn't far and with Daryl's help they made it within a couple of minutes.

Daryl got in the backseat with her, carefully pulling her against him. In the daylight her legs looked even worse. She leaned against him and closed her eyes. Apart from the bruises and cuts she was incredibly pale, the circles under her eyes a deep dark purple. He had her back, but he was still scared that she might have lost too much blood. They needed to get her to Hershel as fast as possible. He needed to patch her up and reassure Daryl that she was going to be okay. 

“Rick... pull over, we have to talk before we get back to the farm.” Jarah spoke up a couple of minutes into the drive.

“Not now Jarah, you're injured, we need to get you looked at!” Rick told her, shooting a quick glance at her over his shoulder.

“No, you have to know, before we get back. Pull over!”

“Jar don't be stupid, you're still bleeding, we need to get these cuts stitched up!” Daryl agreed with Rick, but Jarah didn't let it go.

“No, we can't talk at the farm, Shane told me stuff you have to know before we get back there. Do it Rick, now!”

Rick sighed deeply and hesitated for one moment longer, but then he slowed down and stopped at the side of the road and turned to look at her. “What is it?”

“Rick, Shane tried to kill me, because Lori wanted him to! He told me!”

“No,... why would Lori want you dead?” Rick couldn't believe that.

“She told him that she thought I was dangerous and not who I said I was. I was too dangerous to have around. Guess he believed her and wanted to do it for her because he thought she might take him back.” she explained what Shane had said to her.

“Jarah, that's crazy, why would she think that?” Rick asked her.

“I don't know Rick, guess you should ask her, but there's something else. Shane said he was going to kill you, too! And since he was about to go through with the kill order Lori put out on me, I am pretty sure he wants to go through with that little plan as well.”

“I don't know Jarah,... this is all just...” Rick didn't know what to make of the whole thing.

“What do you mean you don't know? You don't believe her? Are your eyes not working? Look at her man! You're psycho best friend almost killed her. And you know that story he tried to feed us was bullshit.” Daryl started to yell, he couldn't believe that Rick still didn't want to face the facts.

“I know... okay? I know... I just... don't know what to do!” Rick sighed defeatedly.

“I tell you what we do! We go back there and put a bullet in his head! You can't let him walk around the farm like nothing happened. He's gotta pay!” Daryl was ready to throttle the former sheriff. If he let Walsh get away with this he would kill them both.

“I agree with Daryl, Rick. You can't let him walk around a free man. He is obviously dangerous! We could put him in the barn, cuff him and take turns watching him until you know what to do with him.” T-Dog suggested.

Rick was quiet for a moment. He didn't want to do it. Shane had been his best friend for years. But he also knew that this couldn't be ignored. Every other person would have been arrested and prosecuted for what he'd done. Rick had to act on this. So he finally nodded.

“Okay... We'll take him to the barn and chain him up. Then...” Rick started but was interrupted by Daryl.

“Not the barn. The barn is our place. Take him to the fucking stables with the horses. He can be chained and locked up in one of the empty stalls.”

“Okay, then we'll take him to the stables, chain him up and then we'll talk to the others. See what they think we should do, but now let's get you to Hershel, alright? Daryl you get her in, T-Dog and I will take care of Shane!” Without another word Rick revved the engine and got back on the road.

################# ###########################

About twenty minutes later they were pulling up to the Greene house. Rick could see the whole group and the Greene family gathering outside. They were in for a surprise. The only reactions he was interested in though, were the ones of Shane and Lori. That's why he kept his eyes on them the entire time, while he got out and walked towards them, T-Dog right beside him.

Daryl got out next, the whole group watching him, already prepared to support him in his mourning. Suddenly loud gasps could be heard and it looked like the group was about to faint collectively when they saw none other than Jarah getting out of the car carefully with Daryl's help.

Shane paled and cures under his breath.

“That's your idea of 'taking care of it'? You said she was dead!” Lori hissed at him.

“I thought she was! I never thought she'd survive the night!” he tried to defend himself.

“You KNEW she was still alive when you came back? You useless son of a bitch!”

Rick watched the whole scene, his heart breaking when he realized that Lori was indeed a part of this.

“Shane, a word?” Rick looked at Shane with an unreadable expression.

“Look man, I don't know what she told you, but she is obviously unstable right now...” Shane tried to talk himself out of the situation.

“Looks like she's not the only one! We're gonna have a talk, right now! T?”, Rick grabbed Shane's arm, T-Dog doing the same on the other side and together they pushed him towards the stables. No one else noticed except for Lori, they were too focused on the ghost they were seeing in front of them.

############### #################

“Oh my God Jarah, thank God... How is that possible? Shane said he saw you die...” Carol was sobbing and running towards them, throwing her arms around the younger woman.

“I'll explain later Carol, I promise...” Jarah winced, but gave her a little smile.

“Hershel, we need your help! Where do you want her?” Daryl was shouting towards the grey-haired man.

“Beth and Maggie's room. Don't need to do this in one room with her baby!” he replied.

“My God, my baby, how is he?” Jarah asked Daryl.

“He's fine. Missed you, but I promised him I'd bring his momma back today.”

“He's still asleep.” Beth added.

“Good, thank you. Don't want him to see me bleeding all over the place.” Jarah gave her a little smile before Daryl ushered her into the house, the others watching amazed.

“Well, I'm gonna make her something to eat. She needs to get her strength back up and she must be starving.” Carol said, as Andrea put her arm around her shoulders.

“True... I'm glad she made it. I really wonder what happened in that house.” Andrea was thinking out loud. No one could explain how this was possible. They all had a ton of questions, but for now Jarah had to be treated for her injuries and needed her rest. They would find out soon enough what had happened.

For now they were glad that the little boy they all adored got his mother back in one piece and that they wouldn't have to deal with an angry, grieving Daryl.

 

Chapter 23

Hershel took a closer look at Jarah's legs while Daryl took off her boots, refusing to let her do it herself.

“I think it's best if we cut these pants off of you, Jarah. If we pull them down we risk hurting you even more.” The veterinarian grabbed a pair of scissors out of his bag after Jarah nodded her consent and started to carefully cut away the bloody fabric. “How did this happen?”

“When Shane and I fought he threw me through a door. Kicked me in the ribs while I was down. While I tried to get away I got more glass in my legs.” Jarah explained, trying to relax and not think about Hershel tugging on some of the pieces of glass that were still embedded in her skin. Daryl was kneeling next to the bed, carefully cleaning the wound on her upper arm where Shane's bullet had grazed her.

When he heard her confirm what he had assumed back at the house when they had looked for her, his rage started to build once more.

“I'm gonna kill that fucker,... slow and painful. He's gonna suffer for everything he did.” he gritted out, already imagining in his head what he would do.

“Shane is the one who did this?” Hershel's eyes looked up at her for confirmation and when she nodded he looked at Daryl, “I want him off my land!”

“Don't worry, we'll take care of him.” Daryl assured him, determination in his voice.

“Alright.” Hershel then focused back on his task. With Daryl's help he removed the now destroyed pants from Jarah's body. Finally being able to see exactly how much damage had been done, Daryl wanted to scream all the rage from his body when he noticed all the cuts and bruises, big and small, marring her beautiful legs. Instead he was gritting his teeth so hard he thought he was gonna break them. 

“I think you're gonna make it, young lady. This doesn't look too bad, from the amount of blood on your pants I thought it would be much worse!” Hershel was winking at her, making her laugh, which in turn caused her to wince.

“Yeah, I'm a bleeder. Still hurts like a bitch though! I'm gonna need stitches, don't I?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“Yes, there are a couple of cuts that look quite deep and that wound on your arm needs to be stitched up as well. I don't have anything left to numb you properly I'm afraid.”

“That's okay, I got some Ibuprofen left. It will take the edge off. Daryl would you get them from our room, please? They're in my backpack.”

“No, I ain't leaving you out of my sight until Shane and that bitch were dealt with!” the hunter refused. He was never gonna make that mistake of leaving her unprotected again.

“But Hershel's here!”

“Not up for discussion, girl! No!” Daryl was too determined to budge.

Thankfully Patricia showed up in that moment to see if she could help Hershel with anything, so Hershel sent her to get the pills and some clean clothes for Jarah. Meanwhile Hershel got out a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers and started to pull every shard of glass out of her legs he could find.

#################### #########################

“Why?” Rick asked Shane for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“You think just 'cause you ask me that over and over that my answers gonna change? Told you, I did what I had to. To protect what's mine!” Shane snarled at Rick.

“Yeah, but that's where you're wrong! Neither Lori nor that baby is yours and why would you believe that Jarah would try to hurt them?”

“Man you're a broken record, for the last time, Lori thinks she's dangerous and I believe her! I trust her, so I didn't question her... that's what a good man does for his woman, you know?” he was taunting Rick, but the former sheriff knew better than to let it affect him.

“Rick, let's go inside, man. You've been trying to get something out of him for at least half an hour. He's not talking. Maybe you should talk to Lori instead.” T-Dog suggested, knowing that they've hit a wall where Shane was concerned. 

“You're right,... She told you to kill her, so she's gotta have a reason why!” Rick turned back to Shane then who was chained up in one of the stalls inside the stables. “You'll stay in here until further notice. We'll bring you food and water.”

Shane just spit at the floor in front of Rick's feet, making the taller man clench his fists, but otherwise keeping his cool. T-Dog put his hand on Rick's arm and pulled him out of the stables, before Rick changed his mind about going back inside.

####################### #######################

After Hershel was done with her and she was dressed in clean warm clothes, Daryl carried Jarah to their room. Hershel didn't want her on her legs right away and told her to stay in bed for a day or two. 

Daryl laid down next to her, carefully scooping her into his arms, finally releasing the deep breath he had been holding ever since T-Dog and Shane came back without her, telling him she was dead.

“I never once believed it...” he said out loud.

“Believed what?” Jarah asked him, her brow furrowed in confusion.

“That you were dead. They said you were dead. That fucking Walsh said he saw you getting killed. Never believed it. I knew you were still out there. I knew you were too fucking smart and careful to get killed by walkers or by that creep.”

“Well it was close,... if you hadn't found me when you did... who knows. I was determined to get back here though.”

“Never again, you hear me, girl? You are never leaving this farm without me again. Told you I wasn't gonna lose you. This was way to close. Shouldn't have let you go in the first place. Never will again!”

“I promise. Trust me when I say that after this, I'm never gonna leave on a run without my bodyguard again.” she smiled and buried her face into his shoulder. Last night she didn't think that she would get to enjoy this again. Especially this soon. 

“I don't get why Lori would want you dead, though. Did anything happen?”

“No and baby, please, I don't wanna talk about that right now. Okay? I just wanna enjoy this bed and you and being alive.” she pleaded with him. She was too tired to even think about Lori's motives right now. If it was up to her she'd just rather forget the whole thing. Act like it never happened. 

“Enjoy me? You are out of your mind if you think I'd fuck you right now!” Daryl couldn't believe she was thinking about that right now.

“Oh my God calm down. That's not what I meant. Just hearing your voice, being near you again, that's what I fucking meant. Don't yell at me, I'm hurting!” she pouted playfully. 

Daryl shook his head smiling. He was truly amazed that she was already making jokes again. He didn't know that it was her way of protecting herself from everything that has happened crashing down on her and making her break down. 

“You are unbelievable.” he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, causing Jarah to moan quietly. Her hand slid to the back of his neck, keeping him close to her, not willing to have him break away from her. She deepened the kiss, letting her tongue ghost over his lips. She needed this. She needed to feel him, even if it was just a little kissing. Daryl complied by parting his lips, letting her tongue sweep his mouth. He lost himself in her kisses for a little while, but as soon as their little make-out-session grew too urgent, he gently pulled away, kissing the tip of her nose.

“You gotta sleep now. When you're awake again I'll get the little one in here, but first you gotta rest. Once he sees you again he won't wanna let go of you for a while.”

“You're right. If I see him right now I won't be able to sleep for the rest of the day. Hey, how was your day with him?” she smiled, remembering that they had spent the day together while she went on the supply run.

“I'll tell you later! Sleep, girl!”

“Can you stay with me until I'm out?”

“I'm gonna stay with you the whole time, Jar! Never leaving you alone again.”

“Even better!” she yawned, the exhaustion finally catching up with her. She wasn't able to press herself into his side, like she used to when they went to sleep at night, so she made him press himself against her side, by pulling his arm over her torso, holding on tight to his hand. Daryl gladly let her. He rested his head next to hers on the pillow, his nose buried in her hair, his mouth pressed against her ear. It didn't take long at all for both of them to fall asleep, finally back in the others embrace. It had only been a little over 24 hours, but to them it had felt like an eternity.

############################## #################

Daryl awoke only an hour later. The sound of the door opening had brought him out of his light slumber, ready to protect his woman, should Lori dare to come for her. He relaxed when he saw that it was Carol who was carrying a tray with two plates and two glasses of milk.

“Hey, I thought you could both use a nice sandwich. She needs her strength. How is she doing?” she whispered, handing Daryl the tray.

“Real good, so far, but maybe that's the painkillers. Her legs are cut up, she's got a couple of nasty bruises, bullet wound on her arm.” Daryl explained before he grabbed a sandwich and took a big bite. Now that Jarah was back, so was his appetite.

“Rick wants the whole group to meet up tonight. Wants to tell everyone what happened. I noticed Shane is missing from the house...” Carol said, trying carefully if he would give her some answers ahead of the meeting with Rick. 

“That's good. The meeting I mean. It'll keep everybody from bothering Jar with their questions. She doesn't need that now.” Daryl wasn't giving her what she wanted. If Rick wanted to tell them, he would let him do that. He and Jar would be there though to make sure he was telling it right. He wasn't trusting Rick where Shane was concerned, yet. He let him get away with the whole Otis thing. Daryl would make sure Rick wouldn't let him get away with this and since he didn't trust anybody else to watch Jarah, he would take her with him.

“True,... okay I'll leave you two to rest some more. Jamie is playing with Carl. He's crying more than usual, but he ate and had some milk.”

“Thanks. I'll yell when we're ready for him.”

“You do that. Take good care of her, will you?” Carol smiled at him, already knowing that he would.

Daryl just nodded, his eyes going back to Jarah. If he wouldn't know better, he'd never believe she was really 30 years old. Especially not now. Her injuries making her look even younger and completely vulnerable. When he looked at the cut on her eyebrow and her bruised jaw he once again swore to himself to make Shane suffer as much as possible without mercy.

################## #######################

Rick entered Hershel's old bedroom, the room he shared with Lori and Carl, slamming the door shut behind him. Lori was waiting for him. She knew he would come for her.

“Rick... I know you're confused, but I did what I had to do!” she started to speak before Rick even had the chance to open his mouth.

“Killing Jarah??? What kind of purpose would that serve? Tell me, because I can't figure it out. What has she ever done to make you think she's dangerous?” It was driving Rick crazy that he wasn't able to figure that one out on his own. From what he could tell both women had gotten along pretty well. He hadn't seen this coming at all.

“It would protect my family. The whole group. She needs to go Rick. She isn't that little sweet and shy woman she pretends to be. She is unscrupulous, cold-hearted and a liar.”

“You're crazy! You are absolutely insane, Lori! That woman risked her life to bring back stuff not just for her kid, but for ours, as well. She brought back goddamn vitamins for you! She never did anything wrong by you, but you want to kill her, because you somehow deluded yourself into THINKING that she is dangerous? And you went to Shane with your kill order, because you knew he wouldn't ask questions, right? That he would do ANYTHING for you. What is wrong with you? Maybe you and Shane DO belong together, because you sure as hell are no longer the woman I married years ago.” Rick was pacing almost tearing his hair out. He couldn't believe it. Didn't want to believe, that he could have been so wrong about the woman he loved.

“I don't THINK she is dangerous, Rick. I KNOW! She tried to kill before. Trust me Rick, there is a lot about that woman you don't know. Go, ask her if the name Bailey Armstrong rings any bells for her. Go ahead, do it.” Lori implored him.

“How would you know all this?” Rick was more confused than ever.

“Go ahead and ask her. Until you do, you won't believe a word I say anyway! Ask her and you'll get your answers. Until then I have nothing else to say to you.” Lori crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him, letting Rick know that she was done with the interrogation for now.

“You'll stay in this room until I say otherwise. Don't try coming out. I'll lock the door if I have to!” Rick told her before he left to get some answers.

He was about to storm into Daryl and Jarah's room, but almost ran over Carol who just exited after bringing them food.

“Oh Carol, I'm sorry. I didn't see you.” Rick apologized while he grabbed her arms to steady her.

“I noticed, you looked right through me. Everything okay?”

“I don't think anything is okay. Can I ask you something?” he asked her, lowering his voice so nobody else who might be around could hear.

“Sure, what is it?” 

“What do you think about Jarah?”

Carol looked at him suspiciously. “What do you mean, what I think about her? She's a sweet young woman, who's been through a lot, like many others in this group.”

“Did she ever give you any reason to think she was,... I don't know,... Dishonest, maybe?” Rick didn't want to call her dangerous in front of Carol.

“No never. I think this girl is as honest as they come.” Carol answered without hesitation, “Why do you ask?”

“Just trying to figure some things out. Thanks Carol. I have to talk to them.”

“Not now Rick. Jarah is sleeping, she needs her rest and some time with her son. Leave her be for a couple of hours. Whatever you wanna talk about can wait.” Carol stopped him from going in.

He sighed. He knew Carol was right. None of them were going anywhere and her son needed her. He'd give them some time before asking her about the guy's name Lori had mentioned. He needed some air, this whole situation was just too confusing. 

######################## ##########################

Jamie started crying hysterically as soon as he saw Jarah. He almost threw himself out of Daryl's arms and into hers. The loud wails coming from him almost sounded like a wounded animal. Jarah hugged him to her chest tightly. She rubbed his little back, trying to soothe him, kissing his head over and over, but Jamie had to get it out of his system. It took almost 15 minutes until he calmed down, no longer wailing but still sobbing, his little body shaking with each one, breaking Jarah and Daryl's hearts. 

Daryl had joined them back in bed, maneuvering his body behind Jarah's, careful not to let his legs come in too much contact with hers, but this way he could hug them both to him. He pulled Jarah back to rest against his chest and wrapped his arms around the two of them, gently stroking his fingers through Jamie's thick hair. 

“So tell me, how was your day with him?” Jarah asked with a smile once Jamie had settled down.

“It was good. Especially the morning. Think I handled it pretty well. None of the women had to step in.” Daryl had a proud smile on his face.

“I knew you could handle it. You really are a natural with him. And the afternoon?”

“Man, that was tough. I never thought it was that much work. You make it look easy. It isn't.”

“Tell me about it. It's like he's the energizer bunny after his nap. Sometimes he is gone faster than I can look and I have to search the whole house for him because he decided to hide underneath a table or something.” Jarah laughed, she could just imagine Daryl going crazy because the little one made the hunter chase him from one room to the next.

“That happened to you, too? Good, thought it was just me. Had to give him a bath 'cause he went into the kitchen, giving himself a shower with a bag of flour.”

Jarah burst out laughing and she couldn't stop. She was in pain, but she still couldn't stop. Her laugh was contagious, Jamie started to giggle along with her, making smile in turn.

“Yeah nice, laugh at me. It was my first time. Rookie mistake. It will never happen again.” he grumbled playfully.

“Sorry, that's just way too funny. Jamie probably had a big fat smile on his face, huh?”

“He did, thought he did a great job. I think Carol and Patricia almost pissed their pants from laughing. They think I didn't hear them, but I did. Seriously though...” he gently turned up her face to look at him “you're one hell of a woman, you know that? I have no idea how you do all that every day and deal with me at the same time.”

“Because I love,... doing it.” she stopped herself in time before she said something stupid. She almost blurted out what she had been thinking about while she was alone in that basement, but she wasn't ready to “officially” say it to him. She's never been good about that kind of thing. 

She had never told anyone she loved them, except for her ex-husband, but even with him she had only said it once or twice. Jamie was a big exception, of course. She told him everyday that she loved him. As for her ex-husband, her grandfather had inadvertently given her kind of a way out of having to say it all the time. Whenever her grandmother complained that he didn't say 'I love you' enough, her grandfather would say: “I told you that I love you at our wedding, if anything changes, I'll let you know!'

Since Jarah had never been comfortable with saying the three words, she lived by her grandfather's rule. Jackson hadn't liked it, but he had loved her enough to accept it and stopped waiting for her to say it back. Still Jarah had been able to see the disappointment in his eyes every time he was met with silence after telling her how he felt. She had tried to find other ways of telling him. She'd make cupcakes and make a special one for him with a heart on it or something like that, but she knew it wasn't the same and kind of stupid. He was her first relationship and she just didn't know how to do it.

“You remember how I wanted a reward for looking after Jamie?”, Daryl's voice tore her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, I didn't forget. You'll get it in a couple of days.” she grinned.

“Nah that's not what I meant... but I'll take it if you really want me to have it, of course.” he added the last part quickly.

“Of course... go on!” she laughed quietly.

“After I realized how hard you work everyday, I thought I should give you a reward. Every fucking night, for the rest of our lives. Wanted to drag you to the barn as soon as you would've gotten back and show you what a fucking champ you are.”

“Really? I like that. You don't have to, but I'll take it if you really want me to have it!” she winked at him.

“Smartass, one of these days I'll really have to put you over my knee and spank the shit out of you.” he growled before capturing her lips in a rough kiss, biting on her bottom lip to make her squirm a little, but he didn't go any further because Jamie was with them.

“Spank me, huh? From you that wouldn't exactly be a punishment!” she grinned, making him groan and squirm in frustration. She really was going to be the death of him.

###################### ######################

Not much later playtime was over, when Rick decided to show up.

“I talked to Shane,... didn't get anything new out of him, so I decided to go to Lori.”

“And?” Daryl hated when Rick did the whole meaningful pause thing.

“She told me to ask you something, Jarah. She told me to ask you about a name.” 

“What name?” Jarah asked confused.

“Bailey Armstrong.” Rick replied.

Both men looked on with surprise when all color drained from Jarah's face and she shot out of bed, dashing from the room, before any of them could keep her from leaving.

“Where is she?” Jarah yelled over her shoulder at Rick. Her legs hurt, some stitches probably ripped open, but she didn't care. She had to find Lori.

“In our room, Jarah, what the hell is going on?” he asked, while he followed her with Daryl in tow. 

Jarah burst into the room, facing a very smug looking Lori.

“How do you know that name?” Jarah asked, trying to keep her body from shaking.

“I know a lot more than you think.” Lori smiled triumphantly.

“Jar, what the fuck is going on? Who the hell is Bailey Armstrong?” Daryl asked, wanting to know why hearing that name upset her this much.

Jarah swallowed. She had hoped to never hear that name again, but here it was. Back to haunt her with more memories from her past.

“I am,... I'm Bailey Armstrong...”

 

Chapter 24

“What the fuck do you mean, you're Bailey Armstrong?” Daryl was stunned, but he didn't get an answer as Jarah addressed Lori once again.

“How do you know that name?” she asked Lori once more.

“You never met much of your mother's family, did you? Your father kept your mother away from them as best as he could. He always hated her side of the family. Except for your grandparents of course, they gave your parents money. Bet your mother never told you much about her family, either. Am I right?” Lori was still wearing that smug smile on her face. Jarah wanted nothing more than to kick her teeth in.

“My mother never talked to me much, except when she had something to blame me for. So no, she never told me anything about her family. Where are you going with this and more importantly, how do you know all this?”

“Don't I look familiar to you? A bit like your mother? Why do you think that is?” Lori asked her and Jarah's blood ran cold.

“Holy fuck... you're related!!! It all makes sense now!” Jarah whispered, completely stunned. Now she knew why she had always had an especially bad feeling about Lori.

Rick was flabbergasted, much like Daryl, who was completely lost.

“You are related?” the former sheriff looked back and forth between his wife and Jarah.

“I'm her mother's cousin. You remember how I told you about cousin Petra over the years, don't you Rick? And about what happened to her? What her daughter did?” Lori asked her husband. 

Rick swallowed, all the pieces falling into place now. Now he understood why Lori thought of Jarah as a danger to the group. He didn't share those feelings though. Over the years Lori had put Petra on a pedestal, even though they hadn't been in touch for almost 30 years. Petra was 10 years older than Lori and had been her babysitter for many years until she met her husband, Jarah's father and had turned her back on most of her family, but Lori still idolized her. 

They still heard about what was going on in her family from other distant family members and from what he could tell from things that some of Lori's aunts had told him, Petra wasn't a nice person. Shortly after they had a kid Petra and her husband moved away to a little town close to Montgomery in Alabama. Lori's aunt Clara wasn't related to Petra and didn't know Petra in person, but she lived in the same neighborhood they had moved to in Alabama and worked at the school's library. It was a small community and parents of other kids had told her things. She knew something foul was going on in that family and whenever Petra's daughter Bailey came into the library to check out a book for school, she could tell that the little girl was drowning in sadness. 

She had tried to talk to the little girl, but she was very shy and Clara had never been able to get much out of her. Rumors were flying, people suspecting that Bailey was the victim of abuse, physically and mentally, but there was never any hard evidence and nobody wanted to contact social services. 

Lori's grandmother had once told him, that Petra had two faces, she had experienced it even when Petra was still little, but Petra knew to hide it well and nobody really ever believed her. Especially not Lori, every single time that topic came up, Lori would get upset at her aunt and grandma for spreading lies about her favorite cousin. Rick had always had the feeling that her family was right though and Lori just didn't want to see it. He didn't know why he believed her family more than his own wife, but his intuition as a police officer led him to believe that Petra was indeed not at all the person, that Lori always made her out to be.

Rick sighed deeply, rubbing his face. “I remember., Lori!”

“Then you can finally understand why I wanted her gone. She is dangerous Rick, she tried to kill her mother over a couple of dollars.”

Jarah actually had to laugh at that. “Oh my God, is that what she told everybody? She is unbelievable. Always blaming others for her own mistakes.”

Lori wanted to charge at Jarah, but Rick held her back. “Lori, don't! Remember what I told you back then? That story they fed the family had more holes in it than a Swiss cheese. Nobody but you and a couple of gossiping women in your family actually believed that she would try to kill her mother!”

“From what I heard she would have deserved to die! Would kill her myself if I found her.” Daryl snorted. He was utterly lost and didn't know what to think. He didn't know whether he should be mad at Jarah, whether she had even lied to him or not, but he would try to figure that out, when they were alone and she could explain without that shrieking banshee called Lori interrupting her. He was sure though that she had never lied to him about what kind of a person her mother was. He could see the scars she had left on her soul when he looked into Jarah's eyes.

“Shut up, what the hell do you know about all this anyway?” Lori screamed at Daryl.

“I know enough to know that you are one crazy bitch!” Daryl yelled back at her.

“Alright, shut up, all of you! Lori, calm down. You know that your cousin wasn't an angel. A lot of people in your family knew something wasn't right with her.” Rick interjected.

“I didn't try to kill her. It was an accident.” Jarah started to explain, only to be interrupted again.

“Yeah? If it was an accident, then why did you flee to Atlanta and changed your name?” Lori sneered.

“I didn't “change my name”! Jarah is my middle name. When I left Alabama behind, I left the name Bailey behind with it. I went by Jarah Armstrong for a couple of years, then I got married and was Jarah Mason from then on. Nothing illegal going on. We've never met, how did you even know who I was?”

“I wasn't sure. I never knew you had a middle name. We were just told that Petra named her daughter Bailey. When you showed up here, you seemed familiar, but I wasn't able to put my finger on it. Then one day out of the blue I suddenly remembered a picture Grandma Liz had brought to a party, proudly showing off her only great-grandchild. You must have been about 10 years old on that picture. You look different now, sure but I couldn't shake the feeling I had, that it was you. So once we started watching Jamie and you went on your little jog around the farm, I had the opportunity to go through your things and found your and your sons birth certificates stuck in your son's photo album. And there it was black on white. Bailey Jarah Armstrong.”

“And you took this opportunity to avenge your beloved cousin in having Shane kill me? You really are my mother's cousin.” Jarah scoffed.

“I couldn't let you hurt my family. Who knows what else you are capable of if push came to shove. I know you can fight and I know you are not afraid to steal or kill if need be. For example if you feel inconvenienced by somebody... like your poor mother. Do you see now Rick? Do you finally understand? I just wanted to keep everybody safe!” Lori put her hand on Rick's arm, thinking he would think that her reasons justified her actions.

“I see Lori,.. “ he slowly removed his arm from Lori's grasp, looking at her with cold, hard eyes. “I see that you wanted to have an innocent woman killed, because she was part of your favorite cousin having a broken leg... I see that you almost had an innocent little kid turned into an orphan, leaving him with a bunch of strangers, because you are too deluded to see the truth about your cousin.”

“Rick, no...” Lori started, but this time it was Rick who interrupted her.

“Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me. You'll stay in this room by yourself until you have our baby and once that happened, you're gone!”

“No Rick you can't do this. You can't believe her! You can't kick me and our baby out and let her stay!” Lori begged.

“No Lori, I can't believe YOU! And I never said I was kicking our baby out! Just you!”

“No Rick,... no please don't do this!” Lori pleaded, but Rick turned his back on her and motioned for Jarah and Daryl to leave the room. Daryl lifted Jarah into his arms and carried her back into their room, while Rick locked the door to Lori's brand-new “cell” and took the key with him. He followed Daryl and Jarah to their room not caring about the glare Daryl shot his way, when he sat down on the edge of the bed next to Jarah.

“I am putting a lot of trust and faith in you Jarah... or Bailey... whatever your name is now. I need you to tell me what happened.”

“Okay, please keep calling me Jarah for starters. Bailey belongs to my childhood. Like I said I didn't take on a new identity because I was fleeing or something. I just started going by my middle name. That's not a crime. I did not try to kill my mother. I just tried to get her away from me. You see, my mom had these moments during which she would just go ballistic...” Jarah proceeded to tell him about her mother and what happened in her childhood. Rick started to feel relief, because some of the things she told him, he had also heard from Lori's aunt and grandma, so he was sure she wasn't lying to him. He was right to trust her.

“The last fight I had with my mother, was the day my father told her that he had been cheating on her and that he would leave her for the other woman. Of course my mother found a way to blame me for his infidelity. She lost it. She completely lost it, she was literally going crazy, she was yelling, throwing things around, throwing things at me, hitting me. It was way worse than it had ever been before. Then she came at me, yelling that I ruined her life, that she lost everything she cared for because of me, etc... she started to choke me. I couldn't breathe, I was scared. I knew that she would go through with it, she was completely out of her mind, so I fought back. I kicked her and when she loosened her grip I pushed her with all the strength I had. I didn't realize in that moment how close we were to the staircase. She fell, broke her leg. I called an ambulance, even went to the hospital with her. She didn't say a word to anyone what happened, except for my father. They talked and decided that I had to go. Move out. Get away from them. They gave me a thousand bucks and sent me on my way. That's why I moved to Atlanta, found an apartment, got a job. I was still known as Bailey Armstrong back then. It was after rehab after my breakdown that I started using my middle name. My therapist even suggested it. It would be good for a fresh start. And it was. Legally my name is still Bailey Jarah Mason, but people just knew me as Jarah Mason after I got married. Had anybody ever asked if I had a middle name or something, I would have told them that Jarah was actually my middle name. I never made a secret out of it, because I don't have anything to hide, Rick. I was just trying to leave my fucking childhood behind me.”

“I believe you. Lori's grandma Liz was your great-grandmother, right?” Jarah replied with a nod and Rick went on, “you know, she loved you very much. Regretted that she didn't help you until the day she died.”

Jarah teared up and quickly shook her head. “Don't please. I never got over her death. She was the only person I felt safe with. When she died everything got ten times worse. Just hearing her name makes me cry like crazy, so please, don't mention her.”

“I won't,... you do realize that we are family, don't you? And where I come from being family means having each others back. I know as her husband I should have Lori's back, but I can't. I can't even look at her anymore. She tried to have an innocent woman killed. Not even realizing she was wrong...” Rick swallowed, shaking his head and gathering himself again. He put his hand over Jarah's and looked her in the eyes to show her he meant what he was about to say. “You are family now. I got your back! We'll find a way to deal with Shane, I promise. You'll be safe again!”

“Thank you, Rick. It means a lot.” Jarah squeezed his hand and looked over at Daryl. She couldn't read his expression and she was worried that he would think differently about her now. They had to talk, she needed to make sure that they were okay. 

Rick noticed that it was time for him to go and leave the two to talk while Jamie was still with Andrea and Carol. He would ask them to keep Jamie with them for a couple of minutes longer to give Daryl and Jarah a moment longer to talk it out.

“Meeting tonight after dinner. We'll inform the group about what happened. I'll see you then!” Rick said on his way to the door and with one last nod at Jarah, he was gone.

“Are you mad at me?” Jarah asked Daryl as soon as Rick had closed the door behind him.

“Should I be?”

“Actually, no... I never lied to you.” Jarah thought about it. She hadn't purposefully kept anything from him.

“No you didn't,... you just never told me your real name. Or that people thought you tried to kill your mother. Or that she tried to kill you.”

“Because I didn't know, Daryl. I didn't know that that's what she told her family. When I went to the hospital with her she didn't say anything to the doctors, just told them she fell. And I left like two days after that and never heard anything about that shit again. And Jarah IS my REAL name, Daryl. You wanna check my ID?”

“Why didn't you tell me about her trying to kill you?”

“Daryl, I told you what kind of person she was, if I told you every little thing she did, we'd still be sitting here a year from now. And what would change if you knew everything?” 

“I don't know Jar,... nothing probably... just wanna kill her for you even more.” he sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes. His mind was on overload and he felt dead tired. “This shit is just too much to process in a couple of minutes. Fucking Lori being your family. Shit,... you always knew there was something about her. Should have taken you and little JD and left weeks ago. Nothing of this shit would have happened.”

“Then some other shit would have happened, who knows. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. What's done is done and we just need to forget and move on.”

“Goddamn it, would you stop being so fucking calm about shit like that all the time? Fucking pisses me off! First Shane tries to fucking kill you and then we find out that Queen Bitch who tried to get you killed is like your fucking cousin ohr something. Stop being so fucking reasonable. We're not just gonna forget and fucking move on! They have to pay!” Daryl yelled at her frustrated.

“Yeah? And what good would that do? What good does it do to freak out and yell?” She shot back. Daryl was about to yell right back again, but he closed his mouth again and hung his head before he plopped down on the bed next to her.

“I'm just fucking tired of thinking I'm gonna lose you. I feel like I'm failing you all of the fucking time.” Daryl sighed, sounding defeated.

“You're not. You found me, brought me back, remember? You didn't give up on me. You took great care of my son while I was gone. You're not giving yourself enough credit. You are doing an amazing job. Nobody could have anticipated what happened. Now come here!” Jarah pulled him to her and guided his head to rest on her chest. 

“I know this is a lot to take in, Daryl. For me, too. Let's just try to move on, one step at a time. And know this, I really never lied to you. I am an open book. Some stuff just never came up. If it had I would have told you about my name and everything... just please don't be mad at me. I can't handle that.”

“It's just when you said you were that Bailey person, I felt like you had lied to me for a minute there... Now I know you didn't... I'm not mad. Not at you... Sorry I yelled... again.” he apologized quietly.

“It's okay... just don't promise you won't do it again, because we both know you'd break that one.” Jarah smiled while she played with his hair.

“Yeah, hate to say it, but I guess you're right.” Daryl muttered and closed his eyes. “Can't believe you're related to that bitch.”

“I should have known,... she looks a lot like my mother. And that dream I had,... Well, it's too late now and she'll be out of our hair soon.”

They lay in silence for a while, both trying to wrap their minds around what happened and trying to get some rest.

“So... your initials are BJ?” she could practically hear Daryl smirk when he spoke up after a couple of minutes, “as in Blow...”

“Stop! Ass...” she laughed. She was glad he was back to teasing her. It meant that they were okay.

“You made fun of my last name first time you heard it” he smiled up at her.

“True, guess we're even then! Man I wish my legs were okay,...”

“Why, couple of days in bed won't be too bad. Could be worse!”

“Yeah, but I would really like for you to take me to the barn and get rid of some of that frustration together.” she grinned when she heard him groan.

“Don't start, it's just gonna make it harder!”

“Oh yeah? Let me feel!” Jarah grinned and moved her hand towards his crotch. He caught it quickly and moved it away from him.

“I said stop! You torturing us both is not gonna make the next couple of days easier.”

“Who said that we would have to wait days?”

“Hershel wants you off your feet for some days, remember?” 

“Yeah, and I would be off my feet with what I have in mind. Only need my hands and my mouth” Jarah almost had to laugh at Daryl's stunned expression. 

“You need to rest, now stop teasing or I will put you over my knee one of these days, teach you a thing or two about teasing.” he threatened with a smirk.

“Once again, doesn't sound like punishment to me!” Jarah laughed and took his face in her hands, pulling him up to kiss him. They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Andrea was here to bring Jamie back to his parents. 

The three of them played and cuddled together. Daryl hugging them both to him like he did earlier, while Jarah read them a story. It helped them forget everything else for a while before it was time to face the group and having to go over the events of the past 24 hours again. 

Daryl knew Rick would let the group take some kind of vote about what to do with Shane and Lori. It drove him crazy. Rick should leave it up to him and Jarah to decide what would happen with them. Daryl already had some great ideas in mind and they all had the same outcome. Slow and painful deaths for both of them.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 25

“I know everybody has a lot of questions and is wondering what happened on that supply run.” Rick started talking when everybody from the group, minus Lori, Shane and Carl, was seated in the living room. Rick had talked to Carl earlier to explain what was going on and it didn't go very well. The kid has been hiding out in his room ever since.

“When he came back with T-Dog, we all heard Shane say that Jarah was dead. Heard him claim that he saw her die. Obviously that was not the case.” he paused, looking at the floor, trying to choose his words carefully although he knew there was no good way of saying what he had to say. “When we found Jarah, she told me what had happened. I couldn't believe it myself, but... well I talked to Shane about it and he confessed.”

“Confessed what?” Dale asked, although he was sure he knew the answer already.

“Shane tried to kill Jarah,... on Lori's order.” Rick finally said it, releasing the breath he'd been holding.

There was a moment of complete silence, before all hell broke loose. Everybody had something to say, their voices getting louder and louder because everybody tried to be heard over the voices of everybody else. Jarah was close to bolting from the room, the noise of the loud voices causing an anxiety attack to flare up. Daryl noticed that she stiffened and that she was breathing faster and quickly grabbed her hand and leaned over to whisper in her ear that she was gonna be okay and that he was there for her. She squeezed his hand in a death grip, but started to calm down.

“Everybody shut up! Only one person at a time!” Rick yelled at the group, efficiently shutting them up. 

“Why in the world would Lori want Jarah dead? That's bull, Rick!” Andrea was pissed off, that Lori's own husband would accuse her of something like that.

“It's not Andrea. Now calm down. We are not here to decide whether or not it's true. I am just telling you what happened. It is true. Both Lori and Shane confessed, that they indeed did try to get rid of Jarah. Lori convinced Shane that she was dangerous and had to go, so Shane went ahead and tried to shoot her. Jarah was able to get the gun from him and they fought, which attracted the walkers, because Shane was distracted by them Jarah was able to escape and hide out in the basement of another house.” Rick explained. 

The rest of the group was stunned, but not nearly as upset as Andrea. None of them have ever really trusted Shane and everybody knew that he had acted pretty crazy lately. What shocked them though was Lori's involvement. Andrea kept shaking her head, not believing a word Rick was saying.

“Why would she ask Shane to kill Jarah?” Glenn asked what everybody was wondering.

“That is a long and complicated story. Lori and Jarah's mother are cousins!”

“WHAT? How is that possible? Lori and Jarah didn't even know each other when she showed up here!” Andrea was near exploding again.

“Because they never met before. Jarah's mother was estranged from her family for many years.” Rick told the group the whole story, behind Lori's decision to have Jarah killed, sticking to the basic facts and trying to keep it as simple as possible. The group still bombarded them with questions, wanting to know every little detail. It took almost an hour until it was quiet again, everybody's curiosity sated for the moment.

“Now you know,... I guess you have to decide for yourself whose side you are on, but the facts are clear. Lori and Shane wanted to kill an innocent women. And so far neither of them is showing any signs of remorse. They both think their actions were justified. Now we have to decide what to do with them. How to punish them. For now Shane is locked up in the stables and Lori in her room.”

“You know what I think. Kill 'em both! They deserve it!” Daryl wasn't shy about voicing his opinion this time.

“We can't do that Daryl. Lori is pregnant. Kill her, you kill the baby. I am pretty sure nobody would be able to live with themselves after that.” Jarah tried to reason with him.

“And killing them would make you just as much of a bad person as they are! We can't just kill our own.” Dale told him.

“Really? But that's exactly what they tried to do. I say an eye for an eye.” Daryl was seething.

“I don't want to be a part of this discussion. I am just going to say one thing. I want that Shane off my land! One way or another!” Hershel said while getting up to leave the room.

“What if we blindfold him and take him far away from here and leave him out on the road with some supplies?” Maggie suggested.

“You can't be serious?!” Andrea couldn't believe that they were now talking about getting rid of Shane. “No, I won't be a part of this. I'm out! Everybody knows that you've been wanting to get rid of Shane for a long time now. This smells like a conspiracy. He's been your best friend for years. Lori is your wife for God's sake and now you choose a stranger over them? No way, not with my help. If you get rid of Shane, I'm gone, too!” and with that the blonde left the room.

The room fell silent again. Everybody lost in their own thoughts, not knowing what to do.

“Jarah? What do you think should be done?” Carol had sat down next to her and was gripping the younger woman's free hand in hers.

“I don't know. We can't do anything about Lori except what Rick already did, keep her in her room. Shane... I really don't know. I don't think killing him is the answer. What Maggie said sounds good, but I'd be scared that he would find his way back here somehow and take us out in our sleep.”

“Do you really think he would go that far if we let him go? Come all the way back to get revenge?” Dale asked, unsure if even Shane would do that.

“Yes. Before he tried to shoot me he told me that he was also planning on killing Rick. He wants no one to stand in his way of being with Lori and the baby. I am very sure he would do whatever it took to come back for her and take some of us, if not all of us, out.” Jarah told him, leaving no doubt in Dale's mind that she was sure that it would happen.

“Then what other option do we have other than to keep him under arrest in the stables and have people watch him all the time?” Glenn asked looking at Rick. 

“Yeah but Hershel wants him gone, Glenn. I think taking him away and leaving him somewhere by the side of the road might be the only thing we can do.”

“Great. And then what? Wait around until he comes back and tries to finish the job? We'll be constantly looking over our shoulders, not just because of walkers anymore but because of that motherfucker. The minute you let him go, this farm becomes a lot less safe. Especially for the three of us and you know it.” Daryl was still trying to convince Rick that killing Shane would be their best option.

“I don't think we'll come to a solution tonight. Let's just all go to sleep and think about it for another day or two. He's locked up, can't do any damage while he is in there.” Rick told them before he left the room.

“Fucking pussy, still not able to make the hard decisions.” Daryl muttered, causing Jarah to sigh deeply.

“Daryl stop. Rick is doing the best he can. Come on let's go to bed, I'm tired and really don't feel like talking about this anymore.” 

Jarah wished everybody a good night as Daryl scooped her up and carried her back to their room. She was very worried about him, he'd been different since they got back to the farm that morning. She hoped that maybe it was just the stress of everything that happened and it would pass in the next couple of days. She didn't know if she would be able to handle him being this tense and aggressive for a longer period of time.

She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She hadn't been able to rest all that much during the day and the painkillers were making her sleepy, not to mention the stress level that had been raised to an extreme high by the events of the past 24 hours.

Daryl didn't get that lucky. As soon as he closed his eyes the images of finding her in that basement bruised and bloodied and unconscious, started coming back to him. The wound on her arm, all the cuts on her legs, how her face scrunched up in pain every time Hershel's needle pierced her skin to sew up the largest ones. Once again being unable to take the pain away from her, almost killed him. Shane had made her suffer again. They couldn't just let him go scot-free. Daryl could feel the rage start to build inside of him again. His fists clenching rhythmically. Sleep wouldn't come anytime soon. It was time to blow off some steam.

 

############## ########################

Shane looked up when he heard footsteps coming closer, an arrogant smile forming on his face when he saw who had come in to pay him a visit.

“Your bitch send you to rough me up? What, is she too afraid to come here herself?” Shane sneered.

“That's always been your problem, Walsh. You just never know when to shut the fuck up!” Daryl crossed his arms over his chest when he came to stand in front of the chained up ex-cop.

“Oh yeah? Neither does your little slut! You should teach or some manners, man! Or at least gag her real good next time you fuck her! Stupid bitch almost burst my eardrums!”

Shane's smug grin was quickly wiped off of his face by Daryl's fist connecting hard with his jaw.

“You don't fucking talk about her!” Daryl growled menacingly.

“Or what? You'll beat me up? I am so scared, Dixon! You know, too bad I wasn't able to take my time with her! Put her in her place! Unlike you, I would have been able to shut her up! Would have shoved my dick so far down her throat that she'd turn blue in the face! Man, that would have been a great way to off her!” Shane was taunting Daryl, and it worked.

Daryl saw red. He charged at the man and punched him with all his might several times, until Shane was near losing consciousness and blood was streaming down his face.

“I'm still able to make you shut up, Walsh.” Daryl panted and unsheathed his knife. He made quick work of Shane's shirt, throwing the shredded fabric to the side. 

“You wanna know how many cuts she got because of you? Twenty-three! I counted them all. Seventeen on her legs, three on her hands and two on her face. From what I can see, she only got you once. How about we even out the score?” Daryl fiddled with his knife, enjoying the fear that flashed in Shane's eyes for a brief moment.

He stepped closer towards the cop and got in his face. “Let's see how loud you can scream!”

Daryl pressed the tip of his knife into the skin of Shane's chest and slowly drew the blade from the left over to the right side, leaving a perfectly straight trail of blood to appear on Shane's chest before it started dripping down towards his stomach.

“You fucking piece of redneck trash. I'm gonna kill you! You and your little slut!” Shane screamed as the sharp burning pain shot through his body.

“Really? To be able to do that you'd have to survive the night! So far, I don't like your chances!”

Daryl was just about to make the second cut, when he was roughly pulled back, the knife getting knocked out of his hand.

“Daryl no!!!! That is not how we do things!” Rick screamed, while he wrestled with the enraged hunter. 

“He deserves it! You know he does. I want him to feel every bit of pain she went through!”

“I know Daryl, trust me I understand. But you doing this? It changes nothing. It might help you for a little while, but in the end, it's not doing any good. It's not helping anybody, especially not Jarah! Now, will you keep fighting or can I let you go?”

Daryl broke free of Rick's grip and went to get his knife. “Go to hell, all of you!” he muttered and shot the two men one last look before he left the stables.

He didn't go back into the house that night, preferring to hide out in their room in the barn. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep and he didn't want to risk waking up Jamie and Jarah by tossing and turning all night long. So he spent the night in the barn. Cold, alone and brooding. Thinking of ways on how he could keep his family safe in the future.

###################### ####################

The next morning he returned to the house. He went into the kitchen first to get the sippy cup for Jamie, so he wouldn't have to leave the two of them again later. He couldn't find it anywhere, so he asked Carol, who had just walked in, if she had seen it.

“Yeah, I already got it for them when we woke up!” Carol replied, looking at him none too pleased.

“We?”

“Yeah, I spent the night with them in their room. Jarah had a bad nightmare, woke up screaming for you. Took some time to calm her down, especially since you weren't here. You told her you wouldn't leave her alone, Daryl...”

Daryl froze and immediately felt like shit. He had promised her over and over that he wouldn't leave her side, that he would always be there for her and yet he had left their bed last night without even thinking twice about it, too absorbed in his want for revenge, when he should have known that it was very possible that she'd have nightmares and would need him to help her through it. He really was good for nothing, just like everybody had always told him.

“Shit,... she awake now?”

“Yes, she is. Go, they need you!” Carol could sense his hesitation and gently smiled. “She is not mad. She's not feeling well, though so whatever you do, try not to yell at her, okay? We all heard you doing that yesterday.”

Daryl just nodded and went on his way. He dreaded facing her, because he was ashamed of his behavior. No wonder really, that she still tried doing everything alone. She knew she couldn't count on him. He kept telling her that he was going to protect her and then he just keeps leaving her on her own and then he yelled at her for it. He was a shitty boyfriend. He didn't know what she was even doing with him. She deserved so much better.

“Hey, there you are!” she sent him a tired smile when he finally had the balls to enter the room. She looked so pale and exhausted, Daryl felt ten times worse than before he'd come in.

“Hey,... “ he took off his boots and laid down next to her in bed.

“Rick told me you went to see Shane...” Jarah told him after a moment of silence, “... do you feel better now?”

“No,... you mad?”

Jarah sighed deeply while she looked up at the ceiling, trying to think about what to say.

“Well, I'm not happy about it... But on some level I understand,... some sick side of me is even proud you did it. I would possibly wanna do the same thing if he would try to kill you.”

“Proud? Really?” Daryl was surprised.

“Yeah,... No one has ever really cared about me or about what happened to me. Not enough to do something about it. And now, here's you. You really can't stand someone hurting me and that's kind of a first. Okay my ex cared, but not like you. You are so fiercly protective of me, of us, and it makes me proud that I can call you my man.” Jarah blushed, hoping she had chosen the right words. 

“Do you even want to call me that after all this? I can't do nothing right, wasn't even here last night when you had that nightmare.” he didn't dare looking at her. He felt too shitty about that.

“Daryl, of course I still wanna call you that. Don't be so fucking hard on yourself all the time. People make mistakes. Sure it wasn't THAT nice to wake up alone, but I'm kind of used to it from years of practice. Also Carol came running in like her ass was on fire, so I was taken care of. No worries.”

“Seriously? How can you be this calm again? Does anything ever upset you? Can't you just yell at me once? I think it would make me feel better!” Daryl just couldn't understand why she was so cool about everything. It made him feel even worse, that she just let him get away with leaving her alone in the middle of the night.

“It took me years to learn not to get upset over things I cannot change. At one point I just gave up and stopped raising my blood pressure to unimaginable levels by getting stressed out. It never helped anything. I never felt better after yelling and acting out. By now it takes a long time for me to be so upset about anything that I'd actually start yelling. So sorry, but no. I won't yell at you. At least not now.” 

“I don't get it, I'd start throwing things if I were you.” Daryl muttered.

“Like my mother? No thanks. I don't know, I am just used to people breaking their promises and not doing what they said they would do. I am so used to it that it doesn't even bother me anymore. I don't expect anybody to keep their word” Jarah tried to explain once more, hoping he would get it this time.

“I don't want you to be used to me not keeping my word! I don't wanna be like everybody else in your fucking life.” Daryl's temper was starting to flare up again.

“Daryl, I swear to God, leave it be. If you start yelling in front of Jamie again, I WILL kick your ass. That is the one thing I DO get upset over!!! What is wrong with you? You've been weird ever since we got back yesterday!”

“Whatever, I'm out of here!” he brushed her off and jumped out of bed to grab his crossbow and leave the room. Leaving an utterly lost Jarah behind. 

Carol came in a minute later after she witnessed Daryl storming out of the house. She knew Jarah needed help with Jamie for a couple of days and with Daryl not around she decided that she would help the younger woman.

“Hey,... everything okay?” she asked upon entering the room. She could feel the tension in the room.

“I don't know what's wrong with him. One minute he is all shy and apologetic and then the next minute he suddenly starts yelling. I hope he won't keep it up. I can't deal with that all the time.” Jarah was sad. She wondered what she was doing wrong for him to be like this. 

“It's Daryl,... he'll come around. Probably just needs some time to deal with everything that's going on inside of him. I'm sure he blames himself for what happened to you. That he let you leave with them in the first place. Now come on, let's get this little guy ready for breakfast. What do you want him to wear?” Carol smiled, trying to distract her and get her to focus on happier things. She really hoped Daryl would be able to get his act together, because the two of them needed each other to heal.

################## ######################

Chapter 26

Daryl didn't go back to the house all day. By nighttime Jarah had enough. She waited until Jamie was asleep and carefully got out of bed and walked around a few steps. The stitches on her legs felt a little uncomfortable, but nothing she couldn't handle. She had been through much worse during her pregnancy. She put on her loose-fitting sweatpants, slipped into her sneakers and got out a brand-new bottle of whiskey she had stashed in her backpack since her first run alone. She took the walkie talkie and went in search of Beth or Maggie to ask them to keep an eye on Jamie.

The room the sisters shared was empty, instead she found both of them in the kitchen cleaning the dishes. Maggie looked up in surprise when she hobbled in.

“What are you doing up? You're supposed to rest!”

“I gotta go kick some redneck ass. Any idea where he is?” Jarah asked, while Beth already took one of the walkies from her with a smile and a nod that meant that she would keep her eyes and ears open.

“As far as I know he is in the barn. Saw him go in there hours ago, but haven't seen him come out! You really shouldn't walk all the way down there!” Maggie warned her.

“I have to, he is driving me insane with his behavior. I can do it, I'll be careful!”She winked at Maggie and put her hand on her arm in a silent gesture that told her not to worry. 

Jarah left the house with the bottle of whiskey in one hand and her knife in the other. You never knew what lurked outside in the dark and nothing would stand in her way of making Daryl talk tonight. She needed to know what was going on with him and help him get over it. Otherwise she would have to distance herself from him, because the way he was acting was getting her down and moody and she really didn't need that. She needed to be clear and strong and as happy as she could be for Jamie.

##################### #########################

Daryl looked up and grabbed his crossbow when he heard shuffling coming from inside the barn. He heard the ladder creak and footsteps coming closer. He hoped it was Shane. He hoped that he had somehow broken free and had come to kill him, that way Daryl would finally be able to put an arrow through his skull and take care of that problem once and for all.

“It's just me, so don't accidentally shoot me, 'cause you think I'm somebody else!” he heard Jarah call from behind the wall of hay before he saw her enter their little space.

“What the fuck are you doing? You're not supposed to be walking around.” Daryl grumbled.

“Well, you're not supposed to be avoiding me, but you're doing it anyway, so why the fuck should I stick to the rules? Here...” she handed him the bottle of whiskey and slowly sat down next to him on their bed of sleeping bags.

“You can't drink with the painkillers you're taking!” he told her while taking the bottle from her.

“I don't intend to. YOU are going to drink and then you are going to tell me what the hell is going on. You say you're not mad at me, but then you seem like you are. We really got enough going on Daryl, we don't need relationship drama. We're not freaking teenagers.”

Daryl opened the bottle and took a long swig. He closed his eyes and felt himself relax a little. The alcohol was exactly what he needed. Not even hunting had made him relax and calm down today.

Jarah let him drink in silence. She knew that if he would talk, he would do it in his own time. After a couple of more swigs Daryl screwed the cap back on the bottle and started to fiddle around with it.

“I'm not mad at you...” he started, not looking at her while he talked, “I don't know, my head is just full... I feel like...” he paused again, trying to think of a way to explain what was going on in his head.

“I wanna clean up in here,...”, he motioned to his head. “ I feel like I want to grab stuff and put it in separate boxes to go through later, but every fucking time I try to grab something, it moves, pulling away from me over and over and I end up chasing it around my head. I feel like I can't focus on anything or make sense of anything. It's just all a big mess.”

“Is it because you can't kill Shane?”

“I guess that's part of it,... I wanna keep you safe, so fucking much, but I don't know how. Not as long as he is still around. I think we should leave. The three of us. Go to the recycling center, set up camp there.”

“You know we can't yet. It's not ready. We'd give up important supplies for Jamie and you always say there's safety in numbers.”

“Yeah but not if two of the numbers want you dead, Jar.” 

“They are locked up, baby. They can't hurt me anymore. You will HAVE to get over that, Daryl. Please. We need you!”

“You don't need anybody. Showed me more than enough times now.” Daryl muttered.

“True, but I CHOOSE to need you! That's got to count for something, right?”

“Why me? You're too good for me. You let me get away with anything and what do you get in return? Nothing!”

“I am not letting you get away with anything. You haven't done anything wrong, Daryl. You are the only one who thinks that. And you gotta stop! You haven't let me down in any way. Fine, I WAS disappointed that you avoided us today but you needed your space to try to come to grips with things and that's okay, but we both gotta learn to talk about things instead of running away from them. Okay?” she sent him a little smile and slowly slid her hand in his and was relieved when he squeezed it and intertwined his fingers with hers.

“Okay,...” he unscrewed the bottle once more and took two more swigs, he needed to steady his nerves.

“I think I love you, Jar!” the words rushed out of him so fast like they got burned by his tongue, “and it scares the shit out of me.”

Jarah looked at him surprised. She really hadn't expected that, but she was relieved to hear him say it, knowing that she was indeed not the only one who was 'all in'.

“Same here.” she grinned and squeezed his hand once.

Daryl sighed a breath of relief and dared to look at her again. She was practically glowing and knowing that he was the cause for that, made him relax and momentarily forget the dark thoughts that have been haunting him all day long.

“Hey I had the balls to say it, now you can't say it back properly?” he smirked at her.

“Well you had yourself some liquid courage! I didn't!” Jarah laughed.

“So? Aren't women supposed to say it all the time without being drunk?”

“Since when am I like all the other women?”

“True. It's what I like about you.” he admitted.

“See? It's part of my charm!”, she joked.

“You really ain't gonna say it, are you? Guess I will have to make you say it, huh?” Daryl smirked and carefully grasped her ankles and slowly pulled her down from her sitting position to lay down on the sleeping bag.

“Oh yeah? And how are you going to do that?” she asked while she let herself be pulled into the position he wanted her to be in, excitement and anticipation building inside of her.

“I might know a way or two... you'll see!” he pulled the zipper of her black sweat jacket down, parting the fabric by pushing both sides away from her body, a little grin forming on his lips. “You cold or just excited to see me?”

Daryl lightly scratched his fingernails over her hardened nipples that were poking through her thin tank top, making Jarah hiss in pleasure.

“I could be mean and say it's just the cold, but we'd both know that it's a damn lie.” she giggled, before sucking in a deep breath when she felt his warm and calloused hand slide underneath her top and pulling it upwards until it was stuck underneath her armpits, baring her tits for his eyes to feast on.

“Damn, you're the prettiest thing I ever seen! I love this fucking piercing, don't ever take it out!” he groaned and leaned his head down, letting his tongue play with the tiny balls of her nipple piercing.

“Not in a million years. You doing that feels way too good. Why should I go without it if I don't have to?”

“Damn right!” he grinned before he lightly nipped on her nipple, making her arch her back to push more of her breast into his mouth. Her gave her nipple a nice and hard, wet suck, having her moaning his name, before releasing it from his mouth and sitting back up with an evil grin. “Too bad you're gonna have to, unless you tell me what I wanna hear!”

“What? You're withholding sex? What, are you the woman, now?” Jarah laughed, trying to pull him back to her, but he wouldn't budge.

“Watch it,... you're only going to make it worse for you! You know what happens when you tease me!”

“But I love the way you get when I tease you.” Jarah sat up and wrapped her arms around him, slowly kissing along his jaw towards his mouth. “I like when you get all rough and bossy!”

“Do you, now? Good to know, won't do it until you say it!” he grinned pulling away when she tried to kiss him.

“Daryl, you are driving me insane!” Jarah was laughing, but on the inside she felt ready to tackle him and take what she wanted. She buried her hand in his hair and held him tight, trying to kiss him, but Daryl was stronger. They struggled and wrestled a little, both not ready to give up and it didn't take long for them to get very “excited”. Daryl lost the fight, when they stared into each others eyes, both panting from the sexual tension inside of them and inside of the room. He crashed his lips down on hers, wasting no time to plunge his tongue into her mouth and stroking hers in a way he knew got her insanely aroused.

He had just pushed her back down on the sleeping back when they both got a cold shower. The walkie next to them crackled to life and they heard Beth's voice. 

“Jarah, Jamie is crying and I can't calm him down.”

“We'll be right there, thanks Beth.” Jarah radioed back and sighed. “Damn, the luxurious life of a parent. C'mon Dixon. You gotta carry me back.”

Daryl helped her up, pulling her against him and kissing her deeply one last time.

“Fine, but this isn't over! Promise!” he growled at her, before he slung his crossbow over his shoulder, then picked up his girl and carried her back to the house. He would get her to say it, he would make sure of it.

 

Chapter 27

“Oh goddamn fucking hell, Jar! You're killing me!”

Daryl groaned and tried to grab her hands, but once again she swatted his away, shooting him a stern look.

“Keep your hands to yourself, Dixon or I will leave you to finish this by yourself. This time, I'm in charge!”

“Goddammit, woman!!!” Daryl closed his eyes and let his head fall back with a groan, making Jarah giggle.

“Oh come on, relax baby,... it's not like you're not getting anything good out of it!”

That much was true, but what was happening right now was completely new to Daryl and he had a tough time fighting his instincts. Sure, he wasn't the most experienced lover in the state of Georgia, he could actually count the woman he'd been intimate with on one hand, but he still knew what women liked. He grew up watching tons of porn videos, courtesy of Merle and he'd secretly read some books his mom had hidden in the bottom back corner of her closet, so he considered himself pretty informed about the basics. The rest was just kind of learning by trial and error. And he liked the trial part. He liked experimenting and finding out what worked and what didn't. Another thing he liked? To be in control of the situation. To be in charge and drive Jarah out of her mind with pleasure.

His girl was kind of a control freak and being able to make her lose that control was the best thing ever. That he, Daryl Dixon, good for nothing loser and white redneck trash Daryl fucking Dixon, was able to make her let go and make her have the hardest and most intense orgasms of her life, was even more satisfying than his own orgasm.

It had never occurred to him that Jarah might feel the exact same way about him and his pleasure. 

########### #######################

It had been a week since Shane had tried to kill her and Daryl had brought her back from her hiding spot in that basement. A week since he had told her that he loved her. She had yet to say it back and Daryl was still determined for her to do it, but his urging her to do so was more playful than serious. He knew that she loved him. She showed him a lot without using words. He could tell by the way she looked at him and kissed him. They had grown closer in the past week, both emotionally and physically. He was getting very good at figuring her out just by the look in her eyes and he didn't think that she could surprise him very much anymore.

Boy, he couldn't have been more wrong. That night, she'd surprised him in more ways than one.

When she had grabbed him and dragged him to the barn earlier, saying something about that it was finally time for his reward, he was excited, but he never in a million years would have guessed what she had planned for him.

He figured that she probably wanted to give him a blow job or something for his reward. He knew most women considered it to be a drag, but did it anyway so they could expect the guy to reciprocate. He didn't want Jarah to do something she didn't really feel comfortable with, so when she had undressed him completely and had made her way down to his groin area, nuzzling her nose through his pubic hair while she wrapped her small soft hand around his dick, he was stunned that she actually got a little impatient, if not mad, with him when he tried to get back in charge, by stopping her hand and trying to get her on her back, so he could start working her body into a frenzy. 

She had very quickly pinned him back down on the floor with all her weight and promised that he'd regret it if he stopped her again. She was making it clear to him that she really, genuinely wanted to do this, she even seemed excited. So he'd relaxed and laid back. At least he tried for a moment, until she had pulled her top off, revealing her naked torso and with it, of course, the mouth-watering sight of her perfect boobs. He had instantly sat back up and reached his hands out, only to have her push him back down a little harder than before and threatening him that she would put the shirt back on if he wasn't able to keep his hands to himself.

Daryl had once again laid back and tried to relax. It wasn't that easy, laying there completely naked and having handed the reigns over to her, he felt exposed and a little vulnerable. This was new and he didn't know if he could handle it. This wasn't his style, to just lay back and let her do the work, he felt that he should be doing something for her. But she had made it clear that she wanted this and it was supposed to be kind of a reward for him, so it should be good, right? For her he could do it, he would at least try his hardest.

“Just trust me, okay? You'll like it!” she had smiled at him, her hands busy with screwing the cap off of a plastic bottle. 

He did trust her, he was sure that she wouldn't do anything weird, still his instincts told him to quit just laying there. He stared at the bottle in her hands, trying to read the label in the dim light of the camping lantern, but before he could decipher it, he found out what it was, because she started pouring the contents of the bottle onto the palm of her left hand. 

'Holy fuck! Is that some kind of massage oil???' Daryl's eyes widened and his cock jumped in anticipation as various possibilities of her using that stuff on him ran through his mind. Jarah just smirked at him, having noticed his sign of excitement. She started rubbing her oiled up hands over his sides and up to his chest and then proceeded to gently massage his entire body, even his hands and his fucking feet. He was glad he had taken a shower after dinner. He had been out hunting all day and had gotten himself too messy to not ruin the sheets.

Daryl felt a little weird at first, he had never gotten a massage before after all, but after a couple of minutes he relaxed. It felt really good, he had always loved her hands and how skilled they were. She was using just the right kind of pressure for his taste and he never wanted her to stop. He had never felt this relaxed in his entire life. That was, until she started teasing him. Every time she would get close to his dick, Daryl would hold his breath in anticipation, but her touch never came. Her fingers always skirting their way around the place he wanted her to touch him the most.

This was when she started teasing him. This time SHE was the one who worked HIM into a frenzy. He watched her grabbing the bottle of oil once more, but this time instead of pouring it in her hands or on him, she let some of the oil drip directly onto her breasts. He groaned and bit down on his bottom lip when she rubbed her hands over her tits, massaging the oil into her own skin, making it glisten tantalizingly.

“No touching!” she grinned. She had noticed that his fingers were twitching and was pretty sure that he had been about to make a grab for her again. She straddled him, very careful not to come in contact with his throbbing erection. She supported herself on her hands on both sides of his head and leaned her torso down, slowly sliding her slippery breasts over his belly and up over his chest. When she was face to face with him they grinned at each other for a moment, before their lips met in a loving kiss. 

“Can I fuck you now? Please?” Daryl asked with a breathless laugh, but Jarah shook her head with a smile.

“No baby, not for a long time. I am just getting started. So you be a good boy now and enjoy and keep your hands at your side!” she kissed him one last time, allowing him to glide his tongue between her parted lips and toy with hers for a short moment before she withdrew from his mouth, letting hers move down the front of his neck, lightly tracing her tongue over his Adam's apple down to the hollow of his throat.

Daryl had never thought of his nipples as overly sensitive, but tonight she was teaching him differently. He couldn't say what was so amazing about what she was doing, but it felt incredible. She was slowly licking a circle outside his areola, but kept her tongue circling closer and closer towards his nipple. As soon as she reached it she flicked the tip of her tongue against it and then she gently bit down. Daryl hissed and groaned as shock waves of pleasure shot from his nipples directly down to his dick. He instinctively buried one hand in her hair and pressed her against his chest, urging her to keep going.

Jarah wordlessly removed his hand from her hair on her way to the other side of his chest to lavish his other nipple with the same attention its partner had received. This time when he felt her teeth lightly dig into his nipple, he grabbed the sleeping bag in his hands instead of her hair.

“Good boy!” she smiled up at him. She repeated her ministrations on his nipples, absolutely loving his response. She couldn't wait to find out how he liked the other things she was planning on doing to him tonight.

“Want me to touch your cock now, baby?”

“Fuck yeah!” he groaned without any hesitation, almost making Jarah giggle at the urgency in his voice. She loved having her way with him.

“Okay then!” Jarah moved to kneel in between his spread legs. “But remember, THIS is mine” she wrapped her hand around his hard member and gave it a little squeeze, “tonight I get to play with it any way I want. Move your hands and I'll walk out of here and you can finish this on your own.”

He just nodded, licking his lips while he watched her pour more oil into the palm of her hand. She teased him some more by rubbing her hands along his upper thighs, her thumbs massaging the insides right up until they almost touched his balls. He was ready to scream in frustration when she repeated that move a couple of times without touching his sac or his dick. Jarah knew she was being evil, but the sight of him actually squirming and breathing hard was so hot, she just wanted to enjoy it a little bit.

Just when he thought she might just be so cruel and not touch him that night, she finally did. 

“Oh thank fucking God!!!” the loud groan was pulled from deep within his throat when he felt her warm and nicely oiled up hand wrap around the base of his cock. She stroked her hand up to his tip, her thumb gliding over the velvety soft bulbous head, making more expletives coming out of Daryl's mouth as he tensed up.

Jarah didn't move and just held him in her hand for a moment, enjoying the solid feel of him while she gave him a moment to breathe and calm himself. 

“Ready for some fun, baby?”

Daryl just groaned in response, but he still had the sense to grab one of the sleeping bags that they used as a blanket and bunch it up under his head so he could watch her hands work on his dick comfortably. 

He watched her curiously as she formed two rings around the middle of his dick using only the thumb and index finger of both her hands. He had no idea what she was doing. He was big, she could easily wrap both her hands around him, why the hell was she only using a couple of fingers?

“Hooooooly... what the hell?” Daryl's fists tore at the sleeping bag he was laying on again. Jarah's hands had started to move. Each one in another direction. One moved to the head and one to the base and then back to the middle simultaneously. The friction she was creating was mind-blowing. She started off slow, but sped it up more and more with every other stroke. He was racing towards the edge, he couldn't wait to go over. He started cursing relentlessly again giving Jarah a sign that he was close. She slowed her hands down again, earning an incredulous look from a panting Daryl.

“No, no, no, c'mon don't stop!”

“Sorry baby, but we're not done yet! Think of something gross if it makes you hold out longer.” she grinned. She released his erection from her hands and gently rubbed them along his thighs again, once again giving him a little moment to calm himself, but she was eager to play and didn't give him all that long before he felt her cup his balls in her hand, gently rolling and tugging them a little. Two fingers of her other hand were stroking up and down along the seam of his testicles and he jumped. He never knew that line was so fucking sensitive. She leaned down and replaced her fingers with her little pink tongue. She traced it along from the crease close to where his balls connected to the base of his dick, down to the bottom of his sac and once she reached the bottom, she sucked on of the boys into her mouth, massaging it with her tongue.

“Walker guts,... blood,... bloody guts,... dear fucking mother of God, Jar! You gotta let me come, babe!” he couldn't take it anymore. The sensations she was creating were too intense, he felt he was going to explode and not in the orgasmic sense. She had him begging and Daryl Dixon never begged.

“Not yet, but soon, I promise!” she winked after she had released him from her mouth.

“Oh goddamn fucking hell, Jar! You're killing me!”

Daryl groaned and tried to grab her hands, but once again she swatted his away, shooting him a stern look.

“Keep your hands to yourself, Dixon or I will leave you to finish this by yourself. This time, I'm in charge!”

“Goddammit, woman!!!” Daryl closed his eyes and let his head fall back with a groan, making Jarah giggle.

“Oh come on, relax baby,... it's not like you're not getting anything good out of it!”

“You're evil,...”

“Am I? Let's see if you'll still think that in half an hour! Just a little bit more!”

She grasped his painfully throbbing cock in her hand and guided him to her lips. She proceeded to use him as her own personal lipstick, rubbing the head across her wet mouth. Sometimes she would part her lips a little and rub his head between them, before closing them again and going back to rubbing them across his tip, coating them with his pre-cum that was leaking from him in what could be called a steady stream. She was killing him. All he wanted to do was thrust his dick into her mouth, having her suck on him like there's no tomorrow until he spilled his seed deep down her throat.

Jarah knew that she had tortured him enough and that he wouldn't be able to take much more, so she started to go in for the kill. She wrapped her hand around him and started to pump it up and down, slowly at first. Her lips parted again, her tongue darting out to give the hot spot that was just underneath the crown of his cock a few fast flicks, before she sucked him into her mouth, swirling her tongue around his tip in maddening circles, while her hand picked up speed. After every other couple of nice wet sucks of her mouth, she would let him slip out and flick her tongue against the underside of his head again, before taking him back into her mouth. The thumb of her free hand started kneading the strip of flesh behind his balls and Daryl started seeing stars. He was caught in a tornado of lust and pleasure. Right now he wished he would be able to hold out longer, because he had never ever felt this way and he was scared that he might never feel like that again. Intense heat was spreading through his body and he could feel his body start to lock up. In the back of his mind he could hear a man yelling. It irritated him, until he realized that it was him. He was yelling out his pleasure, it was too intense to contain.

Jarah gave him one last hard suck and he was gone. He came so hard and long, that he thought he might pass out once he was done. Loud groans and yells were escaping his mouth, he was too far gone to control the volume of his voice, hell he was too far gone to care, his body jerked and shook in earnest, while he released himself into Jarah's mouth. 

He collapsed back on the sleeping back, sweaty and completely spent a moment later, burying his hand in his own hair, the other was limp at his side. Jarah wiped her mouth and prepared his final reward. She carefully lit a cigarette and held it to his lips.

“Don't fall asleep on me. I don't think Hershel would appreciate us burning the barn down!”

Daryl closed his eyes and savored the inhaled smoke from the cigarette, while Jarah snuggled up against his side and covered them with a sleeping bag.

“So, still think I'm evil?” she grinned quietly against his shoulder, while she traced circles over his chest with her fingers.

“Nah, I think you're a fucking genius. If we were back in the old world I'd probably drag you down to the courthouse now. Make sure no one else ever gets this.” he mumbled. His voice sleepy, but he still sounded relaxed and happy. 

“Don't worry, nobody ever will. I'm yours now, 'til the end of days.” she reassured him.

Daryl kissed her forehead before he took another drag from his cigarette.

“You ever wish we'd met before?” he asked her, before releasing the smoke from his lungs.

“We have met before, Daryl.”

“Not what I meant. I meant before that,... before you got pregnant...”

“I do,... I sometimes wish that we had met way earlier,... I wish I could have had my baby with you. I know it is a horrible thing to say. Jamie probably wouldn't exist in the way he does now, but you are an amazing father and he is not even yours. Jackson never had it in him. I am glad that we're together now and we are getting our chance at having this family, but sometimes I do think about how it might have been if we had met earlier.”

“I think about it, too. I,... Sometimes I feel weird because,...” he hesitated.

“Tell me.”

“Nah forget it!” he blushed.

“No come on. We have to talk about things, remember? We gotta learn!” she urged him on.

“Alright, but don't laugh!” he sighed.

“I never would!” he knew it was the truth, but still.

“I feel weird sometimes because,... I've kinda been there for the last couple months when he was still inside your belly. Heard you talking to your neighbor about what the doctor said and all. Now we're together and I remember that and I get, I don't know... it's weird because I sometimes feel like I missed out on the first part of your pregnancy and the first year of Jamie's life... and I have to remind myself that it wasn't my place to be there, that he's not mine.”, he admitted quietly, staring up at the dark ceiling of the barn.

“I think I understand,... sometimes I kinda feel the same way. Like I said, you are much more of a father to him than Jackson ever was. He was too busy to even make it to his son's first birthday party. Had to celebrate with him over a week later. Not to mention his first Christmas. Radio silence on that one,... Now you on the other hand, you're here every day and he loves you so much. In a way he is yours now, Daryl. I know you feel like that about him and I guess that's why you feel sad about missing out on a lot of stuff. It's probably just natural. Unfortunately all we can do about that is look at the photo albums.”

“Too bad we can't take anymore pictures. We don't realize how much he grows up every week because we see him all the time.” Daryl's smile was a little sad as he looked at Jarah.

In that moment Jarah could feel how much love Daryl had, not only for her, but for her son as well and it made her heart swell and overflow with emotions. She touched her hand to his cheek and pulled his face closer, kissing him deeply, putting all of her feelings into it.

“God, I love you!” she whispered against his lips, as two tears made their way down her cheeks.

“Finally,... took you long enough!” Daryl was grinning like a kid in front of a Christmas tree. 

Jarah looked at him confused until she realized what he meant. Yes, she had finally said it. And for the first time in her life it had felt good and right.

“Right, well looks like you finally got your wish. Happy now?” she asked after letting out a laugh.

“Yeah, I am.” he responded, pulling her tightly against him, resting his lips against her forehead.

And for the first time in his life, he really was.

 

Chapter 28

Daryl and Jarah stayed in the barn for one more round of lovemaking and a short nap afterwards. When Jarah woke up, her body was covered in goosebumps and she had started shivering, even though she was tightly wrapped around Daryl's warm body, but it was November already and the nights got pretty cold, so just his body heat and a sleeping bag wasn't enough to keep her from turning into an ice sculpture. 

Daryl was roused from his slumber when he felt his girl start to move around.

“C'mon, just five more minutes!” he muttered, his voice soft. His hands pulled her back against him and rubbed her back and shoulders.

“Nah we gotta get dressed and inside. My nipples feel like they are about to fall off already!” she laughed.

“Okay, can't have that. You win!”, he reached over to his right and grabbed her top, so she could put it on without getting out from under the sleeping bag and get even colder. She thanked him with a quick peck on the lips before starting to put her clothes back on. 

Daryl shrugged on his clothes and climbed down the ladder to light one of the smokes outside of the barn while he waited for her. Even in the apocalypse she liked it neat and always straightened up their “room” after they were done, because she didn't want to come back to a mess the next time and lay on an already rumpled sleeping bag.

“Holy shit,... Jar get your ass down here, now!” she heard him whisper aggressively when he popped back inside the barn.

“Why? What's wrong?” she asked, already making her way down to him.

“Walkers!”

“Shit, how many?” she unsheathed her knife and followed him to the gate of the barn.

“A hundred? Two hundred?” Daryl breathed and for a split second Jarah thought he was fucking with her. That was until she stepped out of the barn. The view that greeted her made her blood run cold. 

Hundreds of walkers were slowly making their way towards them and the house. She was frozen in spot, unable to say or do anything. 

Daryl grabbed her upper arms and turned her towards him and panic began to set in at his urgency. She started taking deep breaths and had to focus hard to even hear what Daryl was saying to her over the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ear.

“Listen to me and listen good! As soon as we get back to the house you grab our shit, load up the car and then you get yourself and our boy out of here as fast as you can. Don't play hero, you hear me?”

Jarah just nodded and that was enough for him. He only released one of her arms before starting to run towards the house, dragging her along behind him. He could tell she was shocked, but now was not the time.

“Snap out of it, woman! You know what to do! Now go and do it!”

His forcefulness snapped her out of her trance and as soon as their feet hit the porch, Jarah was back in survival mode. She didn't wait for Daryl to finish explaining to the others what was happening, she raced to their room, not caring how much noise she made and gathered their stuff. She was glad that she always kept everything in bags, except for their clothes, so that was the only thing she had to quickly stuff into their packs. She grabbed as many bags as she could at once and ran out to the car to stuff it in the back. 

Meanwhile everyone had gathered on the porch and was staring at the approaching herd of walkers. Jarah didn't care. Let them stand and stare and wait for their deaths. She wouldn't be one of them. She ran past them and made two more trips for their stuff. On the third one she was carrying Jamie and his portable bed out of the house. Just in time, the walkers had reached the farmhouse. She had just closed the car door after strapping Jamie in his car seat, when two of the undead creatures came up behind her.

She kicked one of them as hard as she could, making it fall back against the second one and thus sending both of them tumbling down to the ground. She quickly stabbed them both in the head, before running around to the driver's side of her car. She spotted Beth and Patricia running towards her, when a walker grabbed Patricia. Jarah quickly forgot her promise to Daryl and ran towards them. She grabbed Beth and pushed her towards the car, before embedding her knife into the skull of the walker that was just about to sink its rotten teeth into Patricia's neck. She took the sobbing women by the hand and ran back to the car with her. 

“Go, go, go, go, go!!! Get in, come on!” They needed to get away from the farm, so Jarah wasn't very gentle when she pushed Patricia into the back seat next to Jamie and Beth. She would apologize for possibly hurting the woman later. Before she got in the car herself she had to take down one more walker that was lunging for her. She opened the door and took one last quick glance around.

It was only seconds, but to her it felt like minutes in slow-motion, when she saw Rick pulling at Hershel who was shooting walkers with his shotgun, screaming at him to go with him. She saw Andrea go down, surrounded by three walkers that were tearing chunks of her flesh from her body. She heard the roar of Daryl's motorcycle in the distance and with a great sadness she noticed that the barn was on fire. Their safe haven was going to burn down to nothing. She knew it was time to leave the farm behind. She quickly got in and as soon as she got the car started, she floored it.

######################## ##############################

It was just getting light again, as Daryl pulled up on the highway. He spotted the RV from afar and felt relieved that some, if not everybody, from the group had made it. When he got closer he saw Rick, Hershel, Dale and Carol. They turned around and smiled when they heard him approach.

He killed the engine and got off the bike, instantly starting to look around, not liking what he was NOT seeing.

“Where are the others?” he asked, his eyes landing on Rick.

“So far we're the only ones that made it! Lori and Carl are in the car,.. I got them out and got Hershel,... I don't know about the others. We'll wait for a little bit, before we move on. I'm sure others will show up!” Rick had barely finished the sentence, when they heard another car approach. Hope flared up in Daryl's chest, only to die back down a moment later, when he saw that it wasn't Jarah's SUV. He got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. His family should have been here already.

Glenn pulled to a stop close to the RV. Maggie ran towards Hershel, almost knocking the man down with the force of her hug.

“Daddy,... thank God! Are you okay? Where are Patricia and Beth? Aren't they with you?”

“I saw them run out of the house, walkers grabbed for them,... I'm sorry... I don't think they made it out alive!” Hershel looked down, a single tear escaping from the corner of his right eye. He quickly wiped it away, he needed to keep it together for Maggie. They needed to be strong for each other.

“What about Jarah and Jamie? Andrea and T-Dog? Did you see them?” Rick asked Glenn who had come to stand beside Maggie, holding her hand in support.

“T-Dog didn't make it,... we tried to get to him, but it was too late,... I don't know about Andrea.” Glenn replied somberly.

“I saw Jarah fighting off walkers by her car, before we got in ours, but I don't know if she made it off the farm.” Maggie added, giving Daryl a sympathetic look.

The hunter was chewing the inside of his bottom lip nervously. He gave Maggie a short nod and walked back to his bike without a word.

“Daryl! Don't! There's no sense in going back to look for her. If she made it off the farm, she'll show up, you know that!” Rick sprinted after him and tried to reason with him.

“Maybe she's in trouble, she should be here by now! I can't just leave her behind. I've already failed her more than once. Not this time!”

“Daryl, you know that Jarah is very capable of protecting herself and her son. I honestly don't think that anything bad happened to her!”

“Then why isn't she here yet? She should be here! I told her not to play hero, just to get Jamie and go. Why would she be the last to leave the farm? She should have been here first! Before any of us!” Daryl's voice broke, his worries overwhelming him. He swallowed the tears that were burning his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself.

“We'll wait,... another hour, okay? Then we gotta move on! We're sitting ducks out here, we need to get to the recycling center and as far away from that herd as possible. Who knows, Daryl. Maybe that is where she went and she'll pop up on the way or we'll meet her there, but you can't go back there Daryl. It's suicide!” Rick told him, hoping to get through to the stubborn redneck.

“Who cares? If anything happened to them I'm as good as dead anyway!” Daryl muttered darkly.

“Hey,... she is FINE, you hear me? Your girl is strong! Don't forget that!” Carol shook his arm, trying to snap him out of it. She knew he was worried, but she wouldn't let him talk like that.

“Damn right, strongest chick I ever met my whole life. If she survived that fucker Shane, she'll have survived a couple of walkers... She's out there with our boy.” Daryl nodded determined. Carol was right. Jarah was skilled, she knew how to handle walkers and she wouldn't let anything happen to Jamie.

Still he was torn. His first instinct was to go look for her, but he remembered something. When they had found her in that basement after Shane had tried to kill her she had wanted to go back to the farm as soon as she regained consciousness, even if she would have dropped dead upon arrival, she would have made her way back to them, she'd wanted to see him and Jamie one last time. 

He also remembered what she had told him a couple of nights ago when the topic of her going missing had come up again after he'd had a horrible nightmare. He had dreamed about them getting separated in the woods during a hunt. He had tried to find her but it had gotten dark so fast. Still he had searched the woods with his flashlight in a panic. After what had seemed like an eternity, he had found her standing in the middle of a clearing. She was calling for him, but he wasn't able to get to her. An invisible wall had separated them, no matter what he did, how much he kicked and punched it, it wouldn't budge and he couldn't get to her. He had to watch helplessly when a walker appeared behind her out of nowhere and tore her to pieces. She died with his name on her lips. She had to shake him out of it, he was sweating and panting and crying in his sleep. After that he had opened up to her and told her that his worst fear was getting separated from her again and not being able to find her. She had listened to him and then she had kissed him and quoted something from some TV show she used to watch.

“I'm like a bird, I'm free and I will do what I will, but like them I am a loyal creature. If you love them and they love you, they will always find you. You'll never have to worry, Daryl. I will always find you!”

They had both burst out laughing after she had said it, it sounded so cheesy to both their ears. He knew she had tried to make him laugh to distract him from his dream and it had worked, but deep down they both knew that what she had said was the truth..   
All she had ever asked of him was, that he trust her and her abilities. The time had come for him to show that he did. She would find him. If she was alive, they would see each other again soon. 

Now that his mind started to clear up again he realized that Rick was possibly right. She might already be on her way to the recycling center. Jarah didn't know that the traffic snarl on the highway was kind of the groups unspoken meeting point. She had never been here. She didn't even think to come here. If he left now to go back to the farm he would probably just waste precious fuel and time. Problem was, that he had never taken her to their back-up base and it wasn't THAT close to their current location. But like Rick had said, his girl was smart, she would be able to figure it out and find it. Find him. 

###################### ##############################

Rick's and Daryl's suspicions were right. Jarah was on her way to the recycling center. The highway hadn't even crossed her mind. She didn't know exactly where she had to go, but Daryl had roughly told her where the center was located, so she was sure that she would find it somehow.

Jamie was sleeping peacefully in his car seat, the sound and the motion of the car lulling him back into slumber after the rude awakening he had received earlier. She hoped that he hadn't registered too much of what had been going on around the car, but then again, he had seen his mother take out a dozen of those creatures pre-farm. 

“Patricia? Are you okay?” Jarah heard Beth's shy voice and looked into the rear-view mirror to look at the women. She noticed that Patricia was sweating an awful lot. A sense of dread settled itself deep into her stomach.

Patricia started to cry and sob and Jarah had her worst fears confirmed.

“Patricia, the walker that was about to bite you... It got you anyway, didn't it?”

The woman nodded, heavy sobs wracking her body. She pulled up her sleeve and showed her arm to Beth who had started crying as well.

“Oh no,... nooo,... it scratched her!”

Jarah quickly looked over her shoulder, taking a short look at Patricia's arm. There were three deep scratches on her right forearm. 

“I'm sorry Jarah, I didn't notice until we were already on the road.” Patricia wailed her apology.

Jarah took a deep breath and focused her eyes back on the road in front of them. She felt like crying. All she wanted to do was pull over and cry it out for a moment, but she couldn't do that. She needed to sort this out right now. They wouldn't be able to make it to the recycling center without stopping for gas. Her gas tank was running dangerously low on fuel. That meant she would have to find a nice pile-up of cars and try to siphon gas before they could keep moving. It would take time that Patricia didn't have. She could die and turn practically any minute. Jamie was in the car. Keeping the woman in the car was not an option.

“Jarah, I'm not doing so good,... please, I don't want to be one of those creatures. I saw what they did. Please, please don't let me become one of them. I don't want to hurt any of you!” Patricia begged her.

Jarah froze, shock settling into every fiber of her being when she realized what Patricia was asking her to do. Patricia wanted Jarah to kill her. 

“No,... no, Patricia I can't!”

“Please, you have to. I can't do it myself. I wanna go to heaven! I wanna see my husband again! And I don't want Beth to have to do it. Please Jarah! I beg you! It will be quick, I won't feel anything! It will be much better than what's going to happen if you don't shoot me!” 

“Patricia... I can't do this. I've never done this before. It's not right!”

“You have to do it. Please, we are running out of time. It's my dying wish. Please keep me from turning!”

Deep down Jarah knew that Patricia was doing the right thing. She would want somebody else to do the same for her, if she would ever get scratched or bit. It still didn't make it easier. Tears spilled out of her eyes as she kept driving, hoping for a miracle, but it was in vain. Patricia's condition was worsening by the minute and the longer she kept driving, the more danger she put her son and Beth in.

She was shaking when she pulled to a stop on the side of the road a couple of minutes later. Thanks to Daryl she had a gun. She had never fired it, she preferred using her knife, but Daryl wanted her to have it just in case. It made him feel better. Right now it made Jarah feel better, too. The image of having to plunge a knife into Patricia's skull while she was still alive was almost enough to make her throw up. Daryl had showed her how to work the safety on and off and everything else she needed to know. She had repeated his moves, showing him that she had gotten it and was able to do it on her own if she would ever need it. She never thought she would have to use it on a living person. Especially not on one she had gotten close with.

Jarah turned off the engine and took the gun out of the glove compartment. She held it in her lap and stared at it for a moment.

“I'm going to check for walkers,... I will be back in a couple of minutes.” she almost sounded like a recording. Her voice monotone, without emotion. That was exactly how she felt, too. She felt empty. Like her mind and body were making room for the guilt that would soon take over the now vacant space inside of her.

She got out of the car and walked around, looking for any immediate dangers. Patricia and Beth knew what it meant. It was time to say their goodbyes. Jamie had woken up and started crying along with them, he didn't understand what was happening. Jarah couldn't go back to the car to console him. She would break down and she wouldn't be able to do what Patricia wanted her to. 

The two long-time friends hugged each other tightly, both almost too distraught to say anything to the other, they were crying and sobbing too hard. 

Jarah was standing outside waiting. She wondered what kind of people executioners must have been. How those people had been able to behead people with axes and then go home like nothing happened and live their lives just to go back and behead some more the next day. Did they think that they were doing something for the greater good? That they were actually helping people? Were they nervous and did their hands shake shortly before they delivered the killing blow? Or did they just not care? Or were they even happy? A disturbing image crossed her mind of a masked man grinning gleefully while he swung the axe. 

She remembered finding out a couple of years ago, that France had still guillotined people until 1977. She was shocked beyond belief that this way of execution was still being carried out in those more modern times, she had always thought these old-timey methods were way in the past. The French had even had a chief executioner who beheaded two men in 1977. His name was Marcel Chevalier. She wondered what he felt like during those acts, how he had processed the images he had seen so he could keep living with himself.

She knew her thoughts were pretty morbid, but she had a habit of thinking of the worst and stupidest things at the most inappropriate times, just to focus her attention on something other than what she would have to do or go through. She had been doing it ever since the sexual abuse had started. It was her escape mechanism. She could get lost in those kind of thoughts for hours, jumping from one topic to the next, sometimes unable to snap out of them by herself.

This time she was snapped out of them by the sound of the car door slamming shut and the sound of a sniffling Patricia approaching. Jarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She blindly reached for Patricia's hand, squeezing it once before guiding the dying woman further into the woods out of sight of Jamie and Beth.

##################### #########################

The group had waited another hour on the highway for Jarah to show up, even though they were pretty sure that she would have gone for the recycling center. Daryl and Carol still made a sign for her just in case. They left it in a spot where she would be able to see it without any trouble. 

“Jar – Back-up base -D.”

Daryl took another look and nodded, satisfied with the big bold letters they had sprayed on a car with bright red spray paint they had found in one of the abandoned cars. Even if other survivors would see this, none of them would know what it meant or where the back-up base was. 

After siphoning some more gas they left the highway behind. About four hours later they arrived in an industrial area and all turned their vehicles into the cul-de-sac, where at the end of it, their new home was located, safely guarded by tall and sturdy iron gates topped with barbed wire. 

Daryl drove up to the main gate, his heart sinking a little. No sign of Jarah's car on the outside of the gate and the gate itself was still securely closed and the chain and lock they had added were untouched. Jarah wasn't here. Not yet, anyway. 

Daryl unlocked the gate and slid it open until everybody was safely inside the yard. He pushed his bike through the gate and then closed it back up again. He joined Rick and the rest of the group that was still left in front of the entrance of the building, where Rick explained the layout of the whole terrain.

“This whole thing is absolutely walker-free by now. The fences encircle the whole property. We checked them all and they are fully intact and high enough to keep out walkers, but we will do daily sweeps anyway. That huge hall over there is where they shredded the paper and all that stuff. Nothing else in there than conveyor belts and machines they used for the whole recycling process. The trucks still have gas. There are about 20 of them, maybe we can use them for bigger supply runs. This whole area down here seems still pretty untouched. Nobody seems to have thought about the fact that some of the factories down here still have a large amount of supplies. We already stockpiled a lot of stuff like batteries, camping lanterns, sleeping bags and more inside the attic of the building. I know this building looks big, but it's not all office space. That half back there is the garage. Looks like they did their own repairs. There is tons of stuff in there, so we won't have any trouble keeping our cars working for some time. We were able to use a lot of things to fortify the downstairs. There is the reception area and seven offices downstairs, but Daryl and I decided that we should all stay upstairs. As you can see we boarded up all the windows anyway so its dark down there. We installed a metal door in front of the staircase, once we are all in and close it, it can only be opened by us from the inside. Upstairs are eight offices and while the downstairs offices were all only separated by a glass wall, the upstairs offices are all separate rooms. Seems to have been the management floor. There is a small kitchen and a bathroom with a shower. We got the water working, but it's not hot. We also have a huge meeting room with big tables and chairs and everything. On the back of the building is a big lawn, we can use it to grow some things. Well, enough said, we got some supplies so everybody can just get settled in in the next couple of days. Everybody go and choose a room.” Rick saw that everyone was tired and just wanted to get inside, so he decided to just let them explore on their own instead of keep talking and explaining every little thing. He unlocked the gate that protected the main entrance to the building and unlocked the door. They had found a key box in one of the offices with all the keys they needed for the cars and trucks and the buildings. 

Everyone carried their stuff inside before Rick closed up everything again behind them. Daryl had already chosen his and Jarah's room the first time he had looked around this floor. It was the first office on the right. It was the one they had found the key box in. It must have belonged to the secretary from the looks of it. The reason why he had chosen it was, that there was an adjoining smaller office. There was just a desk and a shelf in there and the two rooms were connected by a glass door. It was perfect for Jamie. He had his own room, just like him and Jarah, but they would always be able to see and hear him because of the glass door. 

They hadn't had any time to transform the offices into real rooms to live in yet, but they could still do that over time. The sleeping bags on the floor would have to do for now. It had been more important to fortify the building and make it safe from walkers, they could get more comfortable stuff like mattresses later. The camping supply store he had found still had a lot of air mattresses and there were also some neighborhoods about half an hour from the center, they could loot with the help of the new trucks.

Daryl didn't have any stuff to put away. Jarah had packed his stuff in her SUV. He grabbed a yellow post-it and scribbled 'TAKEN' on it with a pen. He left the office and stuck the post-it on the door of his new room and went to the next window that faced the street, keeping his eyes open for any signs of his girl and their boy.

“C'mon sweetheart, I trust you. Don't let me down! You gotta find me!” he muttered quietly, staring outside willing the black car to magically appear in front of the gate, but even after hours of him sitting there almost unmoving, she still hadn't shown up. One more time the Powers That Be really tested his patience and he was getting damn sick of it.

 

######### ###################

It had been hours. Jarah knew it had been hours, because it was getting dark again. 

It had been hours since the gunshot reverberated in her ear, followed by the sound of a body slumping forward to the ground. 

It had been hours since she wrapped the body up, working quickly and methodically on auto-pilot, because she knew the noise of the gunshot would attract nearby walkers.

It had been hours since she dragged the dead weight back to the car. It had taken all her strength but she had been determined not to leave one of their own out of there to be ravaged by those undead motherfuckers, dead or not.

It had been hours and still she felt nothing. The guilt she had feared to overtake her hadn't come. Instead she was still completely empty. 

She drowned out the sound of Beth's and Jamie's crying. She had to get them moving, no distractions. She needed to keep them safe and this was not a safe place to stand around and cry.

########## ############

It had taken her all day to find enough cars to fill up her gas tank. Her initial plan to hopefully be able to find the group by the end of the day was smashed to pieces, because she hadn't been able to rely on Beth for help. The girl had eventually stopped crying, but after that she had only sat there unmoving, staring out the window, not saying anything. Jarah had been forced to stop to feed Jamie and change his diaper several times by herself which cost them time.

The only good news was that she had found some maps at a gas station, that were a bit more detailed than the old one she had in her glove compartment and some yellow pages. Now she could get the addresses for the local recycling companies and check which one fit the description of the location Daryl and Rick had given her the best. The most important clue she had was that it was located in a cul-de-sac in an industrial area.

After they had found a good spot to stay parked for the night, she had fed Jamie his dinner which consisted of a jar of baby food and a bottle of formula she always kept in the car, and quickly got out the maps and the yellow pages before it got too dark. She was paranoid about using the flashlight after dark. She felt too exposed out here in the dark, she didn't want to draw any more unwanted attention to themselves. Jamie's crying was doing that more than enough, but she didn't have it in her to console him, there was too much things that needed to be done, before she could sit him in her lap and calm him down. She really could have used Beth's help. She had considered yelling at the girl to snap out of it, that there would be time to mourn later, but she knew that it would only make it worse.

Instead she left the girl alone and tried to remain calm. She wouldn't be any good at calming Jamie once she was done, if she was annoyed. He was always able to pick up on her mood and if she was in a bad one, so was he.

She looked for the street names the yellow pages mentioned on the map and sighed in relief when the third one was a match. It was the only one that was in the area Daryl had mentioned. That had to be it. She quickly mapped out the route she would take, she wanted to be prepared and ready to go as soon as the sun came up and she didn't want to stop every five minutes to look up which way to go. She had about ten minutes before it got too dark, but she was sure she had it all figured out. She put the map back on the passenger seat and climbed on her own so she could reach Jamie and get him out of his seat and into her lap. That's where he would have to sleep while Jarah kept watch, humming their favorite song quietly to calm them both down.

############## ######################

It was way past midnight, but Daryl was still standing in front of the window keeping watch. Carol joined him after a while, she wasn't able to sleep either. The events of the past night were still fresh on her mind and preventing her from falling asleep.

“Nothing yet?” she asked as she handed him a mug of lukewarm instant coffee.

“No,... nothing but darkness... I shouldn't be surprised. She won't arrive here at night. She's not stupid, she won't drive in the dark, but still...”

“You're worried,... it's only natural, but she'll be here!”

“You really think so?” Daryl's worry and impatience were getting the better of him.

“Yes I do. It might take time, because she doesn't know exactly where we are, but she will show up. That girl is too crazy about you not to try anything and everything to be here with you.” Carol smiled warmly at him, secretly getting a kick out of his blushing.

“Stop!” he felt his cheeks redden. He was able to talk and open up more to Jarah, but with everybody else it was still hard. Even with Carol. 

“Why? It's the truth! You really have no idea how much that girl loves you, do you? You should see her when she talks about you or when someone mentions your name. Have you never noticed the way she starts beaming when you enter the room?”

“What does she look like? When she talks about me?” Daryl asked, wondering what Carol meant. He had to admit that he had never noticed her being very happy to see him, but that was probably because he was always busy with being happy to see her.

“Every time she talks about you, she gets this look in her eyes. All dreamy and happy, like she is floating away on a cloud. And she always has this smile on her face and bites her lip, her cheeks get all red. I gotta say it is pretty darn cute. She always makes me smile and feel happy myself when I see her like that.” Carol remembered the last time Jarah had looked like that and let out a laugh, “she would talk about the grossest things, like 'Daryl stomped on that walkers head, there was brains and blood squirting all over the place, even got some on my shoes...' and she would say it with that dreamy, goofy smile on her face, just because she mentioned you. It was very cute.”

“She is pretty damn cute!” Daryl admitted with a little smile, but he was still blushing so hard that even his ears had turned red. He just wasn't used to talking about all this mushy romance stuff.

“She really is. And very beautiful. Inside and out. You're a lucky guy and she is a lucky girl!” Carol smiled, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

“Think so? I know that she, you know, wants to be with me, but sometimes I still wonder why. I wasn't even nice to her when we met before all this shit started.”

“Still she was attracted to you. She told me that she secretly stared at you when you weren't looking. That's how it starts. Don't question, Daryl. Enjoy! She wouldn't be with you if she didn't really want to be. She's a loner, like you used to be. She usually prefers to be alone, but she chose you as her partner. She left her husband, because she felt that she would go crazy if she had to share responsibility for Jamie with him. Now, she wants you by her side, she wants to raise that little boy with you. She looks to you for help. That means something. Don't ever doubt. Time is too short, especially now.”

Daryl just nodded. Carol was probably right, but the fear of losing her, no matter if it was because of walkers or because he would fuck it up, was ever-present. Especially right now, when she wasn't with him, but stuck out there by herself.

########### ###############################

Daryl didn't sleep all night and when everybody gathered in the meeting room for breakfast, he stayed by the window. The muscles in his body were cramping by now, but he didn't care. Carol brought him coffee and oatmeal and told him that she would take over watch for him so he could stretch his legs a little and use the bathroom. 

He was reluctant to leave his post, but Carol wouldn't have it. “What good would it do if your legs buckled and you'd fall on your face when Jarah finally shows up here? Now go, walk around a bit!”

He had to admit it had felt good to stretch out his tired limbs. After using the bathroom he went downstairs and unlocked the door to go outside for a smoke. That had been the only good thing about that supply run that his girl did with Shane and T-Dog. They had found a lot of smokes in those houses. 

He walked around the perimeter a bit, enjoying the fresh air and his smoke and thought that he would have to go out for a hunt soon. He really didn't want to leave until his girl had come back, but if it took longer than today, he would have to. They needed their meat.

He finished his smoke and went back inside and grabbed the mug of hot coffee that was still sitting on the windowsill untouched. 

“Feel good?” Carol asked with a smile as she watched him take a sip, both his hands holding the warm mug.

“Yeah, it's fucking cold out there.” he muttered. His mind went back to Jarah and Jamie. Especially Jamie this time. He hoped the little one was warm enough and wouldn't have to suffer from the cold temperatures during the night and early morning. 

“They'll be alright,...” Carol smiled, like she could read his thoughts. She stayed with him a little while longer, before she went to join the others to see what they could do to make this place homier.

############ #################

Around noon Daryl was dead on his feet. His sleeping bag was calling to him, promising sleep and hopefully sweet sweet dreams. He leaned his head against the wall and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them again, something caught his gaze, a flash of black. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again, he was sure he was starting seeing things because of his lack of sleep. 

But when he opened his eyes again, he was rewarded with the sight he had been hoping for for the last 24 hours. Jarah's black SUV was rolling down the street towards them.

“JARAH'S COMING!!!!!!” Daryl yelled towards the meeting room. He was almost giddy with excitement. His girl had made it and she had really found him. He dashed down the stairs, almost slamming against the door because he couldn't get it unlocked fast enough. He heard the others coming down the stairs behind him.

“She really made it. See? One heck of a girl you got there!” Rick was smiling and slapping his hand on Daryl's shoulder on their way to the gate. 

Rick unlocked it and slid it open for her. Jarah drove on the lot and parked next to the other vehicles. She had barely stopped the car when Beth already opened the door and flew out of the car into Hershel's arms.

Maggie and Hershel couldn't believe it. They both hugged Beth so hard she could barely breathe, all three of them crying and sinking to their knees. They had already given up hope of ever seeing one another again. To Hershel this was a gift from God in these godforsaken times.

Daryl was running up to the car and opened the door to the backseat first to check on Jamie, expecting Jarah to meet him there. He could barely make out his face. Jarah had put him in a little snowsuit and a woolen beanie to keep him warm. Daryl was relieved that Jamie hadn't had to suffer from the cold over night. 

He waited for Jarah to show up next to him any second, she had already gotten out of the car, but when he looked out the other window he saw that she was standing in front of the crying heap on the floor that was the Greene family. Daryl furrowed his brow and kept shooting glances towards her while he got Jamie out of his car seat.

“Da, da, da, da!” Daryl was stunned when Jamie said it and reached for him. He had never said that before. He smiled proudly and pressed his lips against Jamie's forehead while he hugged the little guy to his chest.

“Hey little man, I missed you too! Did you take good care of your momma? I see she took good care of you! Is that broccoli on your cheek? Or peas, maybe?” 

Jamie moved his head to look at Daryl with a big happy smile on his little face. Daryl's heart almost burst when Jamie touched his little hand to Daryl's cheek and leaned forward to press his forehead against Daryl's mouth again. Daryl gave him another little kiss and the toddler snuggled his head into the hunter's crook of his neck, happy to be back in his arms. 

He walked over to the group and instantly sensed that something was off. Jarah was talking, but she didn't sound like herself. 

“Patricia is in the back,... I couldn't leave her there.” she told them, but looked at the ground.

'Aw shit', Daryl thought. She had been driving around with a dead woman in the trunk for a day. That would explain why she wasn't jumping in joy that she found them. He gently touched her arm and when she turned to face him, he for once didn't care who was watching them. He kissed her gently, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer, reveling in the feeling of having her with him again.

“You okay?” he whispered against her lips, but before she could say or do anything, Beth spoke up.

“Jarah had to kill her Daddy! She got scratched when Jarah tried to save us, but she didn't notice until we were already driving for some time.”

“You had to shoot Patricia? Did she turn? In the car?” Rick was standing in front of Jarah now, trying to catch her gaze. She finally looked up at him and shook her head.

“No,... she didn't turn... she was still alive...” Jarah admitted and the collective horrified gasp from the group made her want to shoot herself next.

“Patricia begged her to! Jarah didn't want to do it, but Patricia said it was her dying wish!” Beth was still sobbing in her father's arms, but she knew she needed to defend Jarah's actions.

“She didn't want to turn. And she said she couldn't do it herself, because she wanted to go to heaven!” Jarah explained quietly. Hershel looked up at her and nodded. People who take their own lives don't get to go to heaven. Patricia's faith in God had always been strong. He understood why she would have asked Jarah to end it for her, but he didn't understand how Jarah had been able to do it.

“Thank you for saving them. Both of them.” Hershel tried to send her a grateful look, but he failed miserably. He was still too shocked that Jarah had actually gone through with it.

“I brought her back,... I couldn't leave her body out there for the walkers... she should be buried here.”

“We'll take care of it! Do you know if Andrea made it? Did you see her?” Rick asked, she was the only one who's fate was still unknown.

“She didn't make it. Saw her getting eaten by three of those fuckers.” Carol gasped, tears spilling out of her eyes. She turned to Dale who also couldn't keep the tears from falling.

Jarah couldn't take it anymore. She didn't want to be with these people right now. They were right to think of her as some kind of monster, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

“Can we go inside, please? I need you!” she whispered after she had turned back towards Daryl. He nodded and quickly handed Jamie over to her.

“Go ahead, first door on the right. I'll get our stuff, okay?”

“Thank you.” She placed a kiss against his arm before he turned to go to the car, where Rick and Glenn were already unloading the body. 

Nobody made a move to accompany her inside, so she went alone. She knew to go upstairs, Daryl had told her a couple of days ago that they would only use the second floor to live in. She went upstairs and found the room she was looking for. Daryl had already moved the desk so they had more space for their sleeping bags on the floor, although it didn't look like he had slept in here last night.

She sat down on the desk and let Jamie slide to the floor. After spending a whole day in the car he was eager to move and explore. Daryl made a couple of trips to get all their stuff inside and when he was finally done, he closed and locked the door behind him. 

He went over to where Jarah was sitting on the desk and pushed her knees apart, so he could be as close to her as possible. He pulled her flush against him, hugging her tight, burying his nose in her hair.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, he still hadn't gotten an answer to his previous question.

“I don't think I am. I don't feel anything, Daryl. I'm just numb. I killed someone,... I don't know how to come back from that.”

“She wanted you to, Jar. You saved her from being one of them.” Daryl was a little shaken, too. None of them had ever had to do what Jarah did. He had only killed walkers and destroyed the brains of people who were already dead and about to turn, but he had never killed a living, breathing person. 

“I just keep thinking, that maybe there would have been another way.... but time was running out. The fever just kept getting worse,... Jamie was in the car, I couldn't risk her turning.”

“You did what you had to do. You did her a favor. Don't think of yourself as a killer. What you did took guts,... hell I don't know if any of them down there would have been strong enough to do it. I don't even know if I would have been able to do it.” Daryl admitted.

“Great!” Jarah scoffed, “that means I am the only one cold-blooded enough to do it. Maybe Lori and my mother were right all along. I am a horrible person.”

“Hey, you stop that, right now. You hear me? That's not what I meant and you know it. You did the right thing. You even brought her back here with you, so she could be buried properly. You saved her! You're not a horrible person. You're one of the strongest sons of bitches I know.” 

Jarah shook her head and smiled for a moment. “Do people even use that expression for women?”

“Who cares? I'm just glad you got here in one piece!”

“My plan was to get here last night, but it didn't work out. After Patricia, Beth just kind of went into shock. Had to take care of Jamie myself and I ran out of gas. Had a hard time finding cars that still had some. I kept looking until it got dark, got my tank almost full. As soon as the sun came up I started driving.” Jarah told him, sliding her hands under his leather jacket and rubbing them over his back, trying to warm herself up and also enjoying the feel of him under her fingertips.

“How did you know where to go? You got here fast if you only started driving this morning.” Daryl shivered a little, her fingers were freezing and he could feel the cold seeping through his shirt. He would go and get her some warm soup and coffee in a couple of minutes, but first he wanted to enjoy this a little longer.

“Stopped at a gas station. Got some maps and the yellow pages. Got the addresses for the recycling companies in the area and looked them up on the map. This one was the only one in this area so I figured it had to be it. I got lucky!”

“Smart move. Guess you do always find me, huh?”

“Just like you found me the last time!” She pulled him down for a kiss, before she looked at him again. “Are we good?”

“Why wouldn't we be?” Daryl was confused.

“The others aren't happy with me. I'm worried that you would start thinking about me differently, too, now.”

“Never! You did nothing wrong, Jar! The others will realize that soon enough. Everybody's been through a lot. Don't worry about it!” he leaned down to kiss her again, but was interrupted when he felt Jamie yank on his pant leg.

“Da, da, daaaaaa!!!!” Jamie was talking to him again and reaching his arms up towards Daryl.

“Well he either learned your name oooor he is starting to call you Dad. Hard to tell. Either way he is excited to see you.” Jarah smiled at Daryl. She could tell he was almost bursting with pride.

“We haven't seen each other for a whole day. Must have been weird for him.” Daryl said while he lifted Jamie back into his arms.

“Weird for all of us. And I wasn't the best company. Too much shit going on, I wasn't able to calm him down. Attracted quite a number of walkers the first two hours after dark. Then he fell asleep from exhaustion, thank God.”

“Well tonight he'll sleep in his bed again. In his own room, did you see?” Daryl nodded over to the glass door. 

“Yeah, that's great. I saw a baby store on the way. Maybe we can check it out in a couple of days, grab some stuff for him.” Jarah suggested.

“Sounds good. The stores and factories down here are pretty untouched. Maybe we can get a real bed for him and some cool toys and some more clothes and stuff. Fix his room up real good. Yeah? You like that, JD? We got some paint in the garage. Want us to paint your room blue?” Daryl grinned, using his baby voice again while Jamie giggled happily and made his 'ya-ya-ya' sound. That was probably a yes.

Jarah would have melted, if she hadn't been so exhausted. She loved seeing the two of them together like that, but right now all she wanted was to lay down.

“Come on, I gotta change him into something more comfortable and get some food in him.” Jarah slid off the desk and went to get some clean clothes for her son.

“Okay, I'll go get some food for you while you take care of him. I'll be right back.” he handed Jamie over and kissed her cheek, before he left.

“Thanks, baby! Oh honey, no don't cry, he'll be right back!” Jamie had started crying when Daryl left. Jarah had a hard time getting him undressed, he was fussy and struggling. After a couple of minutes she gave up and waited for Daryl to come back.

“Here, you're his favorite person today. You have to do it, he won't let me.” Jarah sighed and took the bowl of soup Daryl had brought in. It was still piping hot, so she put it down on the windowsill and went to prepare their bed, by spreading out their sleeping bags on the floor. When she was done she got her soup and sat down with her back against the wall, watching Daryl handle Jamie, who had stopped crying the minute Daryl had taken over the task of getting him undressed and changed into clean sweatpants and a Winnie the Pooh shirt.

“Don't be mad at your momma, she had a rough day. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Wanna take a nap after your lunch? Yeah you do, your eyes are already all red. C'mon you know the drill, right leg up... the other right leg... “

Jarah forgot to eat, she was always amazed at how great Daryl was with him. Even though she had the shittiest day of her life she couldn't help but watch them with a huge smile on her face. Jamie was getting cheeky, but in a cute way. Probably courtesy of Daryl's influence. He would put his leg up, but as soon as Daryl came close to slipping the pants over his foot, he would quickly let his foot drop flat on the desk, giggling like crazy. 

It would sometimes take a couple of minutes now to just put some pants on him and while Jarah would get impatient pretty quickly, Daryl was the epitome of calm and just played along until Jamie allowed him to put the pants on him.

“Guess we won't have to ask ourselves who the fun parent is!” Jarah muttered to herself, shaking her head with a smile.

############### #########################

An hour later Daryl put Jamie down in his bed for his nap. He closed the glass door between the two rooms and dropped down on the sleeping bag next to Jarah.

“That's perfect, ain't it?” he smiled at her.

She nodded and grabbed his shirt in her fists to pull him down to her. She pressed her lips against his and wasted no time to slide her tongue into his mouth to seek out his. Her fingers already working the buttons of his shirt open, sliding over every inch of naked skin she was unveiling in the process.

“Hey, hey, hey... slow down. We can't, not in here!” Daryl pulled back and stopped her hands.

“Daryl, we don't have a choice, this isn't the farm. Where else do you wanna go? Jamie has his own room now and I'll just bite my tongue or something. Please, I really need you.” she pleaded with him.

Daryl knew she was right and their room wasn't very close to the other offices. If they kept it down nobody would be able to hear them. And who was he kidding, he wanted her badly as well. He was already growing hard. He let go of her hands and went to work on opening her pants. 

They had torn each others clothes off in no time at all. Within a minute Daryl had them both naked and was nipping at her breasts. Jarah bit her bottom lip when he sucked a sensitive peak into is mouth, gently worrying it with his teeth. 

His hand slid down her tummy and in between her legs. He pressed his fingers against her clit and just let her move her pelvis against it, letting her show him the rhythm she needed.

Jarah buried her fingers in his hair and pulled his face up, her lips crashing down on his in a passionate kiss.

“Daryl, now! Please! I need you inside of me!”

“You're not ready yet!”

“I don't care!” she groaned frustrated.

“I do! I'm not gonna hurt you!”

“Please, I need the pain! I need to feel it! It's not gonna be that bad!”

“No!” Daryl remained firm, but Jarah kept begging.

“Just this once, Daryl. I never ask you for anything. Please, just this once. I need you to make me feel! Please! I need this to start healing, I'm not crazy. Please!”

He looked deeply into her eyes, hesitating for another moment. He wasn't happy about it, but he felt that she was sincere. She really thought she needed this and that it might help her to kick-start the process of working through the events of the past 24 hours. He nodded almost imperceptibly and bent back down to kiss her.

As his tongue was gliding along hers again, he quickly inserted two of his fingers inside of her, before she was able to protest. She wasn't as wet as she usually was during their play time, but he was relieved to feel that she was going to be okay. A little uncomfortable maybe, but he wouldn't inflict any real pain.

“Please, Daryl” she begged once more, when she felt his fingers moving back and forth inside of her. He complied and removed his fingers. Jarah pulled her legs up to rest them on his broad shoulders. She wanted him to go as deep as possible, she needed to feel all of him. Daryl positioned himself at her entrance, letting the head slip in slightly before he bent forward to support himself on his hands next to her head and with one hard jerk of his hips, he slid home all the way.

Jarah had to slap her hand over her mouth to keep quiet. It hurt a little, but it was a good pain. She urged Daryl to start moving and with every thrust she could feel something inside of her changing, almost like she had been cold and was now slowly starting to warm back up. Daryl was helping her to flip the switch that needed to be switched back on. She was right, she had felt it deep inside of her that this was what she needed. The little stings and the pressure of being stretched by his erection started to make her feel again. It felt like he was putting a crack in the wall she had built around herself the other morning with every hard thrust of his pelvis. She could literally feel little pieces of the wall crumbling and falling away and they were replaced by overwhelmingly intense feelings of guilt and sadness, but also undying love for the man on top of her. 

He faltered and slowed down, when he noticed tears spilling out of her eyes.

“Jar...” he was panting, already close to his release.

“Don't stop, please don't stop, I'm okay, it's good!” she quickly reassured him, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a rush.

She pulled his face down to hers again, kissing him deeply to muffle their moans. Daryl picked up speed again, slamming his pelvis as fast and hard into hers as he could, no longer worried that he was hurting her, the resistance her tight walls had put up at first was long gone by now and he felt more comfortable again.

It didn't take much longer for him to reach his release. He spilled himself inside of her with four uncontrolled hard jerks, releasing a groan into her mouth with every spurt. Jarah's legs slid off his shoulders and fell to his sides, her hands pressing against his back, wanting him to rest on top of her. Daryl lowered himself, but kept most of his weight on his forearms and gently kissed the tip of her nose and her forehead, gently wiping at her tears with his thumb. 

It was all it took to tear the rest of Jarah's wall down. She started sobbing in earnest, hiding her face in the crook of Daryl's neck, desperately clutching him to her. 

“Shhhh,... shhhhh shhhhh shhhh... it's okay. It's all gonna be okay!” Daryl pressed his lips against her head and held her while she cried. He was still inside of her, but neither of them cared, they both needed to be as close as possible to the other.

Daryl only moved to pull one of the sleeping bags over them to keep them warm. He had no intention of moving off of her. He kept kissing her and soothing her with his voice, while she let it all out. Not just the thing with Patricia, but also the whole thing with Lori and Shane, it all came bubbling up to the surface and Daryl did the best he could to be there for her and catch her before she hit the bottom.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 30

“You okay?” Daryl asked when Jarah reentered the room after having taken a shower.

“I guess. Thank you for doing that for me. I know you didn't want to!”

Jarah kissed him gently after sitting back down next to him on the sleeping bag after her shower. It had taken almost half an hour for her to stop crying and Daryl had been there for her every single second. She was intensely grateful and fell in love with him all over again.

“I wanted to... I just didn't wanna hurt you!”, he corrected her while wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Today she seemed to be even smaller to him than usual. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his embrace and not let her go for the next day or so.

“I liked it,...” she blushed and quickly looked down, when his gaze met hers. “I felt more of you,... it felt more intense,... I felt your strength. This purely male strength you guys have,... I love that,...”

“Really? But you didn't..., you know...” Daryl hesitated, always reverting back to his more shy self after their play time.

“Cum?” Jarah finished his sentence and when he nodded, she shrugged “Still liked it,... doesn't matter, though. Wasn't supposed to be fun for me anyway.”

Daryl didn't know what to say to that. He felt a little helpless. He had fooled himself into thinking that once she had let it all out, everything would go back to normal. As much as he had changed since the outbreak, when it came to situations like these, he still didn't quite know what to do or say. So far trying to lighten the mood had been effective, he had always been able to distract her easily. So he nudged her a little and sent her a little grin.

“Well, you're gonna feel a lot more of my strength when I put you over my knee and spank your ass raw for not listening to me. Told you not to play hero and yet you did.”

“Do it,... not like I wouldn't deserve it.” Jarah muttered darkly. “But then again, I'm twisted enough that I'd probably like it. I loved Fifty Shades of Grey. Read those damn books three times when I was pregnant. Right around the time you started working in my building. On really horny days... well I imagined what it would be like doing stuff with you...” Jarah was blushing fiercely and didn't look at him when she told him that.

Daryl of course never read the books, but he had heard about them. People talked about it all the time back then. On TV, on the radio, even down at his local watering hole the men were talking about how their women were suddenly into all this BDSM shit.

“Yeah? That why you always say that me spanking you wouldn't be a punishment?” Daryl felt the corners of his mouth turn up a little. He loved it when she blushed. It didn't happen often when they were alone together, but if it did, it gave him a little rush. He just loved having the upper hand, because to him it meant, that she was trusting him enough to give up some of that control she always had an iron grip on around everybody else.

“I guess, yeah. I think about it a lot, trying to analyze it.” Jarah spoke quietly, almost like she was talking to herself, while her fingers played with the frayed edge of the rip in Daryl's pants.

“About what? Me spanking you? You really want me to do that?” Daryl's brow furrowed, he tried to catch her gaze, but she wouldn't look at him.

“Yes and no. It's hard to explain.”

“Try!” Daryl urged her to tell him what was on her mind, curious to find out where she was going with this.

“I don't know how. It might come out all wrong. Even in my own head it's all a big jumble of thoughts.”

“Doesn't matter, we'll figure them out one by one then. I wanna know what's going on in there.” Daryl was a little proud of himself, he was trying to be a better man for her all the time and right now he felt he was doing a pretty good job at being the understanding boyfriend who was patient enough to hear her out and help her with her problems. It's what she had done for him that time in the barn when he had told her he loved her. Now he wanted to return the favor.

“I love men, obviously. I love them for how different they are from women, especially physically. You guys have this natural physical strength, women just don't have. That I don't have. You have a shitload of it and I really love when you let me feel it. Like when you hold and squeeze my wrists, you could easily hurt me, but you don't. You use just enough pressure that it's bordering on painful, but you never cross that line. That power you have over me in that moment... Shit I just don't know how to explain it Daryl.” Jarah was exasperated. She didn't know how to convey what she meant. 

“In that moment, when you get a little rough with me, I feel that you're the boss, you're in charge and I love that, you know I do, that's not news, but sometimes I wish, you'd turn it up a notch, be a little harder on me.” she tried to explain once more, but still not satisfied with what was coming out of her mouth.

“Wait, what are you saying? You actually WANT me to really HURT you? Are you fucking nuts? There's no way I'm gonna do that! Is that your fucked up way of having me punish you for Patricia??? That's some sick shit, girl! I ain't gonna play that game!” Daryl looked at her like she had gone insane. Gone were his good intentions to be an understanding partner. As soon as the words had left his mouth he knew he had said the wrong thing, but he couldn't help it. He just couldn't wrap his mind around what she was saying and anger had always been his go-to solution.

“No, that's not what I fucking meant. I'm not a masochist or submissive... at least I don't think I am,.. God Daryl I told you I couldn't explain. Why couldn't you just leave it be? Now you think I'm a freak, just like everybody else out there. Fuck! This is not the time to even be talking about this! Why did you even have to bring it up?” Jarah was yelling right back at him. Usually that was not her style, but right now she was not in any condition to swallow her feelings and just move on. All those pesky feelings were still too close to the surface.

“I'm not the one who started this! That was you! Never should have let you talk me into fucking you raw like that! I'm not gonna help you punish yourself!”

“That's not what that was about and you know it! Fuck it, I can't do this right now. There, Jamie's crying! Happy? You go, he doesn't want me. Pissed at me, too!” 

Jarah grabbed her leather jacket from the desk and just left, leaving Daryl staring after her wondering what the fuck just happened.

##################### ####################################

It was getting dark again. Jarah was sitting on the truck bed of a company pick-up truck, lost in her thoughts again while she smoked. She had been there for hours, hiding away in her own head, just staring straight ahead while her mind raced a mile a minute.

The sound of heavy footsteps finally tore her out of her trance, just in time for her to see Rick in front of her, holding out a plate of baked beans.

“Didn't know you smoked.” He gave her a slight smile while he went to sit next to her after handing her the plate.

“Haven't done it in a while. Stopped a couple of years ago, but sometimes I just need one.” she explained.

“How are you holding up?”

“Fine, I guess.” she shrugged nonchalantly.

“Heard you and Daryl fight.”

“Awesome!” She snorted with a sarcastic laugh. Now everybody had even more reason to think of her as a freak show.

“Listen Jarah, nobody is judging you.” Rick started, but was quickly interrupted.

“Oh come on, that's bullshit, Rick! I could see it in their faces. Dale, Carol... especially Hershel and Maggie... and even in yours! Wanna change your mind about me now? Maybe your wife was right, huh? Maybe I did try to kill my mother. Isn't that what you and everybody else is thinking?”

“Jarah, calm down, please. I did not come here to fight with you. I know you're in a dark place and it's going to take some time to get you out of there, but we still have your back. You are one of us, you're family. That's not gonna change. Everybody is just shocked, but in the end they will understand. Has Daryl ever told you about Jim?”

“Don't think so. Never heard him mention a Jim before.”

“After the outbreak, the group had set up camp in a quarry. Back then we were a lot more people. Jim was one of those people. One day Daryl, T-Dog and I went to the city to look for Merle. When we got back to the quarry after dark, there were walkers everywhere. Lost a lot of people. Not Jim, though. The next day when he helped taking care of the bodies, a woman named Jaqui noticed blood on his shirt. He'd been bit. Nobody knew what to do. We decided to take him to the CDC. On our way there his condition got worse very quickly. His fever was out of control and he was in so much pain, riding along in the RV made him feel like every bone in his body was breaking. The slightest motion so painful, that he was begging for death to come. He asked us to leave him by the side of the road. He couldn't go on anymore. So we did. We left him there and moved on. Left him there to die and turn by himself. All alone.”

“I'm sorry about that, but why are you telling me this?” Jarah asked him, not seeing the point in this conversation.

“By doing what you did, you not only granted Patricia her last wish, but you also spared her a huge amount of pain and suffering. You also protected Beth and Jamie. You are incredibly strong, Jarah. You don't see it that way, but what you did wasn't a heinous crime. You gave Patricia a gift. The gift of a quick and painless death. You let her go out on her own terms, sacrificing a huge part of yourself in the process. I wasn't able to do what you did for Jim. None of us was. Granted, Jim didn't ask for us to end it for him, but every time I think about him, I think one of us should have been man enough to spare him what he had to go through, even though it wasn't our decision to make. Nobody deserves to go out like he did.” Rick looked at her, while he talked, but she still wouldn't look him in the eyes.

“You're right, Rick. I don't see it that way!” Jarah told him matter-of-factly, repelling his efforts of trying to make her feel better about what she did. Whenever she heard the name Patricia all she saw was the woman kneeling in front of her, crying and praying, then her falling face first to ground, laying in her own brain matter and blood. 'Yeah what a great gift.' was all Jarah kept thinking at Rick's words.

“So, is Daryl right? You trying to get him to punish you?” Rick asked point blank.

“Wow, Rick... you are clearly overstepping some boundaries here. Just 'cause you overheard doesn't mean that you can ask about it.” Jarah was mortified and flabbergasted at the same time that Rick would even go there.

“You're right, I apologize. That's between the two of you. Word of advice, though? Don't try to push him away or anything. You're gonna need him to work through this.”

“I know, Rick. You don't have to tell me that.” Jarah lit another cigarette, the food still untouched. She didn't have much of an appetite.

“Hey, wanna take this baby out for a ride and go on a run with me tomorrow?” Jarah slapped the truck bed of the pick-up, changing the topic and making it clear to Rick that she was done talking about Patricia and Daryl.

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

“I passed a couple of stores on my way here. Babies'R'Us, Ikea and a couple others. You said the stores you checked around here were pretty untouched. They could turn out to be a goldmine.We should check them out. Truck's big enough to get some decent stuff. Beds for everyone would be nice, right? Couple couches maybe? We can ask T-Dog to come, maybe Daryl or Glenn wanna go, too!” Jarah suggested. Rick nodded but faltered when she mentioned T-Dog.

“T-Dog didn't make it Jarah. Died back on the farm. Just like Shane and Andrea. We are all that's left.”

“Damn,... sorry... Guess it's just you and me then! We should clear the stores first and look what they got left. If there's a lot to get we can always go back the day after tomorrow with more cars. The stores are not very far, just about a 15 minute drive. Won't be wasting too much gas.”

“Sounds good. Daryl wants to go hunting tomorrow. If we need more manpower we'll plan a big run with him and Glenn on Maggie for the day after tomorrow. Tomorrow we'll just take a look and take what we can fit in the truck.”

“I'll be ready by first light!” Jarah jumped off the truck-bed and putting out the rest of her cigarette by stepping on it, before she went back towards the building.

Rick's eyes fell on the untouched plate of beans. “You gotta eat!”, he yelled after Jarah.

“No thank you. Give it to Lori, she needs it!” Jarah yelled back, waving him off without turning around.

She went back to the room she shared with Daryl and found him sitting on the sleeping bags, cleaning his crossbow. His head shot up when she entered, his eyes gazing at her warily. He didn't know what to expect after their argument earlier. He didn't even know if he should be mad at her or at himself.

Jarah took of her leather jacket and threw it on the desk, where it joined his. She took of her boots and went to kneel in front of him, gently moving his crossbow out of the way so she could lean over and kiss him gently.

“I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what happened, lost my temper, I guess.” she whispered against his lips.

“I'm sorry, too. I overreacted. Should have let you finish,... shouldn't have pushed ya in the first place. Not after the day you had.” he was relieved that they were okay and pressed his lips against hers once more, before pulling back again. “Our boy is out like a light already.”

“Yeah, figured. Didn't sleep much in the car.”

“He has the shits again,... bad! I almost ralphed in the corner!” Daryl told her, wincing at the memory of that horrid smell.

“Damn, forgot to warn you. Sorry. It's the broccoli from those baby food jars. Didn't have anything else in the car. Well nothing we can do. We just gotta make sure he gets enough fluids.” Jarah sat down next to him, while he resumed the work on his crossbow. “Thank you for being awesome!”

“It's nothing!” Daryl shrugged, acting like it was no big deal.

“To me, it's everything. To him as well.” she kissed his biceps and watched his hands work in silence, before she remembered her talk with Rick. “I'm going to check out the baby store with Rick tomorrow. Wanted to take you, but he said you're going hunting.”

“Yeah, we need the meat. You gonna be okay with Rick?”

“I think so. I trust him. Way more than Shane, that's for damn sure. We'll be fine.” Jarah assured him with a smile. 

They went silent again, Daryl kept working on his favorite weapon while Jarah watched him, her eyelids growing heavier with every second and before she even realized what was happening she had fallen asleep with her head against his shoulder.

#################### #####################

“Okay, I'm going in first. You stay here and keep a look out until I give you the sign to come in!”

Rick looked at Jarah comically. His face displaying a mixture of astonishment and amusement, while she rattled off the game plan, basically sidelining him and demoting him to be the look out on this mission.

Jarah turned around after having grabbed the bags they would need and looked at him quizzically.

“What?”

“Nothing,... I'd just feel more comfortable with taking the lead.” he told her with a smile.

“Nah, no offense, but you and your loud-ass cowboy boots are only gonna make the walkers notice us as soon as we get in there. Trust me, I've done this on my own a lot before I met you guys. Have a little faith! Here...” she thrust the bags into his hands and gave him a little wink on her way into the store. 

Rick just laughed quietly and shook his head in disbelief while looking at the bags in his hands. He couldn't believe that this was the same Jarah who barely ever said a word when anyone else was around and always seemed to shy away from him and the rest of the group. He wondered if she ever talked to Daryl like that and, more importantly, if the answer was yes, was Daryl actually okay with it?

'This should be interesting!', Rick thought to himself, the corners of his mouth still tugged up in amusement.

Jarah returned about five minutes later and when Rick turned to look at her, his eyes almost popped out of his head.

“What the hell happened to you???” the sheriff took in her appearance. Her clothes were covered in dark walker blood, so much even that the disgusting sludge was dripping off of her in some places. 

“Keeps the walkers off your back. Those pesky things tend to come out of nowhere. This ensures us a little bit more safety in case we miss one. Although it looks pretty walker-less in there. But the shelves are fucking stacked. Now come on, gimme a hug!” Jarah opened her arms and took a step towards Rick, who in turn took a step back.

“Whoa, what? You want a hug?”

“Not for sentimental reasons, come here!” She invaded his personal space and pressed her body against his, wrapping her arms around his middle, making sure to rub them over his back. “There you go! Now they'll leave the both of us alone!”

Jarah released him and went back into the store without another word. Rick was absolutely stunned and at a loss for words. He looked down at himself for a moment, still not quite understanding what was going on, before following her into the store, watching how she quickly and effectively took out another walker that was shuffling along an aisle of toys. 

################ ############################

Together they were able to rid the store of walkers within a half hour. There weren't very many in there. Most of them seemed to have been former employees who thought it would be safer to stay there instead of going out into the streets, when the outbreak happened.

Jarah almost jumped in glee when she saw that the shelves were still almost completely stacked. She looked over at Rick, who had a huge smile on his face.

“You thinking what I'm thinking?” He asked her.

“That we should take fucking everything? Hell yeah!” She laughed.

“Well not everything. I don't think we'll need twenty different strollers.” 

“You are right, we should still take two. One for each of our kids. Okay, how's this sound? Furniture, strollers, high chairs, car seats and toys, we'll take two of each for our kids, that will be enough. But seriously Rick, the rest like Bedding, Bathing, Diapering, Feeding and Clothing, we should really pick this thing clean. Take every single item they have. We got the space to store it all. We got the attic and the huge storage hall next to the garage. The shelves are already there, we just gotta get rid of their documents they stored there. Shouldn't be a problem. We got enough trucks, enough gas... Just look at all the clothing, all sizes for all seasons. Our kids will be set for YEARS. One less thing to worry about.” She grabbed one of the baby food jars from the shelves and checked the expiration date, “Rick, all this food doesn't expire until 2015! We won't have to worry about food for them for months. Hell even we can eat some of it until the stuff that Hershel wants to plant is ready to be harvested. They have everything, fruit, meat, veggies, Oatmeal Apple Peach, freaking turkey! And this is just the stuff in here, think about what they might still have in stock. Seriously Rick, we'd be idiots not to take everything. Let's make big run tomorrow. We'll take 3 or 4 trucks and do this in one day.” Jarah was on fire and she was in heaven. Everything Jamie would ever need in the next months or even years, it was all right in front of them. 

“Well, I'm not going to argue with you. I guess even if I would be crazy enough to say no, you'd still get Daryl and do it by yourselves tomorrow.” Rick was laughing, but he was really impressed, not just by all the supplies they'd be getting, but also very much by Jarah and this new side of hers he was getting to know today.

“Okay Jarah, I'd say lets get some food, a highchair, a stroller for Jamie today and we'll pick up the rest tomorrow. Which one do you want?” Rick was already examining some strollers, but Jarah was still in awe over at the food aisle.

“Oh my God, they even got juice and ooooh fruit yoghurt smoothies. Jamie used to love those! I'm so happy I could cry right now!” she quickly grabbed a couple of items before she followed Rick who was waiting by the strollers.

“This one looks good, what do you think, Jarah?”

“Nah, take the Britax B-Agile, that's the one I used to have. Man, he is gonna love this. He loved being in that thing, we'd take walks in the park for hours. And it's a great way to calm him down.”

Jarah's enthusiasm was contagious, Rick couldn't get rid of the big grin on his face.

“I don't think I've ever seen you this happy before! It suits you!” 

“Well hello, this is heaven for a mother, especially in this shitty world right now! This will make things a lot easier in the next couple of months. Now come on, let's get a move on. I wanna check the IKEA as well. Oh look, beautiful cribs. Our kids will have beautiful rooms. We're gonna make it happen!” 

Jarah was almost skipping out of the store like a little kid, she couldn't describe how happy she was. Rick got the stroller and the highchair for Jamie while Jarah took care of the food items she wanted to take and then they were on their way to the next store, hoping they would hit the mother-lode once more.

################# ########################

Rick and Jarah were back by noon. The IKEA had more walkers, they would need Maggie, Glenn and Daryl's help to clear that store, but there was still a lot of stuff left they could get for everybody. Their main priorities would be beds and sofas for starters. If everything goes as planned they might go back for more stuff, like dressers, kitchenware, bed sheets and decorative stuff to make the office building homier.

When Daryl was back from his hunt and everybody was gathered around the big table in the meeting room, Rick told the group about their plan. Everybody was excited about the supplies and furniture they'd be getting and Rick didn't even have to ask the people he wanted to come on the run with them, they all volunteered.

The next morning Daryl, Rick, Glenn, Maggie and Jarah would leave with three trucks at first light and they would keep going until they had everything they wanted to take or until it would get dark. Whatever would happen first.

############### ##############################

Later that night Jarah stood in front of an open window by the stairwell and enjoyed another smoke while Daryl took a shower, when she heard footsteps approach.

“Those loud-ass cowboy boots are gonna get you killed one day, you know?” She grinned, already knowing that it was Rick who was coming to join her.

“Jarah Mason,... you are definitely something else... I really didn't think that you would ever be able to surprise me. I thought I had you pretty much figured out and then today happened.” He leaned against the wall next to her with a smile while crossing his arms over his chest.

“It happens when you underestimate people!” she laughed quietly.

“I wouldn't say I underestimated you... okay maybe I did. But never again, you can be sure of that. Pretty amazing what you did today... the way you work... I really liked what I saw today. I really like this side of you.”

“Well thank you, I like to please! Ah, baby crying, that's my cue! See ya tomorrow Rick. Have a good night!” She put out the cigarette and closed the window. When she went past Rick he put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her for a moment.

“I never said it, but I'm really happy to have you with us. Sleep tight!” He looked at her smiling and squeezed her shoulder once before he released her. 

Jarah gave him a little wink and went to their room, to take care of her son and then cuddle up to her man and go to sleep. The next day was going to be huge for them and filled with a lot of work, but she knew it would be worth it.

 

 

Chapter 31

It had been a month since their huge supply run. The trips to the baby store went off without a hitch, IKEA on the other hand turned out to be more of a challenge than they thought it would be. They got what they wanted, but they almost lost Maggie, when a bunch of stragglers came out of nowhere inside the storage warehouse. After that they decided to keep away from the big store. There were a couple of similar but much smaller ones in the area they had checked out and gotten all the stuff they would be able to use.

While the guys had kept busy with setting up the beds and getting rid of the various desks and office supplies that wouldn't be needed, Jarah had pretty much locked herself in inside the storage hall and had organized all the baby stuff. She had made list after list so they would be able to keep track of what they had, how much they had of each item, what would have to be consumed first so it wouldn't expire, on which shelf it was located, etc.

It had taken her days to get finished, she had worked day and night and kicked everyone out who came in to help. She needed to do this on her own so she would be able to focus and not mess everything up. It had kept her occupied and it made her forget the things she didn't want to think about. The only one who had been allowed in on occasion to check out her progress was Rick. He was the leader of the group, so he had a right to make sure that everything was going according to plan.

Daryl hadn't gotten to see her much during those days and he had not been a happy camper. He had always hoped that she would be done soon, so she would finally be forced to confront what was going on inside of her. He knew that she was hiding from it. The couple of times she did try to sleep she had nightmares so intense she had to throw up upon waking. She was wasting away in front of his eyes, too. Currently she was living off of a “healthy diet” of coffee and the occasional cigarette. Daryl practically had to force feed her some oatmeal the other morning. Afterward he felt bad because it had made her sick and that hadn't helped at all to put his worries to rest.

Other than her health she didn't seem much different than usual. Quite the opposite, she seemed to be more upbeat than she used to be and somehow that didn't sit right with Daryl. He guessed it was some sort of defense mechanism, denial at its best maybe.

The group had settled nicely into their new environment. Everyone was lounging around the meeting room that had been transformed into the living/dining area a lot. They had kept the big table and the chairs for their meals, but on the opposite side of the room big comfy sofas lined the walls instead of the smaller tables and flip-charts that used to be there. They had found a propane heater and a nice supply of propane and decided to heat the big room with it on really cold days. The dim glow of some camping lanterns gave the room a nice comfy atmosphere at night, so it was no surprise that it had become the groups favorite spot. 

Everybody's roles in the group were clear. Daryl was responsible for hunting, even though his kills got less and less with every week due to the cold winter months, Rick and Jarah were Team 1 and Glenn and Maggie were Team 2 and responsible for supply runs. Dale and Hershel walked the fences with Carl accompanying them on occasion and kept guard when the others were gone and Beth and Carol kept everything clean and nice on the inside and watched after Jamie when both parents were out. Everything seemed to be going well.

Daryl, in the meantime had gotten pretty fed-up with Rick. Ever since their first scouting trip together he kept popping up around Jarah. Always asking her opinion, suggesting another run and then taking her out, scouting the places before planning the run.   
Daryl wasn't the jealous type, never had been, but the way Rick kept smiling at her and kept touching her all the time when he was standing next to her, rubbed him the wrong way. The other week Rick was sidelined because of a sprained ankle and Jarah had gone off on a run with Glenn. When they came back Rick had hugged her in front of everyone, happy to see them come back in one piece. Daryl didn't like that one bit. He was Jarah's partner and not even he hugged her every time she got back.

Sure he was a bit overprotective where Jarah was concerned and that was probably the reason why jealousy was rearing its head inside of him, but he just didn't like how Rick seemed to be forcing himself into her life. That's how Daryl saw it. Jarah didn't act any differently around him though, so he was sure he had nothing to worry about, but it still kept bugging him.

########### #################

According to the calendar they had kept, today was December 25th. It was Christmas morning and Rick, Jarah, Glenn and Maggie had a surprise for everyone. They had all stayed up until the middle of the night, hiding out in the storage hall to prepare everything and once everybody had gone to sleep they had snuck back inside and had gotten to work in the meeting room. Afterward Rick had locked the doors, so nobody would see anything ahead of time.

Jarah was still fast asleep when Rick knocked on their door to wake them up. She groaned and kept her eyes closed. Like many mornings in the past couple of weeks she awoke with a pounding headache and feeling sick like a dog.

“Better get up, your boyfriend wants you!” Daryl muttered under his breath.

“What the fuck are you going on about?” she asked while she turned onto her back. Her hands shielded her eyes from the light that was coming through the window. Daryl just shrugged and looked down where her shirt had ridden up from her movement over the course of the night.

“I fucking hate what you're doing!” he shook his head regretfully.

“What am I doing?” Jarah's head was giving her too much trouble for her to be able to figure out what he meant.

“Freaking starving yourself! I can count your ribs from over here! Look at you, you can barely get up in the mornings!”

“I am not starving myself, Daryl. I told you my body is just reacting to all that shit that went down. I just can't keep anything down. Stop making a big deal out of it.”

“It's been a fucking month, Jar! You're disappearing into thin air and I can't say anything?” Jarah noticed the worried undertone in his angry voice and slowly opened her eyes to look at him. She reached for his hand and when he slipped it into hers she pulled him back on the bed and put her other hand on his neck, stroking her thumb gently over his jaw.

“These things take time, Daryl. I have a history of psychosomatic issues. Every time something big happens my body just reacts. It's just stress and it will pass, I promise, but I need you to not freak out over it, please. It will only make it worse.” she looked at him pleadingly with those big hazel eyes of hers, making Daryl feel even more helpless. He could protect her from walkers and other dangers, but he couldn't protect her from what her own body was doing to her and it was killing him.

“I hate this. You need your strength, you're out there a lot. I'd be surprised if you weighed more than a hundred pounds anymore, not much to withstand the strength of a walker trying to pin you down.”

“I'll be fine, baby. Nothing is gonna happen. I went through the same thing when I was first pregnant with Jamie. Couldn't keep anything down but some grapes and some orange juice for four whole months, and look, we are both still standing. I survived it. Someday in the near future I'll wake up and just start stuffing my face and everything will be back to normal. It just takes time.” she tried to reassure him.

Daryl just nodded, but the worry in his eyes didn't fade one bit. He still thought that she might be punishing herself for having to shoot Patricia, but nobody could get her to talk about it. Everybody had tried numerous times, but that was a topic she remained strictly mum on, so all he could do was wait for her to work through it on her own.

Jarah pulled him to her for a sweet kiss, her hand buried in his hair that was getting longer and longer. She absolutely loved it. She pulled slightly and grinned, when she got the response she was wanted, a deep groan from the man above her. 

Daryl caught her bottom lip between his teeth, biting and sucking gently. His tongue rubbed over it a second later, soothing the bite before he slipped it between her lips. Jarah moaned and parted her legs, her hands pulling at him to lay in between them and Daryl gladly did, pushing his crotch against hers rhythmically. He had recently found out that Jarah had a thing about dry-humping. She loved it, she couldn't explain why, she just loved it and it made her insanely wet and Daryl used that to his advantage, whenever they only had time for a quickie.

“MAAMAAAMAAAMAAAAAAA!!!!!”

Daryl and Jarah both froze, startled by Jamie's loud proclamation that he was awake and wanted out of his bed. Daryl groaned in frustration and leaned his forehead against Jarah's shoulder.

“That kid has got the worst timing ever, I swear he can sense when we're about to have fun!” he complained and rolled off of her.

“Don't I know it. Well I have to get going anyway. I'll just change his diaper real quick. We'll keep him dressed in his jammies for now. You wait in here with him until we tell you that you can come out.” Jarah got up and went to greet Jamie and get him out of bed. He had learned how to walk by himself in the past two weeks and drove his parents crazy by running off to explore all the time. He quickly stomped over into the other room and climbed into bed to greet Daryl, who was still face down on his stomach to get his erection in check.

“Daaaadaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaa!” Jamie climbed all over Daryl's back, making him groan in pain when he dug his little knee into Daryl's spine.

“Yeah, I'm here, good lord you're heavy. Mornin, little dude!” Daryl looked up at him, earning a happy laugh from the toddler. 

While Jarah got the new diaper and wet wipes out Daryl pulled off Jamie's pants and popped open the buttons of his onesie. “Ready?” He asked her, when she knelt on the bed. She nodded and Daryl started counting, “Alright on three! One, two, three!” 

Daryl quickly started tickling Jamie, successfully distracting him, while Jarah changed his diaper. Both didn't know why, but recently Jamie started crying at the top of his lungs whenever he needed to have his diaper changed and started kicking and rolling on his stomach and trying to run away. After a couple of times and unpleasant messes, they decided that it had become a two-man-job for the time being. One of them had to distract him while the other quickly cleaned him up and put the new diaper on him.

“Alright, all done!” Jarah grabbed his pants to put them back on but Daryl took them out of her hands.

“I got it, you go. Rick's waiting!”

“Thanks. You're the best!” She pressed a kiss against his cheek and slipped into her black cardigan and her black jeans and headed to the kitchen.

############## #####################

“There you are. Good morning. Here, I made you some tea. I think that coffee you're constantly gulping down is just making your headaches worse.” Rick handed her a mug with a teabag swimming in steaming hot water. 

“Rose Hips,.. mmmm my favorite.” She made a face when she read the label, but thanked him anyway.

“It's all I could find in the cupboards, but it'll be good for you! Water's already heated up, you can go ahead and try to make this weird hot chocolate of yours.”

“It's not weird, it might not taste exactly like hot chocolate, but it's close and the kids will be happy.”

“I doubt Carl will drink anything that was made with milk powder for toddlers.” Rick laughed.

“Well we just won't tell him before he tries it, then.” Jarah got out what she needed and started pouring some of the hot water into a smaller pot to stir in the powder.

“So,... did you tell him?” Rick asked her, after looking around and making sure that nobody else was around.

“No, and I told you that I'm not gonna!” Jarah muttered annoyed.

“Thought you might have,... heard him raise his voice...”

“Wasn't about that. Can we drop it please?”

“I just think we should tell him, Jarah. Honesty is always the best way to go.”

“You know Daryl, right? He is just going to freak out and tear this place apart. Everything is going great Rick. You wanna risk that? Especially today?”

“I see the looks he gives me. He knows something is up!”

“Bullshit, he doesn't. You're imagining it. But I tell you what, he will know that something is up if you start acting weird around him. So don't! Now, hand me that jar over there and drop it! The topic, not the jar!” 

Rick handed her the jar with a sigh, before he put his arm around her shoulder and pressed his lips against her head for a moment. “Alright, your call. I won't say anything else... today!”

He left to unlock the meeting room as breakfast was almost ready. When Jarah was done she poured the fake hot chocolate into a thermos and put it on the table. They got everything ready and after Rick had looked around and made sure that everything was in order, he gave the okay for Jarah, Glenn and Maggie to get the others.

Everyone started coming in, stopping as soon as they entered and looking around in awe. Even Daryl was stunned and had a little smile on his face when he took everything in.

The plan had been set in motion weeks ago and both teams always kept their eyes open for stuff they could use for Christmas and nobody knew but Rick and Jarah had gone back to the IKEA and had found a buttload of Christmas decorations and even a couple of big fake trees the employees had used to decorate the store with around Christmas time. One of those was now standing in a corner close to the sofas, beautifully decorated with red and golden ball ornaments, batterie-operated strings of lights and a big golden star at the top. The room was littered with figurines big and small, more strings of light and stockings had been pinned on the wall and red and white snowflakes were hanging from the ceiling.

“It's beautiful,... I never thought I'd see a christmas tree ever again.” Carol had tears in her eyes and touched one of the ornaments reverently.

“Coooool, are those for us???” Carl was racing towards the tree and the colorful presents that were spread around it.

“Yes, but first everybody grab some breakfast. We can eat sitting on the floor today!” Rick smiled, he loved seeing Carl this happy. It reminded him of the time before all this happened.

They went over to the table and were happy to find not only their regular oatmeal, but also various boxes of cookies and snack cakes they had found in the desks of the surrounding office buildings. Left over treats from the people who used to work there. Most of them were stale, but to people who hadn't had any in months, it was a true treat. Jarah had even found a big unopened jar of Nutella in the kitchen of a temp agency nearby, which was also standing on the table, surrounded by two handfuls of spoons, so everybody could scoop some out to eat. She had already used some of it to stir into the milk she had prepared. When she was little her grandmother used to make her hot chocolate made with milk and a spoonful of Nutella and she had loved it. Today she wanted to treat Jamie and Carl to the same, although it would taste slightly different due to the powdered toddler milk she had to use.

They all helped themselves to some food and then gathered around the tree. Everybody got a present. The adults all got a bottle of booze and some candy bars. It wouldn't have been much of a gift in the old world, but these days, they almost peed their pants from joy over some stale Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a bottle of wine or scotch.

Carl got some more candy and a stack of comic books, while Jamie got a blue Big Bobby Car from the baby store.

“Man, I want a car, too. Don't they make one big enough for me to drive around in?” Carl complained, but he was smiling as he watched Jamie being pushed around the room by Daryl.

“Well I don't have a car for you, but maybe you will be okay with this until then?” Rick had left the room unnoticed and was now walking back in with a huge smile and a mountain bike.

“No way!!!!! Thank you!” Carl jumped up and hugged Rick before taking the bike and checking it out!

“You obviously can't ride around the neighborhood, but this whole lot is big enough for you to ride around on. You can use it to check the fences.”

“It's awesome, Dad. Thank you! Can we go out now? I wanna try it!”

“Sure, grab our coats, I'll carry it downstairs.” Rick ruffled his son's hair and looked around. Seeing everyone smiling and laughing around the tree like this was amazing. They didn't get much of these moments anymore and they had to appreciate and enjoy every minute of it. He figured hell would come raining down on them again soon enough.

He looked at Jarah who was sitting next to Daryl on the floor and was kissing on Jamie until he squealed and squirmed in his mothers arms. A feeling of dread settled into his stomach and he knew that it was true. Bad things might be happening soon and if they did, it could destroy members of the group forever.

 

Chapter 32

“Well, I'm gonna go and walk the fences before it gets dark!” Hershel got up and put his mug on the table on his way to his room to get his coat.

“Mind if Jamie and I keep you company? We could both use some fresh air.” Jarah asked before the grey-haired man left the room.

“Sure, no problem. I'll meet you downstairs.” Hershel smiled from the doorway before he turned to leave.

“Alright, let's get you dressed little fella.” Jarah grabbed Jamie's hand and gave Daryl's knee a little squeeze. “We'll be back soon.”

They still didn't engage in a whole lot of PDA in front of the other group members. They would always sit together closely so that their bodies touched from shoulder to leg, but that was pretty much the only indication that they were more than good friends. Sometimes when he had a couple of drinks Daryl would put his arm around her and pull her even closer, but the others always shared little smiles and grins at that because it was such a rare occurrence that they showed affection towards one another and that in turn made both of them uncomfortable and they'd stop. It was a vicious circle.

Daryl just sent her a nod an watched after her when she left the room with Jamie. When she was gone he looked at the bottle of Southern Comfort he had been given for Christmas and decided it was a good time to start drinking and forget all the shit that's been going on for a little while. He picked up the bottle and settled into his usual corner of the couch, drinking and watching everybody else.

############## ####################

Jarah pushed the stroller in front of her while walking next to Hershel. Not many walkers were showing up these days and the few they had they would stab in the head with the sharpened end of a cane in passing.

“So, we haven't talked in a while. How are you doing really? Because from the looks of it, it doesn't seem that you're doing too well.” Hershel's calm and gentle voice tore her out of her thoughts.

“I'm okay, just going through some stuff,... I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Figured there was a reason why you came with me other than for the fresh air!” he smiled at her. “What can I help you with?”

“I need to know something,... I know that the procedure to have one's tubes tied is the same for animals as it is for human females. Have you ever performed that procedure on an animal?”

“Yes, several times. Why do you ask?” Hershel was starting to get an idea as to why she was asking, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions.

“Have any of those animals ever gotten pregnant anyway?” Jarah's voice was shaking, Hershel could feel the nervousness radiating off of her in waves and in that moment he wished he could give her another answer than the one he was about to give her.

“Yes,... it happens. Tubal ligation is a tricky thing. I heard of cases where the severed tissue just grew back together in the first year. When I did that procedure, I used clamps, but there were two cases where one of those clamps just fell off and the animal turned out to be fertile again. It is not very common, but also not as rare as people think it is. It happens.”

Jarah nodded, she stared straight ahead, but Hershel was still able to see the tears she was trying to stop from falling.

“What method did they use on you?” He asked her gently. Jarah never told him that she had that procedure done, only Daryl and Rick knew, but now Hershel was sure that the reason for her asking him was that she had the procedure and was now suspecting that it hadn't worked.

“Clamps.” Jarah replied, her voice bitter.

Hershel nodded and squeezed her shoulder. “And you and Daryl... you uhm didn't use an additional kind of contraception?”

“No, I thought tubal ligation was supposed to be permanent.” Jarah gripped the handlebar of the stroller so hard her knuckles turned white.

“Most of the time it is,... And you think for you it isn't?”

“I haven't had my period in two months, I throw up, I can't eat anything, headaches... It might all be just stress, it happened before, but it also happened when I was pregnant with Jamie and I can't explain, but something inside my body just feels off.”

“Well you know that there is only one way to make sure...”

“I know, Rick and I already have a run to a pharmacy planned. The one around here was picked clean so we gotta go a little further,... hope they still have some tests laying around. Goddamn, why? Why does this shit always have to happen?” The tears started to spill down her cheeks and Hershel tried his best to calm her down.

“It is going to be okay Jarah. Even if you are with child, you know we can deal with it and take care of you. Lori is doing fine and so will you!”

“No Hershel, you don't understand. I can't be pregnant, okay? I have the gene mutation that causes Factor 5 Leiden thrombophilia. Does that ring any bells for you?”

“It does,... “ Hershel looked down as his brain started to map out what could happen if Jarah was indeed pregnant.

“Pregnant women increase their blood volume by almost 50% during the course of the pregnancy. Very little at first, but it was enough for me. Had my first deep venous thrombosis at 6 weeks pregnant. My right leg was full of blood clots. I still remember the pain. You feel your blood wanting to shoot through your veins, but it can't because they're blocked by the clots. Cried like a baby every time I had to hobble to the bathroom.”

“They gave you blood thinners?”

“Yeah, Lovenox. Had to inject it twice daily for the whole pregnancy up until 6 weeks after giving birth. And there is absolutely no way for us to get access to that kind of medication and I think you can guess what that means.”

“The clots could not only form in your legs. They could also form in other parts of your body. Brain, liver, kidney... One of those clots could break away and travel to your lungs and cause a pulmonary embolism. The list is endless.” Hershel had paled considerably, understanding the seriousness of the situation.

“Yeah, I could just drop dead one day from an embolism. Last time I also had pregnancy induced high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. And all of those things don't mix well with each other if left untreated. And not only won't we be able to get enough Lovenox, we also won't be able to get our hands on Methyldopa and Insulin either. Which means if I turn out to be pregnant I am absolutely fucked and can just put a bullet in my head before I die in my sleep and tear Daryl and Jamie apart.”

“Daryl doesn't know, does he?”

“No and he can't! Not until I know for sure, Hershel. Rick is the only one who knows. Please you can't say anything to anyone!” Jarah pleaded with him, tears now running down her face in a steady stream.

“I won't, it is not my place to say anything to him about that, but he has to know Jarah. It's not fair to leave him in the dark. You and your son are everything to that boy. It would destroy him if something were to happen to you out of the blue. You need to prepare him for the worst case scenario.” Hershel told her, his voice still calm, but stern.

“I will, as soon as I take the test and it turns out positive I will tell him, but if it's negative, there is no reason to upset him. You know Daryl doesn't deal well with feelings.”

“I am not with you on that one Jarah. If it was me, I would want to know. And I am sure Rick told you the same. It is your decision, but think about him and what it will do to him if he does find out one day. Things like that can never stay hidden and buried for long. Think about it!” Hershel gave her shoulder one last squeeze before he kept moving on, leaving Jarah behind to gather her bearings before she went back inside.

###################### ########################

“Gettin' your buzz on before dinnertime? What are you trying to forget?” Jarah joked as she sat down next to Daryl on the couch.

“Don't!” Daryl shot her an annoyed look that stunned her into silence for a moment. She looked down at the bottle in his hands and noticed that he'd already consumed pretty much half of its contents.

“Hey, what's going on?” she asked carefully, keeping her voice low and gentle like she was talking to a wounded and scared animal.

“Could ask you the same thing! But you won't tell me anyway and I'm tired of asking. You think I'm stupid, don't you? Think white trash, high school drop-out Dixon is too stupid to notice that something's not right, don't you?!” he snarled at her, his speech slurred.

“Daryl stop! You're making a scene! Come on, let's go to our room!Gimme the bottle, come on!” she carefully peeled the bottle out of his hands and put it on the floor. She grabbed his elbow and helped him up and almost had him out of the room when Rick showed up.

“Jarah, can I talk to you real quick? Please?”

“Nah, you can't! You done enough talking! Go fuck your own wife! This one's mine! You got it! Stay away from her!” Daryl got in Rick's face, unleashing his alcohol-induced anger on the former sheriff.

“Daryl, you don't know what you're talking about. You should go lay down and sleep. You'll feel better in the morning!”

“Don't fucking patronize me! I got your number, Grimes!”

“Baby, come on. Let's lay down for a bit... I'm sorry, Rick!” Jarah apologized and tried to drag Daryl away.

“It's okay,... but think about what I told you. I think it's time.” 

“No,... Come on, Daryl!” Jarah gave his arm a hard pull and finally managed to get him into their room. She pushed him down on the bed and knelt in front of him to take off his boots.

Once they were gone Daryl let himself fall back on the bed and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Jarah laid down next to him on her side to face him.

“Baby, look at me! Please!” she carefully pulled his hands away from his face and when his beautiful baby blues stared into her hazel orbs she sighed, “I promise you, there is absolutely nothing going on between Rick and I. We are just friends. Really! Do you really think that I would cheat on you?”

“No,” he admitted quietly, “I trust you,... but not him. Not anymore. The way he's constantly around you and touching you. He wants in your pants!”

“No he doesn't. Trust me he doesn't. He is still heartbroken about Lori. There are no romantic feelings whatsoever between us. God, no. He is like a brother, if anything.” It was the truth and Jarah hoped that Daryl believed her.

“Then why is he acting like that? It's not normal. He's never done it before we got here!”

“That's because we've gotten to know each other better since we started going on runs. And he is just worried, just like you are. Afraid I'll break in half or something.” 

Even though his mind wasn't working the way it usually did without the alcohol, Daryl had to admit that it made sense. Everyone was worried, Rick was just more touchy-feely than the rest of them and Daryl knew that Rick considered Jarah to be family so it shouldn't have been a surprise that he would pay special attention to her. 

'Damn, guess I gotta apologize!' Daryl thought, knowing that he had to make things right with Rick. They were in the same boat, worrying about Jarah, but both were dealing with it differently. That's what caused Daryl to mistake Rick's friendship with Jarah for something else.

“Damn, girl. All this shit's gotta stop. You gotta work through that Patricia-thing. Need to get your strength back up. You can't run away anymore, you gotta deal with it! I can't take seeing you like this much longer!”

“I have worked through it, Daryl. I'm okay. The nightmares are still there, but it's gotten better. I know that there was nothing else I could have done, but the images will stay in my head forever, I suppose, but I can deal with that.”

“If ya can, then why are you still sick? Thought it was your mind that was making your body sick or shit like that!” Daryl didn't understand, why it was all still going on if she had already dealt with shooting Patricia.

Jarah hesitated. She didn't know what to do. Hershel and Rick had both told her to tell Daryl the truth, but she didn't want to alarm him in case that it was just stress her body was reacting to. On the other hand seeing him like this killed her. He had gotten drunk and almost tackled Rick because she was keeping secrets. She took a deep breath and tried to steel herself for whatever was going to happen.

“There might be something else going on.” she told him so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. 

“I knew it! I just can't figure out what it was, so you gonna fucking tell me or what?”

“I will, just please don't freak out, okay?”

“You know I can't promise that, so spit it out already!”

Nothing in the world could have prepared Daryl for what she was about to say, even though everything suddenly made perfect sense.

“I may be pregnant, Daryl.”

Daryl felt like he had been hit by a freight truck, every bit of air got knocked out of his body. His feelings were all over the place, shock being the most prominent one.

“How? You said you got yourself fixed!”

“I know, but there's a chance that one of the clamps fell off,... I talked to Hershel, he said it happens sometimes. I didn't know it was possible, nobody ever told me. It was supposed to be a permanent solution. I'm sorry!”

“Not like you can do anything about it!” he scoffed before he fell silent. Everything she had ever told him about her previous pregnancy came back to him and fear started gripping his insides with an ice-cold hand.

“You don't know for sure yet?” he asked quietly. He really wished he wouldn't have gulped down that Southern Comfort, even though the news that Jarah had given him had helped to sober him up pretty quickly.

“No, Rick and I are gonna run out to a pharmacy a couple of towns over in the next couple of days. Hope I'll be able to get a test.”

“Forget it, Rick can stay here, I'm going with you.”

“Okay...” Jarah knew better than to argue with him right now. She could see that he was scared. He looked like a little boy, staring at the floor chewing on the inside of his bottom lip.

“Goddamn, Jar! I really wanna be happy, but I can't, because of all the shit you told me about what happened the last time. You can't be pregnant. You just can't, you hear me? There's no way you are dying on me!”

“Maybe we are getting worked up over nothing. I've missed my period before, a thousand times, guess a stressful life will do that to you. And all the other stuff is just psychosomatic. I can't eat and because of that I get sick and get headaches. It's probably just that.” God how she hoped it was just that, but she didn't know for sure yet.

“We're gonna find out. We are going tomorrow morning.” Part of Daryl dreaded going. He knew whatever the result was going to be, he wouldn't be happy. He loved Jamie, he knew he could be a good father and he would have been fucking ecstatic to have one of his own with Jarah, but not in this world. Sure he would be happy as hell if it came out negative, because it meant that his girl would be okay, but he would still be disappointed that this was something they would never have, or in her case never have again.

If it turned out positive he wouldn't know what to do. According to her it would mean certain death for her and the baby. He didn't understand all that medical shit, but he knew that she would need a ton of medication they didn't have and that was bad. He didn't allow himself to think any further than that. It just HAD to be negative.

################ #########################

It was the longest two minutes of their lives. They had left at first light that morning and returned shortly before dark, picking up some other things along the way. Rick had gladly agreed to let Daryl go with her instead of going himself. He knew that it was something they needed to do together and he understood Daryl's need to keep his eyes on Jarah every minute right now.

She had grabbed three different tests and after she had finished her business she let Daryl into the room. The hunter was pacing and chewing the skin off of his thumb, while Jarah had her back to him and was leaning her forehead against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. Somehow the cold always calmed and soothed her. She was also counting down the 120 seconds it would take for the results to show up. She counted to 140 just to make sure she went over the 2 minute mark, as neither of them had a watch with them.

“It's time!” she breathed in deeply and turned around. She stepped up to the sink and looked down at the three sticks. The results were clear as day, all three of them said the same thing. 

She couldn't help it, the tears started on their own, sobs wracking her body as she sunk to her knees. Daryl was in a panic, he stared at the tests and down at Jarah, he couldn't figure out what it meant and he didn't see the boxes so he could check for himself.

“What? What does it say? Jarah please, say it!” he grabbed her and pulled her to her feet and she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

“Not pregnant. Thank God, Daryl. Not pregnant!” She buried her face in his chest and hugged him as hard as she could. Daryl released the breath he had been holding and he felt a lot of tension leaving his body and like he suspected he was happy and disappointed at the same time. He wrapped his arms around her and was glad that she wasn't able to see that his eyes were watering as well, mostly because of the relief he felt.

His girl was gonna be okay. They already had a beautiful little boy, blood or not, Jamie was his and that was enough. They had gotten lucky and Daryl would make sure that it would stay that way.

“All this other shit is gonna stop now, you hear me? We gotta get you healthy again. We need you around for a lot longer. I'll help you, but you need to let me! Alright?”

Jarah nodded. Unbeknownst to Daryl she felt the same. She was incredibly happy that she was not pregnant, but on the other hand she would have loved to have a kid with Daryl. She had already started to imagine what a little boy or girl with him would look like. She had imagined a baby with his beautiful eyes and a perfect scowl and it had always made her smile. But it wasn't meant to be and both knew that it was for the best.

 

Chapter 33

“Good morning and a Happy New Year, you gorgeous, sweet, wonderful, amazing man of mine!” Jarah was grinning against his skin while she was peppering soft kisses all over Daryl's face.

“Good Lord, what do you want and what is it gonna cost me?” he groaned good-naturedly, keeping his eyes closed while he enjoyed the feeling of her lips on his skin.

“Mmmm, I'll let you guess what I want, but I can tell you that it might cost you a stiff neck and/or a sore jaw...” she giggled against his throat, her lips having moved to down there to nibble and suck on the sensitive spot near his Adam's apple.

“Ahhh, so you want me to have breakfast in bed, huh?” he grinned slightly, his fingers threading through her hair, holding her to him.

“That's one way to put it!”

“Yeah, what's the other way to put it?” He gently pulled her head up by her hair, enjoying the little blush that was spreading over her cheeks.

“I'm not gonna say!” she laughed and moved to straddle him.

“Well you know that you're not gonna get it unless you say it!” His hands moved over her back down to squeeze her ass for a moment, before they moved further down to grab the back of her thighs using his grip to slowly move her over him.

“Maybe you should make me say it then?” she breathed into his ear, before pulling on the lobe with her teeth.

“And why should I do that?” he groaned, bucking up against her.

“'Cause you love doing it to me just as much as I love doing it to you!” Jarah moved her lips back up to his face placing little kisses along the outline of his mouth.

“Got that right. But you know damn well I'm not gonna do that to you in here ever again. You can't keep quiet and that voice of yours carries. Not gonna deal with those looks and stupid grins again.” he muttered while he kept her hips moving slowly but steadily over his.

“I know, but tonight's our night off. We can head down to the RV and have some serious playtime.”

“Oh yeah? I like the sound of that. You're damn evil for teasing me right now, though, knowing we'll have to wait another 12 hours.” he sighed and moved his hands to her hip to stop her from moving.

“Awww, poor baby. Just trying to get you in the right mood for tonight.” she grinned before biting his bottom lip, gently. He responded by giving her butt a nice slap, making her moan and press against him even more.

“Yeah that's it, you like that, hm sweetheart? Too bad, that's all you're getting for now!” he grinned when she let out a frustrated sigh.

“Tease!” she was pouting and sat up, supporting herself by pressing her hands against his strong chest. Daryl sat up with her, kissing her soundly.

“Now we're in the same boat. Not gonna suffer from being horny all day alone!” he kissed her again, nice and slow, their tongues gliding against each other unhurriedly, neither of them fighting for dominance. They just enjoyed being together and making out for a couple of minutes, before Daryl broke the kiss and smiled at her, his right hand moving to her face to push a strand of her behind her ear. “You're in a good mood!”

“I am. I feel a lot better, thanks to you. No more being sick and no more headaches.” 

It had been a week since they found out that she wasn't pregnant and like Daryl had told her that day, he really had made sure that she was getting better. He had banned her from having coffee and cigarettes and he had told everybody else to keep their eyes on her and make sure she was sticking to the rules when he wasn't around. Two days after completely cutting them out she had started to feel better. The coffein/nicotine combination on an empty stomach had been her downfall, her body just wasn't able to tolerate it. That combined with the stress she had been under had made her sicker and sicker.

After she had felt better Daryl had a very serious conversation with both her and Rick. He had been more disappointed than mad, that Rick had known long before he was told about what had been going on. Rick had just figured it out, that she might be pregnant after she had gotten sick and thrown up during runs and had asked her point blank about it. Jarah had broken down and told him everything., what she suspected and what could happen if she was right, sending Rick into a panic. When she saw him react like that she knew, that she couldn't tell Daryl, figuring his reaction would be even worse. Daryl still hadn't cared much for their explanations and made them both promise separately to tell him if something was the matter with her.

To his relief, Jarah was also starting to eat better again. They had started out slow with some fruit from the baby food jars. They had more than enough, so that the adults were able to have some of it as well. Daryl had brought it in every morning fresh from the storage room so it was ice-cold as he had found out that the cold always made her feel better, especially if she was sick. The same had applied to the fruit puree, the colder it was the better she was able to tolerate it and keep it down. They had started out with a couple of spoonfuls three times a day, then after two days he made her eat five times a day, on the fifth day she was able to have some oatmeal in the morning instead of just the fruit and yesterday she had also had some crackers in the afternoon and a bit of squirrel and rice for dinner.

Daryl was very satisfied with her progress. She hadn't gained weight as far as he could see, but she looked much better than a week ago. That horrible ashen colour she'd sported and the dark cirlcles underneath her eyes were gone and had been replaced by her naturally tan complexion.

They had also made sure to spend more time together again. They resumed their routine from the farm. As soon as Daryl was back from hunting and Jarah from her runs with Rick, they would spend some time playing with Jamie or taking him for a walk outside while checking the fences and then they would hand him over to Carol and Beth so they could spend some an hour alone together. Once a week they also got a night off where they could sneak down to the RV.

It had been an improvement that they now had their own room and were able to make love whenever they wanted to, but Jarah always had to bite her tongue or something else to stifle the noises she made in order to keep Jamie from waking up and to keep the others from hearing them. Daryl loved hearing her and he had missed being able to make her scream his name, so one night they had just risked it. He went down on her and she pretty much woke up every group member. The morning after at breakfast he knew that it was the farm all over again and that they needed a place away from the building to be able to fuck without having to pay attention to the group. That's how he came up with the idea to use the RV on their child-less nights. 

The only thing he had hated about his own idea was having to ask Dale for his permission to use it. The conversation had been more than awkward for Daryl and Dale knowingly grinning his way through it hadn't helped Daryl at all. He had blushed so hard that the tips of his ears had been a bright red and had felt like they were burning up. But in the end Dale had given him the keys with the words 'have fun'. Daryl had only looked up for a second to give Dale a grateful nod before pocketing the keys and leaving as quickly as possible.

The first night they had spent in there a couple of days ago was all about reconnecting. They had spent hours just making out, hands and lips wandering and roaming each others bodies, taking little breaks in between to talk or just enjoy some silence together before they'd made love, no fucking, but truly made love for the first time since they've known each other. Slow, gentle and unhurried, keeping each others bodies as close as possible the whole time.

Tonight though, they both knew they needed to blow off some steam. They'd been teasing and getting playful with each other a lot lately, both anticipating recreating their barn adventures again. But first they would have to get through the day.

“Is Jamie up, yet?” Daryl asked while he rolled her on her back and laid on top of her.

“Yeah, he is playing with Carl and Beth in the big room. He was up early, I snuck him out quietly while you were sleeping.” she smiled, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“And yet you didn't let me sleep, but woke me up just now?” he grinned and started rubbing his crotch against hers again.

“Yeah, sorry. Couldn't help myself. I watched you for a little bit, but you looked good enough to eat, so I just had to nibble on you a little.” she bit his chin while her right hand snaked down in between their bodies, palming him through the cotton fabric of his black boxer briefs.

“Mmmm goddamnit, Jar!” he groaned and dropped his forehead to rest against her lips. Jarah felt the ridge of his head under her thumb and very gently traced her fingernail over it through his underwear. Daryl jerked and moved his head into the crook of her neck, biting down on the apex between shoulder and neck.

She moved her hands around to his back and slid her hands under the waistband of his underwear, cupping and squeezing his buttocks. “Come up here!” she moaned while she pulled at him.

“Are you sure?” Daryl looked up at her with uncertainty in his eyes. Even though she initiated it, he was always concerned about her giving him head, knowing what she went through in her childhood and he didn't want her to do something she wasn't comfortable with.

Jarah was touched about his concern, but she thought he would have learned by now that she enjoyed doing it for him so she was a little exasperated, but tried to keep her voice calm. “Yes Daryl, I told you a million times, I wouldn't force myself to do something I didn't really wanna do just to please you. Trust me, okay?” He nodded and Jarah grinned, “great, now get that fine cock up here!”

She didn't have to tell him a third time, thankfully, as he carefully moved up to straddle her torso. Jarah raked her nails over his torso, making him hiss and while she hooked her fingers in the waistband of his underwear she smiled. “You know, in Russia kids get their presents on New Year's. I know we are neither Russian nor anywhere near Russia, but still, I think we can consider this a gift for the both of us.” With that she wrapped her hand around his shaft and guided him to her mouth. Her lips wrapped around his head, the tip of her tongue teasing it just the way he liked it.

“Fucking great way to start the new year, if you ask me!” he groaned and buried a hand in her hair at the back of her head, to guide her mouth along his length.

“Mmhhhmm...” she hummed around his dick, sending pleasant vibrations through his member and straight to his balls. She moved her free hand there to cup and roll them with her warm fingers, while she sped up her ministrations on him. Her tongue and lips licked and sucked at the head while her hand jerked him off. Daryl was breathing harshly and it didn't take long until she felt his balls tighten. Only a moment later a slew of profanities mixed with her name filled her ears, while his salty cum filled her mouth. She kept sucking gently until he was spent, only releasing him from her mouth with a wet pop, when she felt him go soft. 

He slumped back on the bed and Jarah reached over into their nightstand with a little giggle. She handed him his pack of smokes and the lighter before she gave him a sweet kiss.

“There you go, open the window and don't fall asleep. I'm going to see how Jamie's doing!”

Daryl just pulled his boxer briefs back up and stretched languidly. “Yeah, 'kay. Mmm, happy new year, babe!”

####################### #############################

 

Chapter 34

She felt dead on her feet. She probably could have fallen asleep standing up right on those stairs, but that was not an option right now, she had to get herself and her groceries upstairs. 

“Come on, only 10 or 15 more steps and then just down the hall to your apartment. You can do it!” she tried to motivate herself. The problem was, that she was just lacking the physical strength by now. She was 10 days past her due date and she was just exhausted and sleep deprived. Still she needed groceries and since there was no one around to help her she had to do it herself.

She took another deep breath and grabbed the handle of her shopping trolly cart with both hands and pulled. Step by step she slowly tried to work her way from the second, up to the third floor. 

She had only managed to climb two steps, when she heard somebody else coming up the stairs. A moment later she saw that it was the hot guy from the construction crew. The one with those amazing blue eyes and even more amazing arms.

She panicked. She was blocking the way and he was busy and had work to do and didn't have time to wait another 5 minutes for her to climb the fucking stairs. She hated being a nuisance and she was about to start apologizing profusely, but before she could even open her mouth, he had grabbed the handle out of her hand and was carrying her cart up the stairs.

“Why don't you order that shit online or something?”

Uh-oh, he wasn't happy and understandably so. Man, she always fucked everything up for everybody. 

“Thank you!”, she sighed in relief and slowly started to climb the stairs again. “Hey wait,... I am really grateful for your help. Can I offer you a drink maybe?”

“Gotta work!” was his gruff response.

“After work? I am in apartment 3B,...”

“Jar? Sweetheart, c'mon wake up. It's breakfast time!” Daryl's soft voice coerced her out of her dream.

“Noooo, no let me sleep, I wanna know what would have happened!” Jarah whined with her eyes still closed.

“What? What are you talking about?” Daryl was with amused confusion.

“I had a dream about that time you carried my shopping cart up the stairs. Only this time I had the balls to offer you a drink as a thank you.”

“What did I say?”

“That you had to work. I said you could come by after work, but I don't know what the answer would have been, you woke me up! What would you have said? If I really had told you back then that you could come by later. What would you have done?”

“Don't know. I was a different person back then.”

“Yeah, but you said you already liked me then. You would have had a chance to come into my apartment and make awkward conversation. Would you have taken it?”

Daryl thought about that for a long moment. “Would have been stupid not to show up, but then again I wasn't the smartest person back then. My brother was already giving me hell about you, don't know if I would have taken you up on your offer, probably would have been too scared of him finding out.”

“You never told me that! Why was he giving you hell about me? How did he even know about me?” Jarah's curiosity was piqued.

“He picked me up once. My truck had broken down, needed him to tow it back home. You were just coming home from I don't know where, wasn't shopping, didn't have your cart with you. Guess he caught me looking at you a little too long. Started going off on me, about how I gotta be some sick perv to be into pregnant chicks. That I shouldn't get my hopes up, that not even you in your state would let me touch you with a ten-foot pole, no matter how desperate you would be. Gave me shit for weeks about it after that day.”

“Wow,... I'm sorry, I know he is your brother, but I am truly happy that I never had to meet him. From what you and the others told me, I probably would have left after a day or two had he still been around.” Jarah didn't even want to think about where she would be now if that had been the case. She couldn't imagine life without Daryl anymore.

“Yeah, we probably would have never happened,... You wouldn't have come anywhere near me and I wouldn't have wanted to put up with his crap. One look at you would have been enough to get him going for a week. I would have stayed as far away from you as possible!” Daryl muttered as he got up from the bed. He was already dressed, he'd been up for a while.

“Wow,...” It was all Jarah was able to come up with in that moment. She was deeply saddened by the thought of Daryl avoiding her and Jamie like that just because his brother would have teased him about him liking her. But then again if they had never started talking, she probably never would have fallen for him and things would have turned out completely different. 

Daryl sensed her mood turning dark, hell his own was turning dark right now at the thought of how things would have been with Merle on the farm. In a way Merle disappearing had been the best thing for him. He felt bad thinking that, because Merle was blood, but it was the truth. Jarah and Jamie were the family he had always wanted and needed. They truly had each others back and they never gave up on one another, even though both of them sometimes acted like awkward asses. They still had a lot of learning and growing to do, but they were doing it together. Daryl never felt alone with her. With Merle it had been different. He had always claimed to be there for Daryl, but in the end, he never was.

Daryl shook himself out of it and snapped his fingers in Jarah's face, when he saw that she, too, was lost in her thoughts. 

“Hey, snap out of it. Everyone's waiting!”

“Right, sorry. Let me just get Jamie ready, then I'll get dressed!” she pushed the sheets from her body and swung her legs out of bed, looking for her pants that were left somewhere on the floor last night.

“The little dude's already dressed and sittin' in his high chair, waiting to eat.”

“What??? How did you do that? He is so fussy about dressing these days.” Jarah was amazed that he kept Jamie so quiet that she hadn't even woken up.

“Well sorry momma, but it seems that only daddy's got the right skills to get that done without any problems.” he said dead serious, but Jarah noticed the little smirk that threatened to break out on his face.

“Yeah yeah, it's okay. You can be proud, it's true. You're more patient with him than I am where those things are concerned. He just spoiled me for over a year. He was the perfect baby, never made a fuss about anything. Not even when he was hungry. He just stayed relaxed and waited and was all like 'yeah, my mom knows when to feed me, I'm sure she's already preppin' a bottle'. And now he is SO -”

“Impatient?” Daryl offered, that damn smirk of his now on full display. “Wonder where he gets that from. If my ripped shirt from last night is any indication...”

Jarah threw her socks at him. “Oh shut up! Yes, I am not the most patient person in the world, I just like being organized and having things in order and when something doesn't go according to plan, it just drives me nuts.”

“Really? Do I really have to explain to you that kids that age just can't be organized, no matter what? He doesn't know that his momma likes things to be done a certain way.”

“I know that, Daryl, geez! You certainly are the Father of the Fucking Year, aren't you?” she shot him a glare, but the corners of her mouth were turning up at the same time. She was incredibly proud of him and his parenting skills. He really was a natural at it.

“C'mon, I'm just teasin'. Now get that fine body of yours decent so we can get some food. I'm starving.” He slapped her ass quickly when she passed him, making her jump and squeal.

“Tease!” she stuck her tongue out at him before she bent to pick up her pants and put them on. “Can I have coffee today?”

“Nope! You're never getting coffee again, not as long as I am around.” Daryl didn't hesitate to answer. In his mind that shit was a big part of what had made her so sick. She was banned for life.

She sighed. He was right, but she was tired and without coffee it would be a long ass day.

Two minutes later she was finally dressed and Daryl took her hand in his to lead her to the meeting room.

'That's weird, he never does that.' Jarah thought with a frown. Now that she was thinking about it, the whole morning felt kind of weird.

“If you hate it, I'm sorry...” Daryl told her just before they reached the door to the meeting room.

“What are you talking about? If I hate what?” Jarah started to panic a little, something was definitely off about today.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!!!”

Jarah jumped, the loud voices startling her, because she was so focused on Daryl. Shit, it was January 25th, she had totally forgotten about her birthday. She hadn't celebrated it in over 15 years and the attention made her uncomfortable. Her first instinct was to flee the room, but Daryl knew her too well and gripped her hand harder in his.

“Oh no you don't! This is your day, even if you hate me for it. Be glad that I was able to keep them from singing.” Daryl muttered so only she could hear. 

Rick came over with a big smile on his face and enveloped her in a warm hug.

“Happy Birthday, Jarah. It's gonna be a good one. 31, huh? Started creaking yet?”

“Nah, can't afford it, someone's gotta keep you alive on those runs if you keep insisting on wearing those fucking boots!”

“What is it with you and my shoes? They're good shoes!”

“Maybe, but way too loud. You don't see me wearing clickety-clackety high heels, do you?” She grinned and Rick just shook his head laughing. 

“You did not just compare my boots to high heels! I'm gonna get you for that!”

“Bring it on!” she winked, before the others wanted their turn to hug the birthday girl. 

Jarah would never admit it, but it felt kind of nice. She was a little uncomfortable about having all the attention on her, but she knew by now that the group really truly cared for her and that nothing about this was fake. A fact, that made her relax and even enjoy what was happening.

“Well as you know we don't have any fancy food to celebrate the occasion unfortunately, but we at least managed to make you a present.” Carol explained with a smile, while she handed the gift over to her.

“How did you even know it was my birthday?” Jarah was sure that she hadn't even told Daryl the actual date.

“I looked at the photo album with the little dude around Christmas. Your birth certificate fell out.” Daryl explained. He hoped she wasn't mad that he had told the group. She had done so much in the past couple of weeks, everybody had jumped at the occasion to do something nice for her. He hoped it would help her realize, that nobody was holding a grudge because of Patricia. She was still scared that especially Hershel and Maggie would never be able to forgive her, although they already had.

“So, what is this?” Jarah asked, pointing at her gift that was now laying in front of her on the table.

“Well why don't you open it and find out? It's not a walker, so it won't bite you. You can touch it!” Maggie laughed.

Jarah was blushing, everyone at the table was looking at her, while she carefully unwrapped her present. It looked like a big book, but upon closer inspection she noticed, that it was a photo album.

“I found some polaroid cameras on a run and when Daryl told us about your birthday coming up this month, we got an idea.” Glenn explained 

Jarah started to tear up when she opened the book. There were pictures of Jamie taped to the pages, of him with each member of the group, of him playing, cuddling with Daryl, the three of them on a walk outside the building, etc. Somebody had written the dates underneath the pictures, as well as a short sentence, describing the picture. 

“It's amazing, you guys! Thank you so much!” she quickly wiped away the tears that had spilled out. She was smiling, but was too embarrassed to look at anyone, so she kept her eyes on the book.

“It's a work in progress. We'll keep adding pictures at least once a month for as long as we can.” Beth explained.

Jarah looked up at her and nodded. “Thank you, it's wonderful! I love it!”

Daryl and Rick knew that she was growing very uncomfortable, so Rick decided to put her out of her misery and clapped his hands.

“Alright everyone, let's eat, oatmeal's getting cold!”

He sent Jarah a little nod when she shot a grateful look at him. She mouthed a 'thank you' and turned her attention to her son who was hungry and was demanding food so she quickly filled his bowl and handed him his spoon before sipping on her tea.

“I made something for you, too, but I'm not showing you until tonight.” Daryl had leaned closer and was half-whispering in her ear.

“Uh okay, we getting a night off tonight?”

“You know it. RV-time after little JD is in bed.” Daryl promised her, a touch of nervousness in his voice.

“Great, I'm looking forward to it. Hey, Daryl?” She leaned over and placed a sweet kiss on his lips, not caring in that moment that people were surrounding them. “Thank you for this. I don't hate it. It's nice!”

Daryl smiled and quickly kissed her back and hoped that she would like his other surprise as well.

############### ######################

He was nervous as hell and Jarah could tell. As soon as they had locked the door of the RV behind them she asked him about it.

“Hey, what's with you being so jumpy? Why are you nervous?”

Daryl chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. Damn her for always being able to tell when something was going on.

“It's about that thing I made for you. Don't know if you're gonna like it!”

“I'm sure I'm gonna LOVE it, Daryl. Show me!” she smiled at him encouragingly, but frowned when he started loosening the bandage around his left hand. He had slipped on a hunt a couple of weeks ago and Hershel said that some fingers might be sprained.

“Well, I lied,... sorry.” he told her when he noticed her confused stare. “I didn't slip and fall. I just needed an excuse to cover up my hand until tonight.”

He hesitated and started chewing on is bottom lip, before he pulled off the rest of the bandage and pushed his hand out toward her. 

Jarah took it into her own and noticed right away, why he had covered it up. She smiled and gently traced her thumb over the letter 'J' that now adorned the base of his left ring finger. Underneath the letter was a sideways figure eight, the sign for infinity. 

“How in the world did you manage to get a tattoo, baby?”

“Hypodermic needle and some black ink from the offices, Carol did it, couldn't to it alone, would have turned out all crooked.” he shrugged like it was no big deal, as usual. 

“What does it mean?” Jarah smiled. She was sure she knew what it meant, but she wanted to hear him say it.

“Kinda means that you're mine... Forever... If you're okay with that?” he was fidgeting like crazy, he was still nervous as fuck. Maybe he should have asked her first, before he got the tattoo. What if she thought he was a little too sure of himself? What if she would want him to get rid of it?

“I am very okay with that. You already know that! I love it!” She pulled him to sit down on the bed and straddled him.

“I wasn't sure,... I told you a bunch of times that I'd drag you to the courthouse and make it official if I could, but you never really said anything...”

“Well, because you always said it right after you came! I don't know I guess I never really thought about whether or not you really meant it.”

“I did. I do and I think this is as official as it gets these days.”

“You're right! Soooo, if I would get one, too, the same one just with a 'D' instead of a 'J', that would make it pretty damn official, right?”

“Would you want that? Gotta be honest, hurt like hell!”

Jarah laughed at that and kissed him soundly. “Honey, you're cute. I had a baby, I can take it, trust me. And yes, that's what I want. I want you for the rest of my life.”

He smiled relieved at hearing it and quickly grabbed her and rolled her on her back, while engaging her in a rough and needy kiss.

“Want another present?” he grinned, his right hand ghosting over the crotch of her black leggings.

“Hell, yes! You give the best 'presents'!”

“I'm gonna give you good ones, too. So many you'll beg me to stop giving 'em.” he mumbled against her neck, while he placed open mouthed kisses from her shoulder up to her ear.

“Like last time?” she moaned, threading her fingers through his hair.

“You can count on it. I'm gonna make you do that thing again. That was motherfucking hot!” he rasped against her ear before his tongue darted out and traced it along the shell.

“Fuck that was embarrassing! I can't believe you liked that!” Jarah's face grew hot when she thought back to their last romp in the RV about a week ago. The orgasm was literally mind-blowing, she was completely out of her mind with pleasure, but had been mortified when she noticed that he had made her squirt all over his hand that had been hard at work between her legs.

He didn't understand why she was so embarrassed about it, it was one of the hottest things he had ever experienced. Almost made him cum without either of them having touched his dick. To him it was a testament to his skills as her lover. To be able to make her go crazy and lose control like that was the best thing ever.

“Nothin' to be ashamed of, sweetheart. Just showed that you liked what I was doing. Today I brought a towel though, don't wanna ruin the sheets.” he smirked as her cheeks turned an even darker shade of red.

“Oh my God, Daryl!!!! You're unbelievable!” she hid her face behind her hands. He just loved to embarrass her and get her all flustered. He had always enjoyed that. Turned him into quite the cocky bastard, too. 

“Shut up and kiss me! I don't have all night, woman!” he grinned and moved her hands away from her face.

“That's right, pharmacy run, tomorrow morning. So don't wear me out too much!” she grinned, leaning up to trace her tongue along his lips.

“Can't promise that. Possible that you might walk funny tomorrow.”

“Good thing that we're going together then. Won't have to deal with any teasing from Rick that way.”

“Could you not mention Rick in here?”

“Sorry, guess you best shut me up then!”

And that he did. His tongue invaded her mouth even before his lips touched hers. With one strong arm underneath her back he pulled her with him when he got off the bed to get rid of their clothes. When he pulled her sweater over her head he groaned at the sight of her bare breasts. She had already gotten rid of her bra before they came down here. Daryl hated bras, they just kept him from what he wanted to see longer than necessary.

“Good girl!” his voice was deep and raspy against her lips. His hands cupped her soft mounds, gently squeezing her nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

Jarah pushed his vest and his leather jacket off his broad shoulders, baring his gorgeous arms. She'd always had a thing for guys with strong shoulders and arms and Daryl was the fucking poster child for the perfect V-shape she liked so much. Wide shoulders and lean hips, her own little fetish.

She unbuttoned his shirt and rubbed her hands over his shoulders and his chest, once again so mesmerized by them that she didn't even notice him pushing down her leggings and panties. 

“Sit down!” he commanded her softly while guiding her down with his hands on her hips. He knelt down on the floor in front of the bed and parted her legs by pushing her knees apart. He scooted closer until he was flush against her, their naked chests pressed against each other tightly, he could feel the cool metal of her piercing brush against his own nipple for a split second.

He wrapped both arms around her and hugged her to him as hard as he could. He knew that she could take it and actually liked it a lot when he did that. She had told him that she liked feeling his strength and that he could easily overpower her if he wanted to. This was a way for him to do it without having to worry about hurting her. She moaned as their tongues fooled around with each other outside of their mouths, swirling, licking and teasing until Daryl felt goosebumps break out all over her body.

He pulled back and moved his mouth over her neck down towards her chest. He raked his short fingernails over her back, making her arch and push her chest against his face. Her right nipple was right against his lips. He gave it a long slow lick, followed by a quick sharp bite. Jarah hissed, the perfect mix of pleasure and pain making her whole body quiver.

Daryl slid his hands down to her legs, grasping them at the back of her knees and pushed them up, making Jarah lay down on her back as he braced her feet against his shoulders. He leaned forward, her knees spreading out to the sides, baring her core completely to his gaze. His mouth watered, he just wanted to dive in and have a taste, burying his tongue deep inside of her, making her walls clamp down on his tongue. But that wasn't the plan. If he wanted her to cum as hard as the last time he needed to take his time and start out slow.

He traced the tip of his forefinger over the length of her slit from top to bottom, enjoying the little shiver that went through her body, accompanied by goosebumps. He already had her squirming and he had barely even touched her. He traced his finger back up only to slide it back down along her outer lips. Down the right side and back up on the left.

“Dear God, Daryl! I beg you, don't tease like that!”

“You can beg all you want, sweetheart!” he grinned and cupped her pussy in his hand, “but this is mine, I can and will do whatever I want with it! It's not like you won't be getting anything good out of it. Isn't that what you told me once? Patience, babe!”

Still Jarah wriggled her hips and pushed them up, trying to get him to touch her more, but that only made Daryl grab them and pin them to the bed with his strong hands. He leaned down further, replacing his finger with his tongue. Down her slit, back up, down her right outer lip, teasing along her opening and back up the left side at an agonizingly slow pace.

He moved back over to the right side, Jarah was begging under her breath for him to move his tongue to her clit, but he wasn't ready to go there yet. Instead he took turns in sucking her labia into his mouth, laving them thoroughly with his tongue before letting her feel his teeth, by biting down gently. Jarah yelped and buried her hand in his hair, pressing his face harder against her. He could feel a rush of liquid heat pool out of her against his chin and this time he couldn't help himself, his tongue pushed into her on its own volition. He allowed himself on little taste before withdrawing again, needing to get himself in check. 

“No, no, no, oh come on!” Jarah was whimpering and still holding on to his hair. It felt so good she couldn't believe he had stopped. Daryl removed her hands from his head and put them on her breasts.

“Here, play with your tits for me, babe, make those nipples good and hard!”

Jarah obeyed, there was nothing else she could do, all she wanted at this point was to get off and she'd do anything to achieve that goal faster. She rubbed her thumbs over her rosy peaks, before rolling them between her fingers. Daryl watched her while placing gentle kisses all over her pussy, carefully avoiding her clit, he wanted it throbbing for him and his tongue. 

He moved his mouth to her right thigh, just below the apex, kissing and licking the area. Once he found a good spot, he started sucking and nibbling. His right hand meanwhile had moved towards her core and his thumb was rubbing circles along her opening. Jarah was mewling and squeezing her breasts hard as she moved against his hand.

“Daryl please, I can't take anymore right now! Please do something!”

The hunter released her thigh from his mouth with one last hard suck. He admired his mark for a moment, tracing his thumb along the dark purple hickey he had left, before turning his attention back to where she needed him most. 

He parted her folds with the fore- and middle finger of his right hand and teased the tip of his tongue around her clit with little flicks.

“Oh fuck yes! More, baby, please more, more more!” He had his girl begging and her hips squirming erratically. The fingers he had used to spread her moved down and he pushed them up inside of her. He groaned when he felt her walls instantly gripping them like a vice, not intent of letting them go before she came.

He wrapped his left arm around her thigh, thumb and forefinger spreading her lips from the top, allowing his tongue full access to her little bundle of nerves. He rubbed the tip of his tongue along its sides, before flicking the root repeatedly, making her moan and and the muscles in her legs tense up. His tongue was creating intense friction, a strong tickling pull that could be felt from her clit all the way up to her belly and he felt her get even hotter and wetter around his fingers.

He knew she wouldn't need much more, the motions of her hips were already becoming jerkier and losing their rhythm. He pulled her clit into his mouth and sucked on it in earnest while curling his fingers up and stroking them along her front wall in a come hither motion.

Jarah lost her breath, this time she couldn't make a sound, her whole body locked up for a long moment before releasing all the tension in violent spurts. She saw nothing but stars behind her closed eyelids as she rode out her orgasm on Daryl's fingers. When the sensations started to ebb away she gasped for breath, but Daryl didn't give her much longer to recover. He knew she was able to cum at least three times in a row if he acted quick.

He quickly got on top of her to pin her down and pressed his hand flat against her clit and rubbed it vigorously from side to side. Jarah screamed and clawed at his back, the second orgasm already building at supersonic speed and within less than a minute, she exploded again with his name on her lips, almost bucking him off of her with the force of her orgasm.

“Fuck no, I can't, stop, stop, stop! No more!” she groaned out of breath and tried to grab his hand that was between her legs, but Daryl grabbed hers quickly and pushed them over her head.

“Nah, I know you got at least one more in you. C'mon baby, gimme what I want!” he was groaning into her ear, his hips moving against her, rubbing his erection against her hip. He was already oozing precum like crazy and couldn't wait to bury himself balls deep inside of her, but first he wanted her to come apart one last time. It would only be a minute until that happened again, he could wait that long.

Daryl swiftly inserted his middle and ring finger and hooked them up against her magic spot while he pressed the heel of his hand against his over sensitized clit one last time and started moving his hand with quick hard jerks. He didn't see Jarah's eyes roll back into her head, but he felt her body arch and tense like a bow and he heard her moans and screams while he nibbled on her jaw. He felt her start to lock up again and when he bit down hard on her neck he felt what he had been longing for since the last time it happened. Little spurts of wetness flooding his hand in unison with the violent shudders and jerks of her body.

He quickly pulled her up higher on the bed and pushed her legs up over his shoulder and with a loud groan of her name, he slammed home. Jarah was barely conscious anymore. She held on to her thighs for dear life and whimpered with every hard thrust he delivered. 

“Awwwwww FUCK!!!!” Daryl roared, his own intense orgasm coursing through him, his member pulsating rhythmically deep inside of her. Jarah squeezed her muscles around him, milking every last drop from him until he collapsed on top of her. 

She let her legs fall from his shoulder but was too weak to even wrap them around his waist. She went limp underneath him, utterly spent and immediately drifted off into sleep, Daryl following right behind.

###################### ################################

They overslept. Only Rick's persistent knocking roused them from their deep sleep. 

“Fuck, what time is it?” Jarah squinted against the light coming in through the window.

“No idea, but I guess late! Yeah man, keep your shirt on. We're up!” Daryl yelled and made the knocking stop. 

“Hurry, pharmacy's waitin'!” Rick hollered back before he left them alone to get dressed.

An hour later, after a quick breakfast and cuddle-time with Jamie, they were already on the road.

“What's the matter? Sore?” Daryl smirked when he noticed Jarah squirming in her seat for the umpteenth time. 

“Ass! Everything's tingly and weird. It's pissing me off!” she laughed and tried to get comfortable.

“It was worth it, though, wasn't it?”

“Yeah it was. You're amazing, you know that right?” she smiled adoringly at him. Daryl loved that smile. It told him he was doing things right.

“I sure as hell won't ever get tired of hearing you say it! Seriously though, you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm better than okay. Why do you ask?”

“Just makin' sure. Thought about last night. You begged me to stop after the second one, but I didn't,... this morning I was worried that you maybe really wanted me to stop and I didn't listen...” he admitted nervously.

“Baby you have nothing to worry about. I liked what you did. Had I really wanted you to stop, I would have stopped you. You would have known, trust me. You did perfect!” she reassured him with a smile, making Daryl's doubts disappear. 

“Okay then. We cleared the walkers out of that pharmacy when we went to get the test after Christmas, but that was a month ago, so there might be new ones in there. We need to be careful and check it again before we start filling up the bags.”

“I think that's a one-man-job. I could check out the little convenience store across the street while you take care of the pharmacy. Could save us some time.” Jarah suggested, already seeing that Daryl didn't like that plan.

“I don't like splitting up and you going off on your own. The convenience store didn't look THAT small, so let's stick together, 'kay?”

“Sure, no problem!” she nodded and sent him a smile. She knew she would be able to clear the store by herself, but she didn't feel the need to argue with him and four eyes always saw more than just two.

############## #################

The pharmacy had still been walker-free and they quickly gathered everything of use and put it in Jarah's car. Together they entered the convenience store, noticing the dead walkers laying around.

“Someone's already been here!” Jarah whispered, her eyes already skimming the shelves for what was still left for them to take back to the recycling center.

“Let's see what's left, I take right, you take left! Be careful!” Daryl whispered back and lifted his crossbow while he ventured off to the shelves on the right side of the store. 

Jarah had her knife ready and went to check the left side, but she only encountered dead walkers, so after she had checked every aisle, she had sheathed her knife and looked over the shelf in front of her. There were some bags of chips left. Thy would probably be stale, but who cared? It was food. She shrugged off her backpack and started throwing things into it, when all of a sudden a shiver ran down her spine. Something was wrong.

She had barely finished her thought when she heard slow and silent footsteps. She knew it wouldn't be Daryl, he always called out quietly for her before he came anywhere near her and it didn't sound like a walker either. She quickly hid behind a shelf and let the person come closer. It was definitely a living and breathing man, and he looked pretty strong, but if she was quick enough, she would be able to take him. She silently crept around the shelf, keeping an eye out for Daryl, but she couldn't see him anywhere.

She came up behind the guy and was just about to hit him over the head with the handle of her gun when he turned around and blocked her arm. She felt a sharp pain in her arm and the next minute she got knocked on the floor. Before he could jump on top of her, her foot shot out and she kicked him in the groin, making him groan in agony. Jarah swung her legs in the air towards her head and did a backward roll and swiftly got to her feet, kicking the guy in the ribs before she delivered a left hook to his face. She knew Daryl had to show up any second, they were making a ton of noise, she just had to hold her own a little longer. 

The guy unfortunately wasn't THAT fazed by her punches, surprised yes, but the blow hadn't been strong enough to knock him out. He rushed and tackled her against a shelf, once he had her pinned he backhanded her hard across the face and she felt her lip split open.

“Don't fucking move. Lay another finger on her and you'll wish for death!”

'Thank God, Daryl!' Jarah thought in relief. The hit had dazed her, she wouldn't have been able to fight back much longer.

The man froze in mid-swing. Jarah watched his face, he looked shocked, but something about it was off. He didn't seem scared or shocked that someone else was there with her and was now threatening his life, it was something else that had made him freeze.

Jarah was confused when she saw a grin spreading on the guys face. He straightened up and his face displayed an almost cocky expression as he turned around to face Daryl.

“Now c'mon, that's no way to greet me after all this time, now is it, baby brother?”

You could have knocked Daryl down with a feather. His jaw went slack, his eyes wide with shock as he lowered his crossbow.

“Merle...”

################ #####################

 

Chapter 35

“Well don't you look surprised. Probably thought you'd never see me again, huh?” Merle was grinning like a fool.

Daryl was at a loss for words, he just kept staring at Merle. 

“What's the matter, boy? Cat got your tongue?” Merle punched him in the arm, rousing him from his daze.

“Merle,... how... I thought...” Daryl still wasn't able to talk. Inside his head alarm bells went off and all he could think was 'THREAT'. Merle was a threat. He was a threat to everything he and Jarah had been able to build for themselves in the past couple of months. He was happy to know that his brother was alive, but then again he wasn't happy that he was standing in front of him.

They had just talked about this yesterday, the problems Merle would have caused for them and now that he was back, he was sure to bring those problems with him. He knew his brother too well to believe that he would just let them be a happy family.

“Lost your last couple of brain cells, I see!” Merle spat at him, then he remembered that there was another person with them and started in on Jarah.

“And you! Hell, girl! What are you doing attacking me like that? Could have snapped your neck in two!”

“It's what I do,...” Jarah just shrugged and wiped the blood from her mouth. That seemed to kick Daryl back into action. He quickly went over and tilted her chin up with his right index finger to look at her busted lip.

“Fuck, Merle. What did you do? You okay, Jar?” Daryl's concerned eyes bore into hers and she nodded.

“Yeah, might need stitches, though.”

“Nah, it's not that bad!” Daryl reassured her, but Jarah shook her head.

“Didn't mean my lip,... I meant my arm!” Daryl realized then that she was clutching her arm near her shoulder and that blood was running over her fingers. He swallowed hard, the sight reminded him of the time he found her covered in blood from the wounds Shane had inflicted on her.

“Oh yeah, I got you good with this bad boy!” He waved his right arm around, a nasty looking contraption was attached at the end of it.

“What the fuck Merle? A little higher and you could have killed her!” Daryl turned around and shoved his brother out of the way.

“Yeah, so? She attacked me first! You attack me, you get what's coming! Who are you, Robin fucking Hood, now? You never cared about bitches like her before!” Daryl didn't say anything, but he started pacing while he rubbed his eyes hard. He just wanted to go back to sleep, this right here was too messed up to think about right now.

“Say, don't I know you? You look familiar. Old Merle never forgets a face. Especially not a pretty little one like yours!” Merle was squinting at her, trying to remember where he had seen her before.

“Aw fuck no, here we go!” Daryl groaned under his breath, the heels of his hands pressed firmly into his eyes. He felt the mother of all headaches coming on.

Merle looked back and forth between Jarah and Daryl for a moment, the wheels in his brain turning. Jarah knew he remembered, when he started laughing.

“Awww hell, I remember. You're the preggo bitch that turned that dummy here into a horn dog. Couldn't keep his goddamn eyes off of ya.” Suddenly his laughter died and he turned back to Daryl, raising his voice. “So how'd that happen, huh? What are you doing with her? That why I had to get off that roof in Atlanta by myself? You went looking for her instead of me? All those years I wasted trying to get you to be a real man and that's what I get? First chance you get you run off with some bitch?”

“YOU were the one who run off! Me and Rick, we went back for you! All you had to do was wait another couple of hours. YOU knew where the camp was, but YOU decided not to come back! Jarah had nothing to do with it!” Daryl yelled back at him. 

“Jarah, that your name? What kind of name is that anyway? You fucking Jewish or somethin'? You know, my brother had a big fat hard-on for you? Yeah, little Darylina over here soaked her panties just thinking about you. Fucking pervert, drooling over a fat pregnant chick like that. Did he tell you? Came home one night, found him humping his mattress like a fucking dog, moaning your name. Ooooooh yeah Miss Idon'tknowwhat., yes Miss Preggers suck my tiny co-”

That's as far as he got before he fell to the floor in a heap.

“Dear Lord, he certainly likes to hear himself talk, now doesn't he?” Jarah holstered her gun after she had whipped Merle over the head with the handle once he had turned his back on her. “Hey, you okay, baby?”

“We need to get you to Hershel, you're still bleeding.” Daryl didn't answer her, he was far from okay.

“Okay, but what about him?” Jarah asked while stuffing more bags of chips into her waiting backpack.

“He's my brother, I can't leave him.” he muttered softly, looking down at Merle.

“Well he left you once, this is your chance to return the favor!” Jarah knew that Daryl wouldn't go for that, though. He was a better man than his brother could ever hope to be.

“Can't do that. Ain't right! I'll drag him out to the car, can you get everything else out?”

“Yeah, no problem! Let's just hurry, all this damn noise could have attracted walkers. Don't need to get trapped by a small herd now.”

They got moving, Daryl dragged Merle outside and Jarah quickly gathered supplies. Daryl came running back in a couple of minutes later. 

“Hurry up, walkers are coming!” He helped her stuff some more stuff into a duffel bag and ran back out with her. They stuffed the bags in the car before quickly getting in themselves and driving off.

########### ############

“What will the others say?” Jarah asked, breaking the silence that had permeated the car for the past 10 minutes.

“Won't be happy, I reckon...” Daryl sighed deeply.

“You know we don't have any offices upstairs left. Where is he gonna sleep. He sure as hell is not going to sleep on the couch in our room! Sorry, I know he is your brother and you might love him, but no... Just NO!” 

“He can sleep in the meeting room,... We'll have to figure things out.” 

“Yeah, we most certainly will!” she nodded, turning her attention back on the road.

Jarah was very worried. She had heard a lot about Merle and absolutely none of it was good. The group had told her that he liked humiliating people and from what she had just witnessed it was true and Daryl seemed to be one of his favorite targets. She was scared about Daryl changing and withdrawing from her and Jamie, because of that. Merle didn't even know what was going on yet, that the three of them were a real family now and that Jamie called Daryl “Daddy”. How would he react to that? Probably not good at all. Daryl was so sweet and gentle with Jamie, she didn't want her son to loose that, because Merle would tease him about it. Also she wasn't sure how much of Merle she was going to be able to take. These few minutes in the store had been enough to make her pretty fed up with him.

“What are you thinking about?” Daryl tore her out of her thoughts.

“About what's going to happen. To you, to us... We just talked about this yesterday, remember? You said you would have stayed as far away from us as possible if Merle had been around. So, I gotta ask myself, what about now?” Jarah's voice was shaky, she had to fight hard to keep her tears from falling, she was unbelievably scared of losing him.

“Ain't nothing in the world that's gonna keep me away from y'all now. You know that! I'm not his bitch anymore.” he tried to reassure her that nothing bad was going to happen, but the truth was, he wasn't sure of that himself.

“I hope you're right Daryl. For all of our sakes.” Jarah sensed Daryl's own insecurity, not helping in easing her fears at all. She groaned when she heard Merle moving in the backseat. “Great, sleeping beauty is waking up!”

“Fucking hell, you stupid bitch, you clogged me in the head! You're gonna pay for that!” Merle was sitting up, holding his head and shooting death glares at Jarah's head.

“No she won't. I told you, lay a finger on her and you will wish for death. Brother or not!” Daryl spat at him.

“Woah, baby brothers grown some balls! Would you look at that! Unfortunately they seem to belong to that bitch over there. Forgot everything that I taught you, huh? We don't stick up for sluts like her. We don't turn on family. I'm your blood, boy. She ain't.”

“You were being a prick, you had it coming! Would have done it myself, but she beat me to it!”

“Wow, she's gotta have a magical pussy to be screwin' with your head like that. Good thing I'm back, I'll teach you some manners!”

“Forget it, Merle! Just shut up for once if you wanna stay.” Daryl rubbed his eyes again. He was beyond tired. He just wanted to sleep and not deal with this. “What were you doing in that store anyway. How'd you get there?”

“Was with a group. Some nasty sons of bitches. They were into all kinds of shit. Talked a big game, but once the biters came and overrun the camp, they were too scared to fight back. Got eaten alive, the whole bunch of 'em. I grabbed a bag, took out as many of those fuckers as I could and ran. Was holed up in that store for a couple days now, til Miss Preggers here tried to attack me. Where are you taking me anyway?”

“We're at a recycling center. Set up a home in the office building. We got food and water, a heated room you can stay in. It's as safe as it gets these days. You'll be lucky to stay if you manage to behave yourself. One misstep and Rick will probably be happy to kick ya back out on your ass.”

“Say, that wouldn't be the same Rick who cuffed me to that roof in Atlanta, wouldn't it? Holy shit, you're still running with those pussies??? Boy, you really that stupid?”

“They are a good group. We got each others backs! Pretty thinned out since the quarry days though. Only Rick, Carol, Dale and Glenn left from the old group. Sheriff's wife and kid also. We had set up camp at a farm for some time. Got overrun. The farmer and his two daughters are with us now, too.” Daryl explained what Merle had to expect once they arrived home. Merle took it in and stayed quiet for a moment. Unfortunately not for too long.

“So how does she fit into the picture? Sure you didn't go back for her?” Merle motioned towards Jarah with his head.

“He didn't! I was at a pharmacy, looking for meds for my son, when I got attacked. Glenn and Maggie, one of the farmer's daughters came in just in time to help. They took us back to the farm and that's how we ended up together.” Jarah answered, before Daryl could. She felt helpless somehow and tried to get control of the situation. She didn't want to let Merle get the better of her.

“I can just imagine your face when she showed up, baby brother! Did you drool all over her dummy? Eyes poppin' outta your head?” Merle laughed at the images that were popping up in his head.

“Actually he bled all over me. Andrea shot him, thought he was a walker.”

“Stupid bitch, that's why womenfolk shouldn't handle guns! Better off doing laundry and shit! So what's the deal now? You fuckin' my brother?” Merle asked point blank, making Daryl cringe.

“For fuck's sake, shut up Merle!” Daryl was mortified, his cheeks reddening as he turned to look out the window, so Merle wouldn't be able to see how embarrassed he was.

“Yep, I am fucking your brother. You got a problem with that?”

“Yeah I do! What did I always tell you dummy? You can't trust bitches like her. It's always been just you and me. Always worked best. Women like her, they don't willingly let folks like us touch them. She's gotta have motives here. That kid still with ya?”

“Yes, my son lives with us!” Jarah told him, voice tense. 

“See, you're nothing but a bodyguard to her. She gives you pussy to keep her and the little bastard safe. You're nothing but a glorified babysitter. Once she finds a real man, you'll be on your own again!”

Jarah slammed the brakes at that, stopping in the middle of nowhere.

“Get out!” she bit out between gritted teeth.

“You fucking crazy? I ain't getting out!” Merle started yelling at her.

“You do not get to talk about my son or my man like that! Daryl might be willing to put up with you, but I'm not.”

“Jar, calm down. That's just Merle being Merle! We are not leaving him! We are better than that! Keep driving. There's walkers coming! Drive! Jar!!! DRIVE!!!” Daryl was getting fed up with both of them right now. He didn't need the drama, things were complicated enough without it.

Jarah took a long look at Daryl, considering dragging Merle out herself, but she knew Daryl would never forgive her. 

“Be glad that I love you as much as I do. Otherwise he'd be gone by now!” she muttered as she started to drive again.

“Oooohh she looooves you. Right, now I know she's lying for sure.”

“Shut up, Merle! Just shut the fuck up before I change my mind!”

“You don't have the guts baby brother. You've always been too sweet to do shit!” Merle took one last shot at him, before he finally decided to shut up. He would never say it out loud, but his head hurt and the quiet felt better than the yelling.

############### ###################

Thirty minutes later they finally arrived back at the center. Carl distracted the walkers and Rick opened and closed the gate before walking over to the car.

When Jarah got out he noticed her bruised face and her bleeding arm right away.

“What happened?” he asked concerned, gently taking hold of her arm to check out the wound.

“We got a visitor.” She opened the door the back seat. “Surprise.”

“Well howdy Officer Friendly!” Merle was grinning like a fool, clearly getting a kick out of Rick's shocked expression.

“Merle... you really made it. How'd you end up here?”

“Moved around with a group before we got overrun a couple of days ago. Musta been fate, made me meet my baby brother and his bitch!”

“Let's get you upstairs to Hershel, Jarah. The others can help unloading the truck. C'mon. I'll send someone down to help you, Daryl!” he said to the hunter while he led Jarah into the building. He had to prepare the group before Merle showed his face upstairs.

They entered the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Carol rushed to Jarah's side after spotting the blood on her hands and arm. 

“Oh dear, you didn't get bit, did you?”

“No, got sliced up,... “ she looked to Rick who gave her a nod to go ahead. “... by Merle! He was holed up in the store we were checking out!”

The core members of the group all gasped in shock. Glenn started pacing right away.

“What? Merle? He really made it? Fuck... Is he here?”

“Yeah, downstairs with Daryl. He wouldn't leave him behind. Didn't really expect him to, he's his brother after all. But I gotta say, you guys were not exaggerating at all.”

“Yeah, Merle's a real prize. Come on, let Hershel treat you, now.” Carol gently pushed her towards the vet, who was already waiting at the door for her to follow him into his room.

When she was gone Rick, Carol, Glenn and Dale all looked at each other and Carol sighed deeply.

'This isn't good. I'm not saying we should kick him out, but still, it isn't good at all. He could destroy everything. Especially for Jarah and Daryl.”

“Yeah, I think we all remember what Daryl was like when Merle was around. If he changes back into that... “ Glenn looked at the floor shaking his head, imagining all the problems that could be caused by this.

“We should give Daryl the benefit of the doubt here. He has changed a lot, especially since Jarah and Jamie showed up. He would do anything for those two, maybe even keep his brother in check. You all saw what he was like when Jarah got lost. I don't think he is willing to let anything or anyone take her away from him, not even his brother. It might be what he needed to stand up to him. We will see, but until then we should just take this in stride and see what happens.” Dale tried to reason with them and calm them down. There was no reason to start panicking yet.

“So, we let him stay?” Rick looked at every single one for confirmation.

“I don't like it, but he has never really done anything to us, except make fun of us. WE left him to die in Atlanta, not the other way around. We should just keep an eye on him and steer clear of him if he doesn't play nice.” Glenn told Rick his opinion. He never liked Merle, but like he said, the older Dixon brother had never harmed him in any way and it would be wrong to kick him out there to fight for himself.

“Okay then. Could you go down and help them unload the car?” Rick asked the young Asian and thanked him when he gave a short nod and went to leave.

“Alright then,... I guess it's back to business. I'm going to check on Jarah.” Rick left for Hershel's room. In the past couple of months he and Jarah had become best friends. They were like brother and sister even and he felt deeply protective of her. He knew that Merle had the potential to hurt her deeply which made him want to hover and watch over her even more, now that he was back. He just hoped that everything would turn out okay for once.

############ ###################

It didn't take long for the guys to unload the car. They hadn't gotten as much as they would have liked. When they had entered the meeting room Merle had walked in there like he owned the place. Introductions weren't needed, the ones who didn't know him personally had already met him through the stories of the group and kept their distance as he plopped down on the couch and grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was standing on the table.

“Nice place you got here. All the comforts of home, huh? I could get used to this!”

No one responded. Daryl wasn't looking at anybody, he was ashamed for his brother and his behavior and didn't want to deal with any looks filled with pity or whatever else. Beth approached him soon though, holding Jamie in her arms.

“Hey, here he was asking for you. Already saw you from the window when you unloaded the car!”

“Dada! Dadadada!” Jamie reached out towards Daryl, wanting to be in his father's arms. Daryl felt weird knowing that Merle was watching, that's why he was awkward and a little stiff when he took him out of Beth's hands.

“Hey little dude...”

“What the fuck?!? You got something you wanna tell me here?” Merle's voice boomed in his ear. “That kid fucking yours? Did you knock her up? That why you were into her like that? She one of those bar sluts you fucked?”

“Hey, watch your mouth, man! No, I didn't knock her up! It's her ex-husbands...” Daryl was desperately wishing for a time-machine to go back to yesterday and forget about all this crap that was happening.

“You sure about that? Look at him! He looks like a Dixon! And what's he calling you Daddy for then?”

“He is not Daryl's biologically, but he is very much the father figure that boy wants and needs. He helps Jarah raise him and that's why Jamie calls him Daddy. Here sweetheart, take this to Hershel, okay? He is sewing up your girl right now!” Carol gently pushed him out of the room, much like she had done to Jarah earlier. Daryl was more than happy to leave, Merle's eyes trained on him the whole time.

“You listen to me Merle! That boy fought hard for everything he has now. He has a great woman that loves him to death and a little boy who looks up to him. Daryl has changed a lot since you went missing and he is an amazing father to Jamie and a great partner to Jarah. They are happy despite all the circumstances of this world. He deserves it, all three of them deserve it and I swear to God Merle, if you hurt them in any way, I will kill you in your sleep! Don't think about making him choose between you and them either. This time you would loose. He has a family now. A real one and I am sure that he would be happy to let you be a part of it, but you gotta earn it. They mean everything to him. Jarah is his partner now and he almost lost her twice already, so let's not make the third time the charm here, got it?”

Carol looked him right in the eyes and didn't back down. She could see that he was stunned and hadn't she looked as closely at him as she did, she probably would have missed the slightest of nods he had given her.

“Good, I see we understand each other then. Here, eat!” She placed a bowl on the table in front of him and left. Leaving Merle with a lot to think about.

 

Chapter 36

“Fuck, I hate seeing you like this. Shane all over again!” Daryl muttered from his spot against the wall. He was chewing on his thumb while he watched Hershel stitch Jarah up.

“Don't worry, son. It's just one cut this time. She'll be good as new.” Hershel send him a little smile. He knew it was tearing Daryl up on the inside whenever Jarah got hurt, he had witnessed it firsthand when he had brought her to him after Shane had tried to kill her. 

“Yeah, it's not that bad, baby. Just one more scar to add to the collection. They make me look tough. If I get enough no one will ever mess with me again, right Hershel?” Jarah was smiling, trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't work on Daryl.

“It's not funny. He could have killed you. Would have made me put an arrow through your head, just for kicks.”

“Don't think like that, Daryl. Everything turned out fine. We both know you girl is smart enough not to get killed. She showed us more than enough times by now!” Rick was slapping his hand on Daryl's shoulder, trying to shake him out of his dark mood. “Now, we gotta figure out what to do with Merle.”

“Why? You wanna kick him out?” Daryl instantly straightened up and turned to meet Rick's gaze.

“No, he can stay, but we gotta make sure that he plays nice. We don't need drama, especially not with Jamie around. We'll keep an eye on Merle, but if he oversteps it, he needs to be put in his place. You know best what's at stake here, don't you? Nobody wants you to lose what you have. We're all gonna make sure that it's going to work out, but if he still won't fit in after a while, we'll have to think about other options. Alright?”

Daryl thought about it for a moment. Rick was right and he was grateful that the group would have their backs and fight right along with him for keeping his family. He just hated that he had to fight his own brother once again. He thought he had left that part of his life far behind him, but no, he would have to do it all over again.

“Yeah, alright!” Daryl nodded and leaned back against the wall. Jamie ran over to him and yanked on his pants, trying to climb Mount Daryl, his tiny feet stepping on Daryl's boots. The hunter picked him up and settled him on his hip.

“Told you once before, I ain't some jungle gym. You been good while we were gone?”

“Yaaaayaaaaaaa! Yaaaayaaayaaaa Dadada! Bookybookybookabah!” Jamie started babbling, like he was telling Daryl everything he did while his parents were gone.

Rick laughed quietly, watching the two for a moment before cutting in. “He was a good boy, as usual. Carl read about five different books to him, and we pushed him around the whole floor on his Bobby Car and then he really got into playing tag. He's quite good at it too!”

“Almost squealed the roof off of the house. Guess you'll have to play that with him a lot now.” Hershel smiled while he finished up with Jarah. “There, all done for now!”

“Great, thanks Hershel! Jamie, honey go with Uncle Rick back to the others, okay? Mommy needs to talk to Daddy real quick!”

Jamie started running off and Rick nodded before following after him. “I got him, take your time!”

“Thanks, Rick. C'mon!” She grabbed Daryl's hand and made him follow her to their room. Once there she plopped down on the bed and rubbed her eyes. “Weird day!”

“Yeah, weird day. What did you wanna talk about?” Daryl kicked off his boots and propped himself against the headboard.

“I can imagine that you are in some kind of hell right now and I don't mean to pile on, but I want you to know something. Even though it would damn near kill me, if you pulled away from me now, that Merle is around, I would find a way to deal with it. But Jamie can't, Daryl. If you start pulling away from him it would hurt him. He wouldn't understand why all of a sudden he can no longer cuddle with you or play with you. You're his father now and he loves you so much. Please whatever you do, don't pull away from him. Don't take your love away from him. I beg you don't ignore him or push him away. His little heart would just break in two.” Jarah had started crying during her speech. The thought of her son hurting in any way made her own heart shatter into a million pieces.

“My brother's gonna start calling me a pussy again, if he sees me kissin' on him or letting the little dude sleep on my chest,...”

“So? God Daryl, you gotta be stronger than that! We all know that you're not a pussy. You are an amazing human being, you're brother is the pussy. He doesn't know that it takes a real man to step up like you did. He is the one who is weak, hiding behind his bullshit macho facade. It didn't even take two minutes until he tried to get into your head, tried to get you to turn your back on everything good you have! You know why? Because he is fucking scared. He can't be on his own, he needs someone he can put down so he can feel better about himself, because he knows he is acting like a piece of shit! He didn't teach you shit! You taught yourself, the minute he was gone and look what a good job you did! Don't let him get to you Daryl. I know it's gonna be hard, but you have to fight. Don't give up and let him win. Unless you wanna go back to your old life. Guess that is a decision you'll have to make for yourself, but if that's gonna be it, please let me know so I can prepare. That's all I'm gonna say about it.”

“What do you mean 'prepare'?” Daryl sat up straighter, the alarm bells in his head going off once more. 

“You can't expect me to hang around, should you decide to side with your brother!” Jarah wiped at her tears angrily. She was starting to lose hope. Daryl seemed like he had already admitted defeat and it made her go back into her “emotional survival mode”, already planning an exit strategy.

“You mean leave??? Aw hell no, Jarah, come on! You'd be fucking stupid to leave!”

“I know, I wouldn't leave the lot, but I'd find a way to leave this building and set up camp somewhere else, even if it's the fucking locker room of the mechanics over in the garage. I don't care, as long as it would be away from you.” Jarah wiped the fresh tears away and knelt next to him. He wouldn't meet her eyes, so she put her hand on his cheek to turn his face toward hers. She kissed him, a hard and long kiss full of love and desperation, before she looked into his eyes.

“I love you, Daryl. I will always be by your side, as long as you keep fighting for us. I'll only leave if you give up. It would be too hard to be around you and have you ignore us. We love you too much for that. The facts are on the table, now it's up to you!”

“If it's up to me, then why do I feel like you're already saying goodbye?” Daryl almost whispered, his voice was softer than Jarah had ever heard it. He was just as scared as she was about the future. Jarah knew in that moment that Daryl himself didn't even know if he would be able to stand up against his brother if push came to shove. She felt like curling up in a corner and cry herself to sleep.

“I'm not saying goodbye, Daryl. I just need you to know what's going to happen. I would never make you choose, I won't give you an ultimatum and make you pick sides. I hope we will all find a way to live together in peace, but if it that turns out to be impossible, I will have to make a choice for myself and Jamie.”

“Yeah right, that means that in the end you are gonna make me pick a side. Fuck, why are you doing this right now? Nothing's happened. You haven't lost me and you're not going to. We just fucking found him, my mind's already full enough right now. Damn, I can tell you're not doing that knitting shit anymore. Used to be way more relaxed at the farm when you were busy with that stuff.” Daryl spat at her, without being able to help it. His headache was getting worse and he wasn't able to focus on anything and it pissed him off to no end. To top it all off his girl was telling him that he was gonna lose them if he wasn't able to keep Merle in check. Just what he fucking needed.

“And that was your very nice way of calling me a bitch, wasn't it?” Jarah took a deep breath, trying to keep more tears from falling. She felt stupid for having brought the whole thing up, she knew Daryl needed his space, but she had needed to get it off her chest, before going back to face Merle and the group. “I'm sorry. Like I said I didn't mean to overwhelm you and pile on, but I needed to tell you. I'll get out of your hair now. I think we both have enough to think about.”

Daryl didn't respond, he just looked up at her for a brief moment, before he went back to looking out the window. Jarah took it as her cue to leave. She already hated Merle. It wasn't directly his fault, but indirectly, he was already driving a wedge between them and it hasn't even been three hours. Still she would have to play nice with Merle and she needed to support Daryl and show him that she still had his back. He would need help to fight back against Merle, if he was willing to do so.

She went downstairs and left the building to enter the storage hall through the garage. She sorted through the stuff they found today and put it on the shelves. She took a moment to drink some juice, the cold liquid helping to soothe her frazzled nerves a little, then she grabbed a brand-new pillow and a blanket from another shelf and went back inside. 

“Here, the couch is all yours. If you need anything else, tell me and I'll see if we have it.” she said while handing the pillow and the blanket over to Merle. She also handed him a bottle of water and two pills. “It's Ibuprofen for your head.”

Merle took the things she gave him, but other than that he didn't do anything to acknowledge her. He washed down the pills with some whiskey and laid down, propping the pillow under his head. Jarah turned her back on him and went to leave. She had taken one step, when he spoke up.

“Make that little rug rat shut up, before I do. Can't even hear my own thoughts!”

Jarah froze. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying to remain as calm as possible in order not to strangle him.

“If you don't like it, then go and sleep outside for all I care. This is his home, you're the visitor!”

She left then, but she took Jamie with her anyway. She didn't want him around Merle. She carefully entered their room in case Daryl was sleeping, but it was empty. She put some jeans, shoes and his warm jacket on Jamie and went downstairs to put him in his stroller. She needed to find Rick, who was on fence duty right now.

############# #################

She didn't need to walk far. Rick was taking out some walkers through the fence by the front gate. He was about to ask how she was doing, but one look at her face gave him the answer right away.

“You cried. What happened? Merle?”

“No, not really. Mostly Daryl happened... because of Merle. And because of me I suppose!” 

“It's already starting, hm? 'Causing trouble is obviously one of Merle's superpowers!” Rick sighed, shaking his head sadly.

“I think this one was on me, but still. I'm scared Rick. And I told Daryl, even though I knew he was overwhelmed enough by everything. Didn't end so well.”

“What did you say?” Rick hung the cane back on the fence and turned to look at her.

“I begged him not to pull away from Jamie. Told him that I would find a way to deal with it if he pulled away from me, but that Jamie wouldn't understand if he did. Told him that we would leave if he turned back into his former self and hurt Jamie in the process.”

“Leave? You're not serious!” Rick found it hard to believe that she would give up the safest shelter they've ever had.

“Not leave the group altogether, but I'd leave the building. Find somewhere else to hole up here on the lot. Enough buildings around here.”

“I hope it doesn't come to that. How'd Daryl react?”

“Got upset. Not really about me leaving I guess, but about the fact that I was dumping that on him when he was already overwhelmed. He said that Merle was gonna call him a pussy if he ever saw Daryl kiss and hug Jamie. I think he is already starting to think about pulling away and it scares me shitless.”

“I know you might not want to hear this, but I can actually understand both of your sides. You are trying to protect yourself and your son from getting hurt and I think you would be doing the right thing. But I also understand Daryl. I don't think he means anything he might have said to you. He IS overwhelmed. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. He lived in Merle's shadow for a long time. He was destined to become just like him. Merle treated him like crap for the most part at the same time he made Daryl dependent on him, probably telling him things like that Merle would be the only one who would ever be there for him. I don't know much about their childhood, but I am a cop and I can read people and their behavior. Back at the quarry Daryl was just like a scared, caged animal. Like a beaten dog who was still loyal to his abusive owner. He would have done anything for Merle, because deep down, he believes in family. I can tell by how he instantly grew attached to you and Jamie. Daryl needs family and I think Merle knows that and made him believe that he was the only family Daryl would ever need, that nobody else thought of him as worthy. That's why Daryl kept acting out. But the day Merle disappeared and it was clear that he wouldn't return anytime soon, Daryl changed. He was free. He suddenly had space to grow and develop, turn into the man he wanted to be, without Merle telling him he was a moron. Helpful, generous, yeah still a little rough around the edges, but all around caring and a really good man. Then you found us, you boosted his sense of self-worth to a whole new level. Daryl became a whole different person. He was finally happy. Now completely out of the blue his brother is back. His brother who will try everything to force Daryl back into submission. His brother who has the potential to hurt you and your son a great deal. Daryl knows what he is up against. Of course he is overwhelmed, he is trying to come to grips with everything and on top of that he is worried about losing you guys. Don't give up on him too quickly, Jarah. He will need time. And you will need patience and we know that's not your strong suit. We will take care of Merle, but it will probably take a while.”

“I hate you and your perfect reasoning!” Jarah muttered, making Rick laugh.

“I know you do, but you know I'm right. There will be hard times ahead, but we're a team. We'll get each other through it. You and Daryl, you are both scared and you both learned to push people away before you get hurt, to protect yourselves. You will both have to suppress that mechanism and work through it. You'll get there, I promise.”

“Thanks! Guess you're right, we're probably both just panicking. I am just not made for this. Waiting to see what will happen is just not my thing.”

“I know, but that's all you can do right now! How's the arm?” he smiled, changing the topic.

“I'll live. Took some Ibuprofen, so it's not that bad. Just have to be careful about sleeping on my side tonight. How are you? How are Lori and the baby?”

“They are both fine considering the circumstances. Jarah, I... She's still my wife...” Rick swallowed hard and looked at the ground.

“You still love her,... I understand.”

“It's not just that. She's the mother of my children. I don't know if I'll be able to kick her out.” he admitted. Just the thought of losing her forever made tears well up in his eyes.

“Rick, I am not asking you to! I never did. God it is just such a mess. Daryl is the one who wants her gone and I understand. But I am a mother and I know I wouldn't leave my kids behind and I would never ask her or you to do the same. I know you can't kick her out. For all I care she could even run around the building, I'd keep my distance, but I don't think the group would benefit from that.” Jarah rubbed her hand over Rick's arm while he contemplated her words. She was still sure that Lori wouldn't make it through childbirth. They had some medical supplies but not what they would need for a c-section. No way she would make it and the chances for a natural delivery were slim to none after her C-section with Carl. Still it wasn't Jarah's place to mention her predictions to Rick.

“No, you're right, the group is more comfortable with the way it is right now, but we can't keep her in that room forever. We'll have to figure something out sooner or later!”

“I know, we will! Now come on, let's check the rest of those fences and then lets see what's going on inside!”

“Yeah, whatever it is, we'll deal with it.” Rick put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer and they walked the fences in amiable silence before heading back in.

########### ################

Even though she was asleep, she was able to smell him before she felt him. He was reeking of alcohol and cigarettes and it made her stomach roll when she woke up.

Daryl was hovering over her, now nipping at her jaw all the way up to her ear, biting down on her earlobe a little too hard.

“Ow, Daryl stop! What are you doing?” She pushed her hands against his chest to shove him off of her, but he wouldn't budge.

“What's it feel like I'm doing? I want you, girl!” He grabbed one of her hands off his chest and pushed it hard against his rock hard erection, grinding himself against her hand.

“Daryl stop, you're drunk!”

“A little! Still want you! C'mon baby, you like it rough. I'm just in the mood for that!” He placed little bites all over her neck, still rubbing himself against her hand he kept firmly in place with his own.

“I bet you are, but I'm not. Let's just go to sleep. It's been a long day!”

“Nah, not tired. Horny as fuck though! Take off your clothes baby! I wanna fuck you so hard you almost pass out again and then I wanna cum all over your fucking tits.”

“We can do that tomorrow when you are sober and don't reek of whiskey. Stop it, right now Daryl! You're taking a shower! Now!” She used all her strength to push him off of her. She swiftly got out of bed before he could get on top of her again and grabbed his arm to pull him towards the bathroom.

“See? My brother's right! You already don't want me anymore, 'cause he's onto you! I'm just your bodyguard, the fucking babysitter for that little br-”

“DON'T! You're brothers planting crap in your head! You don't know what you're talking about, so you best shut up right now. You already have enough to regret in the morning!”

Carol came out of her room when she heard the raised voices. She saw what was happening and felt bad for Jarah. She had gone through similar situations with Ed.

“Need help?”

“No I got it, thanks Carol. Sorry for waking you up!” Jarah apologized and kept dragging Daryl to the bathroom while the older woman disappeared back into her room.

Once she got him in there she didn't bother undressing him, she pushed him under the shower head and turned the water on full force. It was ice cold and Daryl yelped when it hit him. He fought against her, when she kept pushing him under the spray of ice water.

“Lemme go, you stupid bitch! So that's how you care about me? Letting me freeze to death?”

“Do yourself a favor and shut up, Daryl!”

Daryl fought some more, but the more water hit him, the less he struggled. Finally he slumped against the wall and sank to his knees. Jarah turned off the water and threw a towel in his lap.

“You're gonna leave me, aren't you?” Daryl slurred defeated, tears were mixing with drops of water on his cheeks. He had drunken himself into stupor after Merle had convinced him that Jarah was gonna leave him and now he felt sorry for himself.

“I am not going to leave you, Daryl! I told you, I would be there for you, but you can't let Merle get into your head! You see where you end up when you listen to him? This has never happened before, now has it? We have to make sure that it never happens again. He is your brother and you love him, I get that, but we can't let him win.”

“Merle always wins,... I don't know what to do!”

“We'll figure it out. He is not going to win this time. We won't let him. Come on now, you need to dry off and get clean clothes on. 

Jarah knelt down in front of him and unbuttoned his wet shirt, while Daryl studied her face with hazy eyes.

“You still love me? 'Cause I still love you!” that almost made Jarah smile despite the situation they were currently in. That was the second time he had ever said it and even though he was still drunk, it felt good hearing it after the day they had.

“I will always love you, Daryl. Forever.” she kissed his forehead gently, gathering some strength from the brief physical contact, before she continued undressing him.

“My clothes are all wet!” he looked down at himself confused, like he had already forgotten how it happened. Damn, he was still like a little boy sometimes and it was fucking cute. She hated it right now, because it kept her from being mad at him.

“I know, we'll get you dry ones in a minute!”

She succeeded in getting him dressed and dry and quickly ushered him back into their room with the towel firmly wrapped around his hips. Her training as a nurse helped her get him dressed in clean clothes quickly, he didn't do much to help her, he was already losing consciousness. She helped him lay down and covered him with the blanket and watched him sleep for a moment.

She didn't know what would be best. If he remembered or didn't remember what had happened when he woke up the next morning.

 

 

Chapter 37

Daryl groaned loudly as he felt the ground shaking underneath him. His stomach rolled and his head felt like it was splitting itself in half. 

'Do I have a concussion? Damn, must have gotten hit!' he thought when he started to feel like he had to throw up. 

“Jar,... earthquake... doorjamb...” he croaked. He found that he just wasn't able to open his eyes. He was sure if he did, he would die from the pain it would cause in his head should it be light outside already. Wait? Did his girl just giggle? Why the hell would she giggle when the building was about to come crashing down on them? 

“Earthquake, what the hell? Are you still drunk?” Jarah giggled. She had merely gotten out of bed, but the mattress moving seemed to have been enough to make an apparently VERY hungover Daryl think, that there was an earthquake.

“I think I have a concussion!” he moaned, his hands going to his head slowly to check for injuries.

“Nah, you're just hungover. Do you have to throw up?”

“Yeah, think so!”

“Come here, I got ya!” She knelt on the floor next to his side of the bed and lifted a bucket towards his face. She had filled it with a bit of water and placed it next to him during the night after he had fallen asleep, especially for this occasion. 

She gently put her hand on his neck and pulled him closer to the bucket, so he wouldn't miss. Just in time as it turned out. He was barely in position when he started emptying the contents of his stomach into the bucket. Jarah gently stroked her thumb over the skin of his neck while she held him, trying to give him some comfort. When he was done she handed him a bottle of water.

“Here, rinse and spit!”

Daryl did as he was told, he rinsed his mouth with water three times and spit in the bucket before he plopped back down on the bed on his stomach. Jarah went to the bathroom to clean out the bucket and came back with a cool, wet washcloth. She sat next to him on the bed and moved his long hair in the back out of the way to place it on his neck.

“Mmmmmm, fuck that feels good.” Daryl moaned appreciatively. “Man I'm sick like a dog!”

“Yeah, obviously. Happens when you get so drunk you can barely stand up straight. Remember what happened?” Jarah was absentmindedly stroking her fingers through his hair while she tried to find out how much he remembered.

“Guess I had a couple of Welcome Back drinks with Merle. Think we killed like two bottles of whiskey, not sure. When did I come to bed?”

“About 2am, I think.” she turned the washcloth on his neck over, knowing it helped in keeping the cooling sensation up.

“Not that late,... don't even know how I got here. Didn't have that much to drink in forever. Last thing I remember is Merle going on and on about us and the group and everything.”

“Hm, yeah... guess you just had to blend that out somehow. Southern Comfort seemed to have helped with that.” Jarah sighed, debating whether she should tell him exactly how he had gotten into bed. She decided against it for now, he was feeling shitty enough already. She had learned her lesson the previous day about dumping even more stuff on him when he was already feeling like crap. Instead she just played with his hair for a while, making him sleepy. She turned the washcloth over one last time and kissed his cheek.

“Go back to sleep. You'll feel better later!”

She pulled the covers higher to keep him warm and then quietly dressed herself before getting Jamie out of his bed. He was already awake but quietly playing and cuddling with his stuffed animals like most mornings. She got clothes and diapers and took him with her to change him in the meeting room, so they wouldn't wake Daryl.

################ ##############

“He better not piss on me or on my bed or I'll whip both your asses!” Merle grunted as he watched Jarah change Jamie's diaper on the couch. She just took a deep breath, trying to rid herself of the murderous thoughts she was thinking every time she heard Merle's voice. 

Jamie on the other hand seemed to like that voice. He started giggling and reaching for Merle.

“Don't you touch me, boy! You just had that hand on your wiener! Don't need your piss on my hand!”

“For God's sakes, Merle! He is a baby, he doesn't know! Stop taking your shit out on him, he's not to blame for anything!”

“Uuuhh Mama Bear roars! Fine, I ain't gonna take shit out on him! You're way better for that. After all you're to blame for the fuck up my brother has become. Pussy-whipped, weak little mess he is!”

“Yeah, right? Selflessly risks his life to find a little girl that got lost in the woods, trying day after day to bring her back safely to her momma, even though he was hurting like hell after having an arrow in his side and a bullet graze his head. What a pussy! And then he had the audacity to look for safe shelter in order to keep his people safe, should anything happen to the farm. Helping out, wherever he can, stepping up and raising a little boy with me, accepting him as if he was his own, LOVING him as if he was his own, sharing all duties and responsibilities without even mentioning it or bragging about it to anybody. Yeah, what a weak little mess he is, indeed Merle.”

Merle for once didn't know what to respond. He just huffed and kept scowling at Jarah while she finished dressing Jamie and brushed his hair before they took their seats at the table. 

Since Merle made no move to come over, Carol brought him a bowl of raspberry oatmeal and a coffee.

“Already forgot what I told you, I see! I meant it, Merle! Leave them alone! If you really love your brother, don't try to take away the best thing that has ever happened to him!”

Once again Merle just grunted in response, already digging into his breakfast. Carol watched him for a moment. She knew eventually she would get through to him. She sure as hell wouldn't give up trying.

“Carol?” Rick stood in the doorway to the meeting room, motioning for her to come with him. They both had witnessed what had happened between Daryl and Jarah last night. Rick had been on his way to his room when he'd heard the commotion outside of the room that the younger Dixon and Jarah shared and had watched from the shadows. Not even Carol had noticed that he had been there. 

After she had gone back to her room Rick had gone over to the bathroom door and had waited in listened in case Daryl would have gotten even more out of hand. When she seemed to have everything under control he had gone back to his room. He didn't want to stick his nose into their business, but when Jarah entered the meeting room this morning and he saw the marks Daryl had left on her when he had tried to shove and push her away, he felt the need to talk some sense into the hunter. He had talked to Carol and told her that he'd witnessed the incident too and together they decided to confront Daryl as soon as Jarah was busy having breakfast with Jamie.

########### ######################

“Get up!” Rick kicked the bed hard, making Daryl startle awake.

“What? The fuck is going on?” Daryl groaned, trying to hide back under the blankets.

“Get up, get dressed and then get your ass in Carol's room! Now Daryl, don't make me say it again!”

Rick and Carol left to go to her room and wait for Daryl. He showed up five minutes later, dressed but barely awake. His head was still killing him.

“What's wrong? Something happen?”

“You happened, last night! Remember?” Rick leaned against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Just remember drinking with Merle and waking up this morning. Why?”

“I don't exactly know what happened, you'll have to ask Jarah, but I woke up because she had to drag you to the bathroom and you were fighting her and yelling at her Daryl.” Carol explained what she had seen.

Daryl's brow furrowed, trying to remember. It was all black, but he remembered this morning. His girl had taken care of him, like nothing had happened.

“Nah, can't be right. Jar didn't say anything this morning. She didn't act any different, even took care of me.” Daryl shook his head, trying to convince the other two that they had to be mistaken. Jarah would have said something if he had been an ass.

“Trust me Daryl, it IS right. You called her a stupid bitch and you called Jamie a little brat, you pushed her around when she tried to help you... you fucked up last night! I don't know why she hasn't mentioned anything to you, but it happened. Carol and I both heard and saw it.”

Daryl swallowed hard and looked back and forth between Rick and Carol, searching their faces, trying to find out if they were lying, but they weren't.

“Fuck... I can't... I wouldn't...” Daryl stuttered, his face paling even more. 

“Sweetie, you did. She has bruises on her arms and bite marks on her neck to prove it. You were very very drunk and you let your brother get to you. He is not good for you, you can't let him do that to you Daryl.” Carol rubbed his arm gently. She was a little disappointed in him, but still she also felt for him. She knew Merle was able to get under people's skin like nobody else and that he just kept talking until he would wear you down and made you listen and actually believe in what he was saying.

“Which is why you will keep your distance from him for now. You have to Daryl or you'll lose your family. You need to take care of them, let us take care of Merle in the meantime. Whenever he taunts you, just don't react. Ignore him, don't listen. He'll get bored soon enough and hopefully start turning things around by then.” Rick told him the plan he had come up with. It's how he would treat a child with a temper tantrum and in his mind that is exactly what Merle was, just on a larger scale.

“Easier said than done! He just keeps going and going, he never gets tired!” Daryl sighed. This whole discussion wasn't helping in making his headache any better at all. He felt like shit, but still he felt like he wanted to get on his knees in front of Jarah and beg and grovel for forgiveness. He couldn't believe that she had still cared for him after what he had said to her.

“I know, but we'll help. You just stick with your family, make Merle see what is truly important to you and that you are doing just fine without him. Just don't give in. We'll help. Do we have a deal?” Rick stretched his hand out toward Daryl.

The hunter shook it and nodded. “Yeah, deal.”

“Good! One more thing. Don't manhandle your partner like that again or you will be VERY sorry!” Rick said with his serious voice, looking Daryl in the eyes, showing him that he meant it.

“Never again!” Daryl promised only to blush hard when Carol spoke up with a little laugh to lighten the mood again.

“Unless she asks you to, of course!”

Daryl blushed hard and cleared his throat. “I'm gonna get going. We done?” Daryl scratched the back of his head and slowly got up, looking at the floor to hide his red cheeks.

“Yeah, we're done. Go get some breakfast.” Rick dismissed him.

“I'll join them, run interference if I have to!” Carol squeezed Rick's arm and went to follow Daryl.

“Okay, thanks Carol. I'll be in my room for a while.”

############## ###############################

Daryl dreaded going into the meeting room. He was deeply ashamed for what he did. The worst part was, that he didn't even remember what he did. He had completely blacked out. He felt like he was getting off easy. No memories to plague him and Jarah didn't even seem to be mad at all. 

Still he couldn't look her in the eye, when he went to join her. Couldn't even acknowledge Jamie happily starting to throw a party in his highchair when he spied his beloved Daddy. He didn't deserve that after last night.

“Hey, didn't expect you to join us this early! You feeling better?” Jarah rubbed her hand over his back once, while she poured some coffee into his mug. 

Before Daryl was able to answer, Merle made his presence known again.

“What's that baby brother? Can't even say good morning to me anymore? What are you doing sitting over there? Come here, have breakfast with me!”

“Good Lord, just shut up, Merle!” Daryl groaned, pressing the heel of his hand into his eye again in an attempt to get rid of the sharp stabs of pain in his head.

“We still have a place set for you here at the table, Merle. You are welcome to join us, if you'd like!” Carol smiled over at him.

“Nah, pass. I'm good over here. Don't need the little bastard to pierce my eardrums by sitting next right to all that fucking squealing.”

Jarah and Daryl both tensed up and Jarah was ready to give Merle a piece of her mind again, but Carol shook her head. “Ignore him, he wants you to react. Just don't.”

Jarah nodded and looked over at Daryl. He was sipping his coffee with closed eyes. She knew he deserved the headache, but she hated to see him suffer.

“I'll be right back!” She got up to go to their room. Merle was snickering from the couch.

“Oooh already leavin', Princess? Hope it's nothing I said!”

'Ignore him, he's not worth it! Ignore him, he's not worth it! Ignore him, he's not worth it!' she kept repeating the mantra over and over in her head, when all she really wanted to do was yell at him and hurt him as much as she could.

Two minutes later she was back and gently put her hand on Daryl's arm.

“Baby? Here, take these, they will help with the headache. Try to eat something, yeah? It will make you feel better.”

He took the pills and gulped them down with coffee, before he halfheartedly shoved his spoon into his bowl of raspberry oatmeal. He hated raspberries, but he wouldn't ever complain. It was food and he considered it a mild punishment for his behavior. 

“Think you might be up for a walk, after breakfast? The fresh air might be good for you?” Jarah was keeping her voice so quiet and soft, she was so gentle because she knew he was hurting and it made him start to hate himself in earnest.

“Yeah, probably a good idea!” Daryl nodded his consent, regretting the move instantly as a new wave of pain shot through his temples. He swore to himself in that moment that he would never ever get drunk like that again.

Thankfully about half an hour later the pain started to subside a little and he felt a bit better. Merle piped up here and there, but nobody paid him any attention, it was like an unspoken agreement amongst the group. That or Rick told everybody to ignore him, Daryl wasn't sure, but it seemed to be working. Merle eventually gave up and went to sulk in the corner of the room, looking out the window.

“Wanna take watch?” Rick approached Merle after a couple of minutes, while the women cleared the table. “You can do it from here. As you can see, we got a great view from up here.”

“Yeah why not? Guess I gotta start pulling my weight around here sooner or later!” Merle acquiesced. 

“Good, it helps. Thanks Merle.” Rick sent him a grateful nod and left. He hoped that their way of treating Merle would eventually work in getting him to mellow out. The silent treatment seemed to have been efficient this morning.

############### ######################

Daryl and Jarah left Jamie in the capable hands of Beth. They needed a bit of time alone together to sort things out. They went to their room to get their jackets and when Jarah took off her cozy cardigan to put on a warm sweater underneath her leather jacket, Daryl's breath hitched in his throat. There it was, the evidence of what he'd done. His hand prints on her arms. When she lifted her hair to pull it out from under her jacket, he also saw the bite marks he had left on her neck. He felt like throwing up again.

When she turned to look at him, he quickly looked away in shame and left the room first. As soon as they arrived outside, Daryl took a deep breath of fresh, cool air. Jarah had been right, it was exactly what he needed. Jarah watched him for a couple of minutes while they walked along the fence, but eventually she wasn't able to take his silence anymore.

“Tell me, what did I do? You haven't looked at me once, today!”

He didn't answer, just shrugged and kept walking. Jarah kept wrecking her mind, trying to think of what she could have done wrong to make him mad at her. All she could come up with was Merle and what thoughts he had planted in Daryl's head. She had already given up on Daryl answering her, when he finally had mercy on her.

“Rick and Carol told me what I did last night.” he admitted quietly. His voice still hoarse from not having been used all that much that morning.

“Oh.” Jarah didn't know what else to say.

“Why didn't you say anything this morning? Why were you even still there, taking care of me? If I were you I would have kicked my ass out of the building.”

“I think I just learned my lesson I guess. You were already feeling like crap. Telling you what happened probably would have only made you mad. You didn't remember, you might not have believed me. Rick saw, too?”

“Yeah, told me I called you a bitch and Jamie a brat and that I shoved you around. That true?”

“Yeah. Well not quite. I stopped you before you were able to finish saying the word brat. You were really out of it, Daryl.”

“Tell me what happened. What did I do to your neck?”

“Nah, let's just forget about it!”

“No! I wanna know! I can't remember anything and don't know exactly what other things I have to regret doing, so just fucking tell me!” he didn't want her to protect him from his own guilt by not telling him.

“Fine!” She sighed and shook her head. “Don't know how this is going to help you, but okay. I woke up last night and you were on top of me. You wanted sex and I refused, told you we could do it tomorrow when you were sober. You pushed my hand against your dick and told me you didn't wanna wait, you were horny now and you were in the mood for rough. You started biting on me, I pushed you away and dragged you to the shower to sober you up. That's when you started yelling and fighting, telling me that Merle was right, that I really don't want you and all that shit he keeps telling you over and over. I pushed you into the shower, turned on the water and made you stand there. You fought me for a while, that's how I got the bruises, but eventually you gave up. You broke down, cried, asked me if I was gonna leave you and if I still loved you.”

“What did you say?” Daryl still didn't dare look at her, he couldn't believe that he had gotten that out of control and she was still there and even tried to make him feel better.

“I told you that I was never going to leave you and that I will always love you. Helped you get out of the wet clothes and into dry ones and got you into bed. You fell asleep while your head was still on its way to your pillow.”

“I don't deserve you. A major asskicking is what I deserve. Sleeping in the stairwell for a week is what I deserve. Why are you even still with me? I treat you like crap and you nurse me through my hangover.”

“You mean too much to me to give up on you this quickly. Don't get me wrong, what happened last night hurt me, in more ways than one, but what good would it do to shut you out now? It would make us both feel miserable and Merle would win. You were lost yesterday, Merle coming back threw you, but you have to come back from that. Jamie and I need you. Last night was the one fuck up you get, Daryl. I won't be able to take much more of that AND deal with Merle himself. This is your second chance to show me what you really want. Okay?”

“Okay. No more fuck ups. I promise!” he chewed the inside of his lip nervously and looked around the lot, at the same time his hand reached for hers, almost timidly.

Jarah almost had to laugh at how shy he was acting. He was really scared that he had fucked up so much that she no longer wanted him to touch her. She intertwined their fingers and squeezed his hand.

“You know, I promised you last night to let you fuck me hard and have you come on my tits. If you wanna do that today, you might have to start looking at me again.” she giggled, getting a kick out of his groan and the deep blush that was spreading on his cheeks.

“Good Lord, please tell me I didn't really say that!”

“You didn't! I think you actually said you wanted to come on my FUCKING tits! Aw come on, we've said worse things to one another, lighten up.”

Daryl tried to fight it, but he couldn't help the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth.

“Guess you're right.” He finally looked at her and pulled her into his arms, trapping her hands behind her back as he looked down at her. “We really good?”

“Yes, we are! As long as it doesn't happen again, all is forgiven. Now shut up and kiss me!” she grinned and leaned up on her toes to get closer to his mouth. Daryl closed the distance and breathed a sigh of relief, he hadn't even known he'd been holding all morning. The kiss quickly deepened. Daryl plundered the depths of her mouth urgently for a little while, squeezing her hard in his arms, working the tension out of his body. Once it was out of his system he relaxed, their kissing getting slow and sloppy, lips barely pressing against each other, tongues tangling and gliding languidly. They both took comfort in being close.

They got interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps. They looked up and Jarah laughed as she saw Jamie dashing towards them with Beth in tow, who was already apologizing.

“I'm sorry, he didn't want to be away from you guys! He kept looking all over for you!”

“It's okay, Beth, really. Thank you for watching him!” Jarah sent her a smile and watched Daryl crouch down, catching Jamie who was launching himself into his arms.

“Dadada! DADADA!!!” Jamie was getting louder and his voice more forceful and grumpier towards the end, clearly unhappy with his father. Jarah was snorting with laughter.

“Is he chewing you out??? Oh my God, that's the greatest thing ever! Guess he missed having your undivided attention.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry little dude, I'll be better. Promise.”

“I think I better get his stroller, don't feel comfortable having him running around so close to the fences.”

“Nah, don't. I got him. I'll carry him!” He lifted Jamie up in the air and put him on his shoulders, holding his hands so he wouldn't let himself fall backwards. “There you go, now we got the best seats in the house to watch your momma take out the fence walkers.”

“Ha, how very smart of you! Now I gotta do the work all by myself?”

“Don't get huffy, you like doing the work all by yourself! Took a long time to turn you into a team player!” 

They scowled at each other for a moment, but they were both wearing amused smirks while doing it. Jarah finally poked his ribs and got the cane from the fence.

“Unbelievable! Ass!”

“Thanks, yours not that bad either!” he smirked and quickly dodged the cane she was swinging at him. Jamie thought it was a hoot and was giggling like crazy at his parents antics.

################### #####################

Merle couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was on watch and had kept his eyes trained on the road and the fences, but as soon as Jarah and Daryl stepped into his view, he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of them. A million feelings rushed through him as he watched them together. Even to someone like Merle, who didn't care much about these things, it was obvious that they were very much in love. He was even more stunned, when he saw Daryl smile, like truly smile, showing teeth and all, when he interacted with the kid. He tried to remember if he had ever seen Daryl smile like that before, but he didn't think he had. It made him, angry, sad, jealous, but also a little happy at the same time. 

“It's like the apocalypse never happened when you watch them. It makes you feel like you're out on the streets and are watching a regular family have a fun afternoon, doesn't it? At least that's what it's like for the rest of us.” Carol had sneaked up on him and was watching Merle and the rest of the Dixons. That's what the group secretly called them, when they were referring to them. 

Nobody called them that to their faces. They all knew how uncomfortable it would make them, but to Carol especially, the tattoo she had helped him with, had been a zombie-apocalypse-style marriage proposal and Jarah wanting to get one as well, meant that she had accepted. What they had was as real as it got, they were a union and they didn't need the state of Georgia or some minister to make it official. 

“Guess it's true what they say, you always meet twice.” Merle grunted, keeping his eyes on his baby brother. “Is it true what he says? She came to the farm? He didn't go look for her?”

“Yes it's true. Glenn and Maggie found her. I think she and Daryl hadn't seen each other for a long time before that. As far as I know he had forgotten about her and looking for her didn't even cross his mind. Guess it was just fate that they met again. That's your beef with Jarah, isn't it? You think Daryl neglected you to go and find her? Trust me, your brother looked for you, but you were long gone.”

“Who knows, he is good at keeping secrets!

“Well it is no secret that he cares about you a great deal. He never made a secret out of that. He wants his brother back, but you're not making it easy on him. He is very loyal. To Jarah, to this group and to you. He is torn, Merle. Don't do that to him. If you don't like Jarah and Jamie, fine, you don't have to, keep your distance, but don't judge your brother for loving them. Don't start in on him every single time he does something nice. He loves you, but look at him, if you do try to make him choose, you won't walk away a winner this time.”

“There's no place for me in that family! Why bother making nice?”

“Because you are wrong. There is a place for you, but the job description for that position clearly states that you can't be a judgmental jerk every chance you get and make life harder for them. Jarah is willing to make an effort to make Daryl happy. Don't you think you owe your brother at least that as well? A try at fitting in, instead of trying to destroy all the good he has?”

Merle looked at Carol and studied her closely. “You have certainly changed. You barely got a word out without you voice shaking back at the quarry!”

“Things change. People change. Losing Sophia changed me. Opened my eyes. “

“Yeah. I'm sorry about your girl. Daryl told me.”

“It's important to have something good in this world to hang on to. Or we would just lose hope altogether. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to find something good for yourself around here. You'll just have to let it in!”

Carol smiled at him before she turned to get the laundry basket from the table, where she had put it earlier when she had noticed him stare at Daryl and Jarah. Merle stared after her, the slightest of smiles on his lips. So far the people around here had been nice to him. He knew if he kept being an ass they would eventually kick him out. Being angry was just who he was. It was his way of life, his protection, his safety blanket. He taught the same to Daryl when they grew up, but his brother had changed. He had found a way to be happy. If Daryl was able to do that, maybe so was he.

 

Chapter 38

One week later...

“You're having one of your attacks.”

It was a statement, not a question. Jarah turned to look at Daryl in surprise.

“How do you know?”

“Your breathing changed!” Daryl stated matter of factly.

“What? You can tell that I'm having an anxiety attack just by the way I breathe? How? I'm not hyperventilating.” Jarah was stunned. She'd always known that he was observant, but she never thought he was THAT thorough.

“Just something I picked up on during the week. I pay attention, you know.” he shrugged nonchalantly. As usual, his attention toward her wasn't a big deal to him. It just came natural.

“Yeah, but to my breathing? Wow! Never knew you watched me that closely.”

“Ever since that pregnancy thing on Christmas... You've had at least one every day this past week.” He plopped down on their bed, his back against the headboard and watched her put their freshly cleaned clothes into the filing cabinet that had been turned into a closet.

“I had at least one pregnancy thing every day?” Jarah tried to change the subject. She didn't feel like talking about it, but as usual Daryl was a dog with a bone. 

“Stop fucking around, you know what I mean.”

“I know,... what do you want me to tell you? It sucks, but I gotta deal with it.” 

She shrugged and kept busy putting their clothes away. She felt his intense stare on her. Out of the corner of her eye she was able to detect that he was fidgeting with his pack of cigarettes and he was chewing away on the inside of his cheek. She could practically hear the wheels in his head turning.

“It's Merle! Ain't it?” 

“Let's not go there, Daryl! It's gonna be fine! Wanna go down to the RV? Have some fun?”

“Stop it, I mean it. Stop fucking trying to distract me! You know that shit get's me going!” He slammed the pack down on their nightstand in frustration, possibly squashing some of the smokes. She knew this had to be something that really upset him in order for him to risk losing cigarettes.

“Alright, what do you want me to say? That you're brother is causing all the attacks? Yeah he is, so? What now?” Jarah slammed the drawer shut with a loud bang, trying to relieve at least some tension. “He just doesn't stop, Daryl. It's been a fucking week and he just doesn't stop. The only person he is treating half decent is Carol, but only because she is waiting on him hand and foot, thinking it will get him to mellow out. I swear that woman is a sucker for abusive relationships!”

“Hey, my brother ain't no woman beater!”

“No, maybe not, but he is a Class A asshole! He is using her. He is treating us both like crap, the rest of us is lucky that he ignores them. Rick's fucking method of treating him like a child worked for a whole of one single day... God Daryl, I just had it. I can't stand him. Every time I walk into that room he pipes up. My patience is running thin, my nerves are just fucked to hell. I just don't feel at home here, anymore. He is ruining everything. I mean, I am really happy that you don't let him get into your head anymore and that you keep interacting with Jamie just like you always used to, but how in the world can you be so calm? How in the world can you just sit there and act like nothing happened when he calls you a pedophile, because you kissed Jamie on the cheek? I almost killed him! How can you not?”

“I grew up with him. It's just the way he's always been. You beating the crap out of him was what he wanted. You proved his opinion about you right. Gave him even more ammunition.”

Jarah whirled around so fast it almost got her whiplash. She stared at him not being able to believe her ears.

“So now it's MY fault that he's being a dick? Geez, thanks for your undying support, Daryl!”

“That's not what I was fucking saying and you know it. Calm the fuck down, you're giving yourself a heart attack.”

“Your brother is giving me a fucking heart attack!” Jarah rubbed her forehead and sighed, collecting her thoughts or a moment. “I'm sorry, I know that's not what you meant. I'm just a little on edge, I guess.”

“I know,... you've been pulling away, too!”

“No I haven't! Not from you!”

“No not from me, but from the group. You avoid the meeting room like the plague.”

“And for good reason. I'd rather eat alone in here in peace and quiet, than being badgered the whole time.” Jarah sat down next to him on the bed and leaned her head against his shoulder. Daryl wrapped his arm around her to pull her closer and kissed the top of her head.

“You gotta keep fighting. It's the beginning of your farm days all over again, girl. If you start hiding more, the attacks are gonna get worse, because you won't be used to people as much anymore. Don't go back there. I don't want you to live in fear again. I've seen you after your nightmares and hardcore attacks. Don't want that to start happening more often. Just keep going, keep ignoring him, just shut him out. Otherwise you let him win and I thought we agreed that wasn't gonna happen?”

“Just when did you turn into a therapist?” She angled her head to look up at him smiling.

“I'm serious. Fuck, I know you're already doing a hell of a lot for me, but, can you do this for me, too? Keep staying strong?”

“I can't promise you that I'll be able to be around Merle, but I promise you that I'll try!”

“Fair enough, I guess!” Daryl leaned down for a little peck, but stilled before his lips made contact. “You're still breathing different!”

Jarah took his hand and put it on her chest to press it against her heart. “My heart's still racing, too. Takes about 15 to 20 minutes until it's over.”

Wish I could take it away.” He let his lips move over hers, pressing soft kisses against them. “This helpin' any?”

Jarah smiled and fought a giggle at that. Her big, tough badass was just such a cutie sometimes.

“Yeah, that definitely helps. Thank you!”

############## #######################

Two weeks later...

“I don't know why you won't listen Merle! I told you, Rick will kick you out, if you keep dumping on Jarah like that. Why can't you just let it be! I know you can be different! I've seen it!”

Carol studied him closely, not able to understand why the elder Dixon just wasn't able to let go of his anger towards his younger brother's partner. She knew deep down that he was hurt by the fact that Daryl spent more time with his new family, instead of with him, but what Merle didn't understand was, that Daryl spend as little time with him as possible, because he was mad at Merle for making Jarah miserable. He just didn't feel listening to his older brother ramble on about what a pussy he was and what a bitch Jarah was all day long. So he kept his distance, thus infuriating Merle even more. It was a vicious cycle.

Once Jarah and Daryl were out on hunts and runs, Merle was as tame as a little lamb, though. Carol at first wondered, if it was really Merle Dixon that was talking to her on those occasions. He listened to her talk about Sophia and Ed, even shared some of his own stories, hell he even played with Jamie when nobody else was around. He also got along with Hershel for whatever reason, but as soon as Daryl or Jarah showed their faces, he flipped the switch and was back to being a dick.

“Don't you worry about a thing, sweet cheeks! Ain't gonna get kicked out! If they wanted me gone, they would have already kicked me out on my ass. I'm here to stay! Officer Rick knows he needs me. The old folks aren't up for watch anymore as much as I am. This group is weak. Barely anyone left to be able to fight, the Bony Bitch has got to protect her son, so that leaves Daryl, the Sheriff, Short Round and his girlfriend and me. You need me here, whether you like it or not!”

Carol knew it was true. Rick had said so himself and Merle had been smart enough to figure it out. The group needed all the hands on deck they could get. There was no more false sense of security like there had been on the farm. They knew they had to be alert and ready all the time. Hershel and Dale were helpful, kept watch and walked the fences as much as possible, but in the end they wouldn't be able to do more than shoot their rifles from the windows, if push came to shove. When they had lost T-Dog, Shane and Andrea, they had lost a lot of manpower. Merle was a tornado, capable of surviving damn near anything, one-armed or not. Rick didn't like it, but he really did need Merle. In this case he just couldn't be considerate towards Jarah, he had more people to think about than just her.

“I'm just saying Merle, your behavior is not earning you any brownie points with Daryl. You gotta see that, right?” Carol tried once again to make him see the error of his ways, just like countless times before, hoping that this time it would work. She knew they could all get along, she had seen a different side of Merle. If only he wouldn't be this stubborn.

“What I see is my baby brother turning his back on his own blood. And for what?” 

“You tell me, Merle. For what?” Jarah stood in the doorway, having just returned from a supply run with Rick, Glenn and Maggie. 

“He is betraying his brother for a worthless, whiney, weak and cowardly little slut like you!”Merle growled dangerously while he slowly advanced on Jarah.

“Merle, you stop this right now!” Carol jumped up from the couch and tried to get Merle to back off.

“I'm just startin' sweet cheeks! This bitch needs to be put in her place and since my brother isn't man enough to do it himself, I'm gonna have to do it for him!” 

“Merle this isn't helping anything. Just leave her alone! She never did anything to you!”

“Oh but she did! She's to blame for my brother being all screwed up in the head. She is responsible that he stopped looking for me. She's the reason why he is barely looking at me now! Don't know what he sees in you. Pretty face sure, but the rest? You look like a fucking boy! You call those tits? You're a flat board with two buttons! My baby brothers gotta be all banged up from rattling your fucking ugly boy bones, Miss Boo-Hoo-My-Parents-Didn't-Want-Me! I'm not surprised they hated you. Strutting around the place like you're the queen of fucking Georgia! You are nothing! A worthless waste of air and space!”

By now Merle was directly in her face, their noses almost touching as they stared at each other, neither backing down, until Merle was roughly shoved away from her. Jarah was more than surprised to see, that it was Glenn.

“That is enough. Back off already! Nothing that comes out of your mouth is true, so just shut it, because YOU are wasting air!” 

“Woah, China Man has grown some balls I see! Coming to the rescue of the precious queen! Y'all are just a bunch of pussies, dumbass pussies, nothing more! Pathetic!” Merle finally backed off and walked back to the couch, while Maggie grabbed Jarah's hand and pulled her out of the room.

“Are you okay? You don't look so good!”

“Yeah I'm fine, adrenalin is just wearing off I guess. I'll just lay down a bit!”

“Okay, holler if you need anything. I'll see you in a little bit!”

“Thanks, Maggie!” Jarah gave the younger woman a grateful smile before she closed the door behind her. She needed to be alone to process. Merle knew how to get to her and she had a hard time dealing with it. Fear was beginning to spike in her stomach and she knew, she was in for another anxiety attack.

##################### ###########################

Daryl came back from hunting only a couple of minutes later. He'd been back a while, but had spent time in the garage gutting his kills and prepping them for the women to cook for dinner, before coming in. 

He went to the bathroom to wash his hands after dropping of the meat in the kitchen and then went to the room he shared with Jarah to get out of his bloody clothes. He forgot all about changing into clean clothes as soon as he laid eyes on her.

She was sitting on the floor in the little space between the bed and the wall. She was pale and sweaty and she was desperately gasping for air while clutching her chest.

He let his crossbow fall onto their bet, dropping to his knees in front of her at the same time.

“Fucking hell, Jar! What's wrong! Look at me!” she was staring right through him.

“I'm dying... can't breathe,... my chest... my heart... it hurts!” Jarah was gasping, desperately trying to pull air into her lungs. Daryl was momentarily paralyzed with fear. If she had a heart attack, there was nothing they could do. 

He jumped to his feet and tore the door open, yelling for Hershel at the top of his lungs. The old farmer came hurrying down the hallway a moment later, along with Rick, Carol and Maggie, who instantly knew that something was wrong for Daryl to be screaming for the vet like that.

“What's wrong, son?”

“It's Jar, I think she's having a heart attack, you gotta help her!”

That spurred Hershel into action and into walking a little faster than he already was, while the others couldn't believe what they were hearing.

“Oh God, I should have stayed with her. She wasn't looking good, but she said she was fine. She just wanted to lay down! I'm sorry Daryl!” Maggie was apologizing, but Daryl didn't even listen. He was hovering behind Hershel, who had now dropped on his knees in front of Jarah. 

He pressed his ear against her chest and pressed two fingers against the pulse point on her wrist.

“Her heart and her pulse are racing. Jarah, it's Hershel... I need you to slow your breathing okay? Where does it hurt?”

“My chest... can't breathe!” 

“Does this arm hurt?” he gently shook her left arm.

“No, my chest, it's tight... I can't breathe!” she gasped, her speech slurred, she started to get seriously lightheaded.

“What's wrong with her, man? Is she gonna make it? What's happening! Talk to me!” Daryl was close to a panic, he could see that she was near passing out and in his mind it meant she was really dying.

“Calm down, son. Everybody else out! Move it!” Everybody except for Daryl cleared out and Hershel shook Jarah a little.

“Look at me, I need you to slow your breathing or you are gonna pass out. You are not dying. Just breathe! Slower. Pay attention to me! Breathe with me! Daryl, get me a paper bag from the kitchen! Quick!”

Daryl dashed out of the room and returned with the bag in record time. Hershel took it and made Jarah breathe into it.

“That really works?” Daryl was surprised, he always thought it was just something someone in TV had made up.

“Simple, but it works. Relax, I think she is just having a severe panic attack. She'll be doing fine in a couple of minutes. Her breathing is slowing down, that's good.”

“Nah man, I've seen her panic attacks, even when they were bad, they were nothing like this. It's gotta be something else! A panic attack can't make her heart hurt!” Daryl was worried that Hershel was being too lax and that something could still go wrong.

“You'd be surprised, Daryl. The mind is a powerful thing. Did she experience any attacks lately? Do you know?

“Every day. For the past three weeks she had at least one every day. Sometimes more!” Daryl replied, making Hershel nod in understanding.

“Since Merle... Well then this was probably just the natural progression after the confrontation they had just a couple minutes ago. Was too much for her, I reckon.”

“Confrontation? What confrontation?” Daryl was confused. After the day Jarah had punched Merle for calling Daryl a pedophile, they had pretty much steered clear and Jarah had done her best to ignore his taunts.

“Merle started in on her again. Said some hurtful things. I wasn't in the room, but I heard him. Glenn broke them up.”

“Broke them up, what do you mean? They fought? Physically?”

“No but from what Maggie said, Merle got very much into her face, staring her down... wasn't pretty.”

Daryl had heard enough. Everybody had given his brother a chance, but he kept pissing all over them. He had made Jarah miserable, forced her back into having attacks and hiding in their room and now this. Daryl was filled with red hot rage. Playtime was over.

#################### #################################

Daryl stomped into the meeting room, his chest heaving and a murderous scowl on his face. His fists were clenching into tight balls at his sides, making the well-defined muscles in his arms bunch while he advanced on Merle.

“Yeah, right, lemme guess! Your whiney bitch told you everything mean ol' Merle said to her, didn't she? Can't keep her damn trap shut!” Merle stood from the couch. He would never admit or show it, but he was surprised. He had never in his entire life seen Daryl THIS angry. He looked like steam was about to blow out of his ears.

Daryl didn't respond, he kept advancing on Merle until they were chest to chest, but didn't stop until he had Merle pinned against the wall. He was breathing hard through his nose while he stared his older brother down, having to fight his instincts to beat him to a bloody pulp with everything he had.

“What now, baby brother? What's your plan? Wanna fight me over a little spat with your girlfriend? What are you, still in highschool?” Merle just didn't know when to shut up, so he kept taunting Daryl, kind of curious to find out what his brother would do.

Daryl kept staring at Merle for a long moment, before he grabbed his shirt with both fists and slammed his back into the wall once. Merle tried to pry Daryl's hands off of him, but the younger Dixon held on tight and didn't budge.

“Pack your shit! You're out of here! And if you ever show your fucking face around here again, I will put a bolt through you!” Daryl growled menacingly.

“Daryl, calm down, let's handle-” Rick tried to step in, but earned a glare so full of rage that it made him take a step back.

“I AM handling it! This time you don't get to decide!”

“This group is weakened Daryl, we need his help!” Rick carefully walked over in case he had to separate the brothers.

“We don't need his help. The only person he is helping is himself! You saw her, saw what he fucking caused! Can't have him around anymore!”

“Daryl you gotta be reasonable here, we-”

“No, I gotta look out for my family. Isn't that what you told me a couple of weeks back when this shit started? Didn't you promise to handle things? Now you changed your tune! You don't fucking need him. You are just trading one group member for him. Thought you were her fucking friend. With friends like you who needs friends? It's either him, or us! Your call!”

With that Daryl stormed back out of the room, swooping Jamie into his arms on the way to take him to see his mother, leaving an awkward silence in his wake.

Rick closed his eyes and rubbed his hands through his face. What a fine mess this whole thing had become. He had to admit that everything had gone well until Merle had showed up. Merle was causing trouble every day and he was severely weakening one of the strongest members of the group, which also happened to be Rick's partner on runs. Daryl was right. By keeping Merle around, he was weakening Jarah and thus not gaining the help they needed, but merely trading in the person who did the helping. 

“You heard your brother,... pack your things and leave!”

“Rick, you can't-” Carol couldn't believe that they were giving up.

“Leave it, Carol. It's been three weeks. He hasn't changed an iota. Daryl is right. He is weakening the group even more. We need Jarah. Things have been better before. The buildings around here have all been cleared out. I'm sure you can find a good place to stay. We will give you some supplies to get you started, but then you're on your own.”

Rick said with finality, but on the inside he hated the decision he had to make. He hated sending people out there. Merle was strong, he would be able to do it on his own, of that he was sure, but he wished it could have been different.

################# ##############################

 

Merle left the next morning, but not without a fight. Daryl literally kicked him out before shutting the gate in his face. He had given up hope for his brother to ever change and accept the life Daryl had chosen for himself. The younger Dixon was at peace with himself after having made the decision. He knew that his life had been better without Merle in it and he was intent on going back to that. He realized that this would be the last time he'd ever lay eyes on his brother ever again and in a way, he really didn't care. He had new priorities, the most important one was making sure that Jarah and Jamie were safe and well cared for. With one last look at Merle's stoic face, Daryl chained up the gate, turned around to walk back to the building and never looked back.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 39

Jarah had been completely exhausted from her attack and had fallen asleep soon after, not waking up until almost noon the next day. Even before she opened her eyes, the events of the previous day came back to her and it made her want to go right back to sleep.

“Open your eyes, darlin'. Time ta have somethin' ta eat.” Daryl had been watching her all night and all morning like a hawk. The severity of her panic attack had freaked him out and had once again brought up the fear of losing her, so he had assigned himself to watch over his girl. The only time he had left her side was when he had kicked Merle out. Rick had wanted to sit with her for that time, but Daryl didn't want him anywhere near her right now and had asked Maggie to do it. Once the gate had been closed in Merle's face, Daryl had come straight back in and relieved Maggie.

“I can't. I'm too ashamed. Everybody saw me freak out, didn't they?” She said unhappily, keeping her eyes firmly closed.

“Ain't nobody judging you. We all got yer back. Nothin' ta be ashamed about. Now come on. Sit up and eat, girl. Yer son needs ya, too.”

The mention of Jamie finally got her to open her eyes. She yawned and stretched her limbs out thoroughly before she sat up and faced her man, giving him a little kiss while she took the bowl of apple cinnamon oatmeal out of his hands.

“Thanks, sweetie.” she started eating while Daryl watched her and gently tucked some strands of her hair behind her ear so her face wasn't hidden from his view.

“How ya feelin'?”

“Okay, I guess. Little achy, little tired. Bit anxious. Don't really know if I can go out there and face your brother today, to be honest.”

“Ya ain't have ta. He's gone.” Daryl's smile looked almost proud.

“Gone? What do you mean he's gone? Gone hunting? On a run?” She was confused. Surely he didn't mean gone for good.

“Nah, gone for real. Kicked his ass out.”

Jarah pretty much gaped at him, the hand that was guiding the spoon full of oatmeal to her mouth froze in midair. “You kicked him out? But,... he's your brother.”

“Yeah, he is. That's why I should've known that he ain't ever gonna change. Shouldn't have let it come this far in the first place.” Daryl muttered bitterly, realizing that he could have spared his girl some pain if he wouldn't have been so hopeful about uniting both of his families. He should have known better.

“And you are absolutely sure that you're gonna be okay with that decision? Don't get me wrong, I am fucking elated he's gone, but I don't want you to blame me for losing your brother all over again one day.”

“I won't.” Daryl stated assertively, but Jarah wasn't so sure.

“I don't know Daryl. You said some pretty hurtful things not too long ago when you were drunk. In vino veritas. Know what that means?”

“It means that drunk people speak the truth. I might never have seen the inside of a college, but I ain't stupid, Jar, but that's not what that was and ya know it. That was Merle filling my head with his bullshit like he used ta do all ma life. All the more reason to be glad he's gone. Fucking powerless against him.” Daryl admitted bitterly. No matter how much growing up he had done, in the end he had still been the little brother under Merle's thumb. Weak enough to listen to him and hurt his girl.

“I just want you to be sure that it's what YOU want and not what you think I want.”

“It's what I want. Can't have him around and have him hurt and insult you and the little dude every day. We gave him enough chances to change, but he ain't never gonna change none. Need ya strong. Can't have ya getting those attacks every fucking day for the rest of our lives. Especially not ones like yesterday. Fucking thought ya were dying.” Daryl shuddered and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to rid himself of the memory of thinking she truly had a heart attack.

“So did I. But don't expect those attacks to just vanish into thin air now. Takes some time to get back to normal again.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Where's Jamie?”

“Nap.”

“Already?”

“It's his usual time.”

“Seriously? I slept that long? Wow, okay guess you were right. It IS time to get up. I should take a shower.” She handed Daryl the now empty bowl and got out of bed, noticing that he hadn't undressed her, but kept her in the clothes she had been wearing yesterday.

“Want me ta wash yer back?” he smirked a little while he watched her get clean clothes out of their makeshift closet.

“I would love that, but I don't think taking a cold shower together sounds sexy at all.” she laughed quietly, careful not to wake up Jamie who was napping in the adjacent room.

“Yeah, you're probably right. Don't need ya ta see ma dick shrink in the cold water.”

“Oh my, be still my heart. You paint such an erotic picture.” She giggled with a shake of her head. She walked over to him with towels and clean clothes in her arms and gave him a big kiss on the lips. “Thanks for cheering me up.”

“Go clean yerself up.” he smacked her on the ass and gave her a wink before he guided her out the door, going to the meeting room while she took her shower.

###### ###### ###### ###### ######

The cold shower had felt amazing. One of the few times she was grateful for the icy spray raining down on her body. She felt refreshed and wide awake and although she was still a little nervous, she was ready to face everybody again. She stepped into the meeting room and was met by welcoming smiles and friendly hellos. Daryl might or might not have told the others not to swarm her with questions of how she was doing, knowing it would only make her uncomfortable. 

“Did you eat, sweetie?” Carol asked her and handed her a mug of chamomile tea.

“I did, thanks.” Jarah took a careful sip of the hot beverage and walked over to the big sofa and sat next to Glenn and put her hand on his back to get his attention. She wanted to tell him thanks for breaking up her argument with Merle.

“Thanks for yesterday.” she leaned in and whispered to him with a grateful smile. Glenn nodded and squeezed her knee, for once unimpressed with the look Daryl gave him. The hunter should know by now that there was no reason to be jealous.

“Jarah, could you take over fence duty this afternoon? You're taking Jamie outside anyway, right? Hershel and Dale want to start transforming the lawn into a field and start planting the seeds we got.” Rick asked her carefully. He wasn't quite sure how to act around her. He didn't know if she was mad at him for sticking up for Merle instead of for her at first.

“Yeah sure, no problem.” Jarah smiled at him, but that smile soon turned into a scowl.

“Leave her alone and give her the fucking day to rest, man.” Daryl told Rick in a not too friendly tone of voice.

“Stop, I'm fine. I'll do it.” Jarah told him and fixed her man with a hard stare. He sighed frustratedly, but nodded. 

“Fine, but I'm comin'. Ain't got anything else ta do today.”

“Okay, that's fine. You can push the stroller while I stab some walkers.” She grinned and giggled when he narrowed his eyes at her. The others laughed, happy to see Jarah doing better again.

“MAMAAAAAAMAAAMAAAAAA!!!!!!” 

“Oh, look who's awake, just on time.” Jarah smiled and got up before Daryl could go and get Jamie. She wanted to get some cuddles and kisses from her little man while he was still disheveled from sleep. It was too fucking cute.

Jamie was happy to see her too and expressed his joy by holding on to his bedframe and jumping up and down, doing his jackhammer move, all the while yelping excitedly. When she stood right in front of the bed he quickly reached out for her. Jarah picked him up and cuddled him close, kissing his warm, soft cheek repeatedly and inhaling the unique baby scent he still had, even though he was a toddler now.

The little boy let his mother cuddle him for a minute, but then he was sick and tired of holding still and wriggled out of her arms. Jarah put him on the floor and even though he was still in his sleeping bag, Jamie ran to the meeting room as fast as his little legs would carry him. He was a master at running in his sleeping bag, it was adorable. She heard his loud, rumbling steps and only seconds later she heard his loud “DAAAAAAAA”. Clearly he had found Daryl.

Jarah went back to the meeting room as well, finding Jamie perched on Daryl's hip and pointing his chubby index finger at various group members and things around the room, a habit he had very recently picked up. He pointed at things and said “Gaaa?” and kept pointing at it until someone told him the name of the object or person. Today was no different and every group member was happy to help out by shouting out names, loving how happy and giggly it made the little boy.

“Gaaaa.”

“Glenn.”

“Gaaaa.”

“Coffee mug.”

“Gaaa.”

“Lamp.”

“Gaaa.”

“Rick.”

Jamie could play that game for hours, perfectly content in Daryl's arms. Jarah wasn't able to hold the little one that long anymore, especially if he refused to cooperate and tried to get into the weirdest positions. He was up to almost 24 pounds by now and her back quickly suffered after years of wrestling around the elderly. Daryl didn't have that problem. His crossbow weighed like 25 pounds and he pretty much carried that thing around 24/7, so having Jamie in his arms for some time wasn't much of a challenge.

She grabbed his straw bottle filled with water from the kitchen and as soon as he noticed his momma bringing it to him, he reached his little hands out and grabbed it from her, sucking on the straw greedily and quickly gulping down the cool water.

“Amazing that you never seem to get a tummy ache from that. If I would drink water like that right after waking up I'd throw up.” Jarah mused with a smile while she pushed some strands off hair out of Jamie's eyes. He seriously needed a haircut. 

“Ooowww, Jamie!” Jarah yelped in shock when Jamie threw his bottle to the floor, but it landed on her foot instead. “Practicing your aim, aren't we? My toe is still purple from when you let that heavy book fall on my foot. Pointy edge first. If I wouldn't know any better I'd think he really was your son and taking after you.” she chuckled while looking at Daryl.

“I didn't make him, but he's still taking after me. Not all in the genes, ya know. Kids get their traits and behavior by watchin' the adults.” Daryl smirked.

“Oh aren't you Mr. Smarty Pants today? I should go and look for a little crossbow to carry around his little shoulders then, shouldn't I?” She giggled and poked Daryl's ribs, making him flinch away because he was a little ticklish.

“Stop. Want me ta drop him?” he scolded, but Jarah just laughed.

“You'd die first before you'd ever drop him. Give him to me, I gotta change his diaper before we go out.” 

Jarah lifted him out of Daryl's arms and went back to their room with him. She got him out of his sleeping back and pulled down his sweatpants and tights. She knew she had made a mistake when she noticed that she hadn't unfolded the clean diaper before undressing her son. The couple of seconds her hands left his body were all it took for Jamie to roll himself off the bed and run back to the meeting room, buck naked from the waist down, arms high up in the air and cheering happily, like feeling the air on his usually diaper-clad skin was the best thing ever. She sighed, because she knew a crying fit was in order now when she tried to get him back. She grabbed the clean diaper and his clothes and went to follow her son. She already heard the laughter and wasn't surprised to find Jamie in the middle of the room, spinning around in circles wildly with his arms stretched out. 

She arched an eyebrow and looked at Daryl. “Is he taking after you with that, too?”

“Maybe.” Daryl shrugged with a smirk.

“We are never gonna get this diaper on him now. He hates laying down for it.” Jarah sighed.

“Ain't there diapers ya can just slide on like underwear? Ya got a whole storage room full a diapers. Ya should look if we got any of those.” Daryl thought he had seen them in a commercial years ago. The baby store sure carried them and they had taken all the diapers.

“Oh you're right, that's a good idea. We can go look after fence duty. For now we have to get this on him.”

“Gimme.” Daryl held his hand out for the diaper, before addressing the toddler. “Jamie, c'mere.”

Jamie stopped spinning and immediately walked over to Daryl. Well more like falling towards Daryl, he was dizzy and wobbly from all the spinning. Daryl knelt down in front of him. “Momma, you hold him steady so he don't keel over.”

Jarah bend down and put her hands on Jamie's ribs and held him while Daryl quickly put the diaper on him with the little guy standing up. It took some pulling and adjusting, because Jamie didn't know how to spread his legs a little to help things along yet, but after a minute they were done.

“There ya go.” Daryl nodded with satisfaction and Jarah was tempted to drag him back to their room and have her way with him. He was such a freaking natural at this daddy thing, it was a major turn on. She didn't think she could love or want him more than she already did, but then he did things like that and she damn near swooned. Together they managed to re-dress him before he quickly ran off into his play corner and got toy after toy to show to everybody. Eventually he grabbed a book and sat down on a blanket and flipped through it, quietly murmuring to himself, as if he was really reading. Jarah sat down on the couch and just watched her pride and joy occupy himself for a while. She couldn't believe he was 17 months already, time really flew by. She hoped that Baby Grimes would survive the rest of the pregnancy and the delivery. It would be great to have a playmate close in age for Jamie. Kids needed other kids around to learn and develop new skills.

“He's adorable.” Maggie's voice was almost a whisper. “I wish we could have more kids like him around. He gives us so much hope and happiness and a reason to keep fighting.”

“I know. I really hope Rick and Lori's baby will make it.” 

“Me, too.” Maggie agreed. They could use all the hope they could get. Nobody knew what the future would hold and for how long they would be safe at their current shelter.

###### ##### ####### ####### #######

The day had been blissfully uneventful and quiet. The first one in weeks, thanks to Merle being gone. Jarah was finally able to relax again. She had a little anxiety attack shortly after getting Jamie ready for bed, but it was nothing she wasn't able to handle. She opened the window in their room and inhaled the cool fresh night air for a while. A smile formed on her lips when she eventually heard the door open and close and felt warm hands on her waist that pulled her back against a warm, firm body.

“Feel okay?” Daryl's raspy voice floated into her ear and she shivered. She had missed him so much. The past couple of weeks Merle had been like an invisible wall between them. A wall that had put a lot of stress on their relationship and had them distancing from each other a little.

“I feel great. It's been a good day.” She smiled and leaned back against him to enjoy his embrace.

“It sure has. It's good ta see ya smilin' again. Ya looked happy again today.”

“I am.” she said and continued the sentence in her head. 'sorry you had to lose your brother so I could be happy again.' She wasn't stupid enough to bring up Merle now. They kept standing at the window for a couple of minutes before it got too cold. Jarah closed the window and turned around to face her man. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him deeply.

“I miss you.” she whispered against his lips.

“I'm right here.” he smiled and rubbed her back gently.

“I know.” She laughed a little and let one hand glide down his front until she palmed his member through his pants. “What I meant was,... I *squeeze * miss *squeeze * you *squeeze *.

“I didn't get that last part. Say it again?” Daryl smirked and Jarah swatted his chest with a laugh.

“Ass.”

“Yeah, I am. And still ya stay with me.”

“Always. You're the best ass out there. I'd be crazy to let you go.” she smiled and kissed him hard. “Want you...” she said quietly, hoping he wasn't too tired. It had been almost a month since they last had sex. It felt like forever and right now she felt like she couldn't wait another minute. So before he could even say anything, she had already unbuttoned his pants, pulled down the zipper and had slid her hand inside.

Daryl's breath hitched, but still he couldn't fight the smirk on his lips. “Ya want me? Really? I couldn't tell by the way ya almost ripped that zipper off.”

“Ohoho, somebody's getting cocky. In more ways than one actually.” Jarah laughed and tugged on his balls that had been resting in her warm palm a little harder than usual, making Daryl jump and yelp slighty.

“Watch it. Still need those. We might have to repopulate the world someday.” 

“Oh my God, are you drunk? You're unusually chipper today.”

“Nah.” He sobered up and turned serious again. “Just glad ta have things back ta normal.” he smiled and kissed her gently. His tongue pushed into her mouth at the same time as his hands pushed up her sweater to pull it off of her and while he took care of her bra, Jarah unbuttoned his shirt with practiced fingers. They broke contact for a moment to kick off their shoes and take off their socks before their lips reconnected and their tongues took up their teasing dance again.

Daryl put his hands on her naked waist and guided her over to their bed. When she laid back he pulled off her jeans and underwear and while his hand rubbed up and down along the inside of her left thigh he admired her naked form. It really had been too damn long. His pants quickly followed hers and then he was on top of her, kissing her neck and every little inch of her chest, paying special attention to her soft breast. Her nipples were teased into rock-hard peaks by his tongue and she had to slap her hand over her mouth when his teeth tugged on them. He really knew how to get her going in no time at all. How she wished they were in the RV right now, she desperately wanted to feel his damn talented mouth between her legs, but unfortunately that was not an option. Those noises of pleasure just couldn't be contained when he did that to her. She already had to bite her lip hard enough to feel pain when two of his fingers entered her and his palm ground against her clit.

“Oh fuck, baby. I really fucking missed you.” she gasped breathlessly and moved her hips, pushing herself onto his fingers.

“Wanna fuck ya hard, girl.” Daryl groaned when her fingernails dug into his butt cheeks.

“Do it. Don't wanna wait. I'm more than ready.” Jarah slid one hand to the front and wrapped her hand around his shaft, pumping him a few times while she assumed her position for him to fuck her deep and hard. Daryl hooked her knees over his shoulders and entered her with one swift thrust before he laid down on top of her, counting his blessings that she was so damn flexible.

He kissed her roughly, stifling the sounds she made when he started to pump his hips at an almost brutal pace, the sound of their bodies slapping together instantly filling the room. He knew she liked it like that, he wasn't worried about hurting her anymore. He was doing quite the opposite, he was catapulting her to heaven and Jarah had to bite his neck hard in order to keep quiet. He was doing a little rotating thing with his hips on every other thrust and it was just killing her. 

Daryl felt his climax fast approaching and he wanted her to cum with him.

“Touch yerself.” He groaned and pushed up on his hands to give her enough room to snake her hand between their bodies down to where they were joined. Jarah obeyed and while she rubbed herself she opened her eyes and watched the muscles in his strong arms work underneath his smooth skin while they supported his weight as he plunged himself into her even faster.

“Shit, you're so fucking hot, baby.” She groaned and clenched her muscles around him as a surge of lust shot through her.

Daryl came hard and the second she felt the first spasm of his cock deep inside of her and heard his orgasmic grunts she was lost too and bit her lip again to keep the noise under control while her body shook uncontrollably with the force of her climax.

Her man pulled out and collapsed next to her panting for air. No words were spoken when he pulled her into his arms and covered them both with their blanket. He just gently traced his fingertips over her arm while sleep slowly settled over them and Daryl's last thought before he fell asleep was, that he had made the right call by letting Merle go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.


End file.
